The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of The Vampire Academy and Bloodlines Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

A/n: So after all the tears and screams of denial, it's time for something less depressing. Thank you again, everyone for the great reviews posted to the concluding chapter of By the Baring of my Soul, and for sticking with me.

As I said at the end of Ch. 37, A Conflict of the Soul is the continuation story of Rose and Dimitri's relationship as it should have progressed had RM not turned him into a Strigoi. Told again entirely from DPOV, the story will take you through the aftermath of the attack and caves, trials, graduation and beyond. I will try to keep it to less than 30-chapters and under two years, but I'm probably kidding myself.

Rated M (as I intend to pack as much lemony goodness in as I possibly can), this Dimitri will be the Dimitri that I write about in my one-shots. It's my R-rated Dimitri versus RM's PG-rated Dimitri.

As always, I love hearing about what your thoughts are, so don't be shy with them.

Enjoy.

A Conflict of the Soul

Chapter One

Clearing the last jagged curve of the cave-wall at a dead run, darkness suddenly gave way to light.

So close that I could almost reach out and touch it, the sight of sunset's fading orange glow was enough to force the tired, aching muscles of my body to work harder and move faster. Aided by the lure of clean, fresh air, it drove through my labouring lungs and forced out the bitter taste of stagnant air, blood and death.

There was so much of it now in the cave that it was suffocating.

Dodging a body slumped against a rocky outcropping in the tunnel – Strigoi by the looks of its charred remains – I kept an eye on the others. Ahead of me by a dozen or so yards, Celeste led the way, with Janine dragging Eliza Carmack after her, whilst Alberta and Stephen followed closely behind. Throwing an agitated look over his shoulder – just to check, I think, that I was still there – Stephen's eyes widened with panic as he saw the Strigoi that I could only hear rapidly closing in on us.

Not bothering to turn and see how close they were when I could all but feel them breathing down my neck, it wasn't until I saw the Strigoi leap out from a recessed alcove hidden on the right, and heard Celeste's terrified scream rip through the air, that I realised that they had herded us this way deliberately in order to set a trap.

Tumbling hard to the ground, Celeste's scream became a grunt of pain as the air was forced from her lungs. Pouncing onto her, the Strigoi knocked her stake from her hand and left her defenceless. Hitting out at him frantically with clenched fists, her aim was off as panic became desperation. Hissing malevolently, I saw the glisten of saliva-coated teeth in the low light before they sunk into her neck. Biting her repeatedly, it tugged viciously and tore at her artery before cutting off her struggles and settling in to drink deeply.

Skirting Celeste's writhing body with horror in their eyes, Janine yanked at Eliza's arm when she cried out and stumbled on her feet, and for a moment, Alberta seemed to slow down, but Stephen wouldn't let her, and shoved at her back as he caught up. Clearing her body only barely, another Strigoi leapt out at them, but missed Stephen by only inches. Turning towards me as he heard my approach, his blonde hair caught in the faint light and glittered menacingly.

Joined quickly by two more, they dropped to the cave floor to feed instead; disinterested in me or any of the others, but the one that kept me in its sights wasn't interested in Celeste's blood…it was interested in mine.

Crouching to spring, the low growl echoed towards me before it leapt into the air. Faster than any of the others I had faced and killed over the past twenty-four hours, it tackled me to the ground before I could avoid its attack. Snarling and hissing, it briefly overpowered me and lunged forward, but as I felt it's hot, putrid breath against my neck, I jerked away, and struck out. Punching him brutally in the side of his head, it was enough to make it flinch and partially lift its weight off my chest.

Surging upwards, our positions flipped as I tossed the Strigoi to his back, and thrust my knee viciously up into his ribs. Winding him with a wheezing gasp, my fingers curled around his neck as my knee dug into his chest and pinned him to the ground. Gripping ruthlessly, the Strigoi clawed frantically at my arms and bucked against me; its red eyes bulging as I squeezed his cold flesh, but I wouldn't be moved, not even by its greater strength.

Everyone was outside now. I could hear them frantically shouting for me to leave it, to get out, to run because the others were too close, but I couldn't focus on them when my ears were filled with the thundering pulse of bloodlust.

It was rage; pure and simple. The kind of rage I had been taught as a teenager to control, to overcome, but there was no control now. It had begun to split apart at the seam during the first attack, and in the hours since, I hadn't been able to fully re-stitch it. I hadn't thought about it before…I hadn't allowed myself to think about it, but as my fingers tightened around the neck of the Strigoi wanting to end my life, I could feel the seam ripping further apart until it felt like I was being held together by a single thread.

Writhing in my grip, I could feel the column of its trachea compress and crush beneath the brutal force of my hold. On some dim level of my conscious still able to think clearly through the haze, I knew that what I was doing was cruel. I knew better than to behave inhumanly, even towards a Strigoi, but all I could think about was that if I had been any slower or less alert, I could have shared Celeste's fate.

Everything I had already sacrificed, or was prepared to sacrifice, would have been for nothing. The future with Rose that was now almost more than just a fantasy would be gone, stolen from me by a creature whose sole intent was to feed, and who had no idea of what it would cost his victim. He would steal their lives without a second thought.

My fingers tightened pitilessly…I wouldn't let him steal mine.

There was more shouting from outside now. It was louder, and more desperate, but it wasn't until those voices were joined by another that the fog of hatred begun to lift, because it was the clearest voice there was, and the only one that mattered.

"DIMITRI!"

Breathing heavily through the feverish grip of fury, my narrowed gaze was locked on the squirming Strigoi for a second longer before I looked up. Standing between Emil and her mother, the latter of which was trying to hold her back, Rose was hysterical; pulling against her mother's hold as she hoarsely screamed my name. The wild desperation in her eyes was the only sight strong enough to remind me of what I was…of who I was, and for the moment, it was enough to hold the thread together.

Glancing down for a moment at the struggling creature, the glint of his golden hair was duller now as the light faded quickly. We were running out of time. Finishing him off with a single killing blow that was more merciful than he deserved, I scrambled to my feet and launched towards the entrance.

Leaping over the Strigoi feeding on Celeste, there was no point in stopping to see if I could save her. She was beyond anyone's help now, but that didn't stop the feeling of being powerless. I was so close to her, yet I couldn't do anything about it. Stumbling out into what was left of the vanishing light, I ground to a halt to look over my shoulder.

The snarling pack of Strigoi had stopped just short of crossing the threshold of the cave. Kept prisoner by the border of light, they hissed and gnashed their teeth, shrieking and shielding their eyes before recoiling as they got too close to the setting sun. More had dropped to the floor of the cave to feed, but those already feeding snapped and fought as they protected their kill.

Nauseated at the gruesome sight of them ripping Celeste apart, it wasn't until an order was harshly screamed at me that I forced myself to turn away.

"Move, Belikov…NOW!"

Glaring, Janine turned away without waiting to find out if I listened or not, and pulled Rose with her as they ran. No longer struggling against her mothers restraining hold, the desperation had left her eyes now that I was out in the open, and safe, but there was still anxiety there as the shadows of sunset lengthened.

The vast majority of the rescue party had already begun their flight back to the safety of the wards. I could see them crossing the open fields in tight groups. Some were hampered by the injured they carried – Mateo and Konrad both supported Eddie, whilst Alberta held up an exhausted Eliza – but there were more than enough to help, and it didn't stop them from running hard, or from looking worriedly over their shoulders.

Watching the sun dip further below the Western mountain range, it would be completely set within minutes, and so I turned on my heel and ran.

Clearing the wards almost twenty-five minutes later, dusk had long since given way to night. As the last person to slip through the barely-opened front gate, I stopped halfway between the Academy grounds and the outside; watching for anything moving in the forest whilst the agitated guardians on duty tried to pull me through completely, but they needn't have bothered.

We were alone.

If the Strigoi had decided to chase, they would have easily caught us, but there was nothing out there now but a forest filled with the kind of nocturnal creatures we didn't fear. Half expecting to see the menace of their eyes in the darkness, long minutes passed before I accepted that they weren't going to follow.

A little surprised, and more than a little grateful that they hadn't, the only conclusion I could come to was that they weren't about to waste their opportunity to escape under the cover of dark. They couldn't be sure that we wouldn't return at dawn to kill off those who remained, but they were smart enough not to wait around to find out.

Slipping through the gate, the heavy clanging of the bolt hurriedly slid into place behind me made everyone jump. The frenzied rush from before had slowed as the wards were crossed and exhaustion began to give way. Most now rested on their haunches as they tried to catch their breath, whilst others had sat on the grassless banks on either side of the road, but they all looked in the same direction; tensely alert and on edge.

"All right, everyone. I know that you're all tired, and more than a few of you are in pain, but we have to keep moving. We're safe behind the restored wards, but I'm not taking any chances at this point, so get them up and into their respective dorms and the clinic if need be – the curfew must be obeyed." Walking amongst the resting, Alberta got everyone to their feet again, whilst instructing the guardians to keep them all moving.

Searching for Rose amongst the mass of exhausted guardians, teachers and Moroi, her eyes found mine as mine found hers.

She hadn't said my name; not even the faintest of whispers, but somehow I had known she was looking for me, or at least, looking at me. Crouching besides her mother now, Janine had turned away from her, but the fingers of the hand still encircling her wrist were tight. She wasn't ready to let go of her daughter just yet. Seemingly both amused and reluctantly accepting of this, Rose didn't make any move to distance herself from her mother, but it was clear that it wasn't Janine she wanted.

Continuing to hold my gaze for long seconds, Rose should have known better. She should have known to look away before someone noticed, but she didn't seem any more capable than I was.

Beginning to sweat beneath the watchfulness of her hungry stare and the flush of sexual heat, the pounding of blood wasn't just in my ears this time, but also in the thick ridge of my cock rising along the zipper of my jeans.

Watching as her cheekbones began to colour, and her nipples tightened and pushed demandingly against the thick knitting of her dark grey sweater, Rose exhaled shakily just once before she closed her eyes for a second, looked away and broke the connection between us, but it wasn't enough to hide how she really felt.

She wanted me as much as I wanted her.

Rising and turning with her mother as Janine spoke quietly to Alberta, she didn't look back over her shoulder at me, and as much as I wanted her to so that she could see the arousal etched into every line of my body, it was probably a good thing she didn't. I was certain the frenzy of lust reflected in my dark eyes would unnerve her.

It unnerved me.

The first time Rose and I had made love, it hadn't just been about satisfying the desperation of fear and flesh, but an affirmation of the love we could no longer deny. Admittedly, my control hadn't been at its strongest then, but this was different. I hadn't ever felt anything this powerful, and as much as I knew that my fraying nerves and need for reassurance had caused it, controlling it was another matter.

It wasn't just that I needed to know by looking at her that she was unharmed and alive; there was a greater need to feel that she was safe, that we had survived. It was a need that involved my hands on as much of her skin as they could cover, my mouth on as much as her flesh as I could devour and my scent mingling with hers to the point where I could no longer separate them.

I wanted what I had told her we couldn't have again until after she had graduated – and I didn't think I would be able to stick to my own rules this time.

So hyperaware of her now that even the whisper of the faint breeze over my skin made it tighten in both pain and pleasure, I ignored the shiver of hunger tingling through my veins and searched for a distraction, because right now, there was no point in searching for control.

Eddie at that moment chose to try and rise unsteadily to his feet, and failed. Looping an arm around his back to support him, and ignoring the discomfort of my heavy erection chaffing beneath jeans that were too tight, I waved Ramirez and Kon away and watched as they went to help others before I shifted Eddie's weight as we followed after the return party.

Glancing up at me, the glazed expression in his light hazel eyes was out of focus as he tried to pull away from me, and I tightened my arm around his ribcage. Even unsteady from blood-loss, he wasn't about to burden someone else with his weakness.

"I'm okay, Guardian Belikov."

Shaking my head in exasperated amusement at his lie, my brow arched. "Eddie, you are the farthest thing from okay right now. Just rest against me; you don't have to do this on your own." It wasn't just that he saw being a burden as a weakness, but also an embarrassment. I could understand it, even if it didn't make much sense.

"But…"

"Don't argue, Eddie."

Resigned, he sighed and rested against me. "Yes, Guardian Belikov. Thank you."

Our pace was slower now under the rising full moon. Partially obscured by long wisps of pale grey cloud streaking across it, there was more than enough light to lead the way. Reaching a shallow rise in the road, the lights of the Academy glowed invitingly in the distance, beckoning the wary home.

"How many did we lose?"

Deciding against softening the blow and hiding the truth; he would find out eventually, my reply to Eddie was as quiet as the night around us. "Sixteen Moroi. Fifteen of them killed in the initial attack and one in the caves…Molly Harper."

Frowning, Eddie muttered in confusion. "Molly? I don't remember a…Molly Harper?" Shaking his head, he pressed his fingertips to his temples, and stumbled over the uneven road. Pulling him tighter into the shelter of my body, he mumbled. "Oh, wait….yeah, I remember now. She was on the other side of Mr Ellsworth. He was trying to protect her, but they hit him and dragged her away. I could hear her screaming, but I couldn't do anything – they never left me, they were always on me."

Sounding dazed, Eddie rubbed at his neck. The blood had begun to dry on his skin and where it had soaked into the ripped collar of his t-shirt. The puncture marks had begun to heal, but still he rubbed over them, as if trying to erase them, or scrub away the feel of the Strigoi who had fed on him. I knew that like the rest of those who had survived Spokane, he had refused counselling, but this time around, he wasn't going to be able to.

"Is Lissa okay?"

"She's fine."

"Rose…Christian…Adrian?"

"They're all safe."

"Did we lose any of the novices?"

"No."

"How many guardians?"

"Eighteen. Thirteen within the Academy borders, and five in the caves."

"Eighteen?" Softly questioned, Eddie's voice thickened with emotion as I felt the pit of my stomach harden. The grief was understandable, and right now, it was all he could feel. The anger would come later, and so to would the guilt when he was able to function normally again. For the rest of us, the grief and anger would pass more quickly, and when it was gone, the guilt for surviving when others had not would be all that remained.

Beginning to flag as his adrenaline ebbed; Eddie sagged heavily against me with grunt. Bending at the waist to simply slide my arm beneath and pick him up, I felt another arm slide around him from the other side and brush against my ribs. The simple touch left a trail of fire that singed the hard bones, and told me without having to look that it was Rose on the other side of Eddie.

Stretched taut now with hunger, Rose looped Eddie's arm around her neck, completely unaware that she was torturing me. Closing my eyes briefly, my back teeth ground together for a moment before I could trust myself enough to speak. I needed to get away from her without making it obvious; she was too strongly attuned to me and would pick up if something was wrong if I wasn't careful.

"I've got him, Rose."

Not hearing the strain of those words, or their hidden meaning, Rose's main concern was Eddie as she shouldered some of his weight. "I know. I've got him, too." She answered softly, almost immediately dismissing me and turning her attention to him. "Hey, Eddie."

"Hey, Rose," Eddie returned quietly; his expression still muddled, but he seemed to make a greater effort for her. Looking over her with sibling affection, he frowned when he saw the bruises, shallow cuts and dirt on her face. "You okay?"

Nodding quickly, Rose brushed absently at the damp tendrils of hair sticking to her jaw, and winced a she brushed over a purpling bruise. "I'm great. You?"

"Been better." Grinning wryly, Eddie blinked a few times before trying to focus on the group in front of us. "Is that Dean…and Shane?"

"Yeah. A few of the novices were included in the rescue party."

"Really?" Shaking his head harder this time, Eddie seemed to have a hard time understanding everything, and was growing paler by the minute. We needed to get him into the clinic, and I needed to put some distance between myself and Rose. Increasing my stride, Rose seemed to know where my concern lay, and kept pace easily enough.

Thinking that it was only concern that had me moving faster, she didn't have the faintest clue of what she was doing to me. With every step the three of us took, the outside of Rose's forearm would brush against my ribs, and send sparks through my nervous system. Even the merest brush through layers of clothing was enough to set off the need that right now I didn't have the faintest chance of controlling.

If she knew what I was thinking…what I wanted, she wouldn't be anywhere near me.

Crossing over into the main campus minutes later, they were minutes of tightly-strung torture as more of what little was left of my discipline continued to unravel. Achingly hard, the swollen head of my penis rubbed against the snap of my jeans, but there was no relief, and with every pass over it, the crown spilt more moisture into the coarse material and cotton beneath it.

Biting back the groans building in my chest, Dustin's arrival gratefully gave me something else to focus on.

"Dimitri!"

Jogging over, his eyes were sharp beneath his thickly weathered brow as he scoured over us from heel to head. Not alone, we were instantly surrounded by medical personnel checking us for any serious injuries that needed immediate attention. Handing over the injured and rescued, they were walked or carried to the infirmary, but I kept Eddie. I was concerned for him of course, and wanted to take him myself, but more importantly, he was a buffer between Rose and I that I badly needed.

"You three okay?"

Nodding, Eddie grunted as Rose and I shifted him. Rubbing his chest lightly in comfort, Rose looked towards the medical centre with more urgency. Resting his hands lightly on Eddie's shoulders, Dustin peered down with just as much concern.

"You sure, Castile? You don't look so good, son."

Squinting, Eddie slowly nodded. "I'm okay, Guardian Johansson." Trying to disentangle himself from our hold, Rose gently lifted his arm from around her neck and slid the other out from around his waist, but as she did, Eddie swayed towards me, and forced her fingers to run lightly and quickly over my ribs and down to my hip before she was able to step away.

Shuddering at the unintentional touch, it was only Eddie slowly crumpling to the floor that kept my hands away from her. Catching him, I gave him a look full of frustration. Misinterpreting it as frustration with him, it was enough to stop him from arguing with me again as we started to walk.

"How many did we lose?"

Turning to answer Dustin, my answer was clipped. "One more Moroi…another five guardians."

"Fuck!" Looking around, Dustin mentally ticked off the one's who had returned…and the one's who hadn't. "I can't see Celeste. Or Alan."

Pausing as Rose pulled open the clinic doors and walked in; the grim look I gave Dustin over my shoulder told him everything he needed to know. Nodding just once, his deeply-set eyes were troubled as he stilled for a moment before walking away. He would have known, as we all had, that the rescue would come with risks, and whilst mentally we had prepared ourselves, the reality of those lost was harder to come to terms with.

Walking Eddie through the doors, we stopped beside Rose in what was once the reception area and found chaos.

Filled almost to capacity by those injured in the first attack, every bed was already occupied and so the foyer and hallways had been turned into a makeshift triage. The chairs and coffee tables had been stacked to the side, and spare mattresses placed on office desks and the floor. Nurses and members of staff with any medical training rushed between the patients already there, and the ones just brought in, but they were seriously understaffed.

Walking further into the bedlam of dodging staff and bleeding patients, we were met by a harassed looking Dr. Olendzki as announcements rang out overhead for blood donors to volunteer for those in need of transfusions. Checking Eddie quickly, she handed him over to a pair of nurses before insisting that she check our vitals. Satisfied that neither of us had any major injuries, or were concussed, she excused herself to rush back to those who needed her, whilst we stood out of the way against a wall, and watched helplessly.

I knew that Lissa and Adrian had helped earlier, but neither of them were here now. Still uneasy about the negative side-effects of Lissa's Spirit ability, I was glad that she wasn't, but it would have made my life a little easier if she had been. Rose would have gone straight to her and solved my problem, but that wasn't going to happen now.

"I should stay and give blood," Rose mused quietly, watching as the guardians dispersed and left the clinic in a hurry. Only those badly injured would stay for treatment; the rest were needed on patrol.

"No," I disagreed, still desperate to be away from her, but not at the expense of risking her health. "You've been under too much stress the last few days. You've eaten virtually nothing, and you've had too little sleep, Rose. Giving blood right now would only make you weaker."

"I'm fine." Arching a brow, Rose pushed away from the wall and stood close enough to my right hip that I could feel the vital heat wafting off her. The same awareness was still there, but right now Rose was more interested in disagreeing with me.

"No, you're not," my argument in return reasoned as I began to back away, needing space. "There are others that will donate blood. You've done enough already. What you need right now is sleep." Pushing through the doors of the clinic still facing her, Rose looked at me curiously before she followed after, probably as confused by my behaviour as I was.

"Sleep?" Rose scoffed, closing the clinic door as I turned away and began to walk back to housing. "Do you really think I can sleep right now?"

"Yes," I threw over my shoulder, swallowing hard as I saw how close she was to me. "You might not feel like it right now because of the adrenaline, but once you've had a shower, and are in bed, you'll fall asleep almost instantly. Trust me."

"Are you going to sleep?"

"No," my answer was curt. "There are things that need to be done still."

"What kind of things?" Rose asked suspiciously, her frowning face lit by a lamp burning brightly on the pathway.

"Just…things."

"Seriously, comrade?" Rose retorted, raising a brow at my weak excuse. "You're a better liar than this."

Clenching my jaw, my response was almost harshly ground out. "Rose, please don't argue with me. Come on, I'll walk you back to your dorm." Finding an excuse that was actually something she would expect me to say, I latched onto it quickly. "Its past curfew and you need to be inside." Quickening my pace, I knew that Rose would have to almost jog to keep up with my longer strides, and as she was forced to do just that, she noisily protested.

"Will you slow down, please? What is going on with you…Dimitri?!"

Not answering, my agitation began to show outwardly. Shoving the sleeves of my sweater to my elbows, my fingers clenched and released so convulsively that the bones felt like they were grinding together beneath the skin. Passing the church with Rose still trailing after, I could see the candles lit through the open doors, and a mass of parishioners within its hallowed walls. As it had been after the first attack, those most devout were more than willing to disobey the curfew to grieve and pray.

"Dimitri?"

"Later, Rose."

"No. Not later. Now!"

Reaching out, Rose wrapped her fingers around my bare forearm and tugged me to a halt. Shuddering at her touch, I couldn't control the rough groan that escaped my throat or the automatic clench of every muscle in my body. Clutching tightly at my arm, Rose reached up to cup the back of my neck, tilting it down so that I would look at her worried expression; unconcerned at the moment it seemed, that anyone might see us.

"Talk to me. I know you, and I know something's wrong, but I can't help if you won't talk to me, comrade." Squeezing gently over the tense muscles at my nape, the concern in her dark eyes should have calmed me down and made me think about my behaviour, but it didn't. Not when all I could think about was her, and how she at the moment was the only thing holding me together, and suddenly, it all became too much.

Hugging her to my chest, I pulled Rose off the pathway and towards a recessed alcove of a doorway rarely used at the side of the church. Concealed by the deep shadows from those who might see us, it wouldn't have made much of a difference if we weren't. I was prepared to take the risk, no matter how much I told myself that it was stupid and dangerous.

Pushing her against the heavy wooden panelling of the door, my arms coiled tightly around her to protect her; one around her waist and the other cupping the back of her head. Resting heavily against, but taking care not to hurt her, or let her feel the thick bulge of my erection, my breathing was quick and uneven as it gusted out over her hair. Pressing my lips to her forehead, they tasted the faint residue of sweat, dirt and Rose, but it wasn't enough to settle me.

Still for a moment, I could feel her confusion in the tension of her muscles as she tried to understand what I was doing, but couldn't. Struggling against me, Rose tried to push away with both palms placed flatly against my chest, but I wouldn't release her.

"Just wait, Roza. Don't move, please." Mumbling against her forehead, my eyes closed for a moment, but she wouldn't listen.

"What's going on, Dimitri?"

"It's nothing. Just…stay still for a moment."

"Why?!"

Chuckling weakly against her skin, my head shook. "Must you always argue?"

"When I don't understand what happening, yes! And can you let me go, please? We're in the open, Dimitri. Anyone can see us like this. What's wrong with you?"

Ignoring her demands, the demands of my own body took over as I gave in. Kissing along her left temple, my lips played at the hair over it for a second before moving downwards. Lingering at the top of her ear, my teeth nibbled gently along the soft ridge of cartilage, listening as her breathing became choppy and she forgot about the threat of being caught.

"Dimitri…"

Biting into the soft flesh of her lobe, the shiver of arousal transferred from her skin to mine and my cock throbbed in reply, but it still wasn't enough. I needed more of her. Sliding my fingers into the tightly plaited hair, and turning my wrist, the movement tipped Rose's chin upwards. Watching me with eyes made drowsy with desire, they closed when my lips skimmed very lightly along her jawline, and found her lips.

Coaxing them gently apart, the tip of her tongue tangled with mine. Groaning into her mouth, the smallest taste of her was enough to make me lose my head, but Rose, for once, was stronger, and managed to keep hers. Pulling away with a gasp, she wiggled in my arms, trying harder to get me to release her. "Are you crazy, Dimitri?" She hissed slightly breathlessly, pushing at my chest as her sanity returned, whilst mine remained lost in the scent of her clouding my head. "Let me go, before someone…"

Smothering her words again, my lips met hers in a tangle of desperation and desire that was too strong for her to resist this time.

Running my hands down her spine, the curve of her buttocks, and the backs of her thighs, they hooked beneath them and lifted her up against the door. Forcing them to widen and wrap around my hips, my pelvis rested in the cradle of hers as I ground the rigid flesh of my cock into the moist, heated notch I could feel through the layers of denim. Moaning, Rose sank her hands into my scalp and sucked hungrily on my tongue; tightening her legs around me and rocking her hips in time to counter every thrust of my own.

Dragging my lips away from hers, Rose cried out softly and tried to bring my mouth back, but the connection wasn't enough. I needed more of her. Kissing along her throat, it arched backwards with a whimper as my tongue flickered out and tasted the essence of her. Continuing downwards until my teeth nipped gently at the hollow of her throat, I couldn't go any further because my path was blocked by her jersey.

Growling in frustration, my fingers bunched and pushed it upwards until it was ruched beneath Rose's chin and out of my way. Framed by the stretchy entrapment of a broad-strapped sports bra, her breasts thrust invitingly towards me, tipped with nipples beaded tightly for my attention. Nuzzling against them for a moment, the temptation was too great.

Licking at the nubs and wetting them through the elasticated fabric, my teeth clamped gently over the peaks before tugging them into my mouth and suckling with rough excitement. Gasping, Rose's fingers dug almost painfully into my scalp as she pulled closer, and writhed against me. Impatient with the barrier when I wanted bare skin, my fingers wrenched the bra down and beneath her warm, swelling flesh, propping her breasts up and pushing them further towards my hungry mouth.

Driven almost mad by the lust that held me so tightly in its grip I couldn't see, or hear, or feel anything else, in some small portion of my brain not fogged by the quest for sexual satisfaction, it should have scared me. It should have forced me to stop, but it felt too good to do anything but give into it.

Still devouring the supple, creamy flesh of her breasts whilst Rose gripped and ground against me, my fingers slid down over her arching torso, her heaving ribs and the flexing muscles in her taut stomach until I found her navel. Slowly circling it with the tip of my smallest finger, the others delved beneath the waistband of her jeans and begun to unsnap the closures.

Gasping above me, Rose gripped my head as my fingers found the edge of lace beneath denim, but as I began to pull down, she pulled up. Angling my head so that it was only inches away, I interpreted the urgency of her touch as need, and raised my head to take her lips again, but Rose turned her head away from my seeking mouth.

"Dimitri…Dimitri, stop," she panted, refusing to give me what I wanted, not understanding why she didn't want me as much as I wanted her. "We have to stop. This isn't you."

Too caught up in the moment to listen, the moist heat from beneath the lace forced a groan from my throat. Biting gently into her chin, the movement tipped her head forward, and I was able to kiss her again, but Rose it seemed had other ideas as sanity returned to her when it was lost to me.

"No…no…no." Pulling away again, Rose shoved harder this time. "You're the responsible one; you know this is reckless and dangerous…DIMITRI!"

Frowning irritably that she was making this more difficult than it should be, the blush of arousal streaking over her features was slowly replaced by anxiety. Clasping my head between hands that were strong enough to keep from kissing her again, Rose lowered her head until the tips of our noses almost touched, and gave me a hard shake.

"Dimitri?!"

Blinking slowly as the urgency of Rose's words slipped beneath the lust blanketing my brain, her agitation was the only thing strong enough to strip it completely away. As the teeming blood began to slowly drain from my head, the awareness of what I was doing, where I was doing it, and to whom I was doing it to, became a reality check I couldn't ignore.

Fighting for control over my clenching lungs, pounding heart, and aching cock, the tight grip on my cheekbones softened until I could drop my head, and bury it in the crook of her neck, but the deep tremors still ran through me. Seeming to know that I was finally listening to her, Rose stroked gentle, soothing hands over my head.

It was ironic really that she had the ability to drive all reason from my head faster than anyone alive, and yet, was also the only one who could make me see reason when I was all but blind to it.

Long minutes later, I wasn't any closer to being calm or in control, so there was no point in bothering to try and pretend that I was. Disgusted with myself for my behaviour; behaviour I had thought I was strong enough to overcome, and furious that I had exposed Rose this stupidly to risk and ridicule, shame gnawed at me as I mumbled against her neck.

"I'm sorry, Roza…I'm so, so sorry."

"It's okay…it's okay," she replied to my weak apology, still stroking my bowed head; her fingers playing with the hair tied at my nape. There was no anger or criticism in her voice, only concern, and it was more than I deserved. "Are you all right now?"

"Yes." It wasn't exactly the truth, but neither was it an outright lie.

"Well that's a relief…now will you please tell me what the fuck is wrong you?"

Laughing weakly despite myself at Rose's unfailing ability to be blunt, my hands gently unlocked her booted ankles from around my waist. Lowering her to the ground, I kept her between the door and my body to protect her nudity from anyone passing by and gently tugged up the traps of her bra. Wincing slightly as the stretchy fabric rubbed over the tenderness of her swollen nipples, Rose adjusted the straps and arched a brow sardonically before pulling down her jersey.

"Start talking, comrade."

"I'm fine, Rose. There's nothing to be concerned about. I told you before that you're hard to resist, remember?" Deliberately teasing her in the hopes that she would focus on that, rather than my discipline spiralling out of control, the glare I got in response was enough to tell me that I shouldn't have hoped as concern now gave way to anger.

"Fine…fine?!" Rose spat furiously, shoving against my chest to get me to back up a step. "This is not fine. You are not fine. You've got me pinned to the side of the church…the church, in the open, where anyone can see us! This is not you. You never lose control like that, Dimitri…ever, so don't tell me that you're fine, because none of us are!"

Jerking away from me as her rant ended suddenly, Rose watched me warily and defensively crossed her arms over her chest. Understanding her fear, and the reluctance to talk about it, I reached for her and pulled her into my arms, shelving the self-condemnation for later in order to concentrate on her. Hugging her tightly to my chest, there was nothing sexual about this embrace, it was merely meant to comfort. Seeming to know this, Rose softened and her arms curled around me.

"No, you're right. None of us are fine," I agreed, resting my chin on her head. I didn't want to get into this now, but maybe there wasn't a better time for it. "All of this is just too much, I think. The attack, the rescue, the death that's all around us. How do we deal with any of it?"

Silent for a moment, Rose asked the question I had been hoping she wouldn't. "What happened in the cave, Dimitri?"

Hearing the curiosity beneath the irritation, my lips coasted along her temple. "I lost control of myself. That's what happened. In the worst possible place, and at the worst possible time, I let my emotions overpower every instinct I had, or lesson I was ever taught to the point that I put myself in danger."

"Why?"

"When I was fighting that Strigoi, all I could think about was that if I hadn't been alert, if my reflexes had been any slower, I would have ended up like Celeste. My life with you – the life that seemed so impossible until now – would have been over before it had ever begun, and it sent me into a blind rage. My judgment knew better; the voice in my head knew better, but at the time I wasn't listening to either."

Sighing heavily, Rose rubbed her nose over my heart. "And this? What was this about?"

"This…this was a combination of things." There was an uncomfortable burn spreading over my lower jaw and cheeks as I flushed with the heat of shame. Glad that the moon had changed its degree of arc and that the doorway was completely dark now, Rose still seemed to hear it in my voice and looked up at me.

"Look, comrade. I'm not complaining all that much, just next time…can you strip me behind a closed door and not somewhere that we would have audience participation?" Teasing now, it wasn't enough to stop me from baring my soul.

"I've been in a panic since the first attack, but because of everything else that's happened, there hasn't been time to stop and think about it, but since the cave…" Blowing out a heavy breath, it disturbed the hair at her temple. "You were all that I could think of, it why I was trying to leave you at housing after we left Eddie at the clinic. I needed to be away from you, because in my panic, I knew the only thing that would calm me down was having my hands on you, to somehow reassure myself through the feel of warm, living flesh that we were okay, that we had survived, and that was going to lead to…well, this."

Cocking her head at my answer, a brow rose. "So running away from me was the thing you had to do?"

"I wouldn't exactly call it running away, but yes…and you wouldn't let me."

"Well of course I wouldn't let you. I knew something was off with you. I always do, so don't try and hide things from me, okay? And by the way, you didn't stop to think that I would want to make sure you were all right? You don't think I was panicked and wanted reassurance of my own because you scared the hell out of me in that cave? We're in this together, remember? Don't run from me – never me. Even if you think it's for my own good, Dimitri. Deal?"

Fiercely determined, Rose wasn't going to back down until she got the answer she wanted. It was an answer that, until now, I had only just realised I could easily give her because she was right – we were in this together. Nodding, my hands slid to the small of her back. "Deal."

Nodding in return, Rose stood on the tips of her toes and kissed me gently before she leaned back a little, glared, and throwing back her shoulder, balled her fist, and sunk it into my gut. Coughing out a breath, I rubbed over the tender spot of my stomach and tried not to wince. I had seen that right hook in action before, but had been smart enough, until now, to never be on the receiving end of it.

"What was that for?"

"For scaring the hell out of me in that cave."

Hiding my smile from her glare, I easily captured her balled-up fist, and kissed the knuckles. "I'm sorry I scared you, Roza, but at least now you know what it feels like."

"Like what feels like?"

"To be terrified for the person you love most in the world. It's what I felt when I found you with Natalie. It's what I felt when I thought we would be too late in Spokane. It's what I felt when I saw you on the plane. It's what I felt when watching you run from me to warn the others, never knowing if you would make it… and it's what I felt when I saw you standing in that cave when you were meant to stay outside."

Scowling at my answer, it looked like Rose was going to hit me again, but she somehow restrained herself, and hissed instead. "You think I didn't know what it felt like until now? You told me to run…to leave you, with God knew how many Strigoi to fight alone. Of course I know what it feels like."

Feeling the fine tremors in the fingers of the hand I still held, it was the only outward sign of the vulnerability Rose very rarely showed. Her anger with me now was very real, but the fear beneath the temper was the real reason for it.

"You're right, Roza. We both know what it feels like, so instead of being scared all the time that we'll lose each other, why don't we concentrate on the fact that we haven't?"

"Sounds good."

Standing in the dark for a moment longer, neither of us said anything, and simply held onto the other in mutual comfort. This, right now, was what we needed more than anything else. Our hearts beating in unison, and the reassurance that we had survived. Hugging tightly once more, Rose tipped her chin up.

"Are you really okay now? Are you back to your usual control-freak self?"

Before this conversation, my automatic reply would have been yes to protect her, and myself, but now that the very nature of our relationship had changed, I wouldn't hide anything from her ever again. "No…not really. But I'm working on it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay…so am I allowed to go and give blood now?"

Tightening my hold, I growled in her ear before kissing it. "No. I meant what I said before. That wasn't an excuse."

"So did I! I'm not going to be able to sleep."

"I know. Neither am I."

"What do we do now? And I don't just mean right now, I mean in the days and weeks that are going to follow."

"I don't really know. None of us have ever experienced anything like this, so we don't know what our next move is. I suppose…I suppose life goes on, and so do we, in whatever way we can."

Turning her head as it rested on my chest, Rose rubbed her cheek against the soft wool and looked out towards the entrance gates of the Academy in the far distance. Sighing quietly, she tilted her head to rest her chin over my sternum.

"Life doesn't go on for everyone."

Rubbing her back gently, I knew who she was thinking of. "Mason?"

"Yeah."

"Do you think he's still here? Did you see him in the caves, or when we were on the outside?"

"No, but I'm hoping he's still around. I want to thank him. Without him, we wouldn't have known about the caves. Without him, Eddie would probably be dead by now, and so would the others." Looking away from me again, a sudden look of determination crossed her features.

"Let's go now."

"Where?"

"To Mason!"

"Rose…no."

"Why not?"

"It's too dangerous now. The Strigoi in the caves may not have attacked us on our way back, but that doesn't mean they aren't out there now waiting for any opportunity handed to them." Tightening my arms around her, the thought of her outside of the wards was enough to make my heart thump painfully against my ribs. "And besides, the guardians on gate duty will never let us out at night."

"Distract them like you did before, and I'll slip through."

"Rose, I don't want you beyond the wards at night."

"I can't wait until sunrise, Dimitri; he might be gone by then, and I'll never get another chance to thank him. I won't go far. Just outside the gate, close enough for you to pull me back in. All I need to do is clear the wards. I'll be careful, I promise…please?"

Stroking my thumb along her jaw, I sighed and looked over my shoulder towards the gate. The patrols on the boundaries would be tighter than before, and would have doubled as a precaution. Getting her to the gate would be easy enough, but getting her through, even if I did manage to distract the guardians on duty, wasn't going to be as easy.

But she was right. Without Mason, none of those taken would be alive right now because we would never had known to look for them. And even if he wasn't there, at least Rose would feel that she had tried. If I refused her now, it would be something that she regretted, and I never wanted to be the cause of any regret for her.

"Are you sure you don't want to clean up first? Have a shower, change your clothes? Wash away some of this dirt?" Brushing my fingers over the marks streaking her chin and cheek, my thumb rubbed at the drying mud.

Throwing me a dirty look at the hedging, the stubbornness kicked in. "Right, because Mason is going to worry about how dirty I am. Stop stalling, comrade."

"All right, I'll take you, but if I feel it's too risky, you're not going beyond the wards. Agreed?" Nodding quickly, it wasn't enough for me. "I need verbal confirmation that you're not going to argue with me, Rose."

Rolling her eyes, she grumbled. "Yes, I agree that you are in charge, and that I won't argue when we get to the gate. Now can we go, please?"

Grinning at her eagerness and the insincerity of the vow – she would try to get past the guards, the gate, and myself if she thought she could, promise or not – I left her in the shadows and quickly looked around for anyone in the grounds that would see us. Discreetly adjusting the tight confines of my jeans over the erection that had little hope of softening anytime soon, I held out my hand.

Taking it almost absently, Rose was already focused on Mason, and didn't notice that it was the simplest of touches from her that sent my nerves into frenzied overdrive. Breathing deeply and closing my eyes for a second, I reluctantly let go of her hand and put some distance between us as we began our walk towards the gate.