How could something so bad make me feel so good?

I remember that night when I first took that hit.
A quiet and peaceful night, liberated from chaotic daytime noise.
I headed to the kitchen for a snack.
Searching around, I was desperate for anything that could please my hunger.
The wooden table held the answer to my question.
Bread. And next to it, a peculiar silver item.

A drug.

My curiosity arose as I play the role of a child making a new discovering.
Without thought, I picked up the drug, analyzing it.
I'm seduced by its charm, beauty, and danger.
For months, I've been curious about drugs.
The effects of them and how they can make me feel better.
And eradicate my pain.
My mind was racing; trapped in an inescapable course that is my head.

'Should I? It won't hurt anyone if I do it.' I thought.
Subconsciously, I rolled up my sleeves, revealing my fair, untouched arms.
My heart assaults my chest mercilessly.
My hands are drowning in sweat.
My tongue twisted in my mouth, clashing against my teeth.
'This is bad. I shouldn't be doing this.'
'What would society think?'
'If my parents caught me, would they hate and disown me?'
But, what if it's not bad at all?

What if everything my parents and society told me about drugs was mere hearsay?

'You're overthinking again, Yuri. You need this. It'll be okay.' I told myself.
'It'll make you feel better. It'll make the hurtful thoughts go away.'
I simply nodded, agreeing with my thoughts.
I inhaled deeply, oxygen calming my nerves.
The drug met my skin.

My first hit.

Anxiety. Fear. Confusion.
Negative feelings disappeared thanks to that hit.
Replaced with bliss.
An alien, yet welcoming phenomenon soon greeted me.
A high. My high. I'm high.
The ecstasy numbed me.
The exhilaration mellowed me.
I sit back in my chair, relived

This feeling…this high
This is what I needed.
Floaty. Fuzzy. Fantastic.
I feel…good.
This isn't bad.
'Maybe I can have a night without restlessness for once.'

My body and mind caged in euphoria, I retired to my room and lay on my bed into a deep slumber.

How could something so bad make me feel so good?

_
Author notes: Assuming I wanna continue this poem as a short story of sorts, don't expect any psychological horror/Hackergirl Hax Monika bullshit from this. If it does conintune (no promises), Monika will be a normal girl. Natsuki will have anger (magament) issues but no tsundere crap. Sayori will have depression. Yuri won't be a yandere but still have her normal nature. MC may be in but I dunno yet. He'll play a minor role at best.

Don't do drugs kids. Don't self-harm.