Fragile Moments

*.*.*.*.*

Alec couldn't say how long it had been since his last day off—had it been a week? Maybe two? Or less than that? More maybe? He really couldn't say anymore. At first, he had been aware of the passage of time, as there was something of a policy at the Institute that said a Shadowhunter could only go on so many missions in a certain period of time, could only work so many days without a break, and it was a rule he didn't like to break often, as he knew the toll his job took on him when he went so long without downtime. He knew the toll it took on everyone at the Institute, in fact, so he was always sure to give his Shadowhunters the off time that they so needed.

So he tired to follow that rule as best he could—lead by example and all that, after all—so he had been keeping track of how many days he spent at the Institute, how many nights he crawled into bed at Magnus' after the warlock was long asleep, stirring long enough to press a kiss to the shadowhunter's lips and soothe his aching muscles before they fell asleep together in one another's arms, how many nights he had to send Magnus a goodnight text instead, as he was simply too tired to make it to the loft to begin with.

He had been keeping track, because he was going to take a day off to rest once he hit the limit, he swore he was.

He had been keeping track. Until he wasn't. Until he woke up at the Institute one day instead of in Magnus' bed and he found that he couldn't recall just how many days it had been. Had he reached the limit? Was he nowhere near it? Who knew anymore? Alec certainly didn't.

He'd been expecting, at some point, that someone would say something to him if he went past the limit. The Clave would notice and send an angry fire message or Jace or Izzy would notice he had been there every single day for who knew how long, or Magnus would say something about not having his boyfriend to himself for God only knew how many days or something. If he hit that limit without realizing it himself, someone else would surely say something.

Except they didn't.

Alec didn't know if that meant no one had noticed, but no one had certainly said anything about how much he had been working, and he didn't know the number anymore, all he knew was that he was dead exhausted.

It wasn't the usual sort of exhaustion that could be cured with a nap and a cuddle with Magnus either. It was the deep set kind of exhaustion that he felt in his bones and hollowed him from the inside out, took away his happiness, his energy, his love, his… everything that made him, him, and left someone he didn't recognize in its stead.

All he could feel at that point was tired, and little else.

He couldn't focus out on missions, was merely running on autopilot, his body taking over and doing what it had been trained to do his entire life. He signed paperwork without really reading it, would simply sit at his desk and stare at the paper, eyes glossed over, unable to take in any of the words on the page. It would be like he was sleeping, the way he was just sitting there, eyes unfocused—unbeing, almost. When he came to his senses, either by some odd miracle or by someone coming in and grabbing his attention or his phone pinging or ringing or an alarm sounding or something, it would be like waking up. He would blink, and the room would be brighter somehow, and he would be aware of how he had not been himself in those previous moments.

He was not Alec in those moments, and he was aware of it after the fact, and it was like waking up without getting the actual sleep he so deserved and needed, but damnit, if no one was going to say anything about him working so much, then why should he care? If no one else noticed, if no one else cared… then it was okay, surely, to work himself to such a state?

It was okay because and as long as no one noticed.

*.*.*.*.*

Alec didn't even know what time it was anymore—was it morning? Afternoon? How long had he been sitting at his desk like that?—when he heard the soft knock on his door. He blinked the stupor away, and shook his head to try to remind himself of where he was, and what he was doing.

"Come in," he said, voice rough and distant to his own ears.

The door flew open without much more prompting, and though he was staring at the door the whole time, it still took him a moment to recognize that it was Magnus who had walked through the door, though when he did his heart started pounding furiously in a way he already knew it wouldn't have if he hadn't been so tired. Or maybe it would have, it was hard to tell some days.

"Oh, Alexander," Magnus said softly as he closed the door behind himself, tone so gentle Alec was almost sure he hadn't actually heard him.

"Magnus. What are you—"

"I've come to take you home," he interrupted, closing the space between the door and Alec's desk. He perched himself on the corner of the desk nearest Alec, and his hand came to grip at Alec's chin so gently that Alec was sure he had fallen asleep and this was all a wonderful, wonderful dream.

"I still have work to do," Alec murmured, gesturing down at the pile of paperwork on his desk. Though he was oh so very tempted already to let Magnus lead him away from all of it for however long his heart saw fit, there was still that little part of him that knew he couldn't, knew that he had to finish the stack of paperwork in front of him, that he had to check on how the afternoon missions had gone, that he had to touch base with this person and that person and—

He still had work to do.

"Absolutely not," Magnus replied, his face drawn up in concern.

"Magnus—"

"Alexander Gideon Lightwood," he began sternly, eyes hardened in a way that Alec recognized all too well as determination. This argument, he knew in that second, was not one he was going to win. And he was too tired to bother to try, truth be told. "You have been working nonstop for God knows how long now. You'll work yourself to death if you keep going like this. You need sleep; that stamina rune has better uses than keeping you holed up here at the Institute for weeks on end," he added, voice softening with humor just enough to make Alec smile.

Magnus returned the smile and slid his hand up on Alec's face so he was cupping his cheek now instead, and Alec leaned into the touch, unsure how long it had really been since Magnus had last been able to touch him so tenderly.

Alec was reminded suddenly, in his cloudy, exhausted state, that he was so, so fragile. He was a shadowhunter, but compared to Magnus and his infinite years, he was so easily breakable, so susceptible to his human half. And it was… frustrating, more often than not, but he was beginning to think, in that moment, even just for now, that it was okay, just as long as it meant Magnus would be there to care for him in his more fragile moments.

"Home, huh?" Alec said then, thoughtful, considering, though his mind was already made up.

"Home. Where I will help you change out of your clothes and into something more comfortable. I'll get you into bed, kiss every inch of your skin until you finally fall asleep and get the rest you so obviously need," Magnus promised, his low voice painting quite the promising picture.

Indeed, Alec could already feel himself laying on Magnus' silky sheets, could feel Magnus' bare chest pressed against his back, holding him so close he could feel his heartbeat, the soothing rhythm coupled with the soft press of Magnus' lips on his neck, his back, his shoulders lulling him to sleep.

His entire body was already relaxing at the mental image alone, and if he wasn't careful he knew he would end up falling asleep right then and there.

"And you'll stay with me until I wake up?" Alec asked in a murmur.

Magnus' eyes softened at the question all the more, and he leaned forward to press his lips to Alec's too sweetly and softly, and when Alec closed his eyes against the touch, he had a hard time getting them open again.

"But of course, my love; I won't leave you for a second," he replied, pulling away, thumb stroking Alec's cheek. "And whenever you wake up, I'll make sure to get a decent meal in you. Who knows when the last time you had a proper meal was," he added, voice dripping with a disapproval Alec could tell he had tried to hide. It was endearing though, so Alec could forgive him for it, especially if he made good on all his promises, as he knew he would.

"Okay," Alec nodded. "Let's go home."

Magnus smiled all the wider and stood from the desk, hand falling from the shadowhunter's face to find his hand. He pulled him from his seat before he could change his mind, and portaled them away to the loft, where Alec finally fell into a slumber in his boyfriend's arms, warm, peaceful, and resting at last.

*.*.*.*.*