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Love after war [or pain].

A new story for me after nearly two years of writing hiatus. Admittedly this is a pretty dark story for me, not the usual fluffy marshmallow slash I generally dabble with.

It comes about after heart break and self harm caused by a toxic relationship.

So, here are my warnings to you. If you do not like gay hero's then this is not a story for you. If you're looking for a post-war hero that miraculously lives life happily ever after, then again, this is not a story for you.

I do not claim to have scientific knowledge of PTSD, nor correct therapies for such conditions. I do, however, have experience in large scale natural disasters resulting in death and personal self harm. My recoveries are my own, and I have tried to keep them as generic as possible.

Having blabbed my way through introductions, I hope those of you who have dared to continue enjoy the first chapter and as always, let me know your thoughts in the review box down the bottom.

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The castle stood proudly shroud in darkness as the three Gryffindor's stood at the drop off to hop into a carriage.

"It feels different, don't you think?" Hermione mused as she stood between her two best friends.

Different, Harry couldn't disagree with that, even with the memories that started to bubble towards the surface of his conscience. The castle certainly didn't look any different, you could have been fooled that half of it hadn't been destroyed the night when Voldemort was finally defeated as it stood in front of them. It was almost mocking in a sense, it looked unaffected and pristine whilst Harry felt that the war had taken its toll in mind and body. He certainly didn't feel like a spritely teenager anymore and looking at his two friends they too looked aged beyond their actual years.

When a carriage arrived, the three of them piled in, Ron and Hermione with their hands locked in a loving embrace as they sat next together. Harry didn't mind, in fact he was happy for them that in the adversary of war they were able to find love and heal together. The only family they had now was each other and what was left of the Weasley clan; that was where the three of them lived over the final part of the 'school year' and summer. Seeing as the teaching year had been cut short, all students who would have been graduating were invited back to finish up their education by the new Headmistress, McGonagall.

Harry had been the most hesitant, closely followed by Ron but that didn't mean that Hermione was brimming with excitement to be back either. A lot had happened the previous year that they all wanted to bury, including Ginny who had elected not to return with the others which had been mostly due to Molly trying to protect her. Harry appeared to have struggled the most adjusting however; he still had frequent nightmares and reacted badly to loud noises.

Stepping into the main courtyard, Harry froze, his eyes glued to the spot where he had disarmed Voldemort and cleared the Wizarding world of the darkness that had tried to consume everyone. When he heard a faint bang of a door in the distance he pulled his wand and looked around wildly for the source only to realise that the people around him had stopped walking and were now staring at him. Hermione promptly put her hand on his elbow and roused him enough so they kept walking. He felt incredibly silly for his reaction and embarrassed that it had been witnessed by others.

Standing in the main doors their Head of House, now Headmistress, looked over the students arriving and made eye contact with her favourite Gryffindor with sad eyes. When the trio approached her she held out a hand and flattened a section of his hair in a motherly gesture to show that she was here for him and didn't want to become a stranger. He gave her a tight smile in response and relaxed his shoulders.

"It's good to see you, Potter." She said and then put her hands on Hermione and Ron's shoulder's, patting them gently before looking past them.

The trio moved forward and Harry's gut filled with the most painful knotting and butterflies he had ever experienced. There was no laughter this year, no bustling energy from the students that had already arrived and were sitting in their respective houses. Hermione had been right, it did feel different and everyone had been impacted by the war, especially Harry.

Harry refused to look up from the cobbles that lined the Great Hall as they went to find a seat. He elected to sit as far away from everyone as possible and the other two joined him as he emotionally distanced himself from everyone else in the room. He could feel the eyes, hear the whispers of hero worship, the grateful tones of those still alive because of him and he just wanted to block it all out.

"Harry, look." Hermione leaned over the table and put her hand on his forearm, "Look who's at the head table." She continued and the three of them looked over simultaneously at one person.

"Blimey, how did he survive?" Ron muttered distastefully.

Harry sat emotionless, watching the man who saved his life at the crux of it all. He was wandering about the stage speaking with various staff members before coming to sit on the right-hand side of the Headmistress's chair. He thought that the man had died that night, died right in front of his eyes but there he was walking stiffly and very much alive.

"I'm surprised he came back." Hermione commented.

"He probably has nowhere else to go." Harry finally spoke and then looked away, his thoughts carrying him into his own world.

Hermione kept her hand on his forearm and stroked the material of his jumper with her thumb as she continued to talk about nothing in particular to Ron who wasn't listening. Harry didn't know how he felt, he couldn't pinpoint which part of being in the castle had him feeling the most anxious. He thought back to the therapy sessions he had after Molly recognised the signs of post-traumatic stress in him, but with all the overwhelming emotions that he was feeling it was hard to focus.

He glanced up for a moment and walking into the hall was Draco Malfoy, making his way to the Slytherin table that was looking very empty. He looked tired and in his own world, much like Harry, but it seemed that he still had the effort left in him to maintain his slick appearance. The Gryffindor had almost given up with that aspect of himself, he didn't see the point and his unruly dark hair hung over his face. His bangs getting far too long and sat over his eyes when his head was bowed forward.

The Slytherin sat and when he looked up their eyes connected for a brief moment before they both looked away. The acknowledgement was small but it was there and he watched as Professor McGonagall walked up the aisle between Slytherin and Gryffindor. At the front, she took command of everyone's attention by tapping her piece of rolled parchment on the podium. It was the same as Dumbledore used to start the year with the welcomes and general notices but when she started talking about the sorting ceremony she well and truly had the attention of the full room.

"This year, we are going to do something different. The school is going to be resorted, all students from fourth year up are going to come back and we will let the Sorting Hat decide which house should be best for them."

"They can't do that, can they?" Ron bristled quietly and Harry shared a look with Hermione quickly before they all turned their attention back.

It seemed other students thought this unfair also if the gentle heckles that surfaced from the older students was anything to go by but the Headmistress was not going to be deterred and called the first years up for their sorting. Whilst this happened, Harry wondered what he was going to look like in a Slytherin uniform, it was the only house he could think of that he would be resorted into. He risked a glance at their Defence Professor and shuddered at the idea of having to be so close with him. He was going to miss the tower greatly.

"I think the reason we're still alive is because we're Gryffindor's. Don't you think?" Ron whispered to them both and again Harry shared another look with Hermione before he nodded.

He remembered back in his first year being so adament that Slytherin was a bad house and Ron had even said that bad Witches and Wizards were produced there. He wondered what would have happened if they hadn't had that chance encounter with Draco, how different the war might had ended and the lives that might have been saved. Would Professor Snape still have thought he was a spoiled little snot back then? Or would he have revelled in the spotlight of having –what did he say – A new celebrity, in his house.

"Fifth years please." The Headmistress announced.

"Ron, I don't think that's a smart idea to hang on to." Hermione replied, she too was worried about her resorting but Harry remained calm.

As the house tables started to fill with the new students, it was clear that Slytherin had been hit the hardest with only half of students occupying the long table. Harry suspected a lot of students had been pulled from school after the fall of darkness but he would only be speculating. Whatever the reason was, Draco Malfoy, Blaise Zabini and Pansy Parkinson were the only students from their year left.

"Sixth years, please." The Headmistress called for sorting.

"How do you reckon he did it?" Ron whispered across the table once more.

"Who?" Hermione frowned.

"Snape, how did he survive Nagini? Sure he looks like crap but – "

"Ronald, stop it. He is our Professor and let's not forget…" She looked over at Harry who was watching something at the front of the room.

"Oh, right." Ron muttered, remembering the sobering reason why Harry went into the forest and who had relayed that information.

"Just give the man a little respect this year, please?" She pleaded, knowing full well how stubborn her boyfriend could be, especially with their ex-Potion's Professor.

Slowly the students were being resorted, surprisingly there were few changes each year level but the tables did seem to start evening out. There were some heartbroken friends that were split up from their houses and as each year went up, Harry's nervousness grew until it was their time.

"Seventh years and above." The Headmistress called them all up, Harry lagging behind hoping that he wouldn't have to go through with it, Ron not far behind him.

Hagrid smiled at them as they stood to the side in a line and they were able to muster a small smile to their gentle giant. Moving along the table, many familiar faces were still there as well as a few that were absent. Harry let his eyes linger on their Defence Professor and let the memories of the Shrieking Shack fill his mind, running through everything he could remember to see which point he overlooked that would have shown that the man was still alive but came with none. He was staring, rather obviously, and didn't register that he was next to be sorted until he was nudged in the back by Ron and he cleared his throat realising that the man was staring back at him.

Turning to his friends, they saw his face suddenly go very pale and he starte rapidly apologising with desperation. Hermione had both hands on his shoulders trying to push him up to the stool and calming him simultaneously, she knew why he was doing this but she didn't want him making a scene in front of everyone.

"What are you talking about? Go." Ron whispered with confusion and Hermione finally managed to turn him so he was in the direction of their Headmistress. Before he sat, he addressed the woman with a grave expression and apologised.

"Whatever for, Potter?" She asked; he looked past her at the Slytherin head before giving her a tight smile.

Their Defence Professor was watching him with interest, although most would say dis-interest. He was so sure the hat was going to place him in Slytherin this year that his heart skipped a beat and then constricted in his chest painfully. Draco Malfoy had already been placed back into Slytherin, that wasn't really a surprise, but what were people going to say when their Gryffindor saviour was really a Slytherin.

"For this. I shouldn't have defied the hat in my frist year." He replied as he sat and she paused before placing the hat on his head, a confused expression fleeting.

Ah, Mr. Potter we meet once again. An adventurous and troubling time you have had, one that your friends could only speculate at. You have become a cunning mastermind, patient and loyal. You remember what I said to you the first year? It would suit you well.

"Just do it." Harry said quietly aloud and closed his eyes, his brows knitting together in an intense frown as the hat kept talking. He refused to look up.

If you insist, Mr. Potter.

There was a tense moment where silence followed the hats confirmation. Gryffindor had been good to him but times had changed, he had changed. The quiet would even be a refreshing change for him. But the hat still had to announce its final decision, the school would need to know their hero was no longer a Gryffindor, and his Head of House would be a man who cheated death. He held his breath.

"Slytherin." The hat announced to the hall and Harry refused to open his eyes as he heard the gasps and shocked whispers working their way through the hall.

"What, no!" Ron choked.

"Ron, hush." Hermione put her arm around him as he went to lunge forward..

The hat was removed from his head and he risked a glance at the Headmistress who smiled sadly at him, but she understood, it was clearly etched into the aging face. She patted his shoulder and he looked to the Slytherin table, missing Professor Snape's shocked expression, with a baited breath he made his way slowly down the stairs and along the benches. He walked past all the younger years and kept walking past the three remaining Slytherin's in his year who had been sorted back into their house so he could sit by himself. After a beat, the hall went silent and looking down towards the front of the hall, Draco Malfoy had stood and was walking towards him. Instinctively Harry stood and pulled his wand from his pocket, not raising his hand.

Minerva didn't believe that anything serious would happen but not daring to utter a word for the next student to come forward until the two Slytherin's worked things out. Severus, too, didn't believe anything would happen, however he couldn't deny that having Potter in Slytherin created an odd emotion within him. The teen looked unwell, sickly with his pale skin and unruly hair, but he didn't show his concern as he watched with the rest of the school.

"Potter."

"Malfoy."

They addressed each other with no emotion and the staring competition started immediately, each not wanting to make the first move. Ron stood in line to be sorted absolutely gobsmacked and Hermione who was standing behind him squeezed his hand gently as they watched.

"You saved my life." Harry and Draco spoke at the same time after a few minutes of eyeing each other and Draco was the first to crack, putting his head down and away from everyone else to let a smile pull at his lips.

"Slytherin, huh?" Draco commented softly.

"Apparently so." Harry replied without any hint of malice and then extended his hand which was met, shaking the other.

There was a short movement of the blondes' head that signalled a nod that only Harry would have noticed before he turned and took the seat next to where Harry had sat. After a breath, Harry too sat and the two students sat side by side in allegiance publicly for the first time since they started school in their first year. Both students and staff looked at the scene and without hesitation, the Headmistress smiled and called the next student forward.

"Can you believe that?" Ron looked over his shoulder at Hermione and she shook her head as if she were lost for words.

She actually wasn't surprised and urged Ron to take his place at the stool whilst she watched Harry and Draco sitting in what appeared to be a relaxed silence. On the surface, she acted surprised but underneath she wasn't all that shocked, when it all boiled down, they weren't all that different from each other.

"Gryffindor." The hat announced and Ron bounded off the stage to be with Seamus Finnegan who had also been resorted.

Hermione made her way up to the stage and took a seat, remembering fond memories of being sorted the first time around. She had been so nervous and uptight about being in the right house, but now that was all different and was no longer concerned where she was placed.

"Ravenclaw."

She took a deep breath and waited for the outcry from her new boyfriend but when she looked at him his jaw was on the floor. He almost looked as though he was going to cry and she hadn't seen him upset very often. The red head was as stubborn as a Hippogriff. She didn't mind Ravenclaw, in fact, she believed that putting some distance between her and Ron was a positive thing. Not being in each others pockets all the time would make their relationship stronger in the long run.

"Good luck, Miss Granger."

"Thank you, Professor." She replied to her Headmistress and slowly made her way to her new house, robes changing as she walked.

Ron stood and gave her a hug and didn't want to let her go but she insisted as to not make a scene in front of the school.

"Let go, Ron. I have to go." She whispered as she pried herself away and walked away.

"I can't believe this." He said to himself and Seamus nodded.

When the students had all been sorted and settled into their houses with friends and new friends, the Headmistress announced the feast and suddenly the hall filled with mouth-watering food, the scent enough to get the Gryffindor's piling their plates immediately. Hermione was a little more graceful as she started chatting with Luna, someone she never thought to be close with but she was now their housemate so would act like one. They were, after all, adults now.

"Well, Severus. Not something we saw coming." Minerva sat down happily and leaned forward for the chicken.

"Harry Potter, a Slytherin." Severus looked down at his plate with disgust, he didn't ever think that something so horrible could ever happen to him.

"Oh, come now, Severus. I know that the two of you aren't enemies. I doubt he even knew you were planning on teaching this year, so surprises all round."

"Minerva, please. I am rather tired and would like to eat in peace." Severus reached for the wine, he was going to need a lot of it to get through the next week as he adjusted to his new student.

The last he'd seen of the boy was on that awful night and not one that he could easily forget. The pain and fear held within his green eyes, Lily's eyes. He shuddered at the embarassing weakness he'd shown – look at me – how desperate for just one last glance into those beautiful eyes. It was something that haunted him, all through his recovery and all night. It made him nauseous. Blasted, Potter!

Whilst dinner had been a rather silent affair from the Slytherin table, once they arrived in the common room Harry was surprised to see hustle and bustle. Since his second year when he and Ron had infiltrated the sacred Slytherin common room he'd always imagined it to be a subdued place, someplace reflective and quiet. So, to see first years talking animatedly amongst themselves and the second years reconnecting in their groups was refreshing.

Knowing roughly where he was going, Harry headed in the direction of the male dormitories and slipped quietly into the one where Blaise was unpacking his books. Noting his trunk just to his right he sat on the bed and looked around at the unfamiliar furnishing and ran his hands over the silky emerald bed covers. Soon Draco came into the room and went straight to his trunk to pull out clothes and left again, not saying a word to anyone which suited Harry just fine but he needed to know where the bathrooms were so he could brush his teeth.

Asking Blaise for some general directions, he entered the bathrooms and found Draco bent over a sink brushing his teeth covered in a towel around his waist and a black long-sleeved top. They made awkward eye contact as the ex-Gryffindor went over with his brush and started doing his teeth also but not before the blonde wandered away muttering about how weird it all felt. Harry had to admit that he was right, this felt like a dream and that he could wake up soon and find himself still at the new Burrow, away from everyone.

Alas, when he woke groggy in the morning he found himself surrounded by dark green drapes and the softest cotton sheets he'd ever slept on. He felt disorientated and panic started to build until he realised where he was. Slytherin house, not a dream, he concluded and pulled the curtains back. They had an interesting view of the Black Lake from the Dungeons and whilst some may have found it awesome, after being down in that lake in his fourth year he would safely stay away from it. The water brought no comfort to him.

Today was his first official day back at school for over a year. He had been teaching himself and learning off Hermione for a year already so to slip back into a routine of teacher and student was going to be an adjustment. Especially when he was going to be facing his Defence Professor at some point in the week.

Changing into his Slytherin uniform was odd, the Serpent crest not something he was accustomed to seeing on his chest and he missed his Lion status in the school. Looking in the mirror he shook his head so his bangs weren't in his eye and took the image of himself in.

"This is as good as it's going to get." He said to himself and shoved his hands into his pockets.

"It would be if your hair wasn't covering your face." Draco sniffed from the other side of the room.

"What's wrong with my hair." Harry raked a hand through his dark lengths and it parted in the middle, framing his face.

"You're going to turn into Professor Snape if you don't deal with it." The blonde continued and walked over to the mirror.

"And?"

"I won't dignify that with an answer."

Draco offered to help him with his hair but Harry abruptly rejected the offer, he didn't know Draco that well to have him fix his locks. It seemed the other teen understood the reasons and they both stood looking at the mirror, both of them realising how similar they now looked in their uniforms and grown hair.

Harry found Hermione sitting alone when they made it to the hall and he went to go and sit with her.

"Where's Ron?"

"With the Gryffindor's." She said as she read the paper.

The Slytherin looked over to the Gryffindor's and saw Ron sulking into his breakfast. He would have assumed that with them being so close over the summer after declaring their love for each other that they wouldn't be alone outside of classes and sleep. Turns out Harry had been wrong and his friend was being a typical Gryffindor about things.

"Guess that's why we're in different houses." He said to himself.

"Huh?" Hermione looked up having not heard but he shook his head and slid an egg onto his plate.

Professor Flitwick came up to them both when breakfast was well underway and Hermione was given her timetable, she smiled politely at him and then went through it to see what she was up for in the morning. She hummed at various intervals, to which Harry found amusing, until a piece of rolled parchment landed in front of him, just missing his breakfast. Unrolling it, he found his own timetable and he peered up at his friend who was looking past him at the Slytherin's, in particular, Professor Snape.

"Guess he hasn't buried the hatchet." She mused and he shook his head.

"Apparently not, but at least I don't have to look at him until tomorrow." He replied and took a long gulp of water.

"So, how's Slytherin?"

"Just as I remember it." He gave a coy smile and she looked down with a large smile across her face.

"Of course, you have already been there with Ron." At this she laughed and he finally gave a wide smile, both looking down as to not surprise anyone.

"And Ravenclaw?"

"Relaxed, lots of books. It's practically heaven." She almost swooned but instead showed him the title of a novel she had started reading.

Movement from the end of the Gryffindor table caught their attention and Ron walked over to them, standing awkwardly next to Hermione before asking what they had first thing. Considering there weren't many from their year left, she deduced that they would be in all the same core classes to which Harry's timetable confirmed her suspicions. There was only eleven of them left this year, but she was surprised that the smaller extra classes that she'd taken throughout the years were also available, some that would only likely have a handful of students.

"So we have the same classes, cool. Ready to go?" He asked her and she nodded, picking up her bag. Harry stood also and followed behind them to their first class.

Reconvening at lunch, the trio sat down by themselves where Ron started grumbling about Potion's they had for the rest of the afternoon.

"I'm not even sure what I'm more annoyed about this year. The fact that Professor McGonagall enrolled me for Potion's or that Snape is taking Defence."

"I'm quite looking forward to both, Professor Snape always wanted to take up that position and now he can do so. He might be a different teacher without the added pressures he's had over the years." Hermione opened her novel as she ate.

Harry on the other hand sat there staring at the wall off in the distance thinking about the afternoon. The last time he had been in a Potion's classroom he had been using the Half Blood Prince's textbook, despite the fact that it had been Professor Snape's book, he had grown a fond attachment to it. Sadly, it was now ash along with the other items in the Room of Requirement and had been lost by the fire. His eyes searched out for the customary black robes and sour face up at the head table but found an empty setting, Defence was surely going to be interesting with Professor Snape in charge.

"We should go, it's nearly time for class." Hermione said standing, and the three of them went on their journey to the Dungeons.

"It feels odd that you're down here now." Hermione commented as they passed the entrance to the Slytherin common room.

"You're telling me. This morning I was sure a giant shark swam past the window." Harry commented and shuddered.

"Creepy." Ron added as they neared the classroom.

By the time they got there, most of their year had arrived and they found their stations quickly as Professor Slughorn entered from his office at the back of the classroom. He was looking older than when Harry had last seen him and frail. He supposed this was going to be the norm from now on, everyone he looked at appeared tired and worn out. It was going to take time before people settled and practiced a carefree life.

"Harry, such a joy to have you back in my classroom." Professor Slughorn announced and Harry wanted to shrink on the stool he was sitting on.

"Professor." He replied with a tight smile and looked down at the table.

"Splendid. Today we will be going through the curriculum, so no brewing at this stage. We will start with some potion basics as there was a somewhat lacking and inconsistent teaching the past years…"

"Basics?" Hermione pouted as she whispered to her friends then she put up her hand.

"Yes, Miss…?"

"Granger, sir." She bristled at the fact that he couldn't remember her name, "What do you mean when you say basics?"

Ron leaned over to Harry and mentioned what happened the year before in this class. Unfortunately, Hermione heard him and she threw him a withering glance at the reminder of not being top student for one of her classes. Smiling down at the table, Harry ran his finger on their textbook and opened the front cover wishing desperately that it read his favourite name on the inside.

Unsurprisingly by the end of class, their bushy haired friend stormed out of class and started ranting about the development of their class.

"I can't believe we aren't going to be brewing properly until week three. Do you know how much we are going to have to cram for the exams?"

"We just need to pass this, I doubt the Ministry is going to be looking at individual marks for each class." Ron said, he didn't care for Potion's but he figured that he'd need it to become an Auror. He had forgiven Professor McGonagall for that one.

"And you, Harry? You don't have the Half Blood Prince to help you this year."

"Thanks for the reminder, Hermione. I'd almost forgotten about him." Their hero sulked and stopped walking when they were passing his house and the others stopped also.

"I'm going to sit outside, are you coming?" He looked to her for a moment and then nodded but said he wanted to put his bag away.

"I'll catch up."

He ducked into the Slytherin common room and put his things away but was in no hurry to catch up with them. He was feeling very overwhelmed by the day, and he was exhausted with the memories that would surface at any given time. Potion's had been hard for him and he wondered if he could seek out the Room of Requirement just to have a look, anything just to look through the pages where he could lose himself. He shook his head at how ridiculous it sounded and flopped onto his bed for a few minutes, staring into a green abyss.

Hermione and Ron were sitting outside and resting against a large tree that sheltered them from the sun. The red head turned to his girlfriend and looked at her gravely, they hadn't had a chance where they could talk about what had happened that night and would going to happen going forward. He was quite upset that his two friends had been separated from him even though he still had Seamus for company.

"So…"

"Yeah." She bit her lip and went to hold his hand.

"You're in a different house this year."

"Doesn't mean we can't still be together."

"But I can't see you as often."

"We'll make it work." She offered him a reassuring smile and shuffled closer, allowing Ron to put his arm around her which is where they stayed for a while, occasionally sharing a kiss.

Harry was standing up the hill, seeing them in this embrace made him feel alone and hollow inside. It wasn't that he wanted a lover to fill that gap but he wished it didn't sting as much as it still did seeing them like that. One could say that he was even the third wheel in their friendship now and going down there to interrupt the moment wasn't something he wanted. He was still happy for them, but couldn't deny the feelings he had in association to them being together.

Instead, he slowly turned and made for the castle but finding Draco sitting on a rock also overlooking where Hermione and Ron where sitting, he wandered over. He had no doubt that the teen wanted to be left alone but he figured that they were housemates he would go and say hello. Perhaps sit with him so neither of them had to be alone. As he got closer, the blonde seemed to be very much in his own world so instead of announcing himself, the ex-Gryffindor moved to sit on the rock that was plenty big enough for two people.

They stayed in silence for a long time but considering there had been no fight or curse flung his way, he decided that he was welcomed.

"Do you ever wish you had that?" Draco asked softly.

Harry, who had been looking at the ground below the looked at his two friends and hummed quietly. Did he want a relationship? Another person who could comfort him and understand what he'd been through? Of course he did but he also knew that people like he and Draco didn't simply get to move on quite that easily and Harry knew that if he were to find someone, it would be likely he'd push them away.

"Do you?" The brunette countered.

"Sometimes."

Harry found when he looked to his classmate that he was already looking back at him, sometimes could mean anything but it was the tone in his voice that told Harry that they both felt the same.