I'm baaaaaaack!!!! :)

It's only been around 5 years since I've written on , but after the longest hiatus ever, I have finally returned. *streamers and cake*

Some quick things before we begin:

I do in fact plan on finishing Intervention. However, after not having updated it in a few years, I need some time so I can figure out where I want to take it. So in the meantime, here's another deaged!Loki fic for you! This one takes place after Ragnarok and before Infinity Wars. As of right now, IW isn't out yet, so there won't be spoilers (yay!). However, there are some Ragnarok spoilers, so be warned.

The first couple chapters will be rather angsty and the ones following will have a bit more fluff. Honestly I'm partly writing this because the theories surrounding Loki for IW scare me a little :P

I hope you enjoy!!

Darkness

That's all he could see. He felt his head turning and his legs running in all directions, but moving made no difference.

There was only darkness

No scene to save him from his memories

The pain

The shame

The brokenness

Terror

Shaking

Help-

Loki shot up in bed, chest heaving and forehead drenched in sweat. His uncontrollable shaking eventually forced him to collapse onto his back once again. The dimly lit ceiling lended some stability to his chaotic thoughts as he desperately tried to slow his erratic breathing.

Piece by piece, reality set into the young prince's mind. He was on a ship with the whole of Asgard. Thor was king.

He was not on Sakaar

He was not with... them

He was safe. For the first time in what seemed an eternity, he was safe.

So why didn't he feel safe?

No matter where Loki went, no matter what he did, the horrors always seemed to follow. What strength he had left was being slowly eaten away by nightmares, panic attacks, and memories. He felt weak.

The young prince drew in another shaky breath. Tears slowly rolled down the sides of his face as he tried to regain himself. His hands gripped the brilliant green sheets that were draped over him. As tired as Loki was, he knew that sleep was no longer an option.

Carefully, Loki lifted himself out of bed. He winced as his bare feet met the cold metal floor. His loose black pants lightly grazed the floor as he walked towards the bathroom. Gazing at himself in the mirror, he was surprised at his overall appearance. He just looked so... tired. Normally bright green eyes seemed swollen and dull against deep, black circles. Tear tracks made pathways towards uncharacteristically wild and frizzy black hair.

And the scars. They were constant reminders of past terror. Loki tiredly gazed at his shirtless form with something akin to disgust. Jagged red marks etched themselves against pale white skin that had not seen the sunlight in years. He let out a forced, unamused chuckle.

"Well look at you..."

Minutes passed as he just stared, leaning on the sink to keep himself steady.

Weak.

Yes, that was the word.

Slowly he began cleaning himself up. He wet down his hair a bit and splashed some water on his face. Looking up again, Loki shrugged. He still wasn't the picture of perfect health, but all in all his little effort went further than expected.

With a flash of green, Loki summoned a pair of nicer clothes. He wore a simple, comfortable green tunic with soft black pants and knee high boots. Loki frowned. His appearance was alright, but he still looked so tired.

He waved his hand and a flash of green light made its way down his face and neck. All at once, he looked healthy and well rested. The prince grinned at his reflection. Being skilled in magic certainly had its perks.

Loki sat in the ship's surprisingly empty eating area, picking at his food with his face on his fist. He eyed the vegetables with disgust. Whatever food the Grand Master left on the ship was only just barely so.

Lost in his thoughts, the prince startled as someone sat down in front of him, rattling his plate of "food". Loki's head shot up only to be met with the lightly bemused face of his brother.

"Hello, brother."

Loki shot his now-king a glare.

"Thor."

Thor grinned, his one eye crinkling in pleasure. He picked up his silverware and began shoveling food into his mouth.

"Are you thinking about something? It's been a long time since I was able to sneak up on you."

Loki chose not to answer, instead focusing with sick fascination on his brother's eating spectacle.

"Yes, Thor, swallow first, chew later. That's how a king eats."

"What, you don't like it? This is delicious!"

"No, this is food only in the most generous use of the term."

"Then you're eating the wrong thing, try some of mine."

Thor pushed his half eaten plate of food at his younger brother. The once intact plate of various meats and whatever else was in complete disarray. Looking at it, Loki's eyebrows rose half in amusement and half distaste.

"Oh, no thank you. I would not deprive the king of his meal. Here, add mine to your pile."

He dumped the remnants of his plate onto Thor's and pushed the plate back to his brother with one finger. To Loki's surprise, Thor seemed less delighted at the prospect of more food and more concerned. The pair stared at each other for a moment before Loki broke the silence.

"What?"

Thor hesitated, weighing his words carefully.

"Loki... do not think I haven't noticed your... odd behavior. You use your illusions more often than not and you barely eat anything. I'm... concerned."

Loki's face went taut, if only for a moment. It was quickly replaced by as big a smile he could muster and a quiet chuckle.

"Brother, while I appreciate the concern, I do not know what you're-"

"Don't you think I can see past your lies by now? Heimdall can see it as well. He says your sleep has been fitful."

His face bore a mixture between frustration and sadness. In his exhausted state, Loki hesitated in his retort. His mind was foggy, so his typically quick wit was slow at best.

"I'm fine."

"Loki-"

"Even if I wasn't, why would you care?"

The venom in Loki's voice took Thor aback.

"You've said it before, you can't trust me. I'm as good as an enemy to you. I'm not truly even your brother! I-"

"Loki, don't."

Thor's quiet words momentarily stopped the trickster's rage. In a way, Loki was relieved. In another sense he was terrified.

In his weakness, he had no more energy to push his brother away. But he had no desire to speak of the horrors he had experienced.

The darkness

Them

Him

The biting, scratching, clawing, torture, horror, fire, shaming-

"Loki?"

He couldn't breathe. His chest rose and fell erratically but it was as if no breath reached his lungs. Tears welled up in his eyes and threatened to fall.

Screaming

Help me

Save me

"...Loki...?"

His brother's light touch ripped his senses back to reality. Loki flew up from his chair, knocking it over in the process. His breathing shook uncontrollably and his voice quivered.

"Don't. Touch. Me."

"Loki-"

"Leave me alone."

With that, Loki turned to leave. Behind him, Thor arose as well.

"Loki-"

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Thor stood speechless, taken aback by his younger brother's rage. Loki took the opportunity and practically ran out of the room.

Hours after the incident with Loki, Thor stood on the bridge of the ship, gazing out at the endless expanse before him. Although it served as a constant reminder of Asgard's demise, the stars had a calming effect on the new king. He would often sit and stare for hours to clear his mind.

The stars were doing him no favors today, however.

"You seem troubled, my king."

Thor continued to stare as Heimdall walked to his side. The Guardian gazed into space as well and the pair shared a moment of stillness. Sighing, Thor tore himself away to face his friend.

"Yes... my thoughts turn to Loki... he has not been himself since Asgard burned. I tried talking to him about it today, but..."

Thor sighed once again.

"I'm worried for him. Yet I know I cannot trust him completely."

Heimdall gave his king a slight smile.

"Give it time. He may yet still tell you. You are the last person he has left."

"You sound like Mother."

At the mention of Frigga, both fell into solemn silence. Thor looked back towards the window, immersing himself in the stars once again.

"Queen Frigga was very wise. She would have been proud at what you've become."

"Thank you... I wish she were here."

"Aye, we all-"

Suddenly, Heimdall stopped. His brow furrowed and his gaze deepened.

"Heimdall?"

The Guardian turned towards Thor urgently.

"It's Loki. Someone is in his room with him."

In the dark of Loki's quarters, a cloaked figure stood watching the young prince sleep fitfully. Loki's head tore itself back and forth as he moaned in his sleep. Sweat already drenched his pillow and sheets as his breathing quickened.

Under the hood, old, cracked lips smiled maliciously. Slowly, withered fingers pulled a small, metal staff from his belt. A glowing blue gem lit up the room.

The figure pointed it at Loki's head.

In his troubled state, Loki was easily pulled from his sleep.

The prince's eyes widened in recognition and horror.

"NO-"

The gem emitted a flash of power, enveloping Loki's body in its eerie brightness. Searing pain stabbed every inch of his senses as he screamed as he hadn't in years. He shook uncontrollably as the light died down. Every part of his body seemed to be slowly shrinking in on itself.

Just as the gem finished it's outpouring of power, Thor and Heimdall burst into the room. With no inhibitions, Heimdall punched the figure, causing him to fall to the floor. The staff was flung to the side, illuminating the face beneath the cloak. It was a wrinkled, unimaginably old face with white markings on it.

For a moment, the face gasped for breath and tried to speak. But in the next it sighed its last and completely relaxed, a frail body ill equipped to handle even a punch from the Aesir.

Had Thor stopped to look at the face, he may have recognized it. But he was otherwise occupied with his writhing, screaming brother.

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