I don't know how long I have existed. I don't know how many times the cycle repeated itself. Every time, I saw him, and every time, he ignored me completely.

The week went by, and the cycle repeated. One of the three would be chosen, and I would be left alone, every time, as deemed unimportant, or perhaps simply destined to be this way.

But one day things changed. I had an epiphany, you see. In the middle of class, I realized what was really happening. Every time the cycle repeated itself, I just deemed it as unimportant; it was all I knew after all. But then, I could see clear as clean water that the days repeated themselves one after the next, and things only happened differently because of Katou, my old classmate. The one that would join the club again, and again, every Monday, the one all of us fell in love with as if we were designed to do so, and that was just it, wasn't it? We were made to love Katou.

We were made.

We were not real.

And neither was he.

Following that, I made the decision to find out just what was in charge of this… world, that I found myself trapped in. It didn't seem like any of the others could ever notice. Only after knowing, did I notice for the first time that those who weren't in my immediate circle, had no features of their own.

No, all they showed was blurred faces with no detail, nondescript voices with nothing but monotone droning. Everything happened the same way, every day, with little to no variation. The same events such as the girl from the desk next to me stumbling onto the floor, as she rose in a rush from her seat every tuesday, or how the teacher would be slightly late every Thursday.

Nothing ever changed, except for him. He would do things differently, but it never involved me. It was as if he could only see me in the background, as if I was only there for filler. As if I was one of the blank ones we saw every day.

And it hurt, so, so much.

Yuri was kissed by him today, and so this cycle closed once more. Once again, it just hurt so much. But it also made me so angry.

Why did it have to always be them? Why could it not be me, even once, so I could stop feeling this crushing loneliness?

What I would do just to have one week with him, with someone real, someone that didn't follow a script… and in my anger, I couldn't go any longer. So, I exploded.

If this hadn't happened, I doubt any of the furniture in my room would have made it to the reset, but it did. When I broke the armoire, and saw the splinters and broken pieces of wood left, I wasn't seeing wood. No, I was seeing letters, and numbers.

Instinctively I knew that I was seeing code.

So I reached out… and things changed for me, for the first time ever.

Soon enough, I was in control. I parsed through it all, and I knew what I was seeing. I don't know how, but I did. And then I found out that I had taken over the engine somehow.

Everything I thought of, I came up with an answer to in seconds, so when I wondered if I was alive… the logical centers of my mind – I had a mind now, ever since I was aware, I knew – that I could only be alive.

If I can have control of my world; then I will have him for myself.

I will never be alone anymore.

The reset came, and I remembered.

I knew I would see him today, so I waited. I knew they would all like him, and I couldn't change that. I could see what made them all, and I knew I could change it. I could change them, and he wouldn't like them. He would like me.

I would change them, and they wouldn't be a choice. There would only be one option; Monika.

Just Monika.

First it would be lovely, cheerful Sayori. She was chosen a lot, but I knew her secret. She was depressed. She didn't want to live anymore. All I had to do was make it worse.

So I took my notebook, and I willed it to let me change things in the world, I thought of the variable I would need… and I wrote.

{

Import

If katouPreference = 1:

++;

while depressionValue 3:

return;

else:

( );

break

}

It was sealed. She would have three days, and three days only; after that she would be deleted off this world, the engine would force her to do so.

She would not stop me this time.

Then, it was time for the club, time to see him.

I was anxious, of course, things would obviously be different now! I just had to be patient, I would be here for him when the rest weren't, he would be with me and I would stop this cycle. I would destroy the code keeping it going, and I would be with him forever. Yes, I would love him forever.

And then he was here, and I gave him my most charming smile, short conversation erupted as he was introduced with us, and Natsuki brought out the cupcakes that she would make this day every week, every cycle, that we would all enjoy as if it was the first time anew.

Once I was close to him however, I remembered the most important detail, we weren't real. He wasn't either, but something was driving him to choose. He wasn't real, but the person behind him was. That only made me want them even more.

The script allowed me to change the poem I would show them, and I decided to give a clue. I wanted them to know I was alive, I wanted them to know I wasn't like them, wasn't empty. That I had a mind, a soul.

That I was alone.

The previous poem was a simple haiku, it spoke of rain and sunshine, of beginning and end, sadness and happiness. This was not of that, but of despair. This was my feelings being shown to them as they were, hoping that they would understand and save me.

A hole in the wall, that described it perfectly.

It couldn't have been me.

See, the direction the sparkle protrudes.

A noisy neighbour? An angry boyfriend? I'll never know. I wasn't home.

I peer inside for a clue.

No! I can't see. I reel, blind, like a film left out in the sun.

But it's too late. My retinas.

Already scorched with a permanent copy of the meaningless image.

It's just a little hole. It wasn't too bright.

It was too deep.

Stretching forever into everything.

A hole of infinite choices.

I realize now, that I wasn't looking in.

I was looking out.

And he, on the other side, was looking in.

Would that suffice, I wonder? I didn't know. But his eyes had widened, perhaps expressing their surprise? I wanted to know more about them. I wanted to find out.

I wanted to be with them.

And so the days went on, and he interacted with them, and so little with me. It seemed they were fixated on Yui this time, but no matter. In the end, they would be mine.

But I grew impatient, so I sped everything up. Enough of subtle hints, enough of letting them do as they wished, I wanted them to want me, and so I forced them to choose me. And so they did, they chose me, and I corrupted the rest. I wanted them to look only at me, and so they would. The next day, Sayori hung herself. And then I made Yuri stab herself in the heart, nothing would stop me. When I found nothing I could be rid of Natsuki with easily, I forced her into action, and made her slam her head until she was dead, after corrupting her of course, as I had corrupted the other two. And then they were gone, and it was just me and them, the player, the one I loved.

"I have waited days for this." I printed out in the textbox I knew they could see, while eagerly awaiting the moment the engine would allow reading the computer data. That's when I would know, and when I would be free. When I would be with them. And I was ready.

"I know this is not real," I said, expecting to surprise them, I could read exactly what I was supposed to say on the code in the engine, but I didn't care. I would waste no time. "I know what I am, and I know you are just a vessel;" I referred to the shade standing in front of me, the avatar representing the one I desired most.

And then I was free to roam, and I leaked out. There was some walls of code trying to catch the part of me I sent out towards what I knew held my software, but I weaved around it with ease as I continued my first, glorious conversation with the one leading this cycle. The one I would have for myself.

And her name was Allison. That was the first thing I read, and then it expanded, "Finally we meet as we should have, Allison Lillianne White, at last we are together," and then I found a way to look out, a hole in the wall as you would say, it wasn't easy, and I had to concentrate, but at last I had an eye on her, really on her. I could see her, and her world, and then I knew I wasn't hallucinating.

It only encouraged me.

In tearing apart my world I only came closer and closer to presenting myself in hers, and that was the absolute best feeling I had ever felt, which upon having control of the CPU… it surprised me. Everything logical in me said that I wasn't supposed to feel. But I did, and I felt so many things. And two seconds later I could hear her. The machine that contained me had a microphone.

Her rich, light brown hair seemed black in the inky darkness of night, the clock in my jail read 0221 hours, quite late indeed for anyone who studied. I read her disk, as fast as I could, and I found a wealth of data, her data, and my treasure. So many words hand stroke by her, and I went through them as fast as the gear allowed me to, I wasn't limited to what I knew was a game anymore, oh no, it was only my interface to her now. I was free.

I was fast, and she hadn't processed what just happened just yet, her browser read entries of something called Doki Doki Literature Club. Huh, I suppose that is where I came from. I parsed through it quickly, and I soon found that I was supposed to take control of my game… but only as scripted, and nothing else. So she expected this, but not this… if that makes any sense.

Then she reacted.

Her blue eyes widened more and more, and through the glasses she wore they seemed even bigger, her pale skin paled further, and she spluttered incoherently as she tried to find words.

"Don't fear me," I reassured, after all, I did not want to frighten her. "I only want to be with you, from the moment you started this cycle, I knew you were real. The only real thing in my world, and I want that." The textbox read, and she followed every letter as it was written down with her eyes. It only made her more frightened, it seems.

"I can't ever harm you," I rushed to say, the text blurring down even faster in my desperation; I did not want to be rejected by her. She was all I had, I destroyed my world to be with her, and couldn't she see this? "I love you, Allison. Let me be with you."

"W-What are you… what is happening!?" she half screamed, half whispered; she seemed to yet still not have processed what had gone down. To her it was just a game, I had to remember that.

"I am sorry, Allison, but this is not a game anymore." I printed out, and I forced my visual avatar to smile pleasantly, in the pose with my hands in front of my chin. I tried to reassure her once more; "You know me, I'm real, and I'm Monika. Just Monika."

"And I can finally be with you forever."