A/N: This is very loosely based on two real-life experiences and is in memory of my husband who came up with the hilarious title

Standing in the "Better Buy It Now" produce section of the Frugal Hoosier, Sue laughed at the absurd scene that unfolded before her. It was normal to see kids much younger than Brick running through the store pushing a shopping cart as though they were competing in the Indy 500 while their parents hurried to catch up with them. It was not, however, normal to see a man her father's age doing just the opposite; racing through the store pushing a shopping cart followed by kids who laughed uncontrollably. If Sue didn't know any better, it looked like the man was actually encouraging his kids to misbehave! What would Nancy Donahue think?

But Sue barely had time to ponder the situation when she realized that the grocery cart was headed in her direction. A look of horror crossed the man's face as the cart moved over a puddle of red (most likely the juice from one of the apples that Sue knew were way past their expiration date, even by Frugal Hoosier's standards) and then skidded on the hard floor. The cart made a beeline for a large display of Frugal Hoosier brand laundry detergent; the kind that was sold in a box that was labeled Family Size. The bright orange letters promised that it would last the average family three months. But the Hecks were anything but average. Sue guessed it would last her family two weeks; three tops.

The cart crashed into the bottom row of boxes, sending the two foot high display of detergent flying into the air. She closed her eyes and braced herself for the inevitable, praying that it wouldn't happen. As she had been taught at Orson Junior High, she placed her hands behind her head and bowed, the way she had been taught to do in school in case of a major emergency, like a tornado or some other disaster. Laundry soap falling on one's head most likely didn't fall into that category, but she was glad that she had paid attention during the drills instead of watching cat videos on her phone.

The boxes kept on coming like a meteor shower of laundry detergent and she did her best to remain standing. But when she felt herself start to fall, she held out her left hand to protect herself. It was a good idea at the time but it proved to be the worst decision ever; or one of them anyway. Just when she thought that the pelting of laundry detergent was over, even more boxes came crashing down on her and within seconds she was tumbling to the floor. The pain was excruciating and she cried out for her mom, even though she had no idea where her mother was. She could hear voices around her and felt people touching her arms and her shoulders.

"Are you all right?"

"Can you talk, Miss?"

"Can you sit up?"

"What happened here?"

The voices were getting louder and louder and she just couldn't concentrate. The room started to spin and her arm hurt so badly that she began to cry.

"Mom…"

A gentle hand moved through her hair and then to her back. "Oh my God Sue, what happened?"

She tried to lift her head but it was nearly impossible. She had a headache the size of Terre Haute and the pain in her arm was bigger than the state of Texas.

"Sue, talk to me, please! Sue!"

She'd never heard her mother quite so concerned before. "Sue, please!"

Like an answered prayer, she lifted her head and looked at her mom's face through blurry eyes. "Mom?"

"Yes, honey it's me. Oh God, what happened here? What happened?"

"I-I don't know… I-."

"Here, get up, all right? Can you stand?"

She held out her right hand to allow the people around her to help her to her feet. Her mother's arms were around her holding her tight.

"Sue, thank God! What happened? What happened?"

A man- the one who had been running through the store pushing the grocery cart grinned sheepishly. "It was my fault, ma'am."

"What do you mean it was your fault? What did you do to my daughter?"

"Um, nothing, I just-."

"We were racing!" The kids screamed, jumping up and down. "Do it again, Daddy! Knock something else over!"

He turned to them and glared. "I'll knock you over if you don't knock it off, all right?"

Frankie's eyes widened. "Wait a minute. You did this?"

"Yeah, but it was just an accident."

"Accident my a-."

"Hey! Don't swear in front of my kids, all right?."

"Are you kidding me? Are you freaking kidding me? It's all right for you to act like an idiot in a grocery store and injure my daughter, but I can't swear in front of your son?"

"I don't want them to pick up bad habits." The man said.

"Oh my God, you're worse than the Glossners!"

"Who?"

"The-oh, never mind. Will someone please tell me what happened here?"

"Daddy knocked over all of those boxes!" The kids shouted. "And they fell on that girl's head. Boy did she cry!"

"I did not!" Sue said, putting her hand over her face in an attempt to stop the store from spinning.

"How dare you!" Frankie shouted. "You just wait till my lawyer hears about this! I'll sue you for everything you've got!"

The nervous manager shuffled his feet. "Ma'am, perhaps we can make it up to you another way. How about three day old bread or not-quite stale cereal? Our treat!"

"Like hell! Come on Sue, let's get out of here!" Frankie said. But when she grabbed Sue's left arm, Sue cried out in pain.

"Oh, Sue, I'm sorry I-Honey what's wrong?"

Sue clutched her wrist with her hand. "Oh God, it hurts, Mom! It hurts so badly!" She sobbed.

"Oh great, now look what you've done!" She shouted. "Come on, Sue. Let's get you to the hospital."

They left without paying for their groceries, because in all the excitement, Frankie forgot to bring their cart to the front of the store to check out. And as they walked out of the store, Sue continued to sob. She never wanted to see another grocery cart as long as she lived.

She wished she'd never offered to go to the Frugal Hoosier with her mom. The Year of Sue was ruined forever.