~[Psychic/slightly insane/suicidal/male self-insert/Sasuke. Canon Divergence.]~

Trigger warnings: depression, suicide ideation, alcoholism (Sasuke's really not doing so hot here)

***This can be triggering content***

***I warn anyone suffering from Depression or suicidal ideation to exit now ***

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto

Okie Doke.

Sasuke's different, he has the memories of another life. Meaning, he would somehow, in some way, effect those around him. Sakura isn't as obsessed with him. Naruto isn't as annoyed with him. I present to you, the wondrous concept of *sparkle hands* the butterfly effect.

-;-

"Wake up!"

There's an overwhelming metallic taste in his mouth as Sasuke jolts awake. Wheezing through clenched teeth and trying not to scream as past memories burn in his mind like a house on fire. Mixtures of Itachi and something else merging into one incomprehensible memory.

Somehow, he knows of a life filled with happiness and hugs and family.

It's impossible. For a good reason.

In both lives I should be dead.

Sasuke clenches his fists in the bed sheets. A sudden urge to shoot something. In another life he would go to the shooting range with his partner. Share horrible instant coffee and bitch about how the world's gone to shit.

But I can't. Because I'm a child.

In another goddamn universe.

"Aah, I should have woken you up earlier. Sorry, Sasuke-kun. I didn't realize it was that dream."

There's the tell tale chill that creeps up his spine like insects and Sasuke tilts his head towards the doorway where Kenji hovered. As always, he graciously ignores the slit throat oozing blood.

"No worries," he croaks. Wondering how long he had been screaming.

"You were shouting when I came back," Kenji informs somewhat guiltily. Yesterday was Kenji's weekly meet up with the resident foreign ghosts (suna-nins and the like). He always gets excited about that. It was some sort of fucked up support group for the undead. Even death can't kill prejudice, it seems. "You were in pretty deep it seems."

With a heavy sigh he wriggles out of bed and rubs away what's left of sleep. No use in trying to fall back again. He wasn't feeling much like seeing his Chief shoot him in the head again.

"Time?" he asks. Dry swallowing.

"Five thirty."

Three hours sleep, then. Better than last week.

Kenji gives him an expression of half-filled sympathy and Sasuke doesn't have the strength to flip him off for such fake sentimentalities.

"Only an hour until team placements. You've made it this far, Sasuke-kun. Don't give up just yet, ne?"

Don't give up.

What a useless request for a dead man.

He missed whisked.

- ; -

Staring at the navy blue cloth bolted into metal, Sasuke can't help but be reminded of how similar it is to his badge. A symbol which handed him the ability to protect those in place who cannot. Putting himself in harms way for strangers who only saw the bad in the Police. Unlike others in his department who likened themselves to Superman, he knew he was not impervious to harm. Violent encounters were the norm in the department he was stationed at, and he accepted that with a mind of duty. He knew what he signed up for. Died knowing it.

Do these kids know?

Can they look past the propaganda brainwashed into their psyche?

Oh. Unlikely.

This headband was like a dog collar marking its owner. Filled with apocalyptic level bullshit to conditioned cannon fodders. Sacrificial lambs expected to sign over their lives to a village that allowed a pedophile to kidnap orphans for illegal science experiments, forced a teenager to slaughter his family, and abuse their most powerful asset because the child happened to be a demon container and oh the civilians will get over it I'm sure this village isn't prejudice it's not like we had a Hokage that was racist at all.

Sasuke snorts with a vicious scowl. Wondering the thousandth time why he even bothered with this village.

Because they won't let me do otherwise.

He hates this place.

"Know where to tie it?" Sasuke doesn't startle when Kenji's face suddenly materializes from the bathroom mirror. Bodily fluids leaking from his throat and into the sink. He steps out and around Sasuke, examining him. "Around the arm is always nice."

"Biased much?" he glances meaningfully at Kenji. Eyebrow arched.

"Semantics."

He huffs a small laugh and relents to tying it around his left bicep. Observing himself in the mirror, Sasuke notes that the blue was horribly eye-catching against his black sleeves. Ah, he could always change that. Maybe tomorrow. Where was the rush? It was only his first day as a genin. He wasn't expecting to be put out in the field so early.

While this village's relationship with morals are fleeting at best, even Sasuke had to admit they weren't that cuckoo.

Kenji smirks, "I knew it would suit you. I have an eye for these things, you know. They don't call me Kenji the Voyeur for nothing, old man."

"Nobody calls you anything anymore," Sasuke walks out of the bathroom, and because his apartment is about the size of a kiddy pool within two strides he's in the kitchen. "You're dead."

Sasuke lived in an extremely cheap and run down apartment building. Though to be fair, it never used to be like that. Before shit hit the fan with drastic totality, it could have once been considered the Grand Budapest Hotel it was so sparkly.

What happened?

Sasuke happened.

Bad omens polluted the place within the hour he moved in. Crows and ravens collected themselves on residents balconies picking at their gardens (which was unusual as those particular species of birds were a rarity in Konoha). Rats infested bathrooms and ugly mould stains grew in the corner of rooms. Immune to common household means of removal. Ghostly hauntings were reported in waves to local shamans along with possessions. People coming down with sudden cases of extreme anxiety and anger were also reported to Yamanaka's psychologists. Civilian Mental health statistics in that localised area skyrocketed from 5% to 20%. Shinobi from 70% to 90%. Within a month the human to ghost ratio went from 30:10 to 14:50. Hotel Transylvania was in full swing and Sasuke was only vaguely aware of it until the Sandime himself came to visit and ask what he thought of re-locating to a more...secure apartment.

Sasuke refused. Oddly enough preferring the company of the dead than annoyingly alive neighbours who gawked at him every time they passed in the hallways.

"You really ought to work on that personality of yours," Kenji drawls behind, pools of glittery red following. "You'll drive your teammates into next week if they don't quit on you the first day."

Sasuke ignores him and the uncomfortable twist in his gut. Behind his eyes he see's his partner's cheshire smile. Pretty lips twisting up, causing creases under hazel eyes.

'You're a real piece of work Godfrey'

"I don't care about inter-relationships, they enable you. Make you susceptible to manipulation and ending up as a pawn in a game of politics."

Chief taught him that.

"It might have been different in your world," Kenji continues while observing Sasuke gather ingredients for a grilled ham and cheese sandwich. "But in this shitty village - and world in general, relationships between comrades is what keeps a team functioning. Personally, I don't want to see your ugly mug join me in whatever messed up limbo this is, so I'm just gonna do you a favour out of my cold, dead heart and spell it out for you; this job is intensely involved with other human beings. Remaining ignorant to this factor will promote danger to yourself and others. Knowing you, I'd gander you'd want to keep potential casualties out of harm. "

Odd hearing that come from a murderer.

"If you know me," Sasuke says in a dry, dull tone, "then you'd know that I don't want to stay alive." He grabs a knife and cutting board. "I want a swift, exciting death on the battlefield. Preferably one without torture. And casualties? Please, one or two dead child murderers won't make anyone cry."

He'll die.

Like before, only this time he'll stay dead and buried like a good little human.

With nobody around to revive me like those gung-ho med-nins.

Sasuke turns around to meet Kenji's murky eyes. "I understand what is required of me, and getting close my teammates isn't listed as a necessity. All you really need to operate as a cell is knowing each other's skill set, intentions and affiliation. I know how to keep it professional."

He turns back to making breakfast. Grabbing a loaf of homemade bread and cutting two slices.

"Besides, when I do allow myself to finally die, I don't want my teammate's to try to stop me out of some misguided 'friendship'. It would be annoying to have to take them out, but not an issue of morality. I assure you, friend. I'll be at peace. Your plane of existence will be safe from me."

- ; -

When Sargent James Godfrey became Sasuke, the universe screamed and cried in terror. Galaxies swirled and planets shivered at the darkness carries in his soul. A soul so dark and dreadful it made a black hole seem miniscule.

The universe watched as this entity seeped into the cooling body of a human child, sucking in the leftover light and carving out a grave for itself in its skin.

Billions of miles above, the moon watched. Horrified as meticulous strings of fate suddenly decayed, eroding into dust and nothingness.

For a second the spirit world, the universe, everything in existence stopped.

And then it began and the boy woke up and saw things no human should ever see.

The universe wept, the spirit world shattered.

Everything that ever was, will never be.

Death walks in human skin.

- ; -

Just like the story, he was stuck with Naruto - who loathes him for some reason, yet adores their pink-haired teammate Sakura. Said pink-haired teammates despises Naruto yet adores him.

Said 'he' doesn't mind either of them. Hating is a waste of time and liking equally requires time – ergo he'll just accept their continuing existence until they all die together in a glorious battle filled with heartache and bloodshed.

"Oi!" Sasuke cocks his head towards Naruto seated up front in the empty classroom.

Classmates had left just under an hour ago along with their assigned jōnin. Iruka himself had left. Work for his term finished in a heavy sigh.

Funny, it was almost as if he was guilty of something.

He just sent children off to die, of course he would be feeling guilty.

"Do you like ramen?"

His partner Quin loved it.

"Never tried it. Why?"

The kid stares at him as though he had just cursed his great ancestors. "Never – you -" he splutters then slaps the table. "Well no wonder you're such a constipated mess of a guy. It all makes sense!"

"Don't call Sasuke-kun a constipated mess of a guy!" Sakura shoots from her seat besides Sasuke and begins hoofing her way across desk after desk towards an extremely baffled Naruto.

"Ah, eh?! Sakura-chan stop you might fall!"

"We do not insult our teammates on the first day, Naruto!"

Sasuke drops his head in his arms and blocks out the noise.

- ; -

Their Jōnin sensei arrives an hour later, and he's not alone.

How bothersome.

The man's haunted.

Trailing behind like a lost duckling is a girl [I recognize her, where have I seen her before?]. No older than fourteen with purple tattoos on her cheeks and a hole where her heart should be. Sasuke's seen worse, but considering he ate not too long ago, he has to swallow back a little bit of ham when seeing the dangling insides dripping and making a total mess on the floor.

He also has to try real hard to not stare in open fascination when a piece of her ribs snaps off. Only to materialise back seconds later.

Creepy.

"…next, broody."

Sasuke blinks into awareness. Gaze sliding back to his Jōunin-sensei's eye. Yes, eye. The man appears to have lost one down the winding road of Oz.

Isn't his name Kakashi?

"Hmm?" He shuffles on the step and glances at his teammates on either side of him. They were on the Academy's rooftop, sensei reclined carelessly against the barrier's edge with the backdrop of Konoha behind him. It almost made him look awe-inspiring.

Almost.

"Addle-brained mind, hmm?"

Sasuke scratches his nose, "What were we talking about?"

On his left Naruto groans, "Not this again. Pay attention, teme!"

Besides Kakashi, Sasuke absently takes note of how the ghost girl stares at Naruto with tender white eyes.

"We were doing introductions," their sensei speaks slow. Lazy eye giving him a look that reminds Sasuke of the one he used to give his dog when she pooped on the carpet.

"Ahh, we were?"

"Maa," Kakashi sighs up at the sky, "as it appears you weren't paying attention looks like we'll have to start over."

"What!" Naruto flaps his arms and almost catches Sasuke on the jaw. "Come on, sensei! We already know each other, let's get to the exciting part, eh?"

The man looks considerate for a moment, and Naruto practically shines.

"Umm, no."

Naruto balks.

"Naruto!" Sakura hisses.

The ghost looks on, smile splitting from ear to ear as though she were enjoying this. Huh.

What a sadistic little ghost.

"But Sakura-chan~"

"Right!" their sensei claps, eye-smiling at them which positively screams he would rather be anywhere other than here. Sasuke could relate. He'd rather be dead in his old world with his family mourning him than in another universe he could barely remember. "I'm Hatake Kakashi," the two kids straighten as he begins. "My hobby is knitting, I like reading romantic novels. I dislike people who are untrustworthy, and my goals for the future are…" his head of silver tips to the side, "I don't have any. Pinky, your turn."

"I told you it's Sakura-chan, sensei," the girl grins, tone threatening violence before switching back with abnormal speed. "I'm Haruno Sakura, my hobbies include writing and training, my likes are," she coughs and blushes a bit, "reading. My dislikes are Ino-pig and people who make fun of my appearance. My goal for the future is…to grow into a capable shinobi."

"Better than before," Kakashi mutters and nods to Naruto. "Next."

"Ugh, fine. Name's Uzumaki Naruto. Remember it! My hobbies include pranks and eating ramen. My likes are ramen, my dislikes are people who're ignorant of the wonders of ramen, and my dream for the future is to become the best Hokage this village has ever seen so people will finally notice me!"

The ghost's smile drops. Dark look glazing her face and white energy lighting around her like flames.

Sasuke develops a terribly cold feeling she's Class 3 on the Ghost list he's written. As in, like his family - not the old one, the new one that was beheaded -, he will have to not only burn her body but along with whatever she's attached to on Kakashi.

"Cutting it a little short than before, Naruto-chan," Kakashi mocks concern. "Could you do it again so Sasuke-chan can have a better understanding – "

"He already knows me you lumbering porcupine!" Naruto practically leaps out of his skin in frustration. "Let's get this ball rolling already so we can go save people, yeah!"

"Maa~ maa~," Kakashi swings his head back and forth, oblivious to the way the girl at his side playfully glares. The cuteness factor drops below zero because hello, she has a hole in her chest the size of Kansas and it's dropping what Sasuke can only describe as important bodily functions.

"'Kashi-chan stop antagonizing these poor children."

Sasuke feels his insides shiver at the whispery, cuckoo tone of her voice.

"I see I've hurt your feelings, so I'll do as told," saluting, Kakashi turns his attention to Sasuke. "Broody, why don't you introduce yourself? Hmm?"

What a prissy little brat.

"My name's Uchiha Sasuke," he drawls the name with hidden contempt. "My hobbies include cooking and practicing my fire jutsu," the Jōnin reacts a little bit to that. Not much, just a twitch of the shoulders.

He's not surprised.

After setting blaze to the Uchiha district and rendering it to piles of ash – fire gets rid of Class 3 ghosts, how lucky he was back then - People have been wary of his relationship with fire ever since.

Nice to see concern over his mental wellbeing in a world that's convinced the moon is a person.

He wishes he was making shit up.

"My dislikes are a lot of things - and my goal for the future is…" dying is a little much, he presumes, "something out of reach."

Kakashi bobs his head, "Okaaay. Now that's taken care of we can move on to more important things."

"Finally," Naruto moans. "So, what're we gonna do, huh? Rescue princesses? Kick bad guy's asses? Please tell me yes, I've been waiting like an eternity for – "

"None of that, Naruto-chan~" Kakashi flaps a placating hand at him. "No, no no, what I have planned for you three is so much better!" He announces cheerfully.

Naruto would have jumped in delight had it not been for Kakashi's sudden giggles.

Grown men shouldn't giggle.

"Okay," Saskura whispers to no one in particular. "That's upped his creepy factor spectacularly."

Sasuke finds himself grunting in agreement.

- ; -

Personally, Sasuke found he was very good at hiding the fact that he could see ghosts. Differentiating between a human and the undead could be somewhat, well, difficult at times when there's not an obvious cause of death.

For example: Kenji.

The poor bastard had his throat slit by a Konoha nin during the third shinobi war near our borders – which was about a decade ago and what the fuck- since then his body was buried under a foray of rocks and trees, he was never found the guy's been moping about Konoha ever since. Stuck in limbo or whatever state of existence ghosts are in until he found Sasuke.

Who apparently glows like the fucking sun and sparkles.

Which is not fun when he's just trying to get along in this shitty world and die an exciting death. Ghosts hounding him about moving them onto the afterlife were not welcomed. He wasn't a bag of chips they could just open. He wasn't a reaper or angel or whatever they thought he was.

The only way to get them to leave him alone is if he wears something with iron in it. He figured that miracle out after being handed back his dog tags by the nurse when he was about to be discharged from the hospital.

One second he was surrounded, barely able to hear anything above his own voice from the begging cries of the undead when suddenly – it's quiet. They looked confused, as though they forgot he could see them and disappeared without another word.

Now the only way a ghost knows if he can see them is if he interacts with them voluntarily.

He messed up once with Kenji...then twice resulting in the Uchiha fiasco but nothing like that has happened since. That had to count for something.

Point being, Sasuke considers himself very adept at keeping his ability a secret.

- ; -

"You can see me, can't you?"

What, Sasuke thinks blankly. …What?

He hadn't even looked in her direction. Never gave her the slightest hint that he could see her. Pretended he was innocent and unimpressed by death.

So how…

Sasuke grits his teeth and shoves some noodles into his mouth. Maybe some of his sparkles or whatever managed to peek through. It's not like he could lower the wattage, much to his chagrin.

"That's right teme!" Naruto cheers besides him. Oblivious to his favourite ramen stall being haunted by a ghost that looked to have had a house dropped on her. "Knew you'd like it. Ichiraku ramen never lets anybody down, believe it! It could cure death!"

It took every drop of self-control he had to not burst out laughing.

The man behind the counter gives a warm belly laugh for him instead. Eyes creased back like crinkled paper. Besides him, in the outer rim of Sasuke's eyes, the woman has an identical one.

Albeit sadder.

"I'm not going to do anything to you, dear." Her tinkering voice, identical to a tiny bell, rings in his ears.

"…I won't tell the other ghosts."

He twitches.

"Ah, so that's what the problem is."

Keeping gaze steady on the ramen he swallows, feeling the weight of glutinous noodles slide down to his stomach like sea water before piling some more in. To his right Sakura stares in an open mixture of fascination and unease.

"Eh, Sasuke-kun…did you even chew?"

Sparing her a glance Sasuke is barely able to hold back a flinch when he comes face to face with the woman's doll-like eyes.

There's nothing behind them but a vacuum.

[So different from Kenji's]

The entire right side of her body was black and blue. Dented, caved and disfigured. As though she were a half-finished clay doll. Upon consideration, Sasuke could imagine her once being very beautiful.

Her ghostly finger brush down his cheek and Sasuke puts great effort into not giving a reaction. Staring where he estimates Sakura's eyes are, he grunts and turns back to his ramen.

"Amazing…" the ghost whispers, "I can almost feel the blood pumping in your body. I can't feel that with my husband." She moves closer. Expression one of extreme curiosity and fear. "What are you?"

In Sasuke's opinion, he'd like to think human.

"Oi, oi teme," Naruto slices a hand in the air. "I'm all for fast eating but this is your first experience with ramen. Take your time. And chew for Kami-sama's sake! The noodles are the best part!"

Nope. As of right now Sasuke had no other plans than to get as far away from this place as possible. Face exceptionally blank, Sasuke looks up at Naruto. Gulping down another mouthful and blinking.

He couldn't help it. "Say something?"

Naruto turns red.

"Teme! I'm treating you and Sakura-chan to this meal so be damn thankful," then he pauses and peers over to Sakura's untouched bowl. "Nani?! Sakura-chan, why aren't you eating? Dontcha like it?"

"Oh-oh no it's just that this isn't exactly healthy and – "

"Impossible!"

While Naruto and Sakura debate, Sasuke attempts to finish the ramen in record time.

"Gosh," the cook mutters. Bewildered. "I didn't know you liked ramen so much, Uchiha-san. You should come by more often."

Like Hell.

"Yes, please do." The woman bends down to try and catch his eyes. Sasuke looks up at the cook instantly, shrugging. "Maybe next time you'll actually talk to me. Other ghosts aren't exactly lively company, I'm afraid." She chuckles at her half-hearted joke.

"Ugh!" Sakura slams the chopsticks down on the bar so hard that they end up inserted into the wood.

There's a collective pause and everyone stares.

Naruto nearly chokes on his saliva.

"…Ayame-chan would love her." She leans in with wide eyes. "Ayame-chan is my daughter, you see. Could you give her a message for me? I died when she was still very little and never got to tell her how proud I am to see her grow into such a beautiful young woman. Could you do that for me, Uchiha-san?"

Sasuke held onto what little patience he had to not scowl at her. Was the ghost really trying to pull the wounded bird story on him? What a slithery bitch.

"I'm sure you wanted to tell your parents something before they died."

This time his eyes did swing to her. Dark and furious.

The ghost flinches back and materializes besides the cook who abruptly shivers.

"I thought we came here to discuss tomorrow's survival training." Sakura says, eyes narrowed and voice trembling with barely retrained fury. "But instead so far all we've done is eat and debate over ramen? Are you kidding me? Whether we succeed or not tomorrow will shape our future, we need to take this seriously you guys."

"That's the spirit," Sasuke remarks dryly.

"Oh-ho," Sakura plants a forced smile on her face. "Don't think for one second that my crush on you blinds me to your attitude, Sasuke-kun."

"Sheesh," Naruto mutters to him. Cowering slightly under the alpha rays Sakura was emitting. Odd, considering the kid was housing a weapon equivalent to a nuclear bomb inside his stomach. "I always knew she was scary when angry but man. She looks like she's about to murder someone."

"You, most likely."

Naruto pins him with an exasperated look.

"Guys!" Sakura bursts.

Biting down on the last of his noodles and swallowing, Sasuke reaches for the broth only to grasp air. He snaps up at Sakura. The girl held his bowl out of reach, eyebrows scrunched.

"Give it."

"No," she meets him head on and Sasuke's eyebrows slowly rise at the brat's audacity. "We're all going to sit here and discuss what we plan for tomorrow."

"Ah let the bastard leave, Sakura-chan," Naruto flops on the bar so he could see her. "Kakashi-sensei said only two can pass."

"He was lying," she says. Teeth bared in a vicious smile. "He was trying to trick us. There's never been a two man team in the history of Konoha. Like, ever."

"E-eh?"

Sasuke contemplates the effort in attempting to snatch his bowl from Sakura and comes up wondering why he'd even bother. He only came here for the free food and admittedly discussing tomorrow was his original priority. Passing this test would bring him one step closer to dying after all.

But he didn't count on an annoying ghost to interfere.

Looks as though tomorrow he'll have to wing it. Oh well, their sensei didn't reveal much in the ways of things so really, it doesn't matter.

A roll of his eyes, Sasuke slips off the stool and leaves.

"Hey, teme!" Naruto shouts at his back.

He waves lamely.

"Oh for the love of – " Sakura angles back in her chair with remarkable balance and grips him by the collar. Wrenching him back. Sasuke chokes. "Sometimes I wonder why I even like you, Sasuke-kun."

"I'm a catch," he defends on reflex before sobering. Rubbing his neck and glaring. "Let go of me."

Sakura swallows back the itch in her throat at his toneless voice. "No."

Sakura notices the change in his stance immediately. "Naruto. Quick – !" before she can even finish her sentence, Sasuke ends up football tackled at full fucking speed.

- ; -

If you know anyone suicidal, I urge you to contact their parents (if they are kind), nearest authority figure and allow them to get the help they deserve. If you yourself are suicidal I urge the same. Talk to someone, even a stranger. It helps.