Shizu-chan,

I have always been a coward that couldn't speak the truth or lay out the contents of my heart. So, you need to understand that I wouldn't be writing this if it wasn't too late.

Even now when you are miles away somewhere on the familiar streets of now foreign city to me, the city I have once called home, it still hurts the mere thought of you ever reading these words, reading this lines, knowing; but, even if you were ever to read them I would be nothing but a cold corpse in a morgue with the unknown name tag on my leg. Perhaps then, it wouldn't hurt to take in the air that is so far from the one that you are breathing. And then, when I am nothing but a distant memory, a bitter image of an unimportant thing that once existed in your life, I could bring you a little bit of happiness. Again, for a coward like me it is all I can give you, so I am saying my goodbyes even if you won't ever hear them.

There is only one thing left that I need to say, even if I am painfully aware that my life means a little to you and that it is enough for you that I am simply not there remaining you of my existence.

The pills will soon take its effect and I still need to say it, at least once. Then, I will close my eyes for the last time.

Even if I know this, I still can't kill the one last piece of hope that somehow they will open just once more in order to look into the warmth of your stars and to find your smile; not that it will ever happen. You will never look at me with anything but hate. And that would be enough, if you would chase just one more time after me. The worst thing is that I still feel the despair of that last bit of hope that somehow, somewhere you would care if I did things differently.

Even if you don't want it, and even if you say that I don't have one, my heart has always been yours.

I love you.

Your Flea.