Marinette sat with her head down, staring at a design that she'd been rather half-heartedly working on as she listened to Tikki's voice go near to shrill and back again. The lump in her stomach that felt suspiciously like guilt somehow crawled up to her throat and clogged as well as stole her voice. She didn't say a word.

"I can't believe you'd say that! Master Fu carefully chose someone who would be better fit to be Ladybug than this!" Tikki paused, and somehow in that sudden stillness, Marinette could imagine her Kwami's blue eyes being filled with something akin to guilt as she went on, "Maybe we should just give your Miraculous back." The sadness in Tikki's voice didn't quite stop Marinette from responding this time around.

"I couldn't do that to Adrien! To Cat Noir!" Marinette gulped, the lump in her throat not quite gone, but feeling like an ice pick making it's slow way down; she didn't want to even imagine how painful it would be when it got to that ball of guilt in her stomach.

"What will Cat Noir think?" Tikki hissed back, still disappointed in her Chosen, "He'll just see Ladybug The Betrayer, and Hawkmoth isn't wrong that Adrien would stop seeing Ladybug as someone to admire. Just think about how he'll see Marinette when he knows that she's Ladybug." Somehow Tikki's voice had that edge that did not simply go away or evaporate when she was speaking quietly. Marinette's voice to sound that angry or devastating needed to be raised up in volume to nearly a shout or one.

She felt that dagger twist in her throat and down her back; she was Ladybug The Betrayer, and that felt worse than just being Marinette or Ladybig, and tomorrow, after school, she needed to report to Hawkmoth's company for training that her stomach vehemently denied wanting to go to.

Marinette's head dropped, and she stared at the pink fabric before her. In a sudden rush of anger, she tore it up. How can she be a designer, inspired and encouraged by Hawkmoth? It felt like the worst kind of crime, only second to joining his side.

She tried to pretend that there were not angry-disappointed-sad tears forming in her eyes, ready to drop any second. Marinette cushioned her head by downcast, fallen shoulders, and wondered why her Kwami went silent. Maybe the speech was over, maybe Marinette could be something else than a flop, or maybe Tikki had just given up on her. She wouldn't blame Tikki if she had, though she really hoped that she hadn't.

What is a betrayer more than someone turned evil against what they'd tried to hold on to for so longer? Is she really similar to Hawkmoth? History tends to 'repeat' itself, and she really hates that she could be the next Hawkmoth, though going by a name other than that one, a name once beautiful, now sullied: Ladybug.

They'd know what she'd look like, how she sounded, and her backstory, excluding her identity. No one would know why Ladybug went evil, and the thought scared her to desperate silence as she about crawled to her bed and collapsed on it, far too exhausted to cry until no tear were left, despite how she felt.

Exhaustion took over, and the night seemed far too short.

'Marinette, you can't skip school, and you have work after.' She sighed as she got ready, as the morning felt far too early, and her nightmares the night before made knots twist further in her stomach. She'd burn Hawkmoth's letter later, when she found a spot that felt proficiently far away from Paris, and she knew that Cat Noir couldn't follow her then. Sometime late, after work, and sometime that Cat Noir couldn't see her as bright as her suit sometimes appeared at night.

She wasn't protecting the villain's identity; she told herself. Ladybug was protecting her own and leaving out the pieces that pointed to why she'd went 'bad,' even though no one knew yet except Hawkmoth, unless he had an accomplice, whom he told. That seemed even worse, and she fought hard against the bile that rose up her throat. No throwing up; it was time for school, and she couldn't risk her parents making her stay home for being 'sick.'

Somehow that word took on new meaning; she was sick in a cruel way by joining Hawkmoth. 'You only joined to protect Adrien and Cat Noir.' She had, but it felt like such a sham as her throat clogged up in the pain and the anxiety that she couldn't quite deny; Ladybug was better than this. Or perhaps, she was worse than this.

Tears filled her eyes that she was quick to wipe away. Now, more than ever, she might as well practice being collected like Hawkmoth, though she hated the comparison with her whole being. Marinette stepped down the stairs, not in the least bit hungry, but knowing that she'd eat regardless to appear normal, so her parents didn't worry, even though they'd be surprised by her early hour. Maybe she'll even go to school early to avoid the long conversations and the admittances that she couldn't admit.