1. KYLO REN

"Ben"

Once again it awakes me. Her voice whispering my name. Making me and everything around me tremble. Her never-ending presence is like the Force. It surrounds me and beckons me. Only I can not control it. It controls me.

"Ben. Please don't go this way."

I had thought it would be the memory of my father's last moment which would forever haunt me; his words, his eyes, his shock and heartbreak as I killed him.
I was wrong. It is her. All her. Her stabbing words asking me not to drift back into the darkness. Her eyes, tear-soaked and pleading, begging me to join her in the light. Her distraught when she believed herself to mean less.

"You're nothing ... but not to me."

I meant it. I still mean it.

I rise from my bed, the thin black silk sheet falling from my body to the cold floor. It's barely dawn but it's pointless. Once she has me, nothing comes easy: sleep, eating, thinking, breathing, living... Galaxies apart and she has me. She, a scavanger, has me... Kylo Ren... Son of Darkness... Supreme Leader... Heir to Darth Vader...
I was once fearless and feared. And now I feel as if I am neither. She has weakened me and I should hate her for it. I should but I can't. Hate which has always come so easily fails me when it comes to her. Even as she tried to kill me, even as she cut and scarred me, I never felt hate. It was something else I felt. Something I fear to name. Something I refuse to name. If I name it, it becomes real, it becomes the truth, and then it is over. Kylo Ren will be no more and Ben Solo will live again. Ben Solo who was weak and foolish, and who let himself be controlled and nearly killed by his own family.

"No!" My voice echoes in my bare metal chamber as I declare my refusal to go this path. "The past is dead. There is no going back. It's too late."

"It's not too late." Her voice whispers yet again. "Ben".

Ben. I hate that name. I hate hearing it said. I hate being called by it. And yet, each time she says it, I stir. I remember the first time she called me Ben instead of Kylo Ren. We were in the elevator, her hands shackled, and I was bringing her to see Snook. My mind was not made up yet. I still did not know what I had to do. When the Force connected us, she had moved me . The touch of her fingertips had inched me closer to the light. But I was still not there. So when she spoke, talking of how she felt the conflict in me, I didn't react. It wasn't until she said it... Ben. She had spoken my name, the name that I hated because it stood for everything that I wanted to kill. Yet when she said it, I didn't feel anger or hate. It woke me up. It gave me resolve.

"I'll help you," she had whispered and she had made me hope.

But then she denied me.

Furious at the memory of it, I walk over to the window to overlook my empire of power and metal. The First Order, the most powerful entity in the Universe. This could have all been hers, ours. We could have ruled together. She would have been my equal in everything. If she had just been able to let go. But she is still holding on to her past, to the death of Han Solo, and to the rebels. As long as her friends are alive, she will not be able to let go.

"Find them," I order as I later enter the command deck and they all begin to scramble, eager to please me.

1. REY

"What?" I blink, hand frozen midair, as I realize that Finn has asked me something. Perhaps he has asked several things. Perhaps he has spoken for a while. I can't know for my thoughts had been elsewhere. They had been galaxies away.

"Rey".

It's a scolding tone. A knowing tone which fills me with guilt and anguish. My thoughts should be on our survival, mine and my friends.

"You mean the murderers. traitors. and thieves you call friends..."

I shake my head. Trying to clear all the memories of him and refocus. He doesn't deserve any space in my head. He deserves nothing.

"...you're nothing... but not to me."

" Get out of my head," I yell and the wrench next to me shoots into the wall.

Finn flinches and stares at the wrench which magically had shot off. "Rey, what's wrong?"

I stand, shaking my head in denial to it all. "Nothing. It's nothing."

"Rey."

"I'm sorry. I can't, Finn. I can't."

Before Finn can ask anything further, demand an explanation, I leave. I can't answer any questions. I can't give any explanations. Not about my connection to the Force. Not about my absence mindlessness. Not about him... especially not about him.

I walk with haste out of the Millennium Falcon and onto the docking platform. The ship took on a lot of hits and there is still much left to do, but I can't stay in one spot any longer. My head is racing and the only way to get it to slow down is if my feet move faster. I want to run but here there is nowhere to run. We are in hiding, the few of us that are left. We are very possibly the last of the resistance. The First Order has nearly wiped us all out. He has nearly wiped us all out.

"He is a monster, Rey. A monster." I mumble as I rush onward to nowhere, down the corridors of our inground hiding camp. "Remember that. Don't be a fool to think anything else."

Tears begin to roll and I brush them away angrily. I had gotten my hopes up and I had begun to believe. I had been a fool. Luke had warned me. Trying to tell me that things were not going to work out the way I had hoped. But I didn't listen and now he is dead. And Kylo Ren is the new Supreme Leader. He has even more power than before and all because I...

"Rey," someone says and I halt my movement. "Do you have a moment?"

It's her and I want nothing more than flee. I know what is coming and with her I can't dodge. She will ask and I will tell. No matter what the question is and no matter how badly I don't want to answer.

"Rey, you look exhausted. Are you not getting your rest? The Falcon can wait. I always told Han this. Not that he ever listened."

She smiles and my heart aches for her. I hardly knew him and yet I think of him everyday. I think of the day that he died, how he died, and by whose saber.

"I'm sorry about Luke" I say, not because I want to, but because it has to be said. It should have been said days ago, yet I have not had the strength or nerve to do so. "It's my fault he is dead. I never should have gone to the First Order. I was a fool and now Luke is dead."

She shakes her head slowly and smiles sadly. "Rey. None of this is your fault. Luke made a decision. He himself decided that it was his time to fight and to die." She stops and I see the struggle. She exhales, her breath trembling. "Luke finally told me. Told me what he had done. And, I should hate him for it. Ben was our son and he tried to kill him. I understand why. He saw our father in Ben and he wanted to stop him before it was too late, before he joined the Dark Side. But still, it was my son. It was my Ben and Luke's action is what made us lose him to Snook. If Luke hadn't done what he did, Ben might be standing right here with us now."

With her words I look around, expecting the Force to connect us and bring him beside us. The Force connection is both unpredictable and predictable. It seems to happen when it has the greatest impact. When we feel the most lost, lonely, or at a crossroad. It's been days since the last time. Since that day when he tried to kill us all, shoot me out of the sky, and I closed the door on him. I closed the door on him in more ways than one... or at least I try to tell myself this.

"No one is ever really gone." She says, pulling me back to the here. I frown. "Luke told me this, right before he went out to fight Ben. He still had hope for him. So how can I not have hope?"

I can't answer her for I don't know if I believe this. She was not there when Snook fell by Ben's will, when we fought and defeated the Praetorian guards together, and when he asked me to let all things die so we could rule together. All things... even her... his own mother.

"Rey, there is still hope. No matter what you saw. No matter what he said. What matter what he has done. There is still hope... because of you."

My eyes which had been on the floor below rise to meet hers. As they do, she steps forward and then I am in her arms. Her arms wrap tightly around me and soon my tears begin to soak her shoulder. People around us stare but she cares not and neither do I.

"You're wrong. I failed you, General. I thought I would be able to reach him, bring him home to you, but I was wrong. I'm so sorry."

"Rey," she hush and her hand runs across my head with the true touch of a mother. It makes me want to sink deeper into her embrace, lose myself in her motherly love which I have always longed for. "In the short time that you have been apart of his life, you have done more than all of us combined during his lifetime. You have touched him, Rey, in a way that none of us could have. And not just because of your connection with the Force. Luke and he shared that. This is something else, something deeper." I shake my head and try to pull away but she grabs me tighter. "Rey, listen. Please," she pleads and I still. "Care not what others think. Care not of the past. Care only of what you feel and what dwells deep inside of you. It is as true as the Force. Let it guide you."

"Why is the Force connecting us... you and I?"

His words echo in my mind. I have myself wondered that very thing many times. Why had the Force connected us?

She pushes me away to arms length, our eyes meeting. "Ask yourself, Rey, what has been on your mind the most for these last few days? Or should I say who?"

She walks away before I can answer. She leaves me standing there in the center of the corridor, alone with my denying thoughts full of excuses as to why he is the one who constantly occupies my mind. I tell myself that it is because of Han, because of Finn, because of the Rebels, because of the First Order...

"Don't be afraid. I feel it too."

But that's just it. I am afraid. Afraid of what I am feeling.