Please thank Mounty Oum and Rooster teeth for RWBY by supporting the official release!

Episode 1

"Uuugh!"

Blake sighed as her hopeless partner moaned again in agony for the fifth time. Careful to keep the blonde's arm around her shoulder, she proceeded to ask, "Remind me: you thought you could beat Nora in a pancake eating contest, why?"

"Never…back down…never surrender…!" Yang croaked her answer as she grappled with her indigestion. One free hand clutched her gut for dear life while the other anchored her to Blake. She knew how lucky she was that the girl loved her as much as she did.

The cat Faunus simply rolled her eyes at the non-response. "Yeah and you may never have a bowel movement again," she quipped only half-playfully. I seriously think Yang just like's punishing herself. If that's the case, then we're perfect each other. Things were best taken one day at a time. Though her face remained disappointed, Blake smirked inside.

"I love you," came her girlfriend's syrup coated groan/burp. Her bangs were matted to her forehead with sweat. This bout had made her suffer more than any workout.

"I know. Look, just don't put me in a situation where I have told people my girlfriend ate herself to death."

"I only promise to try."

There was nothing better to respond with other than simple headshake. "Anyway, we're almost there." There dorm room was indeed just around the corner.

As if on cue, the pair heard a familiar cry. "AAAAGGH!" It sounded a lot like Ruby in distress.

Half-lidded purple eyes immediately opened wide as Yang Temporarily forgot her torment. She let got of her beau and broke into a sprint, her big sister mode activated. "RUBY!" She hustled to the door with Blake following close behind.

The poor wooden barrier didn't stand a chance as it against Yang's boot heel. She pushed pass the threshold, ready to stave off her half-sister's attackers with a bloody vengeance.

Bumblebee didn't end up getting that far into the room. There was nothing in the whole of Remnant that could have readied them for what they saw. Ruby was face down on the ground crying and laughing bloody murder. On top of her was-

"Weiss!?" Black and yellow asked in unison as they tilted their heads.

To their credit, it looked like the heiress…If Remnant's wilderness had wiped its ass with her.

'Weiss' looked a bit spindlier and just a smidge taller. She had gained hair in strange places and her nails appeared claw-like. Her ears had become elven-like. The white hair that was usually tied back in a ponytail was now a frazzled mane stained by dirt. Much like its owner's skin. In addition to the scar over her eye, the Schnee had many more marks littering her skin as if she had tried hugging a wolverine over and over. Ill-fitting scraps of pelts were the only thing protecting her otherwise naked body.

As If there weren't enough strokes of weird to paint the scene, 'Weiss' had Ruby pinned facedown. Her clawed feet were straddling her laughing victims head, her knees were in the redhead's shoulder blades, and one hand held one leg on the ground. The other hand gripped Ruby's naked foot (her boot and stocking had been torn off at some point) towards its mouth, so the white creature's long tongue could slather up and down its sole, causing the team leader to helplessly squeal with ticklish delight.

New Weiss finally seem to notice the two newcomers and stopped her administrations to look at them with slit-like wild blue irises. With a deeply tarnished voice, she angrily growled at them.

"Koczek! Koczek! Herma koczek! Min ewe fresto!"

Okay. No one in Remnant spoke any language that sounded anything like that. So, that was checkbox number four.

And just like that…Team RWBY had won a game of weird-shit bingo they had no idea they were playing.

A/N: I…I don't know…I just…I don't know! I invite you to take this journey with me though. Just like always?

Read, Fav, Follow, Review! Thanks a million for all that you do!