If it isn't love, why do I feel this way? Why does she stay on, my mind?

Seconds ticked away on the screen of an iphone as a cocoa colored woman sat on the lid of a toilet. The woman chewed on her lip anxiously, too nervous to distract herself. Thoughts raced through her head at the possibilities and as tears began to well in her eyes, her phone timer went off. She jumped and turned it off, standing from her seat on the toilet. Closing her eyes, she held her breath as she picked up the little white stick on the sink. She slowly peeked before her face fell.

Candace Vega was pregnant.

A couple hours later, Candace Vega was frustrated.

"So you just gon' not answer the phone nigga? Bet."

A phone was thrown into the wall as Candy flopped down on the bed, screaming into her sheets. She lifted herself up and banged on her bedroom wall for the umteenth time.

"Erik!" She yelled furiously, before falling back.

Erik Stevens had disappeared. It had been a week since she had seen him and he said nothing but 'bye' to her the last time they spoke. Well it wasn't as much of a 'bye' as a slap on her ass.

It scared her but she knew that he was probably called out to a 'mission' or whatever they did in the military, but still. A week?

Candy put her braids in a bun and got up from her bed, going into her study to distract herself.

It was official.

Candy was two months pregnant. She had hurriedly gone to a Planned Parenthood with sunglasses on and a big hat and the doctor told her as much. She had a little pea in her belly. Erik's little pea.

She wouldn't be being honest if she didn't say she was terrified. How was she supposed to deal with this? A baby? A whole human being depending on her. It was too soon for her and Erik to even think about a baby and yet… When she thought of Erik… butterflies interrupted in her stomach. He was everything. The sight of him sleeping on her chest, drool and all, was enough to make her not want to ever leave bed. Even just him calling her 'his girl' was… wonderful. And now she was pregnant with his child.

Candy absentmindedly put a hand on her stomach. "Food." She murmured, removing herself from the situation, "I… we need food."

Moments later, the smell of sausage and eggs wafted through the apartment of the black writer. The sound of sizzling mixed with the speaker on the counter playing the songs of Musiq Soulchild.

Candy pushed around the eggs on the skillet as she swayed her hips to her soft Sunday playlist. She was a lot calmer now, the anticipation of food helping her nerves. She was only dressed in a Howard tee and panties but she felt no fear as the grease popped in front of her.

The sound of her door opening made her head whip around as she held her plate in her hands. She turned around completely, ready to curse him out when her eyes widened.

He was covered in blood.

"Erik!" Candy exclaimed, her own blood running cold.

"Aye, you put cheese in my eggs?" Erik questioned, taking the plate from her, "That's wassup."

"Erik!" The pinkette called desperately, rushing to the table to sit in front of him. Her eyes darted around his body to see if he was hurt. "I dunno if you know this but you're covered in blood."

"Yeah, I'mma shower in a sec," Erik shrugged, scarfing down the eggs ravenously. "Can you get me some milk, ma?"

"No I can't get you some-! Erik what the fuck is going on?" Candy questioned, her voice straining from how upset she was, "You out there sellin' drugs or somethin'? Please tell me you are and that this isn't the blood of some poor civilian or-!"

"And what if it is?" Erik suddenly turned it around on her, his voice was eerily calm, "You'd rather me be out here breakin' the community apart than making steps to help it?"

"E," The pinkette started evenly, "What are you talkin' about? You're covered in blood in my apartment. Excuse me if I'm worried about you."

"I don't need you to be." Erik retorted roughly, "I just need some fuckin' milk."

Candy tensed her jaw but nodded, getting up from the table and going to her fridge. She pulled out her almond milk and poured him a glass, setting it on the table beside him. "Eat what you want and get out." She murmured to her neighbor, padding to her room and slamming the door shut behind her.

The pinkette sat down on her bed with her chin in her hands, looking at nothing as she sat in her anger. He hadn't talked to her like that in a long time, not seriously anyway. He looked at her as if she were stupid, like she wouldn't have the capacity to understand if he explained it.

Candy laid back on her bed and closed her eyes, trying to clear her mind. Her thoughts were interrupted by her bedroom door opening and the smell of cotton wafting in the room. She sat up and crossed her arms as Erik trotted in with nothing but a towel around his waist. He walked around the bed and got boxers he had left from her underwear drawer, sliding them on.

Candy huffed loudly, though kept her eyes trained forward.

"You huffin' and puffin'." Erik grunted, passing her to put the towel in the hamper. "You big mad, huh?"

"NIGGA-!" Candy stopped herself and took a deep breath, narrowing her eyes and standing up. "Get out of my house Erik."

"Candy-!"

"Nigga I will call the fuckin' police."

"No you won't, you hate the police."

"...Erik."

"Candace."

"You fucking disappeared on me." Candy accused, poking his chest, "Couldn't pick up your phone, I was worried sick. Thought you had died or something, and you come back and tell me, covered in blood that I shouldn't worry about you. Nigga, how does that make sense? Does it? Tell me cuz a bitch is confused."

Erik sucked his teeth, "You always blowing things out of proportion. It ain't even like that-!"

"Yes it is! You out there doing god knows what-!"

"Candace." The man hissed, standing over her, "You really want to know what I do? What these fuckin' marks on my body stand for? Huh? You want your pretty ass to be scared of me?"

"Erik," Candy's voice softened, her eyes widening a bit, "What are you-!"

"Nah, don't bitch out now. You big and bad right? You real reckless right?" Erik back her up until she hit her dresser then stood over her once more, lowering his head to her level. "Evey mark you see is a kill. That's what I be out there doing."

The pinkette swallowed, a hand coming up to cover her stomach as he sneered at her. The marks that she had came to love, the ones she kissed at night were…

"Why?" Candy choked out, feeling sick. He wiped away from her and stormed out of the bedroom. She hurried to follow him, "I know there's a reason, E. Just tell me," She begged desperately, grabbing his hand, "Please?"

Erik's shoulders rose and fell with every harsh breath and Candy let go off his hand to hug his back. "You don't need to hear this." He muttered quietly, his hands in fists.

"You already told me the bad." Candy whispered back, "You gotta tell me the whole thing, Erik. Or I swear I'll make you leave and I'll…" She paused, hesitating before continuing, "Never see you again. I'll leave you alone for good."

"You won't want me anyway. " Erik sneered, halfheartedly trying to tug himself away from her.

"Erik I already do." Candy muttered, closing her eyes, "So much, I don't know what to do. I keep tryna' push you away but you won't go. So maybe you're not supposed to." She let her words breathe for a moment before sighing, "Baby just tell me."

"My father is from a kingdom in Africa called Wakanda. He was a prince and his brother was king. Well my dad came to America to perform reconnaissance but he saw how America was treating black people. Our people. My dad didn't think that was right and did all he could to smuggle in weapons for us to rise up against our oppressors, but his brother ain't like that too much. He came and killed my pops, right there in our apartment while I was playin' outside. They just fuckin' threw me away." Erik growled through his teeth, before his resolve began to crumble, "They fuckin' threw me away…"

"Hey, E." Candy soothed, moving in front of him and wiping his tears. "It's okay, baby." Erik tugged himself away from her hands with a scowl, his nostrils flaring.

"You right." Erik grunted, nodding to himself, "It is, 'cause I'mma make them bastards pay." His glare wavered as tears filled his eyes once again. Candy weaved her arms through his and kissed his shoulder as she hugged him, shivering as he finally gave in and buried his face into her neck. He cried quietly, silent sobs wracking his body and making him shake.

"I ain't mean to snap at you, Cee." He muttered into her neck, his voice hoarse.

"I know baby." The pinkette cooed, rubbing his back soothingly. She felt him sniff one last time before he pulled away from her, pressing his forehead against hers. His arms untangled from hers and he trailed them down to her bum, pushing him into her tighter.

"Why you deal with my shit?" Erik rasped between them, pecking her lips.

Candy knew the answer but didn't say it, instead smiling softly. "Erik…" She started and the man's face fell.

"Oh shit…"

"I didn't even say anything yet-!"

"You only call me my government when you mad at me." Erik retorted, removing himself from her. "What I do?"

Candy took a deep breath, pushing him back to the couch. "You should sit down."

"I'm good."

"Erik sit down!" The woman demanded finally, her glare enough to make him plop on the couch. "I have something to tell you and it's not easy to say…" She trailed, wringing her hands in front of her.

"You a writer, right?" Erik quipped, leaning back against the couch, "Spit it out."

"Don't be an ass." Candy snapped with a scowl, "You… We…" She tried but bit her tongue.

"You leavin' me?"

Candy sucked her teeth, "No, negro."

"Then what?"

Candy bit her lip, taking a seat in front of Erik on her coffee table. "I can't drink anymore." She said with a blink, trying to convey the message with her eyes. "Or smoke."

Erik's face twisted with confusion, "Why?"

"Jesus you're stupid." Candy breathed, rubbing her forehead.

"The fuck is that supposed to mean? You speakin' in riddles and shit! How the fuck am I supposed to-!"

"I'm pregnant!" Candy interjected desperately, taking hold of Erik's shoulders. "E," She whispered, with a frown, "I'm pregnant."

It was silent for a moment and Erik just stared at her. He didn't blink for a whole two minutes. Candy slowly removed her hands from his shoulders and sat back, biting her lip nervously.

"Erik…?" She called, swallowing thickly. "Say something, please?"

The response she got was a large hand on her stomach. She looked down in surprise and let out a small gasp before returning her gaze to Erik.

"I-I-I…" Erik stammered in front of her for the first time, "I don't feel anything, Cee. S-S-Shouldn't I…"

"It's small." Candy whispered back, before placing her hand over his and moving it slightly down, "It's a little pea, right here."

The pinkette watched her lover's eyebrows raise and a small smile began to spread across his face.

"You havin' my baby?" Erik questioned in an utterance, his eyes trained on her stomach.

"Yeah." Candy replied with a breathless laugh, "I guess I am."

"Well fuck." He breathed before he finally met her eyes again, his own shining. "Aight then."

Candy laughed again, loud and full of relief before throwing her arms around Erik's shoulders and jumping in his lap. She peppered kisses all over her lover's face, making him chuckle too. "Erik!" She happily exclaimed, "I fuckin' love you."

"Word?" Erik murmured lowly, making Candy tense. She pulled back and bit her lip nodding, silently.

"Yeah." Candy then whispered, suddenly uncharacteristically shy. "I really do, E."

"That's what's up."

The pinkette sucked her teeth in reply, hitting Erik on the shoulder. "Y'know what? Fuck you Erik. You get on my damn nerves! I take that shit back. I can't stand you and yo' big ass head-!"

Erik chuckled lowly, grabbing Candy's wrists with his hands and cooing, "I love you too, Cee."

"I know you do, dickhead." The woman retorted with a scowl, tugging her wrists free. She draped her arms over his shoulders and smiled warmly, playing with his dreads. "I'm yo' baby's mother."

"Nah," Erik shook his head, linking his hands behind her back, "You my Candy girl."

"Corny." Candy mocked, despite the toothy grin on her face. "We're gonna have to find a bigger place."

"Don't e'en worry 'bout it." Her baby father shook his head, "I got it. I got everything from now on. You just make sure you keep my son comfortable."

"Yo' son?" Candy scowled, removing herself from his lap to sit next to him on the couch, "Nigga my daughter will be just fine. You just want a boy to name it Erik."

"Nah." The man beside her shook his head silently and she looked over at him, furrowing her brows at the change of tone. "I'd name him N'Jadaka… that's the name my father gave me."

Candy blinked and looked forward a small smile on her face as she placed a hand on her small stomach. "N'Jadaka." She repeated slowly, leaning her head against Erik's shoulder. "That's a pretty name. Maybe a boy won't be so bad." She felt Erik's chest swell with a sigh and she looked up at him from his shoulder.

"If it's a girl I hope she looks just like you." Erik smirked before pausing, "Actually I hope she ugly like me so no boys talk to her."

"Shut up nigga." Candy snapped, slapping her hand against his chest. "And you are far from ugly, boy."

Erik laughed, loud and obnoxious, "Yo, how the hell are we gonna be parents?"

"This baby about to be goofy as hell." Candy agreed with a cackle, "But they'll be beautiful, too."

"Yo' daddy really about to hate me."

"...He already does."