Ch1

To work is to lose. This has been my motto for years, and it would have stayed that way forever if it had been up to me. I would have written it down in neat calligraphy, framed and nailed it to the wall above my bed but that would have meant work so… no. However, recently it seems that things staying the same and me enjoying a peaceful existence may not be completely up to me. The main source of this is approaching, if my loner-senses detect the right set of footsteps coming towards the Service Club room. They sounded eager and somehow meddlesome, pausing outside only for a second before...

"Senpaaaaai. Your cute kohai needs help!"

Even before the door is fully opened Isshiki had already started talking – does this girl never shut up? Also, who refers to themselves as 'cute', seriously? Maybe I overestimated her foxiness.

"Isshiki-san, could you please knock before entering?" Yukinoshita's look could have frozen oceans, proving I don't call her the Ice Queen for nothing. If that'd been me, she'd have me shivering meekly in a corner by now. It didn't seem to faze Isshiki though, who immediately grabbed a chair and moved to sit down opposite me. Haven't you heard of personal space woman?! A guy might misunderstand you know.

"Yahallo Yukinoshita-senpai, Yui-senpai"; she said with a cheery wave in their direction before turning to me. "Mouhou. Senpai, you're supposed to come to my aid immediately when I ask it of you! You need to take responsibility after all!" Ugh, unbelievable, she's still going on about that. Well, I guess she does have a point.

"Yahallo Iroha-chan" Yuigahama stopped tapping on her phone like an idiot and welcomed Isshiki into the room with one of her trademark smiles. Seriously, where and why did that stupid greeting originate? And how do I stop it from spreading to Komachi before it's too late…

"Senpai, it's rude to ignore me you knooow".

It seems I was stuck in another of my loner monologues. "Sorry Isshiki, I was distracted and thinking about my sister, what did you need me for this time? More grunt work?"

This completely normal, caring and, frankly, genuine response failed to get an appropriate reaction from my fellow club members and Isshiki, all of whom looked at me with disgust on their faces. Luckily I was used to it by now.

"We really need to have a talk about your sis-con tendencies one of these days Hikigaya-kun, I am starting to fear for Komachi-san's wellbeing as well as my chastity when I'm near you".

"Hey, that is uncalled for! When have I ever been a threat to your chastity?" Not that there was much to be a threat to, but even I knew better than to say that out loud.

Before Yukinoshita could reply, probably with something concerning contacting the relevant law-enforcement authorities, Isshiki decided that she'd not been the centre of our attention for long enough.

"Senpai! As student council president I need your help, so come with me now, or else... you know what!" she whispered to me, adding only a wink and her trademark sly grin.

This again – Isshiki keeps blackmailing me with the receipts and pictures she takes of our practice dates, and if Yuigahama and Yukinoshita ever found out there'd be hell to pay, I was sure of it. Something involving betrayal of trust, disgusting, sacred bond between Senpai and Kohai, disgust, pervertedness, disgust, accusations of me blackmailing the Fox instead of the other way around, followed by more disgust, etc. Not a desirable outcome by any means, as I am sure you will agree. I had best find a way to end this vile Fox's disruption of my private time soon, as the amount of receipts only kept increasing with each practice date she dragged me onto.

"All right, I'll come and help out – but it better not be heavy lifting again, my arms are still sore from yesterday! Besides, slave labour is illegal in Japan you know, and even if it wasn't the lovely city of Chiba would never sanction it". I stood up and walked to the door with a now smiling Isshiki in tow – now that she'd gotten what she wanted she was acting all pleasant and cute again. Wait, what did I just think? I must be confusing her with Totsuka.

"Yes, yes, Senpai. Don't worry, it really isn't all that much I'm asking of you today – besides, aren't I worth it? Tee-hee. Tell you what, I'll reward you with some of that sweet coffee you like so much". Isshiki was nearly pushing me out of the door as she said this.

This prospect brightened me up considerably. "Oh, Max… Free Max! Well, in that case I guess I can help you out once more – thanks Iroha." Wait, what did I just say? Twice in two minutes now my thoughts have been corrupted – release me from this spell and let me return to my loner ways!

"Hikki!"

"Hikigaya-kun, apologise to Isshiki-san this instant!"

"Senpai, did you think calling me by my first name would make me fall in love with you? So brazen! I will admit I felt touched by your efforts for the briefest of moments, but if you really want me to date you you'll have to try harder than that."

All that as a result of me trying to be appreciative and not complain too much for once… that's what you get I suppose. I take back everything I said about helping her out… to work is to lose after all. Gods of Romcom, give me back my peaceful life!