Oh boy, it feels quite risky on putting this fic on this site. Seriously I'm sweating right now.Well, the inspiration for this story came from a real-life couple that I'm personally acquainted with. It based on their story and I just had the honour of fucking it up with Seth Rogen's humour.

Disclaimer: I do not own Blazblue, Naruto, WWE, Batman and The Incredible Hulk. All rights belong to their respective owners.

At The Airport

Noel was reading horoscope from some fashion magazine. Reading such things would help her to wait. 'He' always called her passive-impulsive person. Sure, she wasn't a fan of waiting that bit was true. But she wasn't quite sure that there was such term as 'passive-aggressive' in the dictionary. 'He' always had a knack for creating new words.

However, speaking of horoscope even in this magazine her love compatibility with Aquarius didn't look much promising. Words like 'lack of spontaneity', "domineering streak', 'lack of emotional connection', "conflicting values" and etc only reinforced her doubt regarding the long-term viability of their relationship. It was ironic that she was about to be married to a perfectly incompatible partner like him. Her compatibility with Pisces (Ragna) and Capricorn (Kagura) looked much better on the other hand.

Noel then peeked at the Flight Information Display System (TV screens that display arrivals and departures flight information in real-time) and much to her relief 'his' plane had just arrived from England.

After waiting for seven minutes or so a slender young man of average height carrying a roll along was moving towards Noel. He had a short, blonde hair and when he came at a close proximity Noel observed that he had two set of green eyes that were quite similar to her's. He wore a blue dress shirt that was unbuttoned, with a black t-shirt inside and a plain blue jeans and brown snickers.

Noel smirked at him as she knew who he was: "Jin!" She hugged him. After they broke off the hug the blonde man asked: "Is that a bouquet?" As he pointed his fingers at the collection of flowers on Noel's arm.

"Yes. I wanted us to take pictures here. You know. You've finally came back to Kagutsuchi after such a long time. Bouquet would make this occasion even more memorable."

"Ummmmm...Jin...you must've aeroplane ears...this would help...I hope..." As Noel takes out gum stick, that had a picture of a panda on its cover.

"Hopefully it does." As Jin takes fourteen out of fifteen gum sticks from the pack.

"Huh! Why did you take all of the gums? I meant one or two, not all fourteen?" Noel was incensed as those gum sticks were rare and it had to be bought from shops specializing in imported goods. 'Yum Gums' weren't popular that much popular to begin with, but it had a symbol of 'Udo The Panda' as its mascot on its cover. Yum Gum's brand was of immense importance to Noel on an emotional level at least as she was a notorious Panda-phile. Consult Ms Litchi Fayeling for further information.

"Jeez Noel! I left you one, didn't I? Besides I'm doing you a favour." Jin said he chewed all fourteen of the gums together. Noel had no clue, what kind of human being is capable enough to eat all those fourteen gum stick at the same time.

"Favour? What kind of favour?"

"You see...your grandma suffered from diabetes...I don't want the same thing to happen to you as well..."

"For starters it was my great grandma...not my living grandmother and also I'm adopted. There is a fine difference between the two Jin. And secondly both of your parents are suffering from Type 2 Diabetes...so you're not really doing me a favour here..."

"I'm willing to be a love martyr for your cause Noel. I'm the guy who takes a bullet for the hero on war movies...Besides who says that lighting doesn't strike twice. So you should be careful of Diabetes... because statistics says so."

"Don't make things up Jin. This has nothing to do with statistics."

"You shure? Cause your great grandma was also named Noel. And she also had diabetes. And according to the Laws of Probability, you're going to get Diabetes if you're not careful. Lucky for you I'm here to save the day."

"Laws of Probability? At least you could've come up with a better name. I know what's going on. You're trying to make me so much angry that I would turn into Tsundere so that I could finally cuss. But you know what? It won't work."

"Wow! Your creativity for coming up with the weirdest of Twilight Zone fanfics is boundless."

"Don't deny it. You know what I'm talking about." Noel hissed.

~Flashback Lausanne, Switzerland~

Both Noel and Jin were enjoying the clean air of Swiss Alps while wrapping arms around each other.

"So how did it go between you and daddy?"

"Well our man-to-man talk didn't go that much well."

"Really what happened?"

"Well, he threatened me to stay away from you. He said I was a bad influence on you."

"Then what did you say?"

"And I said like hell I would give a shit about your threats Oldboy. That shit wouldn't be any ordinary shit Edgar no sire. That would be more like a cocktail of dog shit, kangaroo shit and grizzly bear shit all gloriously combined together. That shit cocktail would be the ultimate all you can eat buffets for all the disgusting insects around the world damn it!..."

"Ewwwwwwwwwww Jin! Don't make disgusting jokes. I was almost about to throw up." Noel shook her head to eject the nightmarish images from her brain: "I now know why daddy disapproves of you."

"Seriously, like fucking why?"

"Your knack for using, profane language, just like you did now."

"Maybe you're not wrong. After my banter, your father was so red that I could've sworn that psycho was reaching for his gun. Thank God you're hot mom came just in time."

"Hot mom? You just didn't say that Jin did you?"

"I was only joking Noel. So your old man hates cussing huh?"

"Yes."

"Why would that be?" Jin looked at Noel's face closely.

"Because he thinks that people who cuss are bound to go to hell. Plus we Mennonites aren't not allowed to use profane languages." Noel avoided at making eye contact with Jin.

"Interesting, I always wondered why you never cussed. Is it because that you also believed that every cusser would be condemned to hell because of their bad habit?"

"Jin what I believe in isn't important."

"It's important for me Noel. Do you believe that I would also be condemned to hell because of my foul language?"

Noel stared down as she tried to avoid making eye contact with Jin. The blonde man then smirked: "Oh you think I would. Don't worry all of the adult video stars, actresses, female singers, bimbos and prostitutes would be there to accompany me. You know it would be like my personal harem. Who wants to go heaven anyways ogle at those old, hairy nuns. Not me that's for sure."

"Jin that's enough!"

"Seriously Noel I love you. I would be pretty lonely in hell without you. Why don't say the magic word? Then both of us will be together forever. It doesn't matter if good ol Mr Satan would be barbecuing our ass with red, hot coal for eternity. But as long as we're together nothing else matters."

"Jin stop it!" Noel looked at the blonde in a threatening manner.

"Seriously Noel I would be forced to cheat with Makoto if I ended up in hell in alone. This is really a limited time offer."

"Keep that limited time offer to yourself. Because I know you're coercing me to swear. But it won't work. I've been raised as a good Christian for as long as I can remember. So if you that think you could corrupt me with your futile effort then you have another thing coming mister and guet nacht!(good night in Swiss)" Noel stamped her heels as she trotted back to her house.

Jin then smirked: "Playing hard to get heh? I love a good challenge. Someday I'm goanna make you cuss."

By this point in time, both Noel and Jin were practically married and she was talking to her husband on her mobile phone: "So how's the work going?"

"To tell ya the truth I'm not at work right now. Mr. Clover allowed me an early leave just for today since it's my birthday. I hope you prepared a huge surprise for me."

"I'm sorry Jin I didn't know..."

"The hell? How selfish can you be? Today is my special day and you forgot about that? Blasphemy I tell you. Blasphemy! My birthday is about love, alcohol and sex. You should've cared woman. Pretty sure you're goanna get coal from Santa for your next Christmas."

"I...I...I'm really sorry Jin...I didn't know you... were..." Noel was on the verge of crying.

"Hey, hey, Noel don't cry. I was only joking. My real intention was only to make swear not to break your heart on Valentine's Day. That would be ironic if that happened."

"WHAT?"

"Say the D word."

After a considerable pause, Noel finally says it: "Darn you Jin."

"Oh God, you're really PG with your insults. But it doesn't matter. I've got a big surprise for you."

"Really?"

"I brought cheesecake slices for both of us from Waldorf-Astoria."

"REALLY?"

"Affirmative. You know it's strange that I'm actually surprising you on my own birthday. Shouldn't this be other way around? But I like it this way. I'm the first guy who surprises other people on my birthday."

"Yeah, I suppose so."

~Two Hours Later~

"Ya know." As Jin eat a spoonful his cake slice: "If I had my first heartbreak on Valentine's Day and if I ate this expensive yet not so delicious cake at that moment. I would forget all about my heartbreak and would rather brood on why I bought this travesty of a desert in a first place. It's a perfect remedy for heartache. A remedy that cost a lot of money, but still it's worth the treatment."

"Come on Jin! It's not that much bad. It's quite good on the contrary."

"Well, the only reason you're enjoying this expensive dessert is that you're a bona fide high maintenance girl. But good thing is that you're my kind of high maintenance girl. You might hurt my wallet but in the end, you allow me to tap that juicy ass yours and allow me to shoot some milk cream on your face."

"Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! You disgusting pervert. Ouch!" Jin immediately slapped Noel ass.

"Don't do that. That's harassment." Noel protested.

"What do you mean?"

"You've been touching me inappropriately, sniffing my hair in an indecent manner, calling me by inappropriate names, making perverted jokes and..." Noel had tears in her eyes: "making fun of my boobs...Those are top five worst things that any man can do to a woman according to Gloria Steyn."

"I'm pretty sure that I could come up with the sixth worst thing by the end of this year. Consider the sixth thing as my new year's present." Jin then observes the menacing look in Noel's eyes: "Oh I love that look in your eyes. How about a F You word Noel?"

"Jin you clearly don't get what sexual harassment is?"

"I know sexual harassment is. But how is it relevant to our discussion?"

"It has everything to do with it. Everything you've done to me including those top five worse things are all part of sexual harassment."

"Noel, those weren't sexual harassment."

"Those were."

"No, they weren't. Do you want to know why?

"Why?"

"Marriage."

"Marriage?" Noel was almost choked her own breath.

"Yes, marriage. Lord Odin practically legalized sexual harassment with the institution of marriage. It's very similar to legalizing weeds by those old fuckers running the NOL office."

"Jin I know what you're trying to do. You're making all of these horrible jokes just so I could swear? You've even blasphemously joked about Lord Odin. What kind of sick satisfaction do you get from doing all that?"

"It's not me, It's you Noel. You need to cuss. By not cussing you're like a caged bird. You need to be free and only I can give you that freedom. I'm your destined saviour."

Noel immediately got up from her table: "That's enough Jin. Since the day I've told you about my reason for not cussing. You're trying your best to undermine my faith. But it won't work. It will never work. We're not going to discuss this Jin and guet nacht (good night)." Before going to bed she put the remainder of her cheesecake in the fridge, as she intended to finish her dessert tomorrow. She might not have the bust but she was proud of her slim figure and she wanted to maintain it that way for the foreseeable future.

~The Next Night~

Noel who worked as a nurse returned to her house after a long day at the office. Today was especially demanding as she had to endure the rude behaviour of the families of various patients. Some of them even threatened to kill the doctor if he didn't save their kin. Thankfully it didn't come to that. But still she was stressed out and the only thing that could brighten her mood was a nice, creamy, cheesecake that she saved from yesterday.

When she entered the kitchen her mood immediately turned foul on finding out that Jin was already finish eating the cheesecake for her: "What're you doing?"

"I'm eating a cheesecake."

"I know what you're eating. But why are you eating it?"

"Is there a problem with that?"

"Of course there's a problem Jin! You did that on purpose, just so that I could swear. But it won't..." Noel slammed her left fist on the table: "WOOOOORRK!"

"Nope, I didn't do that on purpose. I was just hungry. But, it seems like eating your favourite food is the best way of pushing your buttons. I should just write that down in my journal."

"Don't you dare Jin or I would..."

"Or you're gonna do what? Do exactly what I wanted all along?" Jin grinned.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Screamed the Inner Sakura inside the young Vermillion. But on the outside, Noel pretended to remain calm. Noel didn't really know whether she had Inner Sakura until today that is and that was in no small part thanks to Jin who had awakened dark beast inside of her. She feared that next time when Jin would eat her favourite dessert she wouldn't be able to control her mouth.

~Location: Home Time: 3:25 Am in the Morning~

Noel had trouble sleeping tonight as she was being disturbed by the munching sounds.

CHOMP!

CHOMP!

Although she had not seen the mysterious eater, but her educated guess would point fingers on Jin. He was called 'The Gluttonous Kisaragi' for a reason.

CHOMP!

CHOMP!

Noel squirmed as the sound of munching became unbearable.

CHOMP!

CRUNCH!

"WOULD YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Noel immediately muffled her mouth with both of her hands. She was in a state of disbelief now as she cussed with her own mouth.

But then she realized that she never cussed. Not with her mouth anyway. It was actually her Inner Sakura that screamed 'Shut the Fuck Up' inside her brain. But still, she was unnerved that even her Inner Sakura had started to swear. Noel decided that she needed to control her Inner Sakura's before it's too late.

Anyways, Noel found out that it wasn't Jin who was making those munching sound as he was fast asleep. This new discovery only mortified Noel. What kind of sicko would go so far as disturbing someone's sleep by crunching snacks near their ears?

"CRUNCH!"

"CHOMP!"

There it was again. Noel turned her head towards the direction where that noise came from and realized it was: "JIN?" This didn't make much sense. Wasn't Jin fast asleep a few moments ago? Or was he pretending to sleep?

Noel observed him closely. She found out that Jin was eating cashew nuts from a jar that was conveniently placed on a nightstand near his side of the bed. Well, the ridiculous part of the whole ordeal was that his eyes were still closed as if he was sleeping.

"CHOMP!"

"CHOMP!"

How could one sleep while eating at the same time? She had heard of sleepwalking. She had even heard of sleeptalking. But sleep eating? Never. This was officially the third ridiculous thing one do while sleeping. Noel had a flying suspicion that Jin was the only one with this ridiculous habit.

"THAT SON OF A BITCH! LET'S KICK HIS ASS CHA!" As Inner Sakura performed punching pose.

"You better control that mouth of yours young lady." Noel whispered to herself. Although she feared that Jin would continue disturbing her sleep. But she had a neat idea on how to stop him.

"CRUNCH!"

"CHOMP!"

As Jin tried to eat another fistful of cashew nuts, Noel suddenly grabs the jar from the nightstand. Jin slowly opens his eyes as he first looks at the nightstand where the jar was and then at Noel who was holding the jar: "Hey Noel." He greeted wearily.

"Hey, Jinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn." Noel said as sweetly as she could muster while gritting her teeth. She was even tempted to smash that jar on his face. Suddenly, Jin went back to sleep without Noel ever touching him.

"zzzZZZ !"

"zzzZZZ !"

Which made the Inner Sakura inside Noel scream at her failure: "WHAT THE FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCK?"

The very next morning Noel was sleeping peacefully until her nose caught a horrendous stench: "Phew! I can't stand this smell?" Noel pinched her nose.

"Whaa...at smell?" Jin replied wearily as he got up from the bed where Noel was panicking right now.

On spotting brownish semi-solid substance on Jin's shirt, Noel shrieked in horror: "Ja..ja...Jii...Jii..n...There's excrement on you..r sh...shi...shir...t...!"

"Excrement? You mean shit?" Jin then looks at the brownish stain on his shirt: "OH MY GOD! THERE IS A SHIT ON MY SHIRT & IT SMELLS HORRIBLE!" Jin screamed in horror.

"STOPPPPPPPP SWEARING!" Noel panicked.

Jin then started to sniff his own shirt: "Sniff! Sniff! This smells awfully familiar. Hey, Noel would you be a dear tell me what this smells like?"

Noel quickly jumped away from the bed: "JIIIIIIIIIIN! THAT'S DISGUSTING. YOU DON'T FORCE YOUR WIFE TO SMELL YOUR OWN EXCREMENT."

"Excrement? For God sake Noel it's called shit. You're sounding more like your grandma. Not even your mother calls shit as excrement."

"PLEASE JIN! THROW IT AWAY! BURN IT!"

"In a minute." Jin then inspects the brownish stain again: "This looks awfully familiar too. I do have a suspicion what that's."

"FOR GOD SAKE! IT'S EXCREMENT!"

Jin then rubs his index finger on the brownish substance as he tastes it: "SLURP! Hmmmmmm, tasty."

"Oh God!" As Noel covers her mouth: "I think I'm about to...puke..." She was now fully convinced that Jin had lost his mind. She was even thinking of committing him to the Arkham Asylum; a famous mental institution for the criminally insane. A normal mental institution for normal madmen wasn't enough for Jin. What her husband did was so evilly-disgusting that only an evil psychopath would do that to their loved ones in the first place.

"At ease darling, it's only a chocolate."

"It's a what now?" Noel gasped.

"It's a chocolate. I think it's Hershey's if I'm not wrong."

"I'm totally confused now."

"I'm more than happy to explain. You see, I couldn't last sleep last night. I tried everything. Counting sheeps, studying boring subjects like calculus, and I even tried to punch myself."

"You studied Calculus?" Noel was shocked now as he studied a difficult subject like Calculus just to help him sleep. "And why would you even punch yourself in the first place?"

"I know it sounds strange to you. But sometimes it's quite effective. You just have to punch yourself really hard. You know like a knockout sort of punch. The kind where you don't get up after the ten count. It would then, result in a long peaceful sleep, though it's quite painful in the morning."

"OF COURSE IT'S PAINFUL! PUNCHING YOURSELF IN THE FACE! I'M NOT EVEN SURE WHETHER YOU'RE JOKING RIGHT NOW OR TELLING THE TRUTH?"

"Don't think too much Noel, anyways when that didn't work. I decided to eat something as I was feeling quite hungry. So I went to the fridge took out my favourite Hershey's chocolate bar and ate half of it. I was feeling quite drowsy after that. And I could've sworn that I slept on the kitchen's floor. But as it turns out I sleepwalk my way back to the bed. The half of chocolate I didn't eat must've melted on my shirt."

"If it's chocolate, then why does it smell so horribly like excrement?"

"You mean why it smells like shit? Well, that's because Hershey chocolate contains butyric acid. It's the stuff that makes it smells like puke or a cheddar cheese. Now that I think about it you're not wrong about Hershey's chocolate smelling like shit. When you eat a cheddar cheese and when you poop on a toilet afterwards. That poop would still smell like cheddar cheese..."

"Oh God! Stop talking! My brain is full of disgusting images now." Noel tightly pressed both of her palms on her head.

"You're making such a cute face right now." Jin commented after observing the look of shock on Noel's face.

Jin immediately hugged his wife. But after sniffing the horrible smell of Hershey's chocolate on her husband shirt, Noel temporarily went into a catatonic state. Though Noel was conscious her body stopped moving altogether.

"You know. You're my most favourite waifu of all time. No 2D girls could compete with your cuteness. You're the perfect combination of sexy and cute."

Noel didn't respond as she was in a state of stupor. But her Inner Sakura was screaming in agony: "SOMEBODY SAVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I'M DYING! I'M DYING FROM THIS HORRIBLE SMELL! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" As Noel's Inner Sakura drowned in the smelly cesspool of Hershey Chocolate syrup.

A/N: And that's it. Noel's Inner Sakura getting drowned in a cesspool; horrible fate I tell you but quite funny at the same time.

Yup, it's a fact Jack, that Hershey's Chocolate does smell like a puke or cheddar cheese. There's even an article on Daily Mail covering this topic.

Jin's acting a bit OOC I know. Jin's personality in this story is based on one of my OCs Jakub. Jakub is my go-to guy for creating humour and chaos in any story. Since he's not here; Jin has taken on the mantle of Master of Jest.

Finally, I intended to write this story for Chrismas but damn I couldn't complete it on time. Joyeux Noel means Merry Christmas in French. The second chapter would basically the end of this story so stay tuned. This was howlin blood typing over and out.