Two days ago, I made Lazarus look like an amateur.

210 years on ice, a murdered wife, a kidnapped son, a 10mm pistol, 142 rounds of ammo, a vault suit, and a bag full of cooked roach... That is what my life amounts to. This is what I have to show for everything that I ever did and every single plan ever made. The only thing that kept me from becoming a corpse with a 141 unused rounds is the thought of finding Shaun.

Everything is fucked.

The world is a semi-irradiated wasteland, there are fucking roaches the size of a Doberman and mosquitos the size of crows. I have seen six humans in 2 days and I had to kill all of them. This is not looking very promising.

I am currently holed up in a house in what used to be Concord on the north side of town. There are two bodies downstairs that I am not responsible for, but I am pretty sure that the six assholes I had to kill were. They were kind enough to leave a couple cans of CRAM and 4 bottles of bourbon as their legacy for me to find. Canned meat and hard liquor... ain't the world grand?

I woke with the murder of my wife fresh in my mind. Hoping it was just a nightmare, I slammed the door to her icebox open only to find that it wasn't. One shot to the head, brain matter on the back of the tube, still fresh for me to see because of the cryogenic freezing. I wretched. It isn't that death affects me this way.. but her death did. Before I met Nora, I was hardcore, all Army. Career special operations, a stack of medals, and a kill count that earned me a reputation in the ranks of our enemies. I was content existing as a hardwired killing machine, but she saw more. I have no clue why, but she did. It took her almost a year to get me to take her out on a date. It took another for me to tell her that I loved her, but when I finally admitted that to her, I think I also admitted to myself that I was human. I was capable of feeling.

I had entered the military to get away from a life on the streets of Boston. Nothing special - I had a crappy childhood and ran away from home at a young age. I got by until I was 18 and then signed up, looking for purpose and something I could call a family. I dove into training headfirst and was recruited straight from basic into a Ranger Battalion. After 4 years there, I was approached to join a Black Ops command with a focus on wetwork in China. I worked that assignment for almost 8 years. It was at Slocum Joe's while I on leave that I met Nora. Five years my junior, I would not have given her a second look, but she made sure I did. She was a barista working her way through law school when we met. All I wanted to do was drink my coffee, but she wouldn't leave me alone. Before I left that night, she handed me a napkin with her number on it and told me to call her. I told her I was leaving town in two days and heading back to the army. Ever persistent, she told me to call her when I got back. It was a year later when I headed back to Boston and, for some reason, I still had that damn napkin. I had been assigned for a year gig in the area for "decompression". I figured what the hell and called the number she had given me. When she answered, I remember feeling something I hadn't felt before - awkward. After stumbling through words to see if she remembered me, she shouted "Oh my god, you called!" into the phone. She regained her composure and apologized, explaining that her schedule allowed her no time for anything but work and school with very little time in between. She explained that what free time she had was spent reading in her apartment. Apparently, I was the only person she had given her number to in the last year. We talked a bit and I avoided questions about my job as best I could with that conversation ending up with plans for a movie and dinner. I remember going into town to Fallon's and buying a suit for the date. All I had were my uniforms, jeans and a few flannels.

We met at a restaurant she had heard about downtown and never made it to the movie. We talked for hours about everything from her interests and hobbies to my thoughts on the "situation" with China. I couldn't tell her what I did for a living, so I voiced the opinion that we were trained to give. It was one that reflected a neutral, yet pro US, attitude. What I don't remember is how we ended up back at her place, which is strange. trained to be constantly aware of my surrounding and to be able to extract myself from any situation, It wasn't until I stepped inside her apartment that I realized that I had no idea where I was. When she returned with our drinks, bourbon on the rocks, she noticed my unease and asked what was wrong. I explained it as well as I could to her, and she laughed and then recited her address and gave me directions to 3 different bus stops. Somehow, she got me. Somehow, this innocent little woman understood me. I really didn't think it was possible, no one else ever had, why the hell would she? I think we dated for about a month before she asked me to move in with her. I suspect part of that came from her seeing my apartment when I took her home. I never realized it before she mentioned it, but it looked like a barracks room. I had a bed, a dresser, a couch, a television, and a cheap dinette set in the kitchen. No pictures on the walls, no carpets on the floor... nothing.

It was about a year later that I told her I loved her and asked her to marry me in the same breath. She said yes and that was enough for me to put in for early retirement from the only job that I ever knew. I had no clue what the hell I was supposed to do, but this little woman had changed something inside of me. I no longer wanted to be hunting targets in the middle of nowhere, I wanted to be with her. I no longer wanted to take life, I wanted to create it. We were married a month before she graduated with her law degree and purchased a house in the little community of Sanctuary Hills, just north of the site of the "shot heard around the world." Ten months later, she had Shaun. Eleven months later, the bombs fell.

Now, she is dead, and someone has my son.

The depression hit me hard after I found Codsworth and we searched the neighborhood. I knew there was nothing, but I dared to hope. I dared to believe for a moment that fate would not be that cruel, but I knew she was dead. I saw her... I saw her brains splattered in the cryo chamber.. I had seen and held her dead lifeless hands that had held our son. I have the ring on the same chain as my dog tags around my neck. I left Sanctuary Hills, telling Codsworth I was heading to Concord to look for people, but I was actually just looking for a place to die. As I crossed the bridge, I found the dead man and the dog, instinctively, I checked him for ammo and supplies, searched nearby and found a duffle with more crap in it, picked it up and started to walk to the Red Rocket. I don't know what it was that snapped me out of it, but I gathered myself when I felt the cold steel of the 10mm rest against my temple. It may have been the drive to survive that had been hammered into me while in the army... It may have been an even more sublime feeling of loss and sadness filling my soul... but in that moment, I asked myself why I scavenged ammo and a weapo0n off of a dead man. I realized that something deeper than my waking mind was at work. Something in my gut told me that I needed to survive.

Now, here I am, a day later, counting bullets in a dead man's room, eating CRAM and getting shit faced on cheap bourbon, scribbling into this notebook I found in a desk drawer. Nora always said that writing could be cathartic, and it has been.

I have a new mission. I am no stranger to death. I have no problem killing people. Brutally. Efficiently.

I will find that people that took my boy and they will only then understand the world of shit they just unleashed on themselves. I will kill every last one of them without mercy. There will be no prisoners. I will burn their world to the fucking ground.

It is getting dark and I am drunk as hell. I will figure this out in the morning.

Or not...

Laid down for about 20 minutes and now I hear gunfire in town and what sounds like a laser. This I need to check out...