Disclaimer: I do not own Yahari Ore no Seishun Love Comedy wa Machigatteiru. (cover's not mine too)

Note: Following the events during volume 10 chapter 7 (right after the marathon scene).

Some of the dialogues and paragraphs were taken from the novel.

Prologue

Currently in Japan, the approximate number of deaths is estimated to a percentage of 10.1 percent per 1000 people per day. Meaning, there are almost 100 people dying each day, give or take.

On a single person's perspective, that is quite an enormous number.

However, with no regards to every single life's significance, each death is piled after one another, making the whole affair a simple concept of statistics— and statistics alone. Thus, each death will be seen as something unimportant as long as it's not related to anyone concerned.

But that made me wonder: if someone's' death is only a big deal to those who cares— what's the point of being scared about it? I mean, it's apparent that everyone fears dying—

But why?

What is there to fear in something that only exists when you don't? Why fear death if you no longer exist when it came? Why fear the inevitable? The unmoving? The natural law?

I don't get it.

Everyone fully knows that dying is a fixed endpoint: a perennial code, an algorithm that is permanently encoded on our programs as humans. Truth be told, we are not so different from canned goods— stamped with expiration dates: endpoints where something or someone's existence will cease to remain.

Personally, I don't fear death, it's an acquaintance of mine. I mean, we're not damn close like best friends or anything, but we say hello to each other sometimes.

Well… not really sometimes, it's actually more often than that.

And for what reason, you ask?

Let me tell you why.

Chapter One

Friday January 11, 04:20 pm

The orange rays of afternoon sun caressing my face, the occasional tingle from my back due to the sweat randomly dropping, the silence stuffed in my ears, so quiet as if sound has been muted, and my legs…

My legs…

Holy shit, they hurt.

I check my condition and is in terrible shape.

My knees and lower leg are injured in a pretty gory manner, my shorts which were colored green a while ago were now monochromed in smudges of mud. I'm cramping around my butt area, my side is aching the entire time, and trying to find any part that doesn't hurt is difficult. In the first place, I am always a painful child, so if I could get even more hurt than this, it might actually be worth studying (it hurts).

If it wasn't for cheering myself up halfway through with "Do your best , do your best ", I think my life would've turned into zero.

Of course, the goal I'm limping for was nothing but a portrayal of nothingness. Simply desolate. Meaning, after all these hardships I went through: not a single soul is waiting for me at the goal.

Rather, there's just one gym teacher regretfully present near the goal site while everyone else seemed to be gathered at the square of the park.

I went over there to take a peek as the public ceremony event takes place.

Usually, a marathon doesn't have an awards ceremony like this, but seeing that Isshiki is serving as the host of the event, the student council probably planned it in a hurry. Surprisingly, she is a capable individual.

Isshiki Iroha is one to be feared.

"Now then, now that the results have been presented, we'd like to hear a general comment from our winners!" Isshiki gleefully spoke over the microphone.

I survey the area at the moment and it looks like the whole school is actually here. People from my class such as Yuigahama, Miura, Ebina-san, Tobe, and Totsuka are in there as well.

"The winner, Hayama Hayato-san, please come up to the stage!"

Hayama ascends onto the stage wearing a laurel wreath. As soon as the gallery sees him, they erupt into an outburst of cheers.

"Hayama-senpai, congratulations for winning! I totally knew you were going to win, you knooow!"

"Thank you."

Isshiki gives him a clear, bias greeting and Hayama answers with a refreshing smile.

"Now then, please give us a comment."

Hayama takes the microphone. Then I actually consider covering my ears when a sea of applause and hand whistles crack followed by the start of the HA-YA-TO call.

"It was looking a little close in the middle of the marathon, but thanks to my good rivals and everyone's cheering, I was able to make it to the end. Thank you very much," Hayama says, then pauses for a moment. His eyes wander around the crowd and waves after spotting Miura and company. "Especially Yumiko and Iroha… Thank you."

Damn his cheesiness as the shoutings get even louder. Ooka whistles with his fingers while Yamato sends magnificent applause. As if lagging from hearing Hayama's words, Miura and Isshiki stand still and turn stiff for a moment, then start twisting their bodies in embarrassment and hang their heads with flushed cheeks. Yuigahama kindly pats Miura's shoulders.

I witness how the onlookers instantly become even noisier as they see Hayama's warm gaze and the two's reactions.

"After this, we'll focus on our efforts on our club and do our best for our last tournament. Also, to the soccer members today, it seems like a lot of you ended up with poor results, so I'll be whipping you guys into shape."

With an overreacted "Whooooa~", Tobe does a double over while mocking tears. "Hayato-kuuun, ya can't do that! You gotta let us know that beforehand!"

Hearing Tobe's remark, the gallery explode in a burst of laughter.

"Okaaaay, thank you very much. And that was our winner, Hayama Hayato-san. Okay, round of applause… We don't really need to bother with second place and the rest, right?"

Slipping in the loud applause is Isshiki's needless confirmation to the vice president which got picked up entirely by the microphone.

Isshiki somehow manages to gloss it over as Hayama, who slips down the stage waltzes into the direction of Miura.

Hayama's distant atmosphere from before now dissipates to thin air. In fact, Miura is shrinking back, embarrassed by the gazes of the surroundings, and is hiding behind Yuigahama and Ebina-san's back.

After making sure of that, I leave the square of the park.

While limping my trek across the other school building, I check my state again just to be sure. And here it is—I'm bleeding.

Why did I even bother doing this?

Now that I think about it, I really have no other choice. It's technically my own stupidity that led me into this errand. But what can I do? Miura looked so lost that time. I cannot just stand around and watch her get pulverized by Yukinoshita.

So you know what I did?

I stood up and offered my help.

What a great idiot I am.

If it's just some brute work like carrying grocery bags, it won't be a problem. But damn, it's Hayama I need to work on. The Hayama.

It was last week.

Miura came in the club room and requested us (in her utter hesitation), that she desperately wanted to know Hayama's career path. Why, you ask? Well it's obvious, really: it's just that the queen doesn't want to be separated from her self-proclaimed king.

Seconding my actions, the Service Club accepted the request. And behold, after a whole week of doing everything we got up our sleeves, we found nothing.

The request is on the way to complete failure.

But as I'm the one who took Miura's request head on, I can't just back out. So last night, an idea came into me. And with the help of my lovely Totsuka and a cringeworthy Zaimokuza, I brewed up a plan.

And that plan, at least, gave me something.

Something.

Closing the door of the school building, I relish on the cool air that the square is lacking earlier. The area is quite deserted. Which is reasonable for it's obvious that the square is already comprised by the majority of the student body.

Changing into my indoor shoes has already become heavy chore. Well, who can blame me? I'm injured, for god's sake. Cut me some slack.

The door of the infirmary is closed, and I assume that there's no one inside, but I knocked anyway.

"Come in."

Unexpectedly, I'm answered with a familiar sounding voice. I open the door and as I have anticipated, the one ahead is Yukinoshita. Still wearing her track uniform and sitting on a chair, she looks at me blankly.

"Hikigaya-kun…? I thought for sure you were Yuigahama-san."

"If you're looking for Yuigahama, she's still at the park. Then again, what are you doing here?"

"I took a short rest and they forced me to drop out…" Yukinoshita looks pissed. Then I remember, she hates losing, didn't she?

Hah, right at your face then.

"Hikigaya-kun…" She glances at my leg and her eyes narrow in pain. "You were hurt?"

"Yeah, just a little."

I can't possibly tell her that I toppled over by colliding my legs. I may not look like it, but I still have a sense of shame.

"You could have gotten treated at the goal. The nurse should have gone over there."

"No one was there when I finished…"

"I see," Yukinoshita places her hand on her chin. "You have awful timing, or maybe awful luck, or awful eyes, or perhaps–"

"My personality, my attitude, everything about me is awful. Anyway, we can use these disinfectants and stuff, right?" I rummage inside the unlocked medicine cabinet.

Yukinoshita sighed. "…You seem awfully clumsy as well." She stands up, shooes me away from the cabinet with just her hands. She took the disinfectant and bandage and pointed at the seat in front of her. "Sit over there."

"Uh, I can treat myself."

"Just sit down."

Hesitantly, I takr a seat as I'm told. When I did, Yukinoshita sits in the seat she is in earlier and moves to the front of me.

She then begins to sterilize the open wound. There is the sharp smell of antiseptic solution. Then, slightly stooping over, Yukinoshita's head comes closer along with the gentle fragrance of SABON.

For every dab of the piece of cotton damped with disinfectant on my open wound, a sweet, itchy pain pulsates. I'm particularly accustomed to this kind of medical treatment and because she timidly touches at my wound, I occasionally feel a sting in my injury from the disinfectant.

"Hey, um, i-it stings, you know…"

"Of course it does, I'm disinfecting the wound. It's only natural that it's effective on you, Hikigaya-kun."

"Uh huh, let's stop treating people like bacteria, okay?"

"It's proof that it's working. Bear with it."

Although I bring it up, Yukinoshita somewhat becomes considerate and starts being gentle with treating me. This time it feels so ticklish that I have to restrain my body from leaping.

Until she finished disinfecting the area where the abrasion of my injury id, we're both quiet. I gradually grow used to the prickling pain and my stiff body starts to relax. Yukinoshita spins the bandage once, then twice, and slowly opens her mouth.

"It seems you ran with Hayama-kun… Did you hear anything from him?"

"Yeah… At the very least, it's not the sciences, probably," I answer oddly, unable to think of any other way to phrase it.

Yukinoshita chuckles. "That's a strange way to put it… All done."

She sighs out of satisfaction. When she does, Yukinoshita's face, which has been stooping over, becomes so close to mine to the point we're almost touching.

We were both stuck in that position, not able to move a single muscle.

Her exposed skin that is as white as a blanket of snow. Her wet, damp black pupils. Her long eyelashes that momentarily shakes with a blink. The finely shaped bridge of her nose. The smiling shape of her mouth along with the escaping of breaths.

Whenever she moves her shoulder by breathing, her long, glossy hair flowed.

Realizing how awkward our situation is, I avert my eyes up at the ceiling, leaned my body backwards, and made some distance. Somewhere in that moment, I feel a sting from my injury.

"…Ahh, thanks for this."

"…Not at all. It's no big deal."

After I express my gratitude in a way to smooth things over, Yukinoshita adjusts her sitting and turns her face away.

After that, a deafening silence engulfes the room.

With nothing to do, I look at the bandage that she wrapped for me earlier. Upon looking, I notice that the knot of the bandage is tied in the shape of a small ribbon.

Cute.

I pull my chair, take a shallow seat, and stretch my back. Yukinoshita tilts her head, finding my posture to be strange.

I feel like I want to ask her.

"…Hey. Can I ask you what you're doing for your career?"

Yukinoshita seems shocked by my sudden question. I can't blame her though, it's unusual of me— prying on other people's businesses. Her hand which she places on her chin to think is brought down to her chest and stops.

"I'm enrolled in International Liberal Arts course, so it shouldn't matter whether I choose one or the other…"

"…You're right. I just wanted to try asking. Don't worry about it."

I already expect that answer, but it's weird how I felt a pang of dissatisfaction from hearing her words.

I stated with the intention of glossing it over, but Yukinoshita place her idle hands on her lap and looks at me with a slightly downcast expression.

"This is the first time you've asked me something like that, isn't it?"

"Really?"

I'm fully aware of that, though there's no way I'll agree.

For all this time, there were plenty of opportunities to ask personal things like that, but I have drawn a line that I swore not to step over. It's because I thought I wouldn't be forgiven if I did.

Yukinoshita looks into my eyes at an oblique angle in examination. "…For now, I decided on liberal arts."

"I see."

"Yes. That's why… we're still together for the time being," says Yukinoshita, smiling. It is a smile as though she's a little girl on the day before an outing.

"Well, as far as liberal arts are concerned."

I chose the liberal arts and there's no doubt Yuigahama did as well.

Us three being together for an extended period doesn't really matter. The time will come and we'll eventually embark on our own paths. But it's not that bad to leave some truths in the past. We may leave our present behind and move on, but as long as that one step over the line left a footprint, then that's fine.

"Alright, I'll be heading back to class now."

"Sure. See you later."

She waves at me as helplessly as ever. I nod to her and place my hand on the door of the infirmary.

The door then shakes, so I open the door, wondering where exactly the wind is coming in from, and a person is standing in front of me.

"Whoa… freaked me out there…"

I withstand the urge to show my utter shock by. The person in front of me is Yuigahama Yui, and her expression is stiff as well, stumbling with her words.

"…Ah, Hikki?"

"Yuigahama… Did you just get here?"

"Eh, ah, yeah. Yeah, I did! I was going to knock… but wait, I thought I saw you outside."

"Nah, I'm here since the ceremony ended."

Yuigahama doesn't seem to accept my words, "But I'm sure that's you… you're wearing different clothes, though."

"The heat's getting inside your head," I sigh. "You're just seeing things, sure that's not me."

"I see," Yuigahama nods, then she looks behind me and spots Yukinoshita.

"Yukinooon! Sorry for being late!" She says with a loud voice and sits across Yukinoshita after entering like she owns the place. Yukinoshita has a slightly puzzled face but quickly shakes her head and smiles at Yuigahama.

"I don't mind. I wasn't bored."

"Okay, that's good… Ah, I know. Since Hikki's here, now's a good time."

Yuigahama turns to me and motions me to come closer.

I enter the infirmary once again, the warm air enveloping my body. Yuigahama moves her seat next to Yukinoshita, sitting side by side in front of the heater, the source of the warmth.

"We need to tell Yumiko today about the request, right? But there's a party after this and Yumiko is heading directly there. What should we do?"

In contrast to Yuigahama who spoke in a hurry, Yukinoshita places her hand to her chin and begins to think.

"…Then on our way home, it seems we'll have to go to Miura-san and speak with her."

"Sounds right."

"At least say you're going to the party!" Yuigahama shrieks while flailing her arms in the air.

Yukinoshita and I exchange looks, both used to this pattern.

We both nod and speak simultaneously.

"Alright, if we can go, we'll go."

"Yes, we'll decide on the flow of things."

"In the end, you guys aren't just going to go, you know!?"

After letting out an exhausted sigh, Yuigahama calmly opens her mouth.

"Okay, well, but, compared to before, I guess it's better…" says Yuigahama, and she relocates her stool with casters next to Yukinoshita.

"Okay, then let's all go together…! Everyone… together." She repeated her mutters and moves her body closer to Yukinoshita.

"…So stuffy." Yukinoshita frowns as if the heating in front of her is the cause. But she doesn't forcibly pulls Yuigahama off of her and stayes as is. Yuigahama doesn't seem intent on moving from here, either. In front of the heater, she begins to make a comfortable, happy face.

Friday January 11, 5:50 pm

We three walked along with Miura to make a report on our consultations. We're on our way to the after-party venue, along the path from the public park towards the train station. We told her everything I've gotten.

From how Hayama will be most likely not taking the sciences and whatnot. Unexpectedly, she took our results pretty well with no complaints and qualms. In fact, she actually thanked us. By us, I meant 'me' included, which is kinda rare.

After a ten-minute worth of walk, we reach our destination. The location for the after-party that we relocate to is a fancy and hip looking store, an English-styled pub.

I beckon the girls to come in first and look behind. I have been getting this feeling since we got out of the school, and until now, it wasn't leaving.

I scrutinize the area to find something suspicious, but as the street is currently cramped with bustling people, it's hard to do so.

Deciding to discard my conflicts for now, I open the door and take my entrance.

It may just be my loner-senses acting-up on weird levels, but I'm sure of it.

Someone is following us that time, and it's still there.

Judging from their liveliness, it looks more like Hayama's victory celebration rather than an after-party. Including Hayama's group, Isshiki, Totsuka and his group, and for some reason, Zaimokuza is in there.

Upon entering the store, Miura promptly heads to Hayama. Yuigahama is perplexed at what to do, but when Yukinoshita nods to her, she makes a reluctant smile and goes after Miura.

With the two of us remaining, Yukinoshita and I order our drinks and lean sgainst the end of the bar counter.

"Thank you for your work."

"Mm, yeah."

Yukinoshita stands next to me and lifts her glass, so I raise mine to a similar height. We aren't accustomed to this kind of boisterous atmosphere, but it's Yukinoshita and me. I would say watching them from the corner is just about the perfect distance for all of us.

On a considerable period, we just stand there, not a word to each other. I'm currently watching the frolicking that is happening inside Hayama's clique, but as if noticing my gaze, Hayama who has went around made his way to us.

"Hey there… Thanks for coming."

Yukinoshita shakes her head, indicating it's not a big deal and I nod in agreement. As I thought about whether it'd be better to congratulate him, Hayama quietly lowers his head.

"Sorry… for all the trouble I've caused you… Like that rumor… and other things."

Yukinoshita chokes on her voice in bewilderment. But that is only for an instant as she quickly assumes a firm attitude and reiterates what she has stated in the clubroom.

"It wasn't that big of a deal. It's a trivial matter compared to back then."

"Back then, huh?" Hayama mutters with a shameful expression.

Seeing that, Yukinoshita's expression grows cloudy as well.

"…I understand it somewhat now. I'm sure we could've handled the situation a lot better. That's what I believe I caused you trouble as well… I'm sorry." This time, Yukinoshita bows her head. When she lifts her head, with eyes that look nostalgically into the far past, she adds, "But I'm grateful that you were looking out for me."

Hayama's expression is filled with surprise. Taken aback, he makes a fixed gaze at Yukinoshita. "…You've changed a little."

"I wonder about that. There are just a lot of things different now from back then," says Yukinoshita, and she moves her gaze toward Yuigahama. Then, she glances at me.

Feeling restless from having heard something I wasn't supposed to, I instinctively avert my eyes.

Yukinoshita breaths out as if smiling and turns to Hayama. "You shouldn't let the past tie you down anymore… There's no need to force yourself to chase after someone."

"…That clearly includes me too," I say.

Hayama smiles, somehow triumphantly.

Walking up from behind Hayama is Yuigahama. A little further behind her is Totsuka following her. Intoxicated by the lively atmosphere in the store, Yuigahama wraps herself around Yukinoshita's arm.

"Yukinon, the food's here! There's, like, a lot of chicken! They're all super whole roasted!"

"It's really amazing! C'mon Hachiman, you should come over too!"

I appreciate Totsuka's invitation since I'm feeling awkward being here. "

"Yeah!" I reply twice energetically and just as I'm about to head over with Totsuka, Hayama stops me lightly with his hand.

"We'll be over there in a bit… Right, Hikigaya?" says Hayama, and looks at Totsuka and Yuigahama with a meek smile.

"Okay—"

"No, I'm so hungry I might die, c'mon," I take Totsuka's arm and depart, satisfied to see Hayama staring at me slack-jawed.

Almost an hour has passed since we've been here, and to be honest, I'm itching to go home. I stand up from my stool and head towards the door. Screw sending my regards and goodbyes— who cares if I stay or not?

Twisting the doorknob and getting my face caressed by the cold wind outside, I look back as I feel a tug in my sleeve.

Behind me is Yukinoshita, looking at me with and expectant expression.

"You leaving now?"

"N-no, I was just—"

"I understand," she cuts me off by raising her hand. "I'm not stopping you," suddenly, she looks down and starts fidgeting. "In fact, may I request you to walk me home?"

"What?" I widen my eyes at her, bewildered. But then, something pops inside my head. "You don't know the way to your apartment from here, do you?"

I smirk as she looks down, taking her silence as a yes.

"Alright," I agree. "Guess I have no choice. I can't afford being guilty if something happened to you, can I?"

"Alright, thank you," she smiles while bowing sarcastically. "You're such a model citizen, drop dead, please."

"Nah, I'll pass."

"So you wil be going home? As in now, exactly?"

"Yeah."

"Good, I'll just tell Yuigahama-san my goodbyes and we'll go."

Friday January 11, 7:20 pm

We are currently on our way to Yukinoshita's apartment complex. It's not that far from the party-venue so we decided to just walk our way there. It's already been ten minutes... but until now, no words were said between us.

I readjust my collar and bury half of my face in it. Suddenly, I feel nervous as hell. I have no idea why, but I feel so uneasy that my pace quicken up a bit. Good thing Yukinoshita doesn't seem to mind as she mirrors my pace wordlessly.

But then, I feel it again, the looming presence I felt from before. The feeling that someone's following us. This time, it's even more compelling, as if I can already see the culprit itself. I turned around to scan the area—

Then I stiffened as I see what is right behind us.

Face covered with a bonnet, he's holding a gun, currently pointed at Yukinoshita. For a moment, I just stood there, staring, as if not believing what's happening in front of me. But even before I could voice out god knows what words in my mouth, I hear a gunshot, and a cry of pain.

And the last thing I know, I'm holding Yukinoshita, bleeding.

She opens her mouth as if trying to say something.

"N-no… don't force yourself..."

I choke as I watch how blood drips across her face while the hole on her forehead secretes blood non-stop. Her eyes are now blankly staring at me.

My breathing become ragged, and I desperately shake her awake.

"O-oi, Yukinoshita! Get a grip! I'm getting help!" I try to lift her up but her body no longer responds to my movements.

There is now this sick puddle of blood below us but I don't care.

Tears dripping from my eyes, I snatch her wrist and search for her pulse.

"No…"

Nothing.

Her labored breathing earlier can no longer be heard.

In fact, she' no longer breathing at all.

I shake her awake by tapping her cheeks, "Y-yukinoshita… oi, look at me…"

But reality is cruel. And my logical mind is even more.

No matter how much I avert my eyes from reality, I know for sure what's really happening.

Yukinoshita is dead.

Suddenly, I hear the tapping sound of footsteps.

I look up and see the man earlier, the gun still in his hand. I can't see his face but I'm sure, he's looking at me.

Words involuntarily come out from my throat, "…fuck you."

With that, he begins to run, away to the other direction.

No longer caring, I lay Yinoshita on the cold road and chase after him.

I run, faster than the way I ran in the marathon earlier.

All I want is to catch up and be able to strangle him, break him.

That bastard killed Yukinoshita.

I need to run.

He crosses the road on full speed and I did the same.

But then, all of a sudden, a bright flash of light blinds my eyes. Loud honking noises stuffs my ears. Then as my eyes recover, I look at the source of the noise.

I stand still, unmoving.

What's in front of me is an incoming truck, speeding, ready to crush me down.

I closed my eyes, ready to feel the incoming pain, but none came.

Instead, I'm engulfed with an eerie feeling of comfort. I feel like I'm lying down on something soft.

Is this heaven?

Then why does the heaven smelt so familiar?

I open my eyes to take a look, but contrary to my expectations, I am, instead, greeted by something my brain cannot comprehend.

The bed that I have been using for these past years, bookshelves lined up with a ton of books, the study table, cluttered with my rejected essay papers.

There's no way.

"My room?"