After cards, Thomas and I talk a little longer, then decide to watch Heathers, a movie we would watch together in high school.

At one point, Thomas wrapped his arm around my waist. I shied away from it at first, but it's nice to have someone showing affection. Laf's always so busy, and doesn't have time for cuddles.

I think I fall asleep, because one minute we're halfway through Heathers, the next, the tv is off, and Laf is here, screaming.

"What ze hell, Thomas? What did you do to 'im?" Laf shoves Thomas away from me. "James? James, are you okay?" He pulls me into a hug. "Where is your binder? THOMAS!"

"I didn't hurt him!"

"Liar!"

"No, he's telling the truth!" I say. "I'm okay."

"Where's your binder?"

"I never put it on today..."

"Is Thomas blackmailing you to lie?"

"No! It's Alex's fault, yell at Alex!"

"Tomorrow." He looks at Thomas. "Get. Out."

"Of course." He briskly walks out of the house.

"Now you can tell me the truth. Did he hurt you?"

"I was telling the truth, Laffy. I'm okay."

"You're sure?"

"Yeah."

He hugs me close, pressing a kiss against my forehead. "He might have hurt you. He might have hurt you and I wouldn't be able to protect you." Laf starts to cry. "I haven't been here for you. I need to be here for you." He kisses me again and pulls away. "Je t'aime, mon belle cheri."

"I love you too, Laf."

He smiles. "I'm really sorry, I really didn't know Thomas would be coming—"

"It's okay." I interrupt. "It's okay."

"Oh. Okay."

I smile to myself, getting in my car and pulling away. I got to see James again. I got to talk to James again. I got to talk to him again without bursting into tears. Well, he did at first, but oh well.

I have to admit, I do still love him. At least a little. If only I had been different...Laf may have still had Herc, and I would have still had James.

I haven't dated anyone since James. I don't trust myself. I don't want to give anyone anymore pain than what I already have. That's not something I wamt to do. I don't want to hurt people. I broke James. That's what I did. I broke him. And Laf is slowly mending him, but he may not be able to be fixed completely. My fault. It's my fault.

It's interesting that Alex asked me on a date tonight. He usually plans them ahead of time and lets me know right away. It's also interesting that I never got a call from Laf about watching James...it is Friday. Perhaps he was able to be home tonight?

I pull James close to me as I curl up in bed.

His breathing is evened out—he fell asleep a while ago, but I'm still wide awake. My mind keeps going through horrible scenarios of what could have happened with Thomas here. I know there's no point in worrying, but I can't help it. Damn my anxiety.

James shifts and his eyes flutter open. "Laffy?"

"Shush, Love, go back to sleep." I gently kiss his forehead.

"You don't need to keeo worrying, Laffy. Everything's okay." He places his hand against my face. "You need to go to sleep, too."

I smile. "D'accord."