HI I'M BACK FROM HELL. Just got over track practice, homework, tests, and strep throat :)

Yeah, so I tried to write a couple other of the prompts in the reviews, but I ended up not liking how they turned out (but I'll work on them). This, on the other hand, I was semi-content with, even though I literally wrote this in the two hours of spare time that I had. But it's fine.

It's fine, guys (im dying inside sos send help)

Prompt: Sex Ed (kinda)

Setting: Some time after El closed the gate. Maybe a month or two after the Snow Ball? Winter-ish springtime (ppl from Illinois/Indiana might know what I'm talkin about)

Song: Girl, You'll Be A Woman Soon - Neil Diamond

Rated: PG 13

"Calm down, kid. It's alright…"

The feeling of panic surged throughout her body. And the image of her blood-stained underwear was still quite fresh inside her memory; blood, blood, blood everywhere. Hopper grabbed her small, trembling hands, gently, as the fresh tears made their way down her cheeks.

"Deep breaths, okay? In and out. Yeah, that's good, keep going. In and out. There we go…"

She's bled before. On numerous occasions. Out of her nose, out of her ears… One time, a little bit out of her eyes. It was normal to bleed. It told her that she was… working. Her body was working correctly. She was healthy. Everything was normal.

When El saved her friends, she bled.

When El tripped on a tree root, she bled.

Bleeding was a normal thing. It was all cause and effect. Use the powers, bleed. Scrape your knee, bleed.

But now? Something was different. Something was wrong. Nothing happened, there was no cause. No powers, no scraped knees. No saving friends, no tripping over trees. It came on, without any warning, out of the blue. Someone was trying to hurt her, and she didn't know why (or how) they were doing it. But someone, somewhere, wanted her to bleed, to feel the sharp pain pierce through her stomach as she tossed and turned all night. Someone wanted her to wake up in the morning, and bleed to death.

"Hop… Hopper… I- I'm-"

She choked on her words, again, letting out another struggled sob, but didn't really know why. It wasn't sad, what was going on. There was no reason to cry. The situation was actually more terrifying, if anything. She was dying. Bleeding out. Someone was out to get her. And if they want her, they'll probably want Will, too. And Dustin. And Hopper. And Joyce.

And Mike.

Yes, she should be afraid. Very afraid. Or ready, ready to try and fight off this thing. She should be strong, she should be El.

Yet, somehow, here she was, bawling into Hopper's shoulder as he carried her into the kitchen.

"Shhh…" His bear-like hand rubbed soothing circles down her back. She mumbled something in response. Something between a cry and a whimper; her tears and boogers, and everything else that came along with a teenage meltdown, now soaking through the front of his shirt.

But, in all honesty, he didn't give a damn. Screw the shirt.

"Did it happen in the bathroom?"

"Mmph?"

Hopper set her down onto the kitchen table, gingerly, "The bleeding, Ellie. Did you see it in the bathroom?"

El wiped her nose with the sleeve of her (Mike's) sweatshirt, slowly bobbing her head in confirmation.

He smiled slightly (Why is he smiling, I'm bleeding to death?), crouching down to level his eyes with her own, "Alright, kid… It's… You're not dying, okay? You're just fine…"

"But- But the blood… And it's not out of my nose, or- Or… And I didn't fall, or hurt myself, and- And I didn't see anyone…"

He took her hands again, "Hey…"

"What?"

"It's okay. Nobody hurt you. This is all… normal… for- How old are you, again? Thirteen?"

She gave him another weak nod.

"Yeah… It's, uh… It's okay. Just- Just, put on some… clean underwear." Hopper scratched the back of his neck, "And, uh… We'll talk. Once I get back from the store to pick up some stuff for you. Okay?"

Okay. "Okay."

"Okay, good."

"So, my… vagina… bleeds… So I can have babies?"

"Pretty much, yeah… It means you're turning into a woman, or somethin'." The corners of his mouth pulling up into a slight smile as he took another bite out of their Triple-Decker Eggo Extravaganza.

"I'm a woman." El declared softly, her eyes finally lighting up for the first time that morning.

"Yeah."

"And I can have babies!"

He felt his face burn, changing from the usual, pale color into an intense, dark shade (probably comparable to a fire-truck) when he abruptly choked on his toaster-waffle, "Well, yeah. You can, technically. But, not until you're married."

"When?"

"When someone asks you to marry them." He shrugged his shoulders, "When you're old enough to make your own, adult decisions."

Eleven grinned, "Then, me and Mike are going to get married."

"Okay, kid."

"And we're going to have babies, too!"

How hard is it to swallow a waffle in peace? "That's- That's great kid. When you're married."

"When we're married." She repeated, digging into their breakfast with her fork.

Okay, that didn't seem too difficult. Way to go, Hop. A+ Parenting. Hopper let out a long, relieved sigh as they continued with their meal, silently, no more questions. No more red faces. No more explaining the female body, and periods, and puberty, and mood swings. It was kind of funny, actually. For a second there, he almost thought she was going to ask about-

"How do you have babies?"

Yeah. There it was. Fantastic.

Jim set his fork down, taking his time as he wiped his mouth with a napkin. He scratched at the scruff of his beard, "Well, uh… You have… Sex…"

"Oh…" She frowned. The boys had explained to her what sex was (much to Mike's protest), a couple of weeks after they'd reunited. Something about sticking the… Pennis? Peenis? Penis? Yeah, it's penis. Something about sticking that into a vagina. They were pretty excited about it too, for some reason. A reason unknown to El.

It really didn't seem that exciting.

"Oh?" He cocked an eyebrow, "What, aren't you gonna ask me another big question?"

"I am?"

"Y'know, 'What's sex, Hopper?'"

"Oh. No, that's okay, I already know about sex."

Hopper could've sworn he heard something snap in his brain as his eyes almost rolled out of their sockets.

"Y-you do?"

"Yeah." El shrugged, eyes on her waffle, "Sex is where a boy sticks his penis inside a girl's vagina."

"You say that so casually, it scares me." The news felt like a punch in the gut, heavy and nauseating. No, no. It was more like someone stabbing him in the stomach. With a dull, rusty knife. Yeah, that's right. And knowing that- Oh, God, knowing- "Who- Uh, Who told you?"

"Dustin and Lucas."

Yeah, there's the twist of that little knife. Shit.

Hopper pulled out a cigarette (What? He was going to need one in a situation like this.), one of those cheap, filtered things Joyce had made him switch to. He fumbled with his lighter, "When did they talk about it?"

El furrowed her brows, "Yesterday, last week, the week before that-"

All the time.

"Never mind, kid." He took a nice, long drag. What did they say? What did she hear? What does she know? Shit. "So, you know about sex, huh?"

She nodded her head, again.

"And now you know that sex makes babies."

Another nod.

"And you wanna know how."

The girl gave him the most innocent, earnest look (despite the maturity of the situation), "Yes."

Hopper took another puff from the cigarette, "Well, personally, I was planning on having Joyce tell you all the 'talk' and body stuff, when you got a little older."

Eleven frowned, "But-"

"But… I mean, since mother nature decided to visit, and your little friends are trash-mouths… I guess you should hear it from me." He bit back a grimace as her frown turned into a pleased grin, "The facts."

She nodded, "The facts."

And with that, Jim Hopper went on to explain to El the beautiful (and messy) miracle of conception with some half-ass garden analogy even he couldn't comprehend.

He'll make sure to call Joyce that afternoon.

I think he handled that too well, in my opinion. idk. MAJOR influence from the My Girl period scene and the Now and Then "facts of life" scene, bc those movies are fucking fantastic.

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