Ok, so I'm sure I'm at least going to get some shit for this for more than one reason, but I really wanna stress a couple things. One, TRIGGER WARNING! This short story contains an anxiety/panic attack. Now, with that said, I can only write those according to how I've experienced them, and I can only comfort them the way I know works for me. THIS IS NOT ANYTHING THAT SHOULD BE FOLLOWED, simply because every person is different and holding someone in one place, restrained, will never work for everyone. There's too many factors with attacks like that, it just works for me. Second, I DO NOT SUPPORT PEDOPHILIA! I understand that Joel and Ellie's actual relationship is Father-Daughter, but I also have this idea stuck in my head of her GROWING UP and them falling in love, simply because what are your chances of finding someone to care about in a world like that at all? To even find someone who won't stab you in the back, let alone love you, is slim to none. I always love reading your guy's thoughts, and I am open to helpful criticism considering this is the first time for me writing these two. So with all that said, please don't hate me and enjoy!

"Will you kindly shut up?! I've got this." The angry whisper came as to no surprise, he was purposely giving her a hard time. Frustrated? Yes. Actually angry? No. Really, she wasn't off. Joel didn't need to criticize so much, but sometimes it was fun to just piss her off. In the end, he never actually heard her complain about it, it was this unsaid thing.

She was actually doing beautifully. Her footsteps made no sound, the only thing she left behind were small shoe prints. She held her bow exceptionally well, she really had improved over the last few of years. She was taking a moment to make sure her aim was just right. The pure white rabbit wasn't exactly the easiest thing to see this time of year.

She held her breath, bow drawn and shot right through the rabbit. Damn, that was good. She stood up straight and went to collect the rabbit. Between what he had gotten, and Ellie's previous kills, they had a sufficient supply of meat for a little while. On the way back to camp they collected some water that would be easy to purify. It had been like this for a little bit now.

Joel wasn't sure when it had changed, but he noticed the eighteen year old in ways he wasn't completely sure he should. After she had been kidnapped, there had been no way to describe the fear he had felt. He wasn't sure if he would've been able to recover.. again, and now he protected her with his life.

From what she let him see, she had handled the traumatizing event fine. But he knew better, it had effected her much more than she wanted to let anyone know. There was no possible way something like that just goes away. Jesus, the bruises on her ribs alone didn't leave her ribs for a good three weeks. Joel worried about Ellie bottling things up, but he really wasn't her father and he knew it wasn't his place.

He'd tried once, to talk her walls down. But they just didn't work that way. He knew it was a learned thing, this world is far from loving to grow up in, and he was just slowly trying to work her out of it. But it wasn't always easy. He loved her, unconditionally and more so than he should. She was the only thing in this world he really wanted, there was nothing else here worth his time, worth the trouble, worth this life.

"C'mon Ellie, we should head back to camp now." He was getting too lost in his thoughts and it was starting to get dark, base sounded better than the alternatives right now. They trekked back, each pulling their hauls. Once back, they went to starting the fire.

They were out in the middle of nowhere, the nearest once-was town miles away. It wasn't even really a house, it was an old barn they had set up in, but it was perfect once cleaned up. They had already cleared the floor and set up the fire pit before they had left. The only reason a fire was possible in the barn was because of the size, and the fact that nice portions of the roof were missing, which allowed for the adequate ventilation. Once it was burning, Joel motioned to Ellie. "You should bring over those rabbits so I can clean em up." She was equally as happy about their temporary place, it showed whether she meant for it to or not.

"Sounds good to me!" She still possessed some of that innocence, and that's the part that never ceased to amaze Joel. In a world that's made to make you as sick as it is, she was the purest thing he had seen since. . since that night the world went to shit. She grabbed the rabbits and hopped back over to Joel. The little movement, er hop.. skip? Whatever it was, made Joel laugh.

"What was that for? You a rabbit too or somethin'?" He asked grinning, friendly sarcasm in his deep voice. He expected her to blush, to spit fire back at him in that beautiful way she did. Instead, he watched all the color drain from her face.

"Wh-What did you just call me?" Her voice was already shaking. Was that actual anger? Fuck! He looked up at her dumbfounded, trying to think back on why 'Rabbit' had upset her so. Sure, he'd never called her that before, but he had also never heard anyone else refer to her that way either.

"Don't you fucking dare ever call me that again." Her voice wasn't raised like it normally would've been if she was angry, it came out as pure venom. Whether he let it show or not, the icy words sent chills down his spine.

"I'm sorry Ellie, I didn't-" 'mean to hurt you.' is what he was going to say before she cut him off.

"Just leave me the fuck alone, ok?" Her hands were in tight fists, and he knew why. She only ever did that if she was shaking. . Oh shit.

He had a feeling of what was coming next, and then it made some sort of sense in his head. He rose up slowly and tried to approach her, but she just matched his steps backwards. It seemed like part of her wasn't here."Ellie, I promise I'll never call you that again." He said as he attempted again to approach. "But you have to calm down. I didn't know." His voice was calm, showing absolutely no edge to it. He had only ever see that look in her eyes once, and seeing it again made his whole stomach wrench.

"I-I'm fucking calm, Joel." But she wasn't. She was just trying to breathe, why was it so hard to breathe?! She finally realized it wasn't anger, her chest was beyond tight, her whole body trembled and the blood roared in her ears. This is adrenaline.. No, this is fear. "I. . I'm sorry, I need a minute." And then she had turned to run, full force. She needed air, she needed open space. She needed this fucking terror in her chest to leave!

That was when he finally went after her, and he had her in his arms before she even reached the door. Then she was screaming and kicking, howls of protest directed towards Joel that were unlike her. Only one really made his heart hurt. "Get the fuck off me! Don't fucking touch me!"

Oh fuck.

That cry he'd heard before, and then everything that happened after that was natural reaction between the two. "Ellie, Ellie, baby you're safe. I promise I'll never let anything hurt you." He was holding the same terror stricken little girl that he had three years ago. She fought, tears now streaming down her cheeks until she was finally able to breathe some again.

"Good job, baby. Just breathe." He slumped to the barn floor holding her in his arms as she sobbed, her attempts at deep breaths only coming out as choked sniffles and gasps. She closed her eyes tightly as one of his hands went to her hair, gently working out any tangles as the other arm stayed wrapped around her. "You're alright, no one's gonna hurt you."

She had to calm down, slowly her mind was coming back to reality. She could focus on more than just his voice and the ringing in her ears now. Her tear filled green eyes opened, but she couldn't bring herself to look up at Joel. He held her for a long while, neither saying anything as her body finally found the correct rhythm for her heart and breathing. Once the episode was brought down to just sniffles from the young girl, Joel finally spoke.

"I know it's.. I know it's not always easy talkin', but.." No, it really wasn't easy talking about stuff like this. But it was a simple 'This is too important to push aside'. He knew she still had nightmares about it all, but he never knew how to bring it up to her. Guess the cat's out of the bag this time. "You gotta get this out, and not like this." He said.

She knew it was her turn to speak, but tears welled back in her eyes. "He still got what he wanted, he still.." she broke off in another sob before she steadied her breathing again. "He still.. he made me want to cut him into fucking tiny pieces." His words still rang in her ears, it seemed like he got the pleasure of repeating them to her every night. "He made me want to rip him into shreds, I've never.. I only kill to survive Joel, but I wanted to torture him. I wanted him to suffer for everything, and I know that's, that's what people like him feel. That's what a real, cold murderer feels!"

He wasn't going to voice this, but if Joel had gotten to him before Ellie had, David really wouldn't have had an easy way out. Regardless though, that didn't matter to him. "Ellie, you're not a murder. You kill to survive, you said so yourself and. . and if you hadn't done what you did you might not be here today." There was no way to hide the pain in his voice as he had to cover the topic of her possible death. "You only did what you had to survive, whether more crossed your mind or not. That's what makes you different, that's why you're not a murderer. You're a good person, Ellie." A heart of fucking gold, that's for sure. "If you were a cold hearted killer I wouldn't have fought so damn hard to keep you alive."

She wasn't sure what took over her but she leaned up and hugged him tightly before she bravely brought her lips to his.

Wait, wait!

Joel was stunned, frozen, his mind struggling to wrap around it all, and process the sudden show of affection. As quickly as their lips met, she pulled back just as fast. It was so fleeting but, in that split second, her lips had been so soft, so warm. A comfort, a luxury he was so desperately craving. "I.. I'm sorry, Joel." She said softly, way to quiet for her usual self.

He didn't want her to apologize, he just wanted another kiss. And another, and one more. He leaned his forehead against hers softly, the brunette still cradled in his arms as his eyes closed. He relished the moment, her sweet scent, her steady breath against his cheek. He loved her so much more than even he could imagine, and in this moment in specific, he was having a very difficult time not slowly show her that side of his love. Instead of saying anything, he just gently kissed her forehead and stood up. Ellie let out a little 'Woah' as he moved. He carried her over to where they had set up their sleeping bags earlier and laid her down in hers.

"Wait!" She grabbed the collar of his flannel involuntarily, only to quickly release it as his eyes shot to hers. "Please don't go.."

It was such a soft plea, it came out so needy, there was no way he could say no to her like that. He let out a soft sigh before he curled against her in the sleeping bag. It was snug, sure, but he really wasn't complaining.

Her head rested against his chest, Joel's heartbeat now pounding softly in her ear. His heart was racing, but the rhythm soothed her; steady and strong. Ellie brought her arms around him, as if the sleeping bag didn't hold them close enough. He had been the only one that had stayed around for this long, it both terrified and comforted her. He was both the most stead fast thing she had, but he was also her biggest weakness. She really had no idea when she fell for him, but she knew when it had snuck into her subconscious she was fucked. She would never want anyone else, and no one would ever compare. She was lucky to even have one person in this world!

And then he was kissing her, he wasn't sure what took him over. It sure wasn't a dirty lust, it was a longing to be close to her, a want to just cover her soft skin in loving kisses. Nothing in this world was gentle anymore, nothing in this world was loving. It was fight or die to simply survive every day. He wanted to take her away from it all, make her forget her troubles. He wanted to burden all her pain and anger she held from the years.

Joel just wanted to love her.

Then, he was on top of her, making sure not to smother her. He unzipped the sleeping bag some to give him a little more room to work with, and then his hands were trailing softly up her sides. Ellie tried not to let it show, but she shivered under his touch. His lips found hers as he brought his hands to her hair.

She slipped up, her cheeks turning a bright red as a consequence. A little moan slipped into the kiss, and it brought Joel this fevered want to hear more. Still taking it slow, knowing she had never had anything like this before, he broke the kiss and brought his lips to her cheek; then her jaw, and finally her neck. Ellie may have been trying to force herself quiet, but he knew. The dead give away was her pattern of breathing, because it was uneven and sharp. He loved every reaction he got from the young girl, he only wanted to see more.

But first..

"Are you sure you're ok with this, baby girl?" His voice was gentle, and he had put enough space between them to where he could see her beautiful green eyes. "You never have to do anythin' you don't want to."

"No.. no. I'm ok, Joel.. really." Her heart was pounding in her chest, but it wasn't from fear. Sure, she was nervous, but this was so new. Besides Riley, she had no experience. She was never really able to have those practice runs. This was basically uncharted territory. But she trusted Joel with her life, and this was no different. "Please don't stop." She reached up and placed her hand on his cheek, in a much similar fashion as he had done to her once.

He knew she meant it, and that was all he needed. Wordlessly, he continued, his eyes now trained on her. He soaked her in as he slid her shirt off, her creamy skin showing beautiful scars. It wasn't like he didn't have his own, they were just a part of life, and she was perfect nonetheless.

His hands skimmed over her stomach and up over her breasts, wary not to brush her soft pink nipples quite yet. She had turned her head to the side now, her eyes had already fluttered shut as she held the knuckle of her index finger between her teeth.

"Ellie, relax baby." He soothed as he took her hand from her mouth. He finished unzipping the sleeping bag. "You. are. absolutely. perfect." He punctuated every word with a kiss as he trailed them down the newly exposed skin of her stomach. "All you have to do is say stop and I will."

He then slowly worked Ellie out of her jeans, revealing a pair of simple black underwear. There was no such thing as lingerie anymore, but the color stood out against her pale skin and he thought it made her absolutely stunning.

"Oh, baby girl.."

It was a soft breath, one that was barely audible to her. She still caught his words though, and she smiled. "Well, what are you waiting for?" Ellie teased, that grin of hers was softly on her lips.

Suddenly Joel's lips were against her skin, going along her hip and trailing down to her inner thigh. Her hands had found his hair and she looked down at him with heavy lidded eyes. She didn't seem so nervous now, and he felt more comfortable taking things further. He worked off her underwear and put them aside. His kisses trailed to the outer parts of her lips, where he teased her for a moment by nipping at the tender skin.

That's when the true fun began. Ellie started having to cover her mouth as he slowly moved inward, finally closing in on and swirly his tongue around her little button. Her legs quivered a little as she muffled the sweetest moan. After giving her a few well placed kisses, he fell into a slow, steady rhythm that found speed only in time.

Soon, she couldn't control herself. One hand was clasped tightly over her mouth, muffling the shaky moans and building cries. God, he loved this woman so much. Giving it just a little more time, he then slowly eased a finger into her. Joel was almost in awe at the silky heaven that tightly enveloped his finger. He couldn't even imagine what she would feel like around him, she was just absolutely perfect.

He began working her, trying to relax Ellie as much as he could before he took her virginity. He could tell that white hot coil was building, and he wanted nothing less then to release all that pressure for her. "Joel!" And she did, finally losing herself in the dizzying pleasure. Only once her legs started shaking from sensitivity did he pull away, wiping off his beard with his hand before pulling his shirt off over his head. He leaned down and lightly suckled on her nipple, making Ellie arch and push into his mouth.

She tasted absolutely delicious everywhere.

While Joel continued his teasing, he undid his own jeans and and worked his way down to his boxers. He had to admit, he loved taking his time with her, but it had been awhile, and he was now painfully hard. He worked off his boxers as well before he lifted Ellie's legs one hand holding each thigh. From there it would be easy to position himself at her tight entrance. She was so wet, he knew that would help her immensely with the whole discomfort factor of first times.

"Alright, baby, deep breathes and just relax." He wasn't small, by any means actually, and that kind of worried him just a little. She hadn't exactly seen him yet either, so he hoped it didn't scare her off. Nonetheless he would understand. He finally positioned himself so he was against her entrance, and her eyes widened.

"Woah, umm.. you sure that's gonna fit?" She asked, her emerald eyes wide as she gazed up at him.

He nodded. "It might hurt at first, but I promise it'll get better. Just remember to relax, and breathe." She gave him a nod before he leaned down and captured her pretty pink lips again.

He kissed her deeply, distracting her for a few moments before he slowly sheathed himself in her warmth. Her arms quickly wrapped around him, her nails digging into Joel's back as she broke the kiss. "Joel! Please you're too big."

"I know it hurts, baby girl, just relax." He cupped her cheek with one of his hands, making Ellie fix her eyes on him. Truth be told, she was fighting back tears. It hurt.. But he just kept trying to help by distracting her, whether it be sweet words, or soft kisses. Soon enough, she began to relax around him. Only when she started returning the kisses did he dare try to move. The movement elicited a pained 'Careful.' which made him restrain himself to painfully slow movements. Either way though, with every thrust his hips met hers, a steady deep rhythm.

Over time, the pain left her voice, replaced by nothing but the sexiest sounds of pleasure he had ever heard. At first, it was breathless, a completely innocent kind of 'awe' that made his heart pound. But as Joel began slowly pushing harder, steadily moving faster, her moans, which she still held some control over, turned into something she couldn't cover over, something she couldn't stop, and something she couldn't hold back.

Joel moved both her legs to one of his shoulders and bent over her, giving him much deeper access than before. And that was it for her.

"Joel, Joel! Please don't stop, right there! I can't.. I can't.. take it.." Her legs were shaking, and she was getting tighter with each thrust. Truth be told, she was too tight for him to even finish in her. Either way she felt fucking fantastic. "I love you, I love you s-so much Joel, you feel so fucking good!"

It became a harsh pace as Joel pushed Ellie to the edge, her voice turned into a sob as she neared her climax. Joel really couldn't hang on much longer himself, she was unbelievably hot and it was near impossible for him to control himself now. But he'd be damned if he finished before she did.

"Oh fuck, I'm gonna- I can't.. Joel!" She came, her climax almost milking him right there.

"Oh Ellie, I can't go much more." His voice came out deep with pleasure. Her walls spasmed blissfully around him, and he couldn't take anymore. He pulled out and shot off to the side, making sure to miss the sleeping bag while the young brunette lay panting beneath him.

They both took a moment to catch their breath before Joel moved to help Ellie get dressed. He then got dressed himself before he scooped her up and zipped up the sleeping bag. They had already secured the barn upon their arrival, so he really didn't have to worry about that. They still had to get up and make dinner, but Joel chose to stay curled up with her just a little bit longer.

He kissed the top of Ellie's head and held her close. "I'll never go anywhere." She had a tired, heavy-lidded look in her eyes. In that moment, Joel couldn't help but smile. "Get some rest Ellie, I'll wake you when dinner's done."

He still had to skin and clean the rabbits, so she had some time to rest. "Thank you, Joel. I love you too."

I love you too, baby girl.

So I really hoped you guys enjoyed it! I wanted to try and write it as what I saw to be the most likely kind of romantic relationship they'd have. I just don't see Joel going after Ellie for any other reason than pure love. And I don't think they consider the fact that it wouldn't be Joel taking advantage of her as a child, I think it would all come in time. Please, please let me know what you think. It's been about two years since I've been able to write anything, and these two brought me out of the dark. XD

Thanks for the read,

Milly ]