Chapter 5

Shizuo

Even though every time I had him was different, the same feeling of desire to possess him was lingering in the air. Izaya is and has always been my other part, my opposite, yet somehow, the same as me. I wanted him since the first time I have met him, but my prejudice and fear were the things that kept me from him. Nevertheless, he still managed to rule my life as if he was some kind of God. It was fitting that I was his monster, as in spite my everlasting desire not to be one, I was fine with it, as long as I was his. So, the reason why he didn't want to admit his love was beyond me. Whether he thought that it was something shameful, a weakness, or he was consumed by crippling fear, I wasn't certain; but to me, he meant everything and I was ready to shout loud enough for the entire world to hear that I was his, if only he would whisper to me that he was mine.

Attraction, desire, and want were three things that I have always affiliated with him and after the resent events all those feelings only grew stronger. I needed to admit that I was addicted to him, as he became something that I didn't want to live without. His lips, eyes, hands; his whole body was the drug to me and even if I knew that what we were doing was wrong, perverted, and dirty, the simple feeling of his voice moving thru the air was enough to delete all doubts that I may once had.

The redness in his eyes long ago became my Sun and the light that was inside became a mirror of his soul that illuminated me. It was strong, yet delicate; big yet so small.

God, as soon as I smelled him, or sow him, or even thought about him all of my control would evaporate into nothingness. I am lost with want for him. So, how could someone blame me for making him mine in every way possible; marking him, torturing him, fucking him. Those were the only means with which I could express the possessiveness that leaked thru every cell of my body.

So, that Monday evening when Izaya came for the God knows which time in my apartment waiting for me naked on my couch, my control didn't have a slightest chance. I needed him to admit the truth, as it meant everything to me; a mere monster to be loved by a God.

The things that he desired were my commandments, so when he told me that he wanted me inside him I was powerless against him. With a simple push I made our two bodies into one. The feeling that I had from being inside him was not from this Earth, and I didn't even know where my body started and where did his stop. As one organism, monster and a God danced the beautiful dance of love and hate like it was nothing but a game played by two children who didn't know how to grow up.

I started to pull my dick, and than I pushed inside him, this time stronger. I didn't move my eyes away from his. Again; I pushed again, and again, and again. Each thrust was stronger than the previous one. The whole time I was looking inside his soul. It was as if I was hypnotized by the light that had shined there. I thought that I would rather die than stop entering him. Izaya was and always will be the only person who I wanted to fuck until I drop dead.

"Izaya..." I started to call his name, and I couldn't stop doing it; not that I wanted to. His name belonged on my mouth, it was meant to exist only for me. "God, Izaya..." I repeated it yet again, like it was some sort of a prayer. I pushed harder, and he started to moan again.

"Shizu-chan... more... I need more..." and how could I not obey? I fucked him like my life depended on it, as it indeed was. If I wasn't somehow enough to him, if he didn't admit the truth, I was certain that I would start to doubt my self. Then, if I would lose the hope that he was mine, I would also lose the will to live. As to me, Izaya and the life went hand in hand. After all, they were the same thing.

I felt his muscles getting tighter around my dick. They were pulling me inside more deeply than before. He was keeping me there with all his strength in order for me to never leave his side.

"Izaya, tell me that you love me..." I started as I couldn't leave it alone. "Please, just tell me."

He looked at me and really looked.

"No, I hate you." he said it and it sounded like it was something that he really believed at. It hurt, deep inside me; it really hurt more badly than all the bones breaking at the same time.

"That is not truth. Just admit it, please Izaya." But his stubbornness didn't have a limit. He went again and again speaking between the thrusts, between the moans how much he hated me. It made me sad, and at the same time it made my angry. So, this time I slammed with all of my force in his hole. He screamed. I did it again; and again. All the sounds around us were intertwined. There were screams, slapping of my skin against his, more screams, and me shouting at him.

"Admit it you little shit, or I will just keep fucking you until we are both dead." Angry thrusts didn't stop, and if he had any doubt before whether or not I was a monster, this whole violent fucking was all that was needed for him to see how twisted and mutilated my soul was. I was certain that he would never love me after that.

Not many people know that side of me, the one that made me wanting to possess, to own. But, I was certain, Izaya knew, he has always known the darkest place in my soul. He knew it the same way as he knew that it belongs only to him.

But still, I couldn't stop, and I just pushed harder. I could feel him becoming more wet; but when I looked at the place where our bodies were touching all I could see was something red that was coloring both my dick and his thighs. Recognition of the substance made my ears buzzing, and I just stopped. It was blood.

Izaya

Something was wrong with Shizu-chan. He was asking me, again and again if I loved him. No, I didn't. What I felt for him was a pure hatred. I loved my humans, all equally. But him, I couldn't love him that way. It was different; he was different. What I felt for him wasn't that simple, it was more intense, more heated, more possessive, more dark, more abnormal, dirty, morbid, selfish, needy, yet more pure. The love was what teenage girls feel for their crushes, what I feel for my humans, the simple wish to look at them if they are amusing enough. Right?!

Even to me it sounded a bit fishy, but I have always been selfish, and I have never wanted to admit when I was wrong. So I constantly stated that I hated him. After all, how could a love be this twisted feeling in my gut, when it supposes to be selfless and clean?

He started to push inside me with more power and I couldn't keep my mouth closed regardless of how much I tried. It started to hurt a bit more, but to me pain was something normal, something that I didn't think about. It was perfectly mixed with the pleasure. Shizuo fucking me this hard was the most intensive feeling that I have ever felt.

More, Shizu-chan, more - I wanted to say, but all that left my mouth was a scream.

Then, he trusted again; another scream. My body lost its control, and all I could think about was the intensity with which he fucked me.

I didn't need to look in order to know how much hard I was, as hardness was just a term. I felt him, inside my ass, on my body, in my eyes, ears, everywhere. He was within my very own soul.

I was getting close again. The bubble inside my chest already started to grow. This time, it was way bigger than ever before. I wasn't sure what would happen if it exploded. But then, something changed. I could see the horror on Shizu-chan's face, as he stood still. He slowly pulled out from me, and didn't say a word, just started to cry.

The big tears were leaking on his cheeks into his moth, his neck; everywhere. It was a silent cry, the one brought by so much pain that it could not be controlled. So, I confusingly looked at him, and followed his look. Then, I saw it; there were blood everywhere; on his dick, on my legs, on his couch. Shit. I didn't even felt it; I didn't even know when it happened.

"Shizu-chan" I started to call for him, but he didn't even move; didn't even blink. He was just silent like same statue.

"Shizu-chan" I tried again. Nothing; the same as before. He looked like he was in some kind of trance.

"Shizu-chan, look at me...Hey, Shizu-chan, look at me... It's ok; just look at me...Please..." He still didn't move.

I started to panic as I really didn't know what to do. Then, I slapped him across his face. He still didn't move anything but his eyes that were now looking directly at my own.

I didn't break the eye contact as I pushed him effortlessly on his back. I set on his lap and took his bloody dick in my hand and put it back inside me. I was now sitting on him. I started to go up and down, at first gently, but soon the bubble returned and I couldn't really control my self. So I fucked my self faster on his dick. He still didn't move, just kept staring into my eyes... Fuck it. My voice was on a thin line between whispering and shouting.

"You fucking monster, I love you. Are you happy now? Is that what you wanted to hear? I love you more than anything in my life. I cannot live without you. I want you. For fuck sake, I need you, just move, I fucking want you. I don't care about anything else. Just, please, be ok..." I breathed hard and tears were forming in my eyes... The barriers, the masks; everything broke, and finally we were just two naked souls who searched for happiness, meaning, and love in each other.

He started to move again, but this time it was slow and gentle.

"You love me?"

"Yes", I responded.

"Say it again, please."

"I love you."

He smiled and started to push inside me still slowly but with a bit more force, and I pushed against him at the same time. I knew it was the truth as soon as it left my mouth. And now, when I have already I said it once, I couldn't stop my self. I needed to say it to him again.

With the every push I said a word. "I" – thrust; "love" - thrust; "you" – thrust; and again. I repeated everything, again, and again, until his breathing was so strong that he started to growl. Than, I began to bounce on his dick, and I almost started to should. "I love you. I love you. I lovee you!" And with that I came across his chest. At the same time, I felt him shooting inside me. God, he was filling me in.

I didn't want to move, and neither did he, as he just pushed my body more towards him, and I was now lying on his chest with his hands around me. He still didn't stop crying. However, the truth was finally out. I loved him, and he loved me. It was all that mattered, at least to us. After all, Shizuo and I were just two monsters feeling some twisted, needy, and dark emotion that was named love.