Chapter 1: Road Trip

"uggggghhhhhhh" …...I moaned in exhaustion once my butt made contact with my car seat. I had finished my shift and every part of my body ached.

I had been looking forward to having some 'me' time for the last week. This time of the year was always the busiest. The days and weeks leading up to Christmas always brings out the weird and super lonely. Some might call what I do shameful and disgusting. I call it a way to pay the bills. I have been working as an exotic dancer for the last 4 years. As much as I enjoy the steady flow of income, stripping is not my passion. Dancing, yes, just not stripping. The truth was, I wasn't sure what I wanted out of my life. I guess I'm supposed to want to have the picket fence, minivan loaded with my offspring while cheerios and forgotten french fries litter the floor.

Ugh, GOD, anything but that, I thought while letting out a sigh.

Who am I kidding? This isn't the life I wanted either. The life I'm leading now is just as boring, even as an exotic dancer, I thought to myself. It's always the same thing every day. Wake up, get dressed, go to work, fake it for 8+ hours, go home to the dog, go to sleep.

Rinse and repeat.

Up, dressed, work, fake, home, sleep.

After working 8 straight days in a row, enough was enough. Now, I was looking forward to some time completely away from people. Just recently, I made the decision to drive up north for a few days, with the dog, and see where we ended up. The idea of sleeping in, lazy days, hanging out with only my dog, Olivia, had me racing home.

I pulled my car into the driveway and saw a familiar outline of the pup in question staring at me from out the window. I knew I would never be able to find a man or anyone who would be as excited to see me as this dog. Who needs friends and lovers when you have slobbery kisses and couch cuddles available 24/7? Neither I or the dog noticed the pair of eyes watching me from the bushes across the street. I popped my keys in the door and was immediately overwhelmed with dog nose and dancing feet.

"Okay girl, okay, hello to you too" I reached down to say. I like to think that Olivia found me. She showed up at my back door one day, 3-4 months old, cold, hungry and just starved for attention. My neighbors love her because they knew her and her personality. When I took her out for walks people would cross the street to get away from us. The stripper and the pit bull. What a great pair we are. Coming into the kitchen, Olivia plopped back down on her bed. She stared at me while I started to make us dinner, all the while giving her a rundown of my night at work.

"…and this other regular, you remember, the bald guy with the Ned Flanders voice? So he asked again for a private dance and twice I had to smack his hand away until the bouncer…" I went on.

I knew she could care less what I had to say as she happily ate her food out of her bowl. I start at my own dish picking at the salad I had whipped up for myself. After 5 bites I sat back in the chair, chewing slowly. I just wish things were easier. My life wasn't hard by any means. But there was always that voice in the back of my mind. Calling out to me but never quite able to make out the words. It always sounded like it was telling me to go, go, go. Leave. Don't look back. Come find me.

My dreams were the same way. It was as if the universe was trying to get me to listen by any means it could find. Every few months I'd have the same dream. In it, I was walking …looking for something I held dear. But it was getting dark. And I was crying. I didn't want to be alone. I didn't want to be left behind. I didn't want to be lost anymore. Every time the same. Every time I'd wake up and feel this overwhelming urge to cry out like I was never going to be happy again. I clutched Olivia tighter in bed that night as I hoped to use the dog somehow as a protective shield from my own nightmares.

"AHHH" I yelled coming awake and sitting up in bed.

The dream had come again. This time something was different. It had been so much clearer this time. I still wasn't sure what my heart was broken over. At least now it gave me a direction.

North. I needed to drive north.

I told my boss I was taking a week vacation once my next day off came up. He didn't dare give me shit knowing I was going to be working Christmas Eve AND New Year's Eve. Strip clubs were packed on these nights and serious money made it in my pocket…. well, thong. Mostly full of lonely men who had no real family or just families they couldn't stand one more second longer with. Take one of my regulars for example. Who I comically referred to as, 'Ned Flanders". It was the way he dressed really. Very Sunday church best, if you will. He never wore a ring, but I knew. I could see his fake tan line every time he paid for his private dances. As if he wanted me to view him as single and available. Gross, shuddering after I finished the song for "Ned". This was the first dance in a long time that I had given my routine a bit more shake and hair flips. I was trying extra hard to squeeze out a few more bills out of "Ned Flanders" to allow me more spending cash for my trip. I knew if I gave him more eye contact like he liked I might even manage to liberate him from some bigger bills. As if on queue, he leans down and shove a $100 my way! Wow, someone was feeling it tonight.

"Thanks, doll" I purred at him. The whole thing was a lie. I batted every eyelash and purred at everyone who handed me money. Like I said, they pay the bills.

"No, Tiffany, baby", he said using my stage name. I took the name from the Bride of Chucky. Oh, how I loved that movie. "Thank YOU. Mmmm, you sure you won't let me give you an early Christmas present? If you just come and see it in my car after your shift…" he wistfully added. Seriously, he had been asking me this for the last few nights now. Did he seriously think I would just go with him to his car? Creeper.

I peeked a quick glance over at Pat, our bouncer, and glanced upwards. It was a dancer's signal that we might have need of him. Pat, knowing how clingy Ned Flanders was to me, got to us rather quickly.

"Hey, buddy, we're about 6 minutes to close up. How about you tip the lady and I see you off home?" Pat announced to both of us once we made his way over to the booth area.

"uh, yea…. um…. sure thing", "Ned" Flanders reached into his wallet and tossed me another $100 bill without even looking at what it was. I snatched it before it hit the ground and shoved it in my red thong before there could be any objection to the extra cash he just gave me. "Ned" stood up and gave me a wink and proceeded to be lead out by Pat.

Score! My mind triumphantly shouted as I made my way into the dressing rooms. At my locker, I got a chance to count out my nights' work. Sweet! That extra big of wiggling for "Ned" pushed me past $800.

Just a few more hours and then I can start my 'me' time.

So here we are full circle. I lay there, staring up at my ceiling attempting to get a few hours of sleep in before we started out in the morning. Every so often hearing a snore come from under the blankets. I chuckled to myself, "lucky dog. I wish it was me sleeping".

I stared for few minutes longer when I concluded that this was pointless. I want to go now. No, needed to go. What's the point in waiting to start this trip, which I was clearly looking forward too when I could just leave now and get wherever we ended to faster? It's not like I'm not a night owl anyways. Plus, I was a grown ass woman of 21. Who's trying to stop me? Plus…fuck it.

Jumping out of bed, I quickly got dressed in some black leggings and a red oversized t-shirt. Since I had been packed for more than a few days in anticipation it didn't take me long to get my pickup truck loaded and be off and away from Portland.

It was about 4:45 in the morning when I spotted the sign on the Interstate. Something made me pull over just then. I sat there, eyes fixed on the sign, feeling as if this was already a decision I knew I was going to make. To my right, Olivia slumbered onwards.

"Hey, puppers? I think this might be our exit."

Olivia glanced up at me after hearing the sound of her nickname. All I got in response was a yawn, stretch and continued snoring.

I'll take that as a yes, then I guess. Again, already knowing I was being drawn in this direction. I pulled back out onto the road again and turned on the off-ramp leaning to my new destination. After a few more miles I felt a slight tingle travel down my spine as a read the town sign out loud.

"Welcome to Derry"

I couldn't wait to see what kind of relaxation someone might find out here.