What am I doing here?...

What did I do wrong?...

What is happening to me?...

"Yuuri… Yuuri... Yuuri!"

"Sorry! Sorry!" Yuuri fumbled in his chair and almost fell out of it. "This is what I was talking about. He is so trapped in his head, he doesn't know what is happening around him half the time. I'm worried about him." Mari continued speaking to the Psychiatrist. Voices faded around him as Yuuri went back to his thoughts.

"I'll see you soon, ok little brother? If you need anything just call me."

"I will, thank you Mari." Yuuri replied ever so quietly and avoided looking at his sister. "Hey, cheer up. Its only for a short while and this will be good for you. I will come and visit whenever I can I promise. You're not alone."

Yuuri finally looked up his sister, with tears threatening to spill out. His voice wouldn't work for fear of breaking down, so he just nodded a few times. He reached out sliding his arms around her waist and squeezed. Mari's eyes went wide in surprise and then reciprocated the hug, her arms going around his neck and a small kiss to the side of his cheek. Without another word spoken between them Mari let go abruptly and turned on her heels and left, being led out by a nurse.

Yuuri felt trapped, closed off. He couldn't leave. He was stuck.

"Well, let me show you around." Yuuri nodded in response and followed the nurse, whose name he couldn't remember. "This is the day area, here you can watch television, play some games, which we have somewhere. Over here to the right is the dining area, remind me I must give you a menu to fill out. The meals are already established for you, just choose between 2 options for each meal." The space was big and open. The hard chairs were lined in front of the television and along the far wall with large windows. The chairs were wooden on the sides and a hard-rubbery plastic type of material for the seat and backing, in various shades of brown. The television was bolted to the wall and locked behind a metal box with plexiglass on the front. The dining area, to the right, consisted of 5 round metal tables cemented to the floor, with 4 stools per table attached to them.

"Over here is an activity room. There are several computers in there for you to use, and please share them with the other patients." Yuuri nodded in response and continued to follow the nurse. "In this room is the therapy room, this is the group therapy area and off to the side over there is the single therapy room." The nurse pointed to a small room off to the left of the open spaced room. "Any groups that you will be assigned to will happen in here and your therapy sessions with your therapist will most likely occur in the single therapy room. Right, moving on. Let me show you to your room."

Therapy?

Groups?

What am I doing here? I can't do this.

"Over there is the family visitors room, and over there is another activity room, that one has no computers but has another television and some tables and chairs."

The nurse continued walking, she brought Yuuri through a set of doors and in front were two corridors in an upside-down U shape, the bottom of the U in front of them. "That is the female side, no need for you to go over there, and this is the male side." The nurse headed down the corridor to the left. "There are two shower rooms and one tub room if you prefer a bath. This is the linen closet, if you need any linens or towels let one of the nursing staff know and we will get it for you."

I can't even get my own towels?

"This is your room." The nurse brought Yuuri to the third door on the left and unlocked it for him. "The doors are locked from the outside, so if you need into your room, you have to ask a staff member to let you in. Ok, that is pretty much the unit, I will leave you to unpack your things. If you need anything at all the nursing station is at the end of the corridor where we just came from. Any questions?" The nurse looked at Yuuri, assessing his every move and facial expression. Yuuri shook his head slightly and moved past her to his room. There wasn't much to the room, a worn out plastic mattress on a wooden bed frame was in the middle of the room. On the far wall, behind the bed, was giant window that reached up almost to the ceiling, half of the window had some sort of liner on it to make it frosted for privacy, and to the left was a tall cupboard.

Yuri took a tentative step into the room, his anxiety rising with each step. His duffle bag looked like it was ruffled through. With a shaking hand, Yuuri grabbed a shirt from the bag to put away. Tears formed in his eyes and spilled down his cheeks, wetting the shirt he was holding. He climbed on the bed and curled up in a fetal position, hugging the shirt close to his chest, and silently cried into it.

Knock, knock, knock…

"Yuuri? Can I come in?"

Knock, knock, knock…

"Yuuri, I'm coming in."

Yuuri heard the door unlocking and opening and jumped out of bed and fell off the side of it to the floor. He sat up on the floor rubbing his head. "Sorry if I scared you, if you don't answer the first time we are supposed to walk in."

Yuuri waved his arms back and forth quickly, "No, no, please don't apologise, its all my fault. I don't know when I fell asleep." Yuuri repeated the words sorry over and over in a whisper. His breathing started picking up and was bowing to the man that walked in.

"Hey, hey, its alright. Calm down, take a deep breath with me." Yuuri did as instructed and repeated the process two more times. "Better?" Yuuri could only nod in response. Once his breathing evened out, Yuuri looked at the man in front of him. He was a bit shorter than him, but stockier than Yuuri's own petite frame. His hair was thick and black like ink. He donned an undercut with the long part on top barely touching the tips of his ears and was styled back off his face. His eyes were a dark chestnut brown, almost black. His face could only be described as having a stoic expression, unreadable. He was wearing rich blue scrubs, that stood out against his darker complexion, and seemed a bit tight around his biceps and broad shoulders.

"I'm Otabek, I will be your prime nurse while you're here." Otabek extended his right hand towards Yuuri.

"P-Prime nurse?" Yuuri slowly took his shaky hand and returned gesture and shook Otabek's hand ever so lightly.

"Yeah, basically I will be working with you the most out of all the nursing staff and I will be the one to help you reach your goals and work with you to help you get out of here. Think of me as a bridge between you and your therapist. They create strategies and give you meds to help with your recovery while I work with you to put those in place daily. Makes sense?"

"I-I think so"

"Good. I'm here most days and will be assigned to you every time I'm working. You will be assigned to another nurse when I am not here, but any questions regarding your recovery goes through me."

Assignment? Recovery? Plans? Medication?

"You look a little lost. Have you been in a psychiatric hospital before?" Yuuri shook his head no and continued to look at the floor. Otabek crossed his arms over his chest and paused for a bit to observe Yuuri.

"I don't want to overwhelm you, so I will just give you some basics for now. You eat at the provided meal and snack times, this is where you sleep, you cannot leave the unit unaccompanied for now, it could change but only the Psychiatrist gives you that privilege. You will meet with your assigned therapist and participate in group sessions. It probably feels like prison, but its not so bad, I promise." Yuuri sat on the bed and pulled his knees up to his chest while resting his forehead on them. He was afraid if he looked up at Otabek that this nightmare would be true. His sister wouldn't do this to him, wouldn't drop him off here and walk away.

What did I do to deserve this?

Otabek continued "I looked at your chart and your assigned therapist is Viktor Nikiforov. He's one of our best on this unit, I think you'll like him. Anyways, he will be here tomorrow to meet with you. He likes to give his patients some time adjust." With that, Otabek turned on his heels and started heading out. He was about to close the door when he popped his head back in "Dinner will be at five and is served in the dining area."

Once the door closed, Yuuri released a breath he didn't realize he was holding. A dark shadow seemed to loom over Yuuri, suffocating him, leaving him in darkness. He rocked back and forth on his haunches, tears streamed down drenching his thighs. A million questions ran through his head…

What if I never leave here?

What if something happens to me?

What if I never get better?

What if…

What if…

With each passing question, Yuuri's breathing became shallow, unable to breathe, he was suffocating under the crippling shadow weighing him down. Yuuri fell to his side, knees still clutched around him tightly. His body so heavy and stiff. He was paralyzed within that shadow, holding him down within its clutches, growing bigger and stronger.

Yuuri closed his eyes, trying to imagine being somewhere else. Somewhere safe and bright.

The sound of skates came to him first. The sound of them making his grooves into fresh ice, making his mark. The sound of the skates lifting off the ice executing a jump, then the sound of the skates hitting the ice in a perfect landing.

The shadow was lifting, its clutches loosening.

The picture of the ice rink laid before him in his mind. No one around but himself and his skates. He saw all those marks and grooves, that were his and his alone.

His muscles relaxed and loosened having the weight of the shadow off his body. But still looming over him ready to make claim to him again.

The feel of the cool air around his face is what he felt next. The feel of the wind when he spins in place, faster and faster. Feeling that wind when he flies across the ice making music with his body.

Yuuri took a deep breath, and another, and another. Until the shadow retreated to its dark depths within his mind. Yuuri laid a little while longer, making sure the shadow didn't return.

Knock, knock, knock

"Yuuri! Supper is here" came a voice from the other side of the door.

"O-Ok, c-c-coming." Yuuri slowly got up, stretching his muscles from the tense position they were in, and took a shaky step towards the door and headed out to the unknown and dinner.

Yuuri left his bedroom door slightly ajar so he could get back in without bothering anyone and sauntered over to the dining area, avoiding all eye contact. He could feel their eyes on him, stabbing him, piercing his skin with judgements and criticism. He entered the dining area and walked over to the servery window.

"Hi there! You must be Yuuri Kastsuki. I'm Sara, one of the nurses here." Yuuri mumbled a hello under his breath, briefly looking at the brunette named Sara passing him is food tray. When Yuuri turned around, he paused, not knowing where to sit or with whom to sit with.

Everyone is looking at me. Make a decision Yuuri! Just choose an empty seat already.

Yuuri found a seat at a table of three. His eyes solely fixated on the plate before him.

Is this even meat? What is that?

Yuuri picked at his food, at what he guessed was food, swirling it around on his plate and eventually settled on the apple pie that came for his dessert. Seemed like the safest choice.

"What the fuck is this garbage! I didn't want that! Fuck you! This is bullshit!" Yuuri jumped out of his stool at the sudden yelling that was occurring some feet from him. Yuuri's mouth hung open in shock toward the patient yelling and stomping. The patient was slightly taller than Yuuri, with long blonde hair, which looked like silk reaching just below the shoulder blades. At first, Yuuri thought this distraught patient was a female, with a body that was lean and feminine like, until the patient turned around and he saw he was male. He had the brightest green eyes, like emeralds shining in the sun. The patient started walking towards Yuuri and he noticed he had a tattoo of a tiger coiled around his right arm, with the tail starting from the middle of his forearm, moving up his bicep and the tiger roaring on his shoulder. He only saw this since the patient was wearing a red t-shirt with the sleeves ripped off hanging loose around his torso, black tight skinny jeans enveloped his lithe legs, and to top it off leopard printed high top sneakers.

Hmm... he must like cats or something. Oh God, he's walking this way. Oh shit…

"What are you looking at asshole?!" The patient spat and shoved his face close to Yuuri's, so it was just a mere inch away and pushed his tray off the table and continued to walk past.

"Yuri! Wait! You can't just yell and…" Otabek chased after Yuri.

Yuuri couldn't hear anymore of what was happening, he was too paralyzed with fear to pay attention to what was happening around him.

Wait… did he just say Yuri? Is his name Yuri as well? Or was he talking to me? I think someone is talking to me.

"Yuuri… Yuuri…" Yuuri rapidly blinked a few times before coming back to reality. His body was still shaking in aftermath at what happened. "Yuuri are you ok?" It was the friendly nurse that served him his food tray, that now laid strewn across the floor. "Do you want me to get you a new dinner tray?"

Yuuri took a while to process what the nurse was asking him, "I-I-I'm ok." He took a quick glance around and realized everyone was starring at him again, not knowing what else to do, Yuuri quickly got up from his seat and scurried back to his room.

As Yuuri was approaching his room, he could see at the end of the corridor Otabek knocking on a door.

"Yuri, let me in, its just me out here, no one else." A voice replied from the other side of the door but was too mumbled to understand from Yuuri's position. "I have a key I can just come in anyways." Yuuri heard the door open, Otabek walked inside the room and softly closed the door behind him.

Yuuri made it to the safety of his bedroom, grateful for past Yuuri leaving the door ajar. Without missing a beat, he removed his duffle bag with his clothes off the bed and climbed under the covers, completely covering himself head to toe in a warm and safe cocoon.