Marinette landed in a crouch atop the rooftop, blue eyes scanning the surroundings.

Damn, she thought, glancing around once more before rising from her crouch. Behind her, Cat Noir landed in a whirl of black leather and limbs before bouncing to his feet.

"Anything, Milady?" asked Cat Noir.

"Nothing," replied Marinette. "Foxfire's escaped again."

Cat Noir let out a deep rumbling growl. Marinette fully agreed with the sentiment. While Foxfire's teleportation power seemed to be limited to line-of-sight only, her ability to teleport several times in rapid succession made her almost impossibly fast when trying to disengage. And worse, she seemed able to convince Hawkmoth that just because she was running away at the moment didn't mean she didn't ultimately intend to get him the Miraculouses he wanted. Marinette supposed it was lucky that Foxfire had surfaced on a Saturday, as otherwise she'd have already missed an entire day of school. As it was, she'd missed lunch and was on a fair road to missing dinner as well.

There was a long pause, then Marinette flicked open her yo-yo and started scrolling through news sites, looking to see if the akuma had been spotted anywhere.

"So..." asked Cat Noir after a few minutes had passed with no news of the akuma, "Assuming we manage to capture the akuma sometime soonish, would you be interested in joining me for a movie later? Or dinner, or both?"

Marinette sighed. She was in no mood for his antics, not after spending hours chasing the akuma all over Paris. "Look, mon chaton, you're very cute, but it's never going to happen."

"And why not?" demanded Cat Noir. "Why is it so im-paw-sible for you to ever fall for me?"

Marinette winced. She knew this was going to hurt her partner, but she had to say it sooner or later. "Because," she said, trying for a gentle tone, "there's already someone else."

Sure enough, Cat looked like he'd been punched. "Who?" he breathed.

Marinette bit her lip, briefly thinking. It wasn't as though revealing her crush would give away her identity. Half the teenage girls in Paris had crushes on Adrien Agreste. And if she didn't give Cat Noir a name, he would probably assume she was lying and only redouble his efforts.

"Adrien Agreste," she said out loud.

Adrien was stunned. When he'd heard his Lady say she was dating someone else, his query after the other's identity had been mere reflex, a gasp of pain from a breaking heart. He hadn't expected Ladybug to actually answer, and he doubly hadn't expected her to lie to him.

But there was no way around it. He was Adrien Agreste, and he knew perfectly well that despite all his best efforts he was not dating Ladybug. In fact, he wasn't dating anyone, so Ladybug couldn't even mean that she was dating him in her civilian identity.

She had lied to him. Ladybug had lied to him.

Why? What possible reason could she have for lying? If she really was dating someone, and she was afraid that revealing the other's identity would reveal hers, all she had to do was say so. And if there was some other reason why she was always turning down his advances, surely she could at least tell him the truth.

An idea flashed across his mind. Turnabout is fair play. If she's lying to me, then I get to lie to her. And maybe this will get her attention.

"Well, I suppose it's good to know that I'm not the only one with a very special somebody," he said, pasting his best fake smirk on.

Ladybug blinked. "Really? You have a girlfriend?"

"Just because you don't appreciate my charms doesn't mean that everyone else doesn't, Bugaboo," he said with an overly-elaborate bow.

"That's not what I meant!" retorted Ladybug. "What girl would be alright with dating someone who's constantly flirting with another girl?"

Adrien tried for a chuckle. "Oh, she knows it's just teasing."

Ladybug let out a laugh of her own. "Alright, who is the lucky lady? Maybe I should send her some chocolates or something, let her know she has nothing to fear from me."

Adrien had realized that Ladybug was likely to ask that question, but even a few moments' advance warning isn't a lot. He blurted out the first name that came to mind. "Marinette Dupain-Cheng!"

What.

Marinette couldn't believe her ears. Cat Noir was supposed to be dating her? Cat Noir was supposed to be dating her? Had he somehow figured out her true identity? What was going on?

"Marinette Dupain-Cheng?" she sputtered.

"Yeah, Marinette. You remember her, the girl you had me protecting from Evillustrator ?"

"But-"

Before she could respond, or even figure out what she wanted to say, she was interrupted by a simultaneous chime from her opened yo-yo and Cat Noir's staff. She glanced down at her yo-yo, then she snapped it shut and looked back up at Cat Noir.

"Foxfire's been spotted. The Asian restaurant on Ave Dupain, between 12th and 13th." Even as she spoke, her yo-yo leapt forth from her hand to wrap around a streetlight, and she leapt from the building in the now-familiar looping arcs of yo-yo travel. Cat Noir was right on her heels, bounding from building to building.

Hours later

Marinette dived in through her balcony door, and landed sprawled on her bed.

"Ugh," she groaned into her pillow. "Tikki, spots off." As the energy of her transformation left her, she almost passed out. Even in Ladybug form, she'd been exhausted. Without the magic to boost her, she was about ready to fall asleep on the spot -

"Marinette! Marinette!"

- If it wasn't for Tikki chirping in her ear like that.

"What?" she said. But before Tikki could respond, Marinette heard her balcony door start to open, and Tikki disappeared under her pillow. Rolling over, Marinette saw a familiar figure framed against the night sky.

"Cat Noir?" she asked.

"Hey, Princess," he replied. "So… I kinda need your help with something."

"Uh," said Marinette, scrambling for words even as she scrambled up into a sitting position. Remember, you're Marinette! Marinette doesn't know Cat Noir, doesn't fight alongside him, doesn't save Paris. Marinette runs and hides when akumas show up. "Wh-what could you possibly need my help with?" she managed to get out. She was pretty sure that she already knew what Cat Noir was going to ask her, but hopefully if she made it harder for him to ask, it would buy her a moment or two to figure out what to say in response.

Cat Noir sighed. "Mind if I come in? This is a bit of a long story."

"Ok," she said. Cat Noir flipped in and landed on her bed, settling into a cross-legged seat.

"So," he began, "I'm not sure if you know this, but I, well, like Ladybug. A lot. So earlier today, I asked her out for dinner, and she said she already had a boyfriend."

"What?" Marinette asked, before biting her lip in terror. You weren't there, stupid! she thought. You don't know that you didn't say that. Don't give the game away now.

"Oh, no, that's not the interesting part," said Cat Noir with an odd grin. "The interesting part was that she was lying."

"What!?" Marinette couldn't hold it in. "How could you possibly know that?"

"Because," said Cat Noir, "When I asked Ladybug who she was dating, she said it was me. And I know I'm not dating Ladybug, so…"

"Wait, what?" said Marinette. "Ladybug said she was dating… you?"

"Not me me, the other me!" said Cat Noir. "When I asked Ladybug for her boyfriend's name, the name she gave was my civilian identity!"

Marinette knew Cat Noir was still talking, but she had no idea what he was saying. All her brain was focused on processing what Cat Noir had just said.

When Cat Noir asked me who I was dating, because he apparently thought I'd said I was dating someone, the name I gave was his civilian identity. But the name I gave was Adrien Agreste. Which means…

Cat Noir is Adrien Agreste.

It was like a bomb going off inside her brain. Suddenly fact after fact seemed to fall into place. The identical builds, identical hair colors. Identical voices. How Adrien always seemed to vanish right when Cat Noir was about to show up.

How did I not see this before?

"… So will you do it?" said Cat Noir.

"Uh, yeah, sure?" she said hazily.

Cat Noir – Adrien – broke out in a huge smile. "Thanks! I promise I'll be the best fake boyfriend you never had."

Oops.

Cat Noir let out a laugh. "So, how do you want to go about convincing Ladybug we're dating?"

"Uh…" Marinette replied, "don't you have any ideas?"

"Not really," admitted Cat- Adrien. He looked so sheepish that Ladybug wanted to tackle him to the bed and kiss him. Not that she would do it, but she wanted to.

"I can't just appear on the Ladyblog and announce that we're dating," said Adrien. "Nobody'd believe me. I guess maybe I could just show up at the bakery sometime tomorrow with flowers or something. That way your parents would see me and start the gossip chain, but there shouldn't be any Ladybloggers with cameraphones to make it part of the permanent record."

"No!" squeaked Marinette. Then she took a deep breath. "Sorry, but no. I don't want my parents to be the first witnesses to this. They're the last people I want thinking I'm dating you."

"Me-ouch," said Cat Noir. "Restrictive parents?"

"Worse," said Marinette. "Supportive parents."

Cat Noir blinked. "How is that worse?"

"Ok, imagine you're kissing Ladybug," said Marinette.

"Ok…" replied Cat Noir, a dreamy expression on his face.

"Now imagine your dad popping up out of nowhere to offer you cookies and comment on how cute the two of you are."

Marinette barely managed to keep from bursting into laughter at the comical expression on Adrien's face. He nodded a couple of times. "Yeah, yeah, I get the picture. Ok, home visits are out. Uh… what about a dinner date?"

Say yes, Say yes, Say yes! screamed one part of Marinette's psyche, in a voice that sounded suspiciously like Alya. The boy you have been drooling over for the past year has just asked you out on a date. For the love of God, say yes!

No, no, no! insisted a second mental voice. This one sounded like Tikki. You cannot seriously be thinking of going ahead with this fake dating plan. There are so many ways this could go wrong. Just imagine what Alya would be like if she caught wind of Cat Noir and you dating.

"Maybe…" is what she actually said.

"Yeah, maybe…" replied Cat Noir. Then he gave a truly evil smirk. "Ooh, I've got an idea. You doing anything tomorrow night?"

"Um… no?" replied Marinette.

"Purr-fect," Cat Noir purred.

"What do you have in mind?" she asked warily.

Cat Noir grinned like –

Oh God, am I seriously going to think that?

-like the cat who got the cream.

I thought that. I seriously thought that.

"Oh no, Purr-incess," said Cat Noir. "This is going to be a su-purr-ise." And with that, he leapt backwards off the bed, and somehow managed to grab the balcony ladder in mid-flight.

"See you tomorrow, Princess," he said, before disappearing up through the balcony door.

"See you tomorrow," Marinette echoed.

There was a long moment of silence, then Marinette took a deep breath. "Oh. My. God."

"Yes?" chirped Tikki, popping out from under the pillow.

"Cat Noir is Adrien Agreste."

"Oh, so you did figure it out," said Tikki. "Nothing to be done about that now, I suppose."

"And Cat Noir has a crush on Ladybug."

"Yes," said Tikki.

"And I'm Ladybug."

"Yes?" said Tikki again, clearly wondering where this was going.

"Which means that… Adrien has a crush on me! Ohmygod, Adrien has a crush on me! And we're going to go on a date tomorrow, and then we'll kiss, and-"

"Aren't you forgetting something?" said Tikki. "Adrien doesn't know he has a crush on you, remember? He's just pretending to date you in order to get Ladybug jealous so she'll fall in love with him."

"Oh. Right," said Marinette.

For a moment, despair seemed to overtake her. But then, something deep down inside her shifted. Marinette knew she wouldn't have the nerve to do what she was proposing to do if it had been just Adrien taking her out. But it wasn't just Adrien. Adrien was Cat Noir.

And I can handle Cat Noir.

"Tikki," she said. "You're tagging along on this date with me. And if everything goes right, Kitty-cat is going to get a 'su-purr-ise' of his own."