Title: You Know Me
Characters: James Potter, Sirius Black, Severus Snape and Regulus Black.
Pairing: James x Regulus
Word Count: 2, 132
Prompts: [Song] Iris - Goo Goo Dolls. [Pairing] James x Regulus. [Genre] Hurt/ Comfort. [Dialogue] "My thoughts are starts I cannot fathom into constellations." [Word] Infinity.
Warning: AU!
AN: Written for The Insane House Challenge, the 365 Prompts Challenge and February Event – Library Lovers at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (Challenges and Assignments). Also, here I go again redeeming my little Slytherin hero.
Not many people knew Regulus Black. Not really. They knew what his parents wanted them to know. They knew that he was intelligent, they knew that he knew how to carry himself and that he had perfect manners, according to the pureblood world standards. They knew that he was beautiful, that he was a talented quidditch player and that he was the perfect son. There was nothing he wouldn't do to honour his family and that made him desirable. He had a number of good qualities but it was the honour part which made people turn around to look at him; in the pureblood world nothing mattered more than honour. When Regulus turned fifteen, everyone had an idea of what kind of person he was. There was a particular image which appeared when his name was mentioned. Everyone saw a teenager with dark brown, almost black, curly hair and big grey eyes with full lips and a face with sharp edges. They could feel the intensity which radiated from his eyes and even if people didn't fear Regulus, they didn't particularly like him either. They thought that they knew everything they needed to judge him. People often said that he was doomed to be a death eater. He was a psychopath. He was a puppet. He wasn't Sirius. He was jealous of his brother.
They weren't entirely wrong and Regulus knew that. He was doomed in all the possible meanings of the word and he couldn't see his life ending without that dark mark on his arm. He knew that he wasn't a psychopath but he was damn good at acting like one. Maybe that was one of the effects of having grown up with Walburga and Orion Black. You learned to shut down to the point where other people looked at you and saw a psychopath. Regulus was a puppet. He was constantly being controlled and his life was steered into paths which he wasn't always entirely sure about but that didn't stop him from wandering down them as if he was steered by strings. He wasn't Sirius, it didn't take a genius to figure that one out, and yes, to a certain extent, Regulus was jealous of his older brother. But not for the reason that people believed.
Hogwarts was considered as a home for the majority of the students. That was the purpose too. The school was meant to be a second home; but for some it was their only home all year long. Regulus didn't belong to either one of those groups. Hogwarts, to Regulus, was another place where he needed to play a role. It was the stage where he acted like the perfect son who only did what his parents wanted him to. Regulus didn't feel at home at Hogwarts, not at all, and he was constantly stunned by the fact that no one seemed to see through the carefully applied mask of indifference. Well, almost no one…
"Potter, Black wandering the castle as always," Every time Snape spoke, Regulus couldn't help but grit his teeth at how slow he did it. It was almost as if he was struggling with his native language. His black, flat hair stuck to the sides of his face and he held his bony fingers intertwined a few centimetres from his chest while sneering at Sirius and James. "What are you doing out so late?"
Regulus hands were put in his pockets and when he looked up his face was entirely emotionless. Even when James looked straight into his eyes. The Gryffindor seeker looked like he had recently jumped of a broom considering the messy state of his hair. He didn't smile, which he normally did, but instead his lips were pressed into a tight line and his arms were crossed in front of his chest as he glanced between the two Slytherins. He was an astonishingly good actor, albeit not as good as Regulus, and it almost felt as if the night before was nothing but a fantasy.
"Exploring," Sirius responded with a cool voice as he looked between the two teenagers. He was carelessly elegant without working for it with his brown, long hair always falling perfectly. His grey eyes were intense and every movement was graceful as if he had planned them beforehand. He hadn't. "What are you two doing here?"
"Heading to the library." Regulus replied and tore his gaze away from James a few seconds too late.
If Snape noticed then neither commented on it. Neither James nor Regulus doubted that Sirius noticed. He knew both of them too well not to but he too was an excellent actor and could easily act as if he wasn't in fact finding the situation bordering on comical. There was no hesitation in his voice when he spoke, only malice. "That's too bad."
"Why?"
"Because you're going to ruin them by making the pages all greasy with your hair." James responded without hesitation and looked completely delighted when one corner of Regulus mouth turned upwards.
The younger Black brother gained composure just seconds later and any traces of him having found the joke funny was lost. "That's hilarious. You're so intelligent Potter."
James couldn't help but smile at that sentence as he mockingly bowed. "Why, thank you! I bet that wasn't as hard to admit as you thought it would be."
It was during those moments that Regulus was grateful for being a good actor. And he was even more grateful about the fact that James was too. Because if they hadn't been able to look at each other and not think about the last time they were completely alone then they would have been in serious trouble. If they hadn't been confident enough about their emotions for one another then they wouldn't have been able to openly mock each other in front of a crowd which demanded nothing else; and Regulus would not have been able to say that one sentence out loud without the truth spilling out.
The Room of Requirement was a bloody brilliant room. Regulus had to say that much and he had to admit that his brother and his friends had been brilliant when they found it. Which is exactly what James was forcing him to say out loud. "I am not going to tell you that you're intelligent."
"Technically you just did, but I am going to be a good boy and not count that one," The older boy commented from where he laid next to Regulus on the bed with his hand resting against his toned stomach and the other reached upwards as he caught the snitch. "Meaning that you got another chance so come on, you know you want to tell me how intelligent I am; and use your serious voice, not the sarcastic."
Regulus raised his eyebrow and almost asked if James wanted him to sound like his brother but decided against it in the last second. "How long are you going to nag me about this?"
"Until you do it."
"Well then," Regulus moved his arms so that they laid underneath the pillow. His lips were swollen from kissing, which he didn't mind, and as always there was a tingling sensation running through his veins and a warmth which he had never experienced before. "I guess we're staying here for an infinity."
James caught the snitch and glanced to the side. His glasses fell sideways and not until they were millimetres from landing on the mattress next to him did James push them back again. "I like the sound of that."
Regulus hummed and smiled tiredly as his mind began working and producing thought after thought. It was the kind which he rarely allowed himself to think and would never allow himself to say out loud. The young teenager had been born into a family with one purpose and it didn't matter if he liked it or not. It didn't help him to cry about the unfairness of life because he had been put on this planet for a reason and there was nothing that he could do about the undeniable brokenness which would come to define every event of his, probably, short life. Regulus Black and the world with all its inhabitants full of petty judgement based on false facts did not get along and he was fine with that.
"What are you thinking about?" James laid on his side and reached over to move a curl away from his forehead.
Regulus shrugged. "My thoughts are starts I cannot fathom into constellations."
When James didn't look impressed, Regulus smirked and leaned his head further into the pillow so that it partially covered his vision. When he spoke again, his voice sounded uncharacteristically serious and emotional. "I'm thinking about life and people."
It was impossible to miss the emotions which radiated from the younger teenager. For once in his life, he didn't act as if he had no worries. He wasn't being the perfect son which everyone expected him to be; instead he was simply being himself. Regulus was the version of himself which he could have been if life had given him a fair chance instead of putting him in this situation. He didn't often allow himself to think about it but he knew that at some point this, James and he, would end. It wasn't going to happen because either of them wanted to but time and life would stand in the way; and when it did, Regulus would lose the one person and the one time when he felt the closest to some kind of paradise, or heaven.
"Do you wish that they didn't judge you?" James asked with a seriousness which most people would never hear.
Few people really knew James and he could count those people with two hands. Regulus could count the people who knew him using half a hand.
"I don't care if they judge me," Regulus replied almost so quietly that James couldn't hear him. "They judge me based on fake information which tells them nothing about me and I think that if they knew the truth then they still wouldn't understand. So, no, I don't care if they judge me as long as you know who I am."
James decreased the distance between them and eventually their lips collided. Regulus as always closed his eyes. He never thought that he would be the kind of person to enjoy kissing or lying next to someone without doing anything. He thought that maybe his childhood had messed him up and maybe he was unable to have a normal and loving relationship. But he had been wrong and he was constantly reminded of that. It was there in every kiss together with that taste which to him was sweeter than anything in the world and the feeling of content and belonging.
That moment, like every other moment with James had to end and Regulus never got used to feeling of sadness which struck him across the chest when that happened. He had only ever truly missed someone once before and that was Sirius. To some people, their relationship could be called the first broken thing in Regulus life but the young teenager didn't agree. Everything before that and everything after that was just as broken, if not more. They just didn't know it or maybe they didn't see.
"Well, it's been great talking to you," Sirius patted James on the shoulder and slowly began guiding his best friend forward. "Obviously that was a lie but according to my mother lying is acceptable if it can get you something so there you go."
Both Snape and Regulus turned around to watch them walk away but Snape was the one to speak. "And what did you get from this?"
James turned around and winked at the two. "That is for us to know and you too agonise about and we know that you will because …" – he winked at Regulus whom rolled his eyes" – I know you."
Then James and Sirius turned around and continued walking down the hallway. Snape muttered insults under his breath and all Regulus did was nod in agreement even if he wasn't truly listening to what the boy next to him were saying; he was too busy thinking and feeling that content spread in his body.
No one really knew Regulus Black and he was happy about that because he didn't want anyone to truly see him. Because at the end of the day, no one could ever understand the broken path which was going to be his life. James Potter was one of those who did see him, who fully understood him and knew who he was, and that was all Regulus needed. That was all he wanted.
The end