Author's Note: Making it that Caitlin got panic attacks when she was younger was kind of a last second thing/idea, but I'm glad I did because then this chapter makes more sense.

And don't worry: There is no character death in this chapter :)

Watching someone you care for die and not being able to help is worse then death itself.

The above statement, Caitlin thought, was something that was so true it hurt. Not only that, but she was living it right now.

She was strapped to a chair, her wrists held down by thin, pale blue zip-ties. There had been an explosion- she could feel the after-heat on her cheeks, the dust on her lips, and her ears were still ringing from the noise.

Barry had fared quite a bit worse.

He had been running towards her chair, going to untie her after taking out the meta human who had captured her in the first place. Caitlin, having overheard the metahuman talking to his cohort a couple of hours ago, knew that the room was loaded with explosives. She tried to communicate that to Barry, but through her gag all that came out were a few muffled screams.

As usual, he didn't take the hint that something was wrong and kept rushing foreword, over the pressure plate and towards her.

They had gotten lucky- or she had, anyway. The machine that set off all of the explosives had malfunctioned, and only a few of them -the ones closest to Barry- had detonated.

Barry had frozen up as they exploded, and she had watched him get blown backward as if in slow motion. He flew across the room and crashed through the window, falling the long drop to the pavement below.

It was then, of course, that Caitlin finally got her gag off. She let out the loudest, most broken scream of her life, "BARRY!"

There was no response, save for her cry echoing back to her in a million splintered sound waves: "Barry... barry... barry..."

Caitlin broke down in sobs. There was a pain inside of her; a pain so deep and immense that she had almost forgotten she could feel that way. The last time she had felt this kind of pain was Ronnie's death, all those years ago. Time had made her forget exactly what it was like, and it hurt.

Caitlin yanked her arms against the zip ties. They tugged against the tender skin of her wrist, sending rivulets of blood down her hands on a soft cry of pain from her lips. She sagged sideways, in a mess of tears that were coming so hard she wasn't even making a sound; so hard she couldn't breath.

She was choking on her sobs, her mind rushing from thought to thought. She would have to tell the Team that Barry was dead. There would be no more Team Flash, no more stopping metas, no more soft looks across the Cortex and smiles and coffee when she had a late night. There would be no more Barry, and at that thought something inside Caitlin broke.

She gasped for breath, vaguely aware that her head was spinning and a pit of nausea was growing in her stomach. She hadn't had a panic attack in nearly six years, and now, when it finally happened again, there was no one there that could help her. The one person that could calm her down was the reason her whole world was crumbling down around her shoulders. And besides, at some points in your life you come to realize that you don't want to be calmed down. There was no reason left, no will to live, because Barry Allen was dead.

A hand touched her cheek. Caitlin let out a gasp and jolted back, pain shooting from her wrists and eyes zipping up to meet the person in front of her.

"Shhh..." Barry Allen, very much alive, cupped her cheek. "You're alright, Caitlin. You're okay."

He wasted no time in cutting her bonds. As soon as they had snapped, Caitlin leapt out of the chair, hunched over, and was sick all over the floor. Barry watched her in concern, rubbing her back until she finished coughing and collapsed back into the chair.

"You- you can't-" She struggled for breath. "You're dead- You fell-"

"Cisco caught me in a breach," Barry explained, crouching down in front of her. "I'm okay, Caitlin."

She shook his head, face a ghostly color, gripping his shirt. "You- you fell... The bomb... you're dead."

Barry's forehead creased and he, ever so gently, touched her cheek. She exhaled shakily, eyes watering and trembling all over.

"Come on," Barry said softly, picking her up. "Let's get out of here."

He quickly flashed them both outside, and Caitlin stumbled against his chest, still trembling. "You- you-"

"I'm okay," Barry repeated. "I'm okay. You're okay. We're both okay."

She shook her head, burying her face into his chest and letting out a sob. Barry wrapped his arms around her and rocked slowly back and forth, ignoring the stares from the few people passing by.

"I think-" Caitlin said, her voice shaky and muffled in his shirt. "I think I- I think I had a panic attack."

Barry nodded, chin pressing into the top of her head.

"I thought I was... over those," Caitlin said, the disappointment evident in her tone. "I thought I could- I thought I could control it and then it goes and brings me to my knees."

"You can control it," Barry told her. "You haven't had one is such a long time... we're all weak at some points, Cait. Even you."

"I thought you were..." She hesitated, voice raw. "I thought you were dead."

"I know." Barry pressed his cheek against her hair. "I'm sorry. The explosion blew me through the window and I- I would have fallen if Cisco hadn't opened up a breach back to the Cortex. I got back here as soon as I could... the blast knocked me out and I was out of commission for a little while."

"It wasn't your fault," Caitlin whispered, knowing he was already blaming himself. "You couldn't have done anything."

He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and started to move towards an empty, unobserved alley. "We should get back to STAR Labs and bandage your wrists."

Caitlin glanced down at her hands. "I- I have a med kit at home... I would prefer to just go there."

"Okay," Barry agreed immediately, checking to make sure there was no one around to see them. "Okay, I'll take you there, then."

He picked her back and and she wound her arms around his neck, shutting her eyes. They arrived at her apartment in seconds, and Barry set down an already half-asleep Caitlin so that she could unlock her door. She yawned, fumbling with the key, and was soon stumbling into her apartment.

Her shoes came off and were tossed messily over in the direction of the mat. Then Caitlin took of her coat and her jewelry, seemingly having forgotten that Barry was there. He was reminded of the last time he had been here, when Caitlin had been drunk and tired and he had changed her into her pajamas at super speed.

She turned back around, eyebrows raising as if she was surprised to find him still here. Barry wondered awkwardly for a moment if he wasn't supposed to have stayed, but then a small smile crossed her lips and he could tell she was happy he had.

"Uh, sorry," she said, twisting her hands together and fighting a yawn. "Can I, uh, get you anything?"

He smiled. "You just worry about you, okay? You look exhausted."

She slumped, and he went in for another hug. It was only 6:00, but Caitlin couldn't think of anything else to do but curl up in her bed and sleep until her headache went away.

Barry led her into her bedroom and she didn't bother changing, just threw on a sweatshirt and collapsed against the mattress. Barry watched her with a faint smile. "You good?"

Caitlin nodded, yawning, and curled into a ball. Barry leaned over her and gently pressed his lips to her forehead. She smiled, shivers darting up her spine.

"Sleep well, Caitlin," Barry said softly.

The words were out of her mouth before she knew what was happening. "You can... you can stay. If you want."

He looked a little surprised, but nodded. They watched each other for a long moment before Barry slowly slipped off his shoes and coat and slid under the covers. Caitlin curled up to him, tingling wherever they touched, and shut her eyes. Her voice was soft as she spoke again. "I'm proud of you."

Barry tilted his head, looking at her quizzically.

"You kept your cool today," Caitlin explained. "Even when I was a mess and you were the only one that could help, even with all of that pressure, you didn't get stressed out at all." She smiled, wrapping her arms around his waist. "I think that maybe you're starting to get the hang of fighting these panic attacks."

He grinned, looking pleased, and bundled her tighter into his arms. "I couldn't have done it without you."

"Well of course not," she teased, laughing. "I am your doctor, after all."

Barry looked at her seriously. "You're more then that," he said. "You're much more then that."

"Yeah?" She leaned a little bit closer, eyes flicking to his lips and back. "Then what am I?"

He leaned down and kissed her, and while it wasn't exactly an answer, that worked, too.

Author's Note: And we are done! Tell me what you thought in the comments- also, if you have any stories you want to see, let me know there, too. I'm on a Snowbarry kick, and I need ideas :)