idk if you call it dubcon if both sides consent but there's no verbal agreement?

Anyway, this was written for clampkink, over a very, very long period of time. HI, I'm still alive. :D Just really busy with other writing. ;) Didn't expect this to explode into 10k.

This is just... a bunch of cockblocking. As the summary suggests.

five times

i.

Fai has thought about sex in the way he thinks of all things he denies himself-like enjoying a buttery cookie, or settling down in a cozy sofa, or snuggling up to a certain ninja with red eyes that read him far too well. It's one of those concepts he revels in, imagines, when he's alone and he doesn't have to keep up pretenses with anyone.

He hasn't had sex.

The first time he admits this, it's over a tumbler of whiskey, and Kurogane glances at him, surprised. Fai shrugs.

Kurogane's eyes dart down his legs, then away. He doesn't say anything about it.

Two weeks later, in the Cat's Eye cafe in Outo, Kurogane steps close, his breath warm on Fai's lips, and heat tears right through Fai's body, makes his pants tight.

Even though he hasn't had sex, he's thought about it. A lot. Increasingly. Especially when Kurogane peels off the layers of his own clothes in the cafe, leaving them in the little room with the washing machine. He climbs the stairs in his long pants, and Fai watches the flex of his biceps, the sinewy muscles of his shoulders. Thinks about Kurogane in bed, the sheets rustling off his skin.

So when Kurogane presses up against him, Fai trembles, knowing he shouldn't agree. He doesn't deserve pleasure.

Kurogane rests his palm on Fai's chest, slides it lower, and Fai's mouth goes dry. Kurogane drags his fingers down to Fai's waistband, and Fai can't breathe. He's rock-hard and he needs Kurogane's touch right now.

Kurogane seems to understand. He runs his knuckles down the taut fabric of Fai's pants, up the other side, and when he finally touches Fai's cock, Fai shivers. It's nothing like his own hand. Kurogane's touch is beyond his control, and when he slides his palm heavily down Fai's cock, his heat seeping through cloth, Fai writhes.

He wants to touch Kurogane. The front of Kurogane's pants are tented, and Fai needs to know what he looks like. Needs to feel Kurogane's hot skin against him, inside him, like what he's thought about for so long.

He wants Kurogane buried deep, plowing hard. So he ruts against Kurogane's hand, and Kurogane shoves him up against the bar, drags his hand down Fai's cock. Pleasure jolts through his nerves. Fai shudders, lifts his hips, spreads his legs.

Kurogane pulls his pants open, reaches in for his cock, and Fai gasps at his exquisite touch, the calluses of his hand catching on skin. He strokes Fai's cock, then rubs over his balls, and slides his fingers further back, touches his hole.

Fai's so wet he's dripping everywhere. He wants Kurogane inside. Kurogane's thinking of being inside, and when Kurogane presses his fingertip over his entrance, Fai comes so hard he spurts on them both, and Kurogane's bringing his hand up, licking cum off his tawny skin.

Fai can barely breathe, let alone think.

And someone walks down the stairs, loud footsteps that echo through the empty cafe.

They shouldn't be doing this. Fai shouldn't be getting this close to Kurogane. The children shouldn't know any of this is going on, not when Fai will ultimately betray them.

So he jerks away from Kurogane, turns his back to the man, and straightens his clothes as quickly as he can. When Sakura pokes her bleary head past the stairwell, Fai's all smiles again. Kurogane's stare burns into his back.

They haven't done anything. Nothing has happened. Kurogane hasn't just seen his weakness.

Kurogane narrows his eyes, and stalks away. Fai doesn't miss the hard line in his pants, but he doesn't acknowledge it, either.

ii.

Kurogane isn't used to obsessing. This isn't an obsession.

But he can't stop thinking about that damn wizard, the way Fai had stared into his whiskey, the way he'd said, I haven't had anyone.

You haven't? Kurogane had asked in that bar in Jade. Someone like that man, someone who lies and fights and who looks at Kurogane like he wants to lick down Kurogane's chest... Fai wants him. At least, in bed.

To think of Fai as untouched... Kurogane's guilty. And curious. After that night in Outo, he needs to know. He shouldn't have pushed Fai up against a counter, not when that idiot's first time should be something good. Something comfortable. In the heat of the moment, he'd forgotten about that.

Probably a good thing that the princess interrupted them.

Especially when Fai hasn't been looking at him, hasn't been meeting his eyes since that country with the rabbits.

And yet Kurogane can't help noticing the way Fai's shirt clings to his chest, the way his pants hug his thighs, the way it molds to his ass when he bends.

It's a good thing they didn't see that first time through. Because it means Kurogane didn't fuck up Fai's first time, and there are more chances, if Fai will let him.

He watches Fai bend over in Shara, picking up a bottle. Thinks about Fai's ass, how pale it would be under his palm, and how Fai would spread beneath him. Fai's a decent guy, good with the kids. Dishonest, but not a bad person. Kurogane wants his first time to be good.

In their private room, Fai glances over his shoulder. The kids aren't here. And they're alone in the middle of the night, just him and the wizard. Fai's throat works. He sets the wine bottle down deliberately, crawls around on the woven straw mats. Looks over his shoulder, slowing down. As though he expects Kurogane to come over, maybe lift his yukata up, and kiss his ass.

Yeah, Kurogane would like that. He'd like that a lot.

When Fai still doesn't move, Kurogane rises to his feet. Then he steps to three corners of the room, and blows out the lamps there. One last candle, lighting Fai's pale skin.

He returns to the side of the room, approaching Fai from the back. Fai knows he's there; Kurogane has seen him sense demons. When he pauses inches from Fai's feet, Fai doesn't move, just glances sidelong to acknowledge Kurogane's presence.

Kurogane gulps. It sounds loud, and Fai leans back slightly, tilting his hips up. As though saying, Touch me.

Kurogane touches his ankle first, the bony knob of it. Fai swallows noisily. Kurogane trails his fingers up the curve of Fai's calf, catching the cotton edge of the yukata. He brushes it up Fai's legs, up past his knees and then his thighs, and Fai's skin is soft and firm against him. Then Kurogane lifts the fabric up over his ass.

Fai isn't wearing underwear. Maybe Kurogane should've expected this, when they've been dancing around each other, looking at throats and chests and lips, Fai sometimes with that telling line at his groin.

So Kurogane pushes Fai's clothes up over his waist, leaving his ass exposed. He skims his knuckles down Fai's cheek, brushing over Fai's soft, warm balls, and Fai gasps. Spreads his legs, his cock growing thicker.

Kurogane doesn't have the restraint to not touch. Especially when Fai leans back into him, his balls light against Kurogane's fingers, his cock pushing up.

Kurogane drags his thumb down Fai's cheek. A first time should still be more than this, but he's not fucking anything right now. Just touching.

Fai's skin indents beneath his thumb; Kurogane presses his cheeks open with his hands, just to look at that tight, pink hole. Fai moans. Kurogane's blood surges down between his legs.

No one has been inside Fai. No one has stretched that hole, and Kurogane wants to be the first. To see what Fai's face looks like when he breaches it.

With Fai's cheeks spread, Kurogane dips his thumb down, rubbing over puckered skin, the tight ring of muscle that Fai doesn't seem to know what to do with. Fai hisses.

"Relax," Kurogane murmurs, rubbing over his hole, nudging at it, stroking the skin around it. Fai makes a little soft whimper, and Kurogane reaches between his legs, lifts his cock backwards, toward himself. Then he drags his lips over Fai's tip, over the dark slit at the end.

Fai's wet. Salty. Kurogane licks up the underside of his cock, over his balls, all the way over his hole. Fai smells clean, like soap; he'd taken the first bath. And Kurogane laps up the traces of damp, swiping his tongue around his hole. Fai trembles.

"Turn around," Kurogane says. He wants to see Fai's face when he moans, but Fai shakes his head.

So Kurogane licks at his entrance, touching the tip of his tongue lightly to the center of that pucker, and presses lightly.

Fai's breath rushes out of him. He relaxes, finally, and Kurogane works his tongue a fraction of an inch into Fai's hole. It's tight. Would be hot as fuck around Kurogane. Fai trembles, a tiny mewl falling from his lips, and Kurogane's so hard he aches.

Someone bangs on the door. They both jump. "Bad news," the man shouts. "The sky's cracking!"

Kurogane freezes, his lips a hair's breadth from Fai's skin, Fai tensing beneath him.

"It's not safe to stay here," the man says. "There's trouble everywhere!"

"Fuck," Kurogane says. Fai doesn't look at him. But he looks down at the tatami mat, his fingers curling against woven straw, and pulls his yukata down, covering himself up.

The moment's broken, and this time, Kurogane knows it won't happen again soon.

iii.

In Yama, Kurogane doesn't know what the fuck happens.

Fai's not talking. He's acting like an idiot, fighting only because the other soldiers are watching. Off the battlefield, Fai truly smiles, his shoulders relaxed. The kids are still missing. Fai's forehead crinkles half the time, but the other half, he's sitting back, watching the other soldiers, a soft, contemplative look on his face.

They haven't touched since that night in Shara, not intimately. Kurogane still looks at him, and especially when he bathes. But Fai doesn't approach him, doesn't give him the signal to initiate anything, and Kurogane doesn't know if he's offended the idiot somehow. They can't communicate. Fai refuses to understand.

Three months in, Kurogane wakes in his cot at night, breathing heavily, his body taut from a too-vivid dream. In that dream, Fai had licked up his cock, coating it with spit, and he'd rubbed his cheek against it, worshipped it with his lips. Kurogane had shoved into his mouth, watched the stretch of his lips around his cock.

Not the first time he'd dreamed that.

Except there's a shadow looming over him when he opens his eyes. Kurogane freezes, fighting against his snarling instincts to grab his sword. He's at a disadvantage. The shadow freezes, and Kurogane holds his breath. Really looks at the shadow. Then he realizes that it's Fai, fucking Fai, straddling his hips like some kind of... assailant?

For a long moment, neither of them breathes.

Then Fai moves, slowly, and Kurogane feels something on him. First a light touch, then pleasure. A familiar, telling pressure at his hips. He's hard. Fai moves carefully, leaning forward, his bare cheeks sliding along Kurogane's cock. Kurogane's breath punches out of him.

Fai's grinding against him, and that's why Kurogane feels like he's bursting. Because Fai's been stroking him, teasing him while he was asleep, and Kurogane's too horny to feel shock right now. He wants to roll his hips, slide against Fai. Push in. Fai's fingers trail wetly along him, and Kurogane realizes Fai's lubed him up with something. Maybe spit, maybe oil.

After all the months of no touch, he hasn't thought Fai would want to do this. But Fai's moaning softly now, pushing his ass down on Kurogane, and his hole grinds slick and tight against Kurogane's tip.

Kurogane's mouth goes dry. He wants to hold Fai down and fuck in, but he doesn't want to screw this up, not when Fai's this close to taking him in. So he waits. Fai bears down on his cock, slowly lowering himself. Kurogane's tip skids over his hole, and Fai's cheeks squeeze around him. A miss. Fai raises himself, presses down again, and Kurogane realizes Fai's too tight, he's not relaxed enough.

He needs to touch Fai, massage his hole and help him relax, except his cock is also throbbing. Any moment now, maybe he'll sink into Fai's heat. Feel the hot tightness of his body, and then push the rest of the way in.

Fai's fingers slip down Kurogane's cock, and Fai groans, the sound edged with frustration. Fai sits again. Kurogane's tip skims along his cleft, and Fai grips Kurogane's cock tight, sliding his fist down to its base, pushing his ass right down onto Kurogane's tip. Pleasure hums through Kurogane's nerves, makes his legs tremble. Fai misses again.

Fai murmurs something low, desperate. He reaches down past his own straining cock, pushing fingers into himself. Kurogane hasn't seen that before, even though he's heard the little gasps and moans from Fai's cot, at nights when they're both pretending to be asleep.

Straddled on Kurogane's hips now, Fai fingers himself, and Kurogane's cock pulses so hard it's a wonder Fai doesn't notice his breathing. Because Kurogane's close, just watching him, and he needs to be inside Fai.

Fai slides his fingers out, dripping onto Kurogane's belly. Then he grasps Kurogane's cock, his fist slipping all the way to Kurogane's base, Kurogane's head nudging between his cheeks, right up against his entrance. He lodges Kurogane's tip against his hole, right where it dips a little, relaxed now, open for Kurogane, and Kurogane comes so hard he shudders, spurting up at Fai, maybe into Fai. It feels like his climax won't ever end.

Past his pleasure, Kurogane hears Fai's soft yelp. Fai tenses, but Kurogane's past the point of no return, when he's spurting and dribbling and he's smeared Fai's hole with his cum. It drips onto his thighs, down Fai's ass. Who knows if it's inside Fai? The thought makes his cock jerk, and Fai releases him, suddenly unable to look at Kurogane.

He crawls back to his own cot, shoves his legs through his shorts, and turns his back to Kurogane, pretending to be asleep.

For a minute, Kurogane debates getting up, climbing into Fai's cot to return the favor. But the moment his own cot squeaks, Fai's shoulders tense, and his arm moves jerkily like he's quietly getting himself off.

Kurogane wants to know if he did spill into Fai. Whether Fai's ass is still wet with his cum. But more than that, he wants to know what Fai's thinking, whether Fai knows he's welcome in Kurogane's bed.

He reaches over, touches Fai on the arm, and Fai flinches hard, curling himself away from Kurogane.

So maybe he's not ready. Kurogane's chest aches. He finds his shorts rumpled at the end of his cot, tugging them on. He wants to touch Fai. But he also wants it on Fai's terms, and if there's one thing he's learned, is that Fai will put himself through every inconvenience for others. Maybe except Kurogane.

Maybe he doesn't feel anything for Kurogane. That thought hurts, too.

Kurogane turns his back on Fai to give him some privacy. Then he tries to sleep, except he can't. Fai's soft panting lingers in his mind the whole night.

iv.

They don't touch the rest of Yama, and when they grab the kids and land in Piffle, Kurogane's not sure if he'll ever sleep next to Fai again.

It haunts his thoughts.

Between building the dragonflies, before dinnertime, and at night when the kids are asleep, Kurogane thinks about slipping into Fai's room. But Fai never extends an invitation, despite glancing at Kurogane, watching as he slides out from under the flying machines, his chest slick with sweat.

Sometimes, when Fai thinks no one is looking, he'll reach behind himself, rubbing his palm over his ass, right where Kurogane spilled on him in Yama. At least, that's what Kurogane thinks he's doing, just remembering.

Fai catches him watching sometimes, and the flush that spreads through his face burns darker than wine.

It's a good look on him. Kurogane glances away, but he never forgets.

They get closer in Piffle.

Kurogane volunteers to wash the dishes. Fai brings iced drinks out in the sweltering midday sun. Kurogane shows Syaoran how to fight, and Fai agrees to watch them when Sakura drags him out of their camper, matching cups of orange juice in their hands.

Sometimes, Kurogane offers to cook. Sometimes, Fai lingers out on the rooftop, talking to Kurogane about desserts in Nihon. Sometimes, they fall silent and stare at each other, and Kurogane wonders what that idiot's thinking when he licks his lips, his gaze turning contemplative.

Kurogane still thinks about it, Fai being a virgin. How the wizard's passed through world after world, and plenty of people have hit on him. Fai brushes them off politely, always with that easy smile. No one else has seen him gasp, seen him squirm and drip. Kurogane has. Kurogane's had Fai grabbing his cock, trying to push it into himself, and Kurogane wants to see him in the day, see the ruddy flush of his cock, the parting of his lips when he finally takes Kurogane in.

So he tries, little by little. Stepping closer to Fai at the stove, bumping elbows. Timing his steps so he turns as Fai's moving, bumping into his chest. Fai blinks at him, mouth falling open. He doesn't flinch. When Kurogane bumps into him for the fifth time, Fai doesn't move for two seconds. Then he backpedals, and his gaze cuts to the stove.

The sixth time, Kurogane tries the bathroom door when the water shuts off. He finds Fai toweling himself, and he can't help looking, at Fai's thin chest, at the curl of golden hair at his groin, at the creamy skin of his thigh. His cock's thick, flushed, limp, like he's just jerked off and washed himself.

Fai freezes, a blush rising on his cheeks. Kurogane mutters an apology, but not before he catches Fai's cock twitching under his attention.

So Fai's still interested. That's all Kurogane needs to know.

They don't sleep together until a storm rolls in over Piffle, the thunderclouds looming heavy over the rooftops.

Beneath the crackle of thunder, Kurogane leans back in his bed, rereading his maganyan, the screen on the book-sized device glowing softly in the darkened room. A knock comes at the door. Kurogane holds his breath, looking up.

The door slides open. Fai slips in, then quietly shuts it behind himself, meeting Kurogane's eyes. The wizard's tense, his limbs held close to himself, and Kurogane reads his discomfort even before he mentions it.

"Storms are scary," Fai says lightly, glancing out the porthole windows.

Fai says many things are scary, but there are few that force him into Kurogane's room, with nothing Kurogane can do to help. Kurogane's breath catches. Maybe this is a joke, or maybe Fai wants something else. "Yeah?"

"They are... unnerving." Fai wanders closer, eyeing Kurogane's bed. So Kurogane shifts over, nodding at the spot next to him.

Fai hesitates for a second longer. Then he sits gingerly on the mattress, and Kurogane feels the pull and dip of the mattress. Slowly, Fai eases along the bed, moving his ass closer, his pants snug against his body. Kurogane can't help glancing at it. He likes all of Fai. But he's also wondering if Fai is here for sex, and whether Fai has finally gotten over himself about them. About him and Kurogane.

And whether Fai is ready to admit to that night in Yama.

"You never talk about that book," Fai says when he finally stops moving, his legs stretched out alongside Kurogane's. His toes are pale in the shadowy room, his dark sleep pants clinging to his legs. His eyes slide to the tablet, lit by the glow of its screen.

"I've mentioned it," Kurogane says. "You've just been too busy talking crap to the princess."

Inches away, Fai smells clean, a little like shampoo. Like he's showered not too long ago, except his hair has dried. "Read it to me," Fai says. "I don't understand those words."

"Tch. You can't start in the middle of the book." Kurogane frowns. "You know that."

"Then tell me what's happening now."

Thunder rumbles outside, raindrops pattering on the camper around them. Fai inches closer on the bed, his fingers pressing into the sheets. He stops right before his fingers brush Kurogane's thigh, folding his hands on his lap.

"Well?" Fai asks.

"Tch. It's about a ninja. He's saving someone in a burning house this volume."

"I'm surprised they have ninja in Piffle."

But Fai doesn't look surprised, and Kurogane watches him, trying to figure if the idiot's really here for a bedtime story. Then an idea whispers through his head-Fai doesn't know the beginnings of this story. He doesn't know anything about the guys saving each other, and maybe he won't notice if Kurogane lies.

"I'm at the part where the ninja breaks into the burning house," Kurogane says, angling the tablet toward Fai so it lights his face instead, illuminating the circles of his pupils, the hair-fine threads of his irises. Kurogane's heart thumps. Unlike Fai, he isn't used to lying. "He's trying to save the other guy. See, the ninja worries for him, but he hasn't said anything about his feelings yet. The guy's important to him."

It feels like he's giving too much of himself away.

Fai blinks. "That's sweet. Are they in love?"

And Kurogane freezes, because he's never thought about that. About what exactly he feels for Fai, other than he knows Fai is important. Do I love you? Trying to answer that is close to impossible, because Kurogane kind of wants to strangle this idiot. Fai's been lying the entire journey. He's still lying. Kurogane trusts him, but not fully. How do you love someone you can't trust?

"They fuck," Kurogane says. "Is that love?"

Blue eyes dart to his, surprise flashing through them. Fai opens his mouth. He doesn't speak. He closes his mouth with a click of teeth, and Kurogane's been waiting too long for him to make a move.

He leans in, traces his lips along Fai's ear, and Fai sucks in a sharp breath. But he doesn't move away. Instead, he trembles, his body taut when Kurogane licks down his earlobe, takes it into his mouth. Then he sucks on it, stroking his tongue over Fai's skin, nipping at it, showing Fai what he'd gladly do to the rest of his body.

And when Kurogane slips his hand over Fai's knee, Fai parts his legs, and Kurogane slides his hand up Fai's thigh, to the swell at his groin.

Fai's half-hard. And Kurogane follows the curve of his cock through his pants, slowly stroking his head, down its length, until it grows hard beneath his fingertips, thick. Kurogane's been waiting to touch him for months.

Fai's so still it's almost as though he isn't breathing. So Kurogane rubs just under his head, where he's sensitive, and Fai gasps, trembling. Kurogane presses their lips together, kisses Fai firmly, and Fai moans against him, parting his lips, his tongue flicking against Kurogane's, and Kurogane's pressing him back against the headboard, sliding into Fai's mouth, tasting faint whiskey on his tongue.

So maybe Fai's just as hungry as he is this entire time.

Kurogane dips his fingers past Fai's waistband, finds him with no underwear under his pants, only his damp cock pushing up. And a snarl of hunger rolls through his veins. Fai wants this. Kurogane strokes over his tip, rubbing him through his foreksin, and Fai pants against his lips, his cock jumping, his thighs still spread. Kurogane strokes along the length of his cock, pulling it out of his pants, and when he rubs his fingers down Fai's balls, Fai mewls, pushing his hips up, his puckered hole tight under Kurogane's finger.

Kurogane tugs Fai's pants down, halfway along his thighs, and pushes his hand underneath the wizard, easing his fingers between Fai's cheeks, spreading his soft, warm ass. Fai groans into Kurogane's mouth, slides their tongues heavily together, and Kurogane rubs his thumb slow and firm over Fai's hole.

Fai groans, swearing, parting his legs. And Kurogane pulls away from him, just enough to spit on his fingers, slick them up, and slide them over Fai's entrance.

"Relax," he says, circling that ring of muscle, rubbing over it, teasing it with his fingertip, until Fai's squirming, and Kurogane's fingertip sinks in. Then he pushes the rest of his finger inside, and Fai's moan rings through the room, his body hot and tight around Kurogane, his ass clenching around Kurogane's finger, trying to suck him in.

Kurogane imagines Fai body around his own cock, and his shorts grow tight. No one's been inside Fai. Now his finger is, and in the glow of the tablet that's somehow on the edge of the bed, Fai's eyes are wide and shocked, his body squeezing around Kurogane's. And his cock's hard as a staff, pushing up at Kurogane, glistening in the glow of the tablet.

Kurogane crooks his finger inside Fai, finding that sensitive spot inside him, and Fai's spine arches. His cheeks darken.

"You want more," Kurogane growls, his cock straining against his shorts, leaking. "You want me inside."

Fai looks away, his throat working. Then he squirms around, so Kurogane's finger slips out of him, and Fai's curled up with his knees under him, his face hidden in the pillows, his ass exposed. Waiting for Kurogane.

Kurogane swallows hard. Then he pulls his cock out from his shorts, his heart thumping hard. He hasn't gotten this far with Fai before. Hasn't had Fai invite him inside. He slicks himself up with his spit, shuffling up to Fai, pressing his cock against Fai's tight cheeks, just letting it rest snugly there.

Fai groans, rolling his hips, his ass sliding warm and soft against Kurogane, and Kurogane's breath punches out of him. He slides his cock down, rubbing his tip against Fai's entrance, and this time, he'll finally get to sink in. Feel Fai's body squeezing around him, Fai finally having a cock in him, and it's Kurogane's.

Kurogane imagines Fai's expression as he presses his tip right against Fai's hole, rubbing firmly over it, just to tease Fai with his cock. Fai trembles, a helpless whine slipping from his throat.

"Kurogane got the manga wrong," a familiar, high voice says behind them. "Mokona was so confused!"

Both of them freeze. Kurogane's almost afraid to turn around, afraid that the white thing has got a projection with that witch up in the air, or something equally insane. How did he not know she was there?

"What," he growls, staring down at Fai's shadowed mop of blond hair. Fai's completely motionless.

"Mokona was under the bed," the white thing says. "Mokona was stuck and trying to get out! And Kurogane started reading the story to Fai."

And so Fai knows that Kurogane was lying about the comic. No one's supposed to be watching them fuck. And Kurogane doesn't know what the hell he wants to do first-smack the white thing out of his bedroom, or try and coax Fai back into sex, or-

Fai squirms out from under him, his movements jerky, hitching his pants back up his hips. "I'm heading out if you want to follow me, Mokona," he says in a high, false tone, and he's across the room before Kurogane even tries to stop him. He shouldn't. He's blown his chance, and maybe he should've waited. Maybe that wasn't the right time, after all.

The wizard steps out of his bedroom, looking at everything but Kurogane. Mokona bounces out after him, like she doesn't know what she's just interrupted.

Kurogane groans, shoving his cock back into his shorts.

So he hasn't got anything solved-not his lust, not any of Fai's lying, and not whatever it is hanging between him and Fai.

And he should've expected that, shouldn't he? Everything he tries with Fai ends at a dead end. And he doesn't know if he's angrier at himself, or at that damn idiot.

(Recourt happens. Then Tokyo. And Kurogane loses Fai in a way worse than he ever thought he would.

At least Fai's alive.

But everything else between them is dead, gone, like spilled blood slipping between his fingers.)

v.

Worlds and worlds and worlds later, they land in the checkerboard country of Infinity. Everyone is silent now-the new kid, the princess, the white thing. Fai doesn't even look at Kurogane, like he's trying to forget Kurogane ever existed.

An eternity ago, one of the kids would've tried to patch that up. Talk to Fai, get the wizard to stop being an idiot.

These days, everyone edges around everyone else, like they're all jagged edges of glass, prone to shatter if they touch. Maybe they will shatter, but Kurogane doesn't want to chance it anymore. He's lost enough right now.

It's just another world, just another day, and Kurogane's heart weighs down with ache and loss.

Someone else would've said, You should have just given him what he wanted. Let him die.

He can't. He can't lose Fai, and he knows this as intimately as the silver scar on his hand. Through the worlds, Kurogane has yanked Fai from cars on the road. He's flushed pills down the toilet, hidden the knifes in the kitchen. The life in Fai's eye has gone, and Kurogane watches him, knowing he has caused that.

More than anything, he wants Fai to fall against him again, trusting, his eyes warm. He wants Fai's voice in his ear, wants Fai's eyes laughing at him.

Fai doesn't do any of these, so the next best thing is to force his hand.

Through the worlds, Kurogane has learnt this: When he cuts his skin, Fai's eye flares bright gold, and his gaze snaps immediately to Kurogane's wound. His nostrils flare. His body tautens.

Fai is a predator now, and Kurogane wonders how far he can push Fai for his touch, how far Fai is willing to go for his blood.

So instead of forcing Fai to feed, Kurogane waits. The average time he takes to make Fai feed is two days. This time, he waits three. Then four. Then five, and Fai's glancing at Kurogane every other minute, expecting him to make an incision. There's hunger in his eyes, a banked desire that Fai tries to hide. He won't make a move.

But Kurogane sees. Between their chessboard battles, when the days drag on, he withholds that blood. He stands feet away, inches away from Fai, so Fai can smell his skin. He bumps into Fai, not-quite-accidentally, and Fai's nostrils flare. He sits on the couch between Fai's room and the kitchen, and every time Fai leaves the room to grab water for Sakura, his eye flickers toward Kurogane.

They get to the sixth day, and Fai's gaze doesn't leave him at all.

He's ravenous.

Kurogane waits. The hours tick away on the wall clock. The princess is asleep in her room. The new kid is passed out drunk on the couch, the white thing snoring on his head. Kurogane steps into the kitchen, leaning against the counter, waiting for Fai to step out of the bedroom.

When the door clicks open, Kurogane slips his shirt off. He picks up the kitchen knife he's cut his fingers on, trying to make food for the kids. But this time the knife's not for his dinner. This time it's for Fai, and Kurogane presses its sharpened tip between his collarbones, drawing a drop of blood. Then the next cut an inch down, to the right. And the next to the left, over his heart.

He trails the steel tip down his abs, so points of blood speckle over his skin, all the way to his waistband.

Fai steps into the kitchen, his nostrils flared. Then his gaze lands on Kurogane, and he freezes.

For a moment, neither of them moves.

Then Kurogane swallows, and slips his waistband down past the V of his hips. He traces the knife tip down in a shallow arc, a line of fire along his groin, and Fai's breath hisses between his teeth.

"Damn you," Fai whispers.

Kurogane doesn't answer. He slips the knife to the side, so a droplet of blood wells at the top of his thigh. Then he draws an arc down, a bloody scratch down his leg, and Fai trembles.

Kurogane's pants sag to his knees. Fai's throat works, and Kurogane thinks the idiot has an inkling what game he's playing.

In a flash, Fai's before him, inches away, his eye bright gold, his lips parted. His attention focused on the scarlet droplets trailing down bronze skin. He catches them with his fingertip, a light, cool touch. Brings it to his lips. His tongue darts out, pink and glistening, and Kurogane watches Fai swallow his blood.

Fai glances at the scarlet lines on Kurogane's chest, and, without meeting his eyes, leans in, his tongue dragging along Kurogane's sternum, right over his heart. He laps at Kurogane's skin, down his abs, and his hands curl against Kurogane's bare hips for support. He follows the trails of blood down to Kurogane's groin, down his thigh, and Kurogane almost considers sliding the tip of his knife further up, between his legs.

He doesn't, and Fai's touch is cold, firm; he is no longer alive. Kurogane has to live with that.

"We need to talk," Kurogane says.

Fai stills. He stares at Kurogane's pants, at the underwear nestled inside them, and doesn't speak. His gaze flickers to the kitchen doorway.

So Kurogane traces the knife tip up his other thigh, up his hip, his abs, chasing the edge of his nipple.

And Fai follows the blood that oozes from the cut, his tongue soft and cool, dragging along Kurogane's skin. Blood pools over his tastebuds. Disappears when Fai swallows. Then he continues the path up, and his tongue catches along Kurogane's abs, right against his nipple.

It's a poor imitation of sex, one Kurogane would be ashamed of admitting to. But that isn't the worst thing. The worst is that he doesn't know how to fix this. So maybe Fai wanted to die. But that doesn't mean he can, doesn't mean Kurogane will allow him to.

If Fai dies... If Fai dies, Kurogane will break. And so Kurogane has been selfish. He wants the idiot close.

Fai doesn't see that. Doesn't understand.

Fai has been keeping secrets all this time, and Kurogane's tired of it. Tired of letting Fai thow this away, the little things that keep Kurogane sane. Fai has been trying to ignore Kurogane, and Kurogane needs.

He moves without thinking. Slides his hand against Fai's nape, curls his finger into that short ponytail Fai's starting to keep. Fai freezes.

And Kurogane tips his face up, kisses him hard on the lips.

Because that's the only way he knows how to say this. I care for you. I need you.

I can't lose you.

Fai tenses against him, his lips smeared with coppery blood, his breath rushing cool against Kurogane's cheek. A tremor shakes through his body, and Kurogane feels his limbs coil, like he's on the verge of fleeing.

"Stay," Kurogane whispers against his lips.

Fai quivers against Kurogane, and Kurogane slides his hand down Fai's back, following the dip of his spine, down to his waist. His fingertips rustle against Fai's shirt, pressing just hard enough to indent skin. Fai can leave whenever he wants.

Except he sucks in a breath like he's trying to comprehend this, like he doesn't believe Kurogane's still touching him.

"You're still human," Kurogane breathes. "Still alive."

Kurogane doesn't know what it's like to be a vampire. He doesn't know what he'd do, if he could never die unless someone else wished it. But Fai is alive against him, and Kurogane has known the gut-wrenching fear of losing this man. He won't lose Fai again.

He turns them around, sets the knife down. Presses Fai against the kitchen counter, slides his arms around the wizard. Just holds him close, Fai's shirt crinkled against Kurogane's bare skin. They've been pressed together enough times that Fai doesn't blink at his nakedness anymore.

"Close your eyes," Kurogane whispers, and Fai does.

Kurogane strokes his hand down Fai's arm, touches the sinewy muscles of his back. Fai arches up towards him, his breaths shallow when Kurogane kisses down his neck, and Kurogane cradles his thin body, winding his fingers into Fai's hair, pulling their hips together.

He doesn't know how to say I need to be closer except to roll his hips against Fai's, cautiously, waiting for a reaction.

Fai's fingers twitch. He doesn't look at Kurogane, but his body arches forward.

And in that moment, Kurogane reads I've missed you.

The answering roar in his body has him swelling, has him growing hard. He can't hide it, not with his pants around his knees. So he pushes up against Fai's belly, his cock pressing an indent into Fai's clothes, and Fai's throat works. He looks down jerkily, and Kurogane feels his gaze raking over his skin.

Fai's breath rushes out of him.

"You like?" Kurogane growls in his ear, and Fai doesn't move. He doesn't flee when Kurogane relaxes his hold. Fai can push away if he wants, can slip out if he wants to play his cold shoulder game.

Fai trembles.

So Kurogane slips his hand down, curls his fingers around Fai's. Brings Fai's hand up, presses it against his cock. Lightly closes Fai's fingers around it, and Fai's grip is loose and cool, but he doesn't pull away.

"Let me," Kurogane says. Let him do what, he doesn't know.

He moves Fai's fingers over his cock. Closes Fai's grip so it's snug around him, then slides it down, and up. Pleasure feathers through his body. A tiny groan slips from Fai's throat, and it's loud in the kitchen. Louder than Kurogane's pounding heart.

Fai's thumb twitches. Kurogane relaxes his own grip, following Fai's touch. And Fai reaches all the way to Kurogane's tip, brushing his thumb lightly over it. He smears the dampness around, drags it down Kurogane's underside, and Kurogane hisses with pleasure.

Fai bites his lip, his breath staggering. His fingers twitch, like he wants something, but he doesn't know how to say it.

So Kurogane thinks about the other times, back in Piffle and Yama and Shura, and he realizes that maybe Fai wants him inside. Fai had risked everything to ride him in Yama, had spread for him in Shura.

And Kurogane's breath catches. He slides Fai's hand off his cock, leaving it jutting up between them. Then he turns Fai around, so Fai faces the counter, and he presses his cock up against the seat of Fai's pants.

Fai sucks in a sharp breath, and Kurogane thinks he might have read Fai right, this time.

He reaches around Fai. Pulls open his pants, nudges it down. Fai doesn't stop him. Doesn't flee. His pants rustle down his skin, to mid-thigh. His ass is smooth, creamy before Kurogane.

Kurogane slides his thumb between Fai's soft cheeks, works his finger against the pucker of Fai's hole. It's tight against his fingertip. Hot.

Fai shudders. He hasn't had anyone, even now.

Kurogane doesn't know how he knows, only that he does. And the thought of being inside Fai steals the breath from his lungs.

He wants to prep Fai. Wants to get Fai used to him. The apartment is silent, and maybe they can do this.

But just to be sure Fai wants him, he pulls his fingers away, wedges his cock between Fai's cheeks. Watches as Fai's skin yields to his. A clear droplet trickles from his tip, and Kurogane leans away from the heat of Fai's body, angles his tip down.

He slides his head along the crease of Fai's ass, leaving a smear of damp on his skin, all the way to his entrance.

There, he stops. Lets his tip nestle against Fai's hole, so Fai knows exactly what Kurogane wants.

Kurogane pauses, waiting for Fai's response. To see if he's really, truly read the idiot correctly.

A beat passes, then two.

And Fai presses down on him, pushing down against Kurogane's cock, his hole fluttering.

Heat surges down Kurogane's body. Fai's ready for him, and he needs to push forward, sink into this man. Except he wants this to be good for Fai, too. Kurogane spits onto his fingers, reaches down, slides his fingertips against Fai's hole, circling him, wetting him. And Fai relaxes ever so slightly, so Kurogane slips the tip of his finger inside.

Fai's breath rushes out of him. He's hot, tight, and Kurogane just works his hole, pushing against his rim, sliding out, then back in. Getting Fai used to him inside.

Fai pushes down on him, angles his hips up, like he wants more. And Kurogane sinks his finger in, knowing he's the first inside Fai, knowing Fai /wants./ He strokes his own cock with his other hand, squeezing it, thinking about Fai around him, Fai's virgin body opening around him, hot and hungry.

Kurogane swallows, probing inside him, trying to find the one spot that'll send Fai arching.

He releases his own cock, reaches around Fai, and Fai's cock pushes damp into his hand, straining and heavy. He rocks into Kurogane's palm, his breath soughing, and Kurogane's massaging him inside, thinking now's a good time to slick himself up, stretch Fai out with his cock.

Somewhere past the kitchen door, someone grunts.

They freeze, Kurogane's finger inside Fai, Fai's breathing paused, leaving the kitchen silent.

Someone mutters. Maybe the kid.

And Kurogane realizes anyone could step in now, and catch them at this. Fai realizes it too, from the way he glances at the kitchen door, the way he leans away from Kurogane, his body slipping off Kurogane's finger.

Fai's done with this. Kurogane bites down the disappointment on his tongue, stepping away, allowing him to leave.

Fai hitches his pants up, fixing it. Steps towards the kitchen doorway, his gaze on the floor.

Kurogane yanks his own clothes back on, his thoughts churning. He doesn't care if the kid sees him naked. But he doesn't need more reason to split their family apart, so he'll act like this hasn't happened.

It's not like anything has changed.

Fai disappears through the kitchen doorway, and the room door clicks shut. The mumbling from the living room stops. Kurogane washes his hands at the sink, wondering if Fai realizes he never got whatever he stepped into the kitchen for. Wondering if Fai still feels the smear of damp between his legs, the reminder of Kurogane, and the moment of intimacy they shared.

Under the stark white ceiling of the apartment, with his shattered family scattered through the rooms, Kurogane glances at the soap lather on his hands, wondering if he'll ever get a chance with Fai again.

He wonders if Fai will ever forgive him for forcing him to live.

The running water provides no answers, and he dries his hands on the dishcloth, reaching into the cabinet for a bottle of whiskey.

That, at least, helps.

(They crash into Celes, wander through bodies, and meet the shriveled corpse of a child. Kurogane sees more than he should. He hates Ashura, this king that Fai can't bear to kill, and it's only when Ashura falls that Kurogane has a chance to breathe.

Except the world closes around them, and Fai risks everything to get the kids out.

He sends Kurogane away, too, leaving himself behind, and Kurogane has had enough of losing him.

Tomoyo whispers in his head. Kurogane reaches into the shrinking sphere, meets the haunted eye of the man he loves.

He loves Fai. He knows this now.

And the arm is a small price to pay, the sword too, when he hauls Fai out of the crushing magic.

In his last conscious moments, Kurogane takes comfort in Fai's warmth, cradled securely against himself.)

iv.

They reach Clow. Then they land in a different Clow, and it's a Clow with a princess that Kurogane has never met, but feels he knows.

After the biting chill of Celes, and after the warmth of Nihon, the desert contains a burning heat, that razes Kurogane's skin and makes him restless, needing to do something.

He has a new arm now. He has Fai at his side, and as Yukito leaves them in the high-ceilinged bedroom with trays of fruit, Kurogane sighs, leaning back into the bed. He's supposed to be resting.

"Surely you can't be depressed," Fai says lightly, his long fingers tugging at the hems of his robe. He settles on the other side of the bed, still wary around Kurogane. He's been wary ever since Nihon, and while their relationship is back to the way it was before Tokyo... that includes the sex, too. They haven't touched each other at all. "Everything's going better now, Kuro-grump."

"Going better for you, maybe," Kurogane says.

Fai freezes and falls silent, his eyes darting to Kurogane's metal arm.

Kurogane reads the regret on his face, the unease. Fai still feels guilt over that, when Kurogane breaks glasses between steel fingers and winces at his hair catching between the metal joints.

"I've told you, it's not something you should concern yourself with," Kurogane mutters. In the sunlight dispersing through the wide open windows, his metal arm gleams. It still hurts where it pinches his shoulder, but it's a pain Kurogane will gladly take. It's a price paid. He will not regret it, will not ever regret hauling Fai out of that collapsing world.

"I should do better to alleviate your pain," Fai says. He rubs his fingertips together, magic prickling between them.

Kurogane doesn't know if he should agree. It feels like cheating.

"I can't do healing magic, if you're thinking about that," Fai says. "Just other spells. Like making the arm cooler, so it's not so painful. Or changing the temperature of your clothes. Or if you want, you know, a cold bottom to distract yourself with."

Kurogane snorts. "Yours?"

"I meant yours," Fai says, his tone wry. But he smiles, reaching behind to touch his own. "Am I really cold?"

"You tell me."

Fai makes a face. "I feel hot. My hands are hot. But I think it's the weather here. Clow is a lovely country, but I wish I didn't feel like melting all the time."

"Might be better if you took the clothes off," Kurogane says.

He meant it as a solution. The desert robes are useful in bright daylight, when they head out in the stinging sun's rays. But here in the palace, they're sheltered from the sun, and the extra layers of thick canvas only trap heat.

Fai angles a thoughtful look at him, a smile growing on his lips. "I'm sure you mean that with my best interests in mind."

The last few words come as a purr. Kurogane settles back into the pillows, watching as Fai squirms across the bed, his eyes fearful and wary, but eager all the same. As though he thinks Kurogane might turn him away, even now.

So Kurogane reaches out with his flesh hand, and Fai carefully sets his fingers in his palm.

Kurogane closes his grip around Fai, tugs him over. Fai comes sprawling onto his lap, burying face-first in Kurogane's midriff. "If you wanted a favor, Kuro-tan," he says, his voice muffled, "You should have just asked."

"I wanted a favor?" A smile works through Kurogane's lips. "Stop pinning your ulterior motives on me."

Fai chuckles, pushing his face down, closer to Kurogane's groin, and Kurogane swallows. "Me, ulterior motives?"

A sliver of sky-blue eye meets his, glimmering.

Then Fai presses a kiss to Kurogane's hip, and Kurogane's blood surges down.

They're doing this. They're finally doing this, aren't they, after week and months and maybe years of dancing around each other.

Kurogane turns Fai over, so Fai's back thumps against the mattress, his golden hair a splay of cornsilk on the sheets. He smiles up at Kurogane. "Are we still arguing?" Fai murmurs.

"You tell me." But Kurogane leans in, catches his lips, and Fai's mouth parts beneath his own, soft and sweet like it was in Nihon.

In the looping time of Clow, they'd fallen asleep without any warning. In the mornings, they'd peeled away from each other, dazed and confused, and Fai had frowned the entire time. Now, finally, Kurogane gets to rest. To have his wizard to himself.

"I don't care about my arm," Kurogane whispers against his mouth. "It doesn't matter."

"It should," Fai says quietly, his lips dragging against Kurogane's. His breath puffs hot across Kurogane's cheek, and Kurogane's thoughts drift to the slender weight of Fai's body, the times Fai straddled him, or opened beneath him, or groaned desperately, his cock hard.

His robes grow taut, when his cock strains up and his body hums, needing more of Fai.

They've been through so much, through Outo and Yama and Infinity, and each of those worlds was different, except they were also the same. Fai has never sprawled on the bed next to him, never pressed this close, never teased him, a smile playing on his lips.

"Let me look at you," Kurogane whispers, the words tumbling from his tongue, his throat tight. He wants to see Fai. Wants to see his wizard without the fear and doubt and lies that have kept them apart.

Fai falls open beneath him, lets the last of the tension drain out from his shoulders. He pulls his legs open, and Kurogane captures his lips, tastes him, lets his hands drift down smooth ribs. Fai's tongue tangles with his, his teeth blunt, and Kurogane trails sucking kisses down his throat, bites lightly on the slope of his shoulder.

In Clow, Fai smells like a hint of sweat, like mild cactus soap, and Kurogane licks down his sternum, catches the round, pink disk of a nipple in his mouth. Fai's mouth falls open; he arches, pushes up at Kurogane, and all Kurogane thinks about is the rough peak of Fai's tightening nipple, the pull of his hand in his hair.

He shrugs out of his robe, his blood thrumming as Fai's gaze rakes over him, hot and appreciative. So he spreads Fai's clothes open, exposing pale skin and the ripple of Fai's body as he thrusts his hips up, grinds his cock against Kurogane's abs.

Kurogane curls his hand around Fai's hip, shoves him down, and Fai gasps. His cock pushes out of his foreskin, curving down slightly, toward Kurogane. Like it's inviting Kurogane for a taste.

Heat swoops down between Kurogane's legs. He presses his nose to Fai's stomach, breathes him in. "Yes?"

"Do I have to beg?" Fai hisses, and the tip of his cock slides along Kurogane's chest, catches him against the throat. Kurogane dips his head, drags his nose down that dusky, straining length, breathes in the musk of his skin. Then Fai curls his fingers around the base of his cock, angles it at Kurogane's lips, its tip smearing damp over his skin.

Kurogane takes Fai in, licks the sweet salt smear, rolls it in his mouth. Fai's breath shudders out of him, and Kurogane wraps his lips around that thick length. Hollows his cheeks, so Fai swears, his fingers winding through Kurogane's hair, tugging on him, coaxing him down.

Fai's cock fills his mouth, hungry, thick, rough, like he has so much need he doesn't know what to do with it.

Kurogane traces the fine veins of it with his tongue, watches as Fai tips his head back, his chest heaving. So Kurogane rubs his thumb under Fai's soft balls, rolls them up one at a time, then closes his hand around them, softly, gently, until the pressure increases and Fai's cock jerks in his mouth, his voice erupting from his throat. "Ahhh!"

And now Kurogane's wet for him, too. Hard not to be, when Fai spreads his legs, all creamy thighs and silky skin. Kurogane pulls off, leaving Fai's cock glistening with saliva, its tip flushed.

Further down, past his sac, Fai's hole is small and pink and tight, and Kurogane's cock aches at the sight of it.

He's been needing to see Fai. Touch him. Open him up, sink in, feel the tightness of Fai's body around his cock.

"I have some oil," Fai breathes. "The High Priest left it with some fruit."

Kurogane's clean forgotten about the fruit. He shuffles further down the bed, catching Fai behind the knees. Then he presses them down by his sides, against the bed. The position opens Fai wide, curves his spine, and Fai's mouth falls open, his eyelids fluttering shut.

Kurogane drops kisses down the insides of his thighs. Nips that tender skin closer and closer to his groin. Then he presses his nose against Fai's sac, drags his tongue up along it, following his cock to the tip. Fai's cock jerks against his belly, drips, precome stretching between his skin and tip. Kurogane licks it up. It's slippery on his tongue, salty. Fai sucks in a breath, his throat working.

Kurogane swirls his tongue around Fai's tip. Pulls his foreskin down, licks at the sensitive spot just beneath his head. Fai hisses. And Kurogane sucks Fai into his mouth. A low, needy whine slips from Fai's throat.

When he finally slips off, Fai's cock jerks back against his abdomen, and Kurogane licks down the cleft of his ass, around that tight, squeezing hole.

"Please," Fai breathes.

"Please what?" But Kurogane doesn't wait for an answer. He's been waiting a long time for this, waiting for the day he slips his thumbs between Fai's cheeks, spreads him open.

He releases Fai's legs. Cups his ass, squeezes his taut, warm flesh. Then he pushes his thumbs up along Fai's cleft, until they rest a hairsbreadth from his hole, and Kurogane eases his thumbs apart, catching Fai's skin, spreading him.

Fai throws his arm across his face, his neck red, his chest red. Kurogane kisses him right by his entrance. Then the other cheek, and he flicks his tongue over puckered skin, hardens it into a point, and drags it over Fai's hole, like a fingertip. He pushes lightly on it, working at the point where Fai's skin sinks down, into the rest of his body. Then he licks around, flattening his tongue, and Fai squirms. Kurogane pushes at his hole again.

Fai hisses, choking. "Yes-!"

"Relax for me," Kurogane murmurs.

Fai relaxes. And Kurogane pushes in with his tongue, into the tight, tight heat of his body. Fai shudders. "K-Kuro-"

Kurogane withdraws and licks at his entrance, lapping around it, sliding his tongue back into that squeezing tightness. He pushes in until he can go no further, and Fai's fingers twist painfully in his hair. So Kurogane works at his hole, breaches him, in and out, until Fai's a panting mess, and the taste of him is all over Kurogane's tongue, his mouth, his lips.

"Good?" Kurogane asks.

Fai's only answer is a shaky breath, his thighs trembling by Kurogane's cheeks. He nods. So Kurogane strokes his sac, then raises himself up, leans across the bed for the vial of oil. It glints golden, like liquid sunlight caught in glass.

The oil drizzles warm and light over his fingers. Kurogane smears his fingertips over Fai's hole, pushes two fingers in. The moan that slips from Fai's lips goes straight down to Kurogane's cock.

"Like it?" Kurogane whispers.

Fai nods, his eyes squeezed shut, his ass hot. If he's this tight around two fingers, Kurogane can't imagine how he'd feel around his cock. And that thought alone makes him throb, makes him reach down, squeeze himself to relieve some of that pressure.

"Inside," Fai gasps, reaching down, he pulls his cheeks apart, and Kurogane hasn't realized how much sheer hunger there is in that gesture, until now.

He's shaking when he slicks himself up, the oil in the vial sloshing when he replaces it on the bedside table.

Then he presses back up against the wizard, angles his cock down with his thumb, lets it drag against Fai's hole. Tip, middle, base.

Fai hisses. "Don't tease."

Kurogane grips his own cock, rubs its head around Fai's hole, letting it rest snug against his entrance. Fai writhes.

Kurogane pushes in, just slightly.

The feeling of being inside is incredible, when it's just the tip. When every bit of his focus is on the end of his cock, and he can feel the tightness of Fai's body around him, half an inch, then an inch in. Fai's hole stretches around him. And Kurogane sinks in slowly, his breath punching out at the exquisite pressure of Fai's body swallowing him, inch by inch, until his balls press right up against Fai's ass, and he can't breathe at all.

Fai's stretched around him, holding him, his body like a safe, welcoming harbor. And Kurogane withdraws, slides back in. Fai hisses, his nails biting into Kurogane's thighs, scratching pink lines down his skin. "More," he chokes.

Kurogane grits his teeth. He can't hang on very long, not when Fai's so fucking tight around him, and jolts of pleasure shoot up his nerves with every thrust. He slips his cock out, stares at Fai's glistening pink hole. Then pushes his cock back against it, breaches it again, and they fit together like puzzle pieces, and everything in Kurogane's world feels right, suddenly.

"Kuro-s-sama," Fai gasps, his pupils blown, his lips bitten red.

Kurogane leans forward, closes the distance between them so he's right there with Fai, holding his wizard in his arms, kissing him as he sinks into Fai's body. Fai takes him in. Pleasure hums down his nerves, makes him so hard he can't think. All he knows is he's needed this forever, needed to hold Fai close, so nothing can take his wizard away from him.

"I need," Fai pants into Kurogane's mouth, his moan loud. Kurogane swallows it all, fucks in hard.

Fai shudders. His nails dig into Kurogane's sides, his breath heavy on Kurogane's cheek. Kurogane wants to drag this out, this first joining with Fai. It's something he's been waiting for for ages. Except every slide in brings him closer to the edge. One thrust, in particular, sends Fai arching, head tipped back, his breath punching out of his throat.

So Kurogane tries to find that same angle, and thrusts in again. Fai leaks onto his stomach, his cock thick, Kurogane presses the heel of his palm against his length, and Fai jerks against him. Whines. His pulse beats in his cock, and Kurogane doesn't stop-can't stop-the back and forth rocking into him, the sinking into Fai's slick heat.

Vaguely, he remembers that no one has been inside Fai before. That he's the first. That he's Fai's first. Fai's taking him inside, stretched around Kurogane like that, and Kurogane makes him feel so good he's speechless, shaking, sweat glistening off his body.

Kurogane imagines his cock sinking into Fai, stroking him inside, grinding against that one place where Fai's most sensitive. He thrusts at it again and again, and Fai's voice thins into a reedy whimper. Kurogane takes Fai's cock, squeezes him hard, and fucks in.

And Fai comes in great, heaving pulses, spurting thick streaks of come onto his stomach. He clenches around Kurogane, and Kurogane tips head-first over the edge, where everything goes bright-white and his body tenses, and bliss rocks through every muscle of his body, pulsating outward from his groin.

It's a while before he can think again.

Then he sees the high ceilings of the bedroom, feels the cool breeze of desert air skimming sweat off his skin. He's next to Fai, on his back, and Fai's crooked his own arm, toying with rips in the sheets.

"It looks like the bed was roughed up," the wizard says, his voice rasping.

There are little holes in the fabric, like bits of fabric were pinched and torn, or scratched open. For a moment, Kurogane stares, wondering if it was Fai's vampire nails that did it. Then his metal arm pinches again, and Kurogane glances down, wincing. "I did that?"

So maybe they need to have sex somewhere other than on a bed.

"It looks like it." Fai pulls the edges of a rip together, his gaze thoughtful. "It's okay. I'll fix it with needle and thread."

"I'll fix it," Kurogane says. He doesn't even know when or how his arm ripped into the sheets-he should be more careful the next time. "Not your fault."

Fai glances at Kurogane's arm, looking like he's about to say something. Instead, he shakes it away. "You're good with a needle and thread?" he asks. His lips curve up in a mischievous smile, eyes twinkling.

"You've seen me." Kurogane clicks his tongue. "I sewed up your armor in Yama."

"So you did." Fai leans up, and smooths his fingers over Kurogane's cheek. Then he leans in, brushes their lips together. "Thank you," he whispers.

Kurogane watches him, thinking about shrugging it off. Except the gratitude is heartfelt, and after all they've been through, it's welcome, the wizard being comfortable with his own feelings. That's welcome.

So Kurogane lifts a shoulder, traces his fingers through Fai's hair. "Maybe put your magic to work. You said something about shield spells?"

Fai opens his mouth. Closes it. Then he looks at the bed, and his lips pull into a smile. "Malleable shield spells can be complex," he says. "Don't want to be sleeping on a hard surface."

"'Course not."

But both of them are smiling now. Fai abandons the rips in the bed, snuggling up to Kurogane. He smells like drying sweat, like musk, and the come has disappeared from his stomach, wiped off somewhere on the sheets. They'll have to change it out before it gets crusty.

"I'm ready for a bath," Fai says. "Then some food."

"Food sounds good."

The wizard picks himself off the bed, then wanders to the alcove, where there's a basin of fresh water. Kurogane follows him, leaving the rumpled bed and the sex-warmed sheets.

This is still new, Fai and him. They've been through a whole lot. There will still be challenges to face. But right now, things are all right, and Kurogane catches up with his wizard, pulls Fai into his arms.

They've earned this peace.