Chapter Three: CAKE! Time for Cake.

When Peeta and Katniss chose this house with a huge dining room, it was Peeta's dream to have a table big enough to seat the entire family. He had to have it custom made but it was finally complete and this would be the first time he used it for its intended purpose. He and Katniss had used it for another purpose when it was delivered and pronounced it sturdy enough.

The proud couple sits at the head of a near silent table. Johanna sits to Katniss' left, close enough to control her alcohol intake if not her words. A forkful of salad hovers near Johanna's mouth, but she hasn't taken a bite; instead she's contemplating the threesome on the far opposite end of the table.

"Stop staring Jo!" Katniss admonishes under her breath.

"I can't help it, they're like walking talking porn. I mean can you imagine…"

"Johanna, that's my sister you're talking about."

To Peeta's right are Gale and Madge with their twins between them. The twins are refusing to eat their dinner with utensils and the couple is in a silent battle of wills with the toddlers.

No one is speaking, afraid to set off another discussion like the one they just witnessed. Prim was trying to calmly explain her romantic situation to her unsuspecting and very angry uncle. The two of them continued their conversation upstairs for privacy as the rest of the party took their seats for dinner. When Prim and Haymitch came back downstairs, the tension was obvious. Haymitch took his seat opposite Katniss and Peeta at the head of the table and Prim beside him next to her boyfriend.

Haymitch has yet to say a word and everyone is waiting for him to explode. All that can be heard is the click of silverware on china and the crunch of salad.

Unfortunately, Johanna isn't the only one mesmerized by Prim and her roommates. Rory and Cashmere are staring across the table at them as well. Cashmere, not taking the temperature of the room, breaks the silence. "So…" she says leaning heavily on one elbow and flicking her hand as she points to the threesome. "So do you ever… add anyone to your …"

Haymitch grunts and slaps the table. Prim puts her hand over his and answers the question. Johanna is leaning in to hear the answer. She wanted to ask the same question but wouldn't dare being seated too close to Katniss.

"No, we don't. Honestly, we're all doing our residency at the hospital. We rarely have time to see each other all together. How would we ever fit in a fourth?"

Haymitch stands and Prim pulls him back to seat. He asks "I don't understand Prim. How long have you been …"

"Bisexual?" Prim provides the word she knows her uncle is struggling to say. "I knew in high school. I had my first girlfriend my senior year."

"I knew that Cartwright girl spent too much time in your room. I thought you were smoking weed or something."

"Delly?" Rory exclaims. "Impressive! No wonder I couldn't get in her pants in high school." Prim blushes.

"Really, Haymitch I didn't think it was such a big deal." Effie immediately regrets speaking up but, she couldn't help herself. She has always defended their girls.

"You knew about this? Our little girl with an older woman and you let it happen?" Haymitch turns his anger on Effie.

"Yes, I knew. She was 18 and Delly was hardly the older woman. She was only 20."

"Unbelievable! And you didn't tell me?" Haymitch gets up to get a drink.

"How many is that Haymitch?" Effie snaps.

"Calm your tits, woman. "

Hazelle steps in to calm the situation. "Prim dear, maybe if you told us how you … got together?" Hazelle hesitates, maybe this isn't the right question.

"We met when I moved into their apartment at the start of my residency. They weren't a couple then but they liked each other. Our hours had us coming and going all the time. Sometimes I would spend all day with Rue, other days with Thresh. I found myself attracted to both of them."

"So, she told me," Rue adds. "And honestly, I was feeling the same way. So we talked to Thresh together."

"Bet you didn't complain!" Vick adds looking at Thresh slack jawed.

"I liked them both but that's not the way I was raised. They assured me, it's what they both wanted. So who was I to say no," Thresh answers and Vick snorts.

"The rest, we've sort of worked out together. " Prim concludes.

"I think it's great!" Posy speaks up. "They're making their own rules. I mean, they're rejecting the puritanical views of the misogynist society we live in. If we're lucky in 20 years, this will be the norm."

"Shut up Posy," Gale says.

"Thank you, Pose," Prim thanks her younger friend. Posy gets a wink from Thresh. She smiles at him before she turns to give her brother a dirty look

"Ok, now that we've gotten all that out of our systems. Maybe we can have the main course and a change of subject," Peeta says as he stands and begins collecting plates. Madge joins him.

"Posy if you're done lecturing us from one of your philosophy courses. You can get up and help Peeta serve. Don't leave it for your pregnant sister. Poor thing has enough to worry about," Hazelle reprimands.

When Madge returns to her seat, she finds one of her twins gone. She looks at Gale who just shrugs. Their son has decided to slip under the table. He brushes up against his mother's legs. "Good dogs don't beg at the table. Stay under there if you must, but no begging."

Peeta and Posy return with two large tureens of Katniss' favourite, lamb stew. Compliments to the chef come from around the table. Peeta and Katniss beam from their seats. Peeta holds her clenched hand on the table. The discussion turns to the house and all the work they have done. It was a labor of love for the couple to rebuild this old house into a home with all the amenities of a new house.

"It was the back yard that sold it for me." Katniss says. "It backs up to the preserve. I've already worn a path from our gate to the lake."

"It was a lot of work," Peeta says, "but it's worth it, I think. We made it ours." He kisses his wife's hand.

"You learn a lot about someone rehabbing a house," Katniss says.

"I learned that my wife who can hit a one inch bull's-eye with an arrow from 50 yards, cannot drive a nail in straight to save her life."

"And I learned what a perfectionist my husband is. He took three months to find the right door chime," she says with a laugh and a smile to Peeta. "He didn't like the melody of one. One sounded like a church. One was too tinny. What is that?"

The table laughs.

"Now I feel bad we knocked," says Hazelle. We'll have to check it out when we leave."

"Oh, it's lovely," Effie agrees.

"Thank you Effie."

"I figured it out!" Cashmere exclaims randomly from the other end of the table. "I know where I know you from." She points to Haymitch. "Chaff's Place!" She says mentioning Haymitch's friend's bar. "You don't remember me? My hair was red back then and I went by the name Ruby. We had some good times back then. I remember that one time we were…"

Haymitch tries to quiet her. The conversation around the table comes to a stop and everyone starts to stare.

Cashmere continues, "Yes! I remember now! You and me in the men's bathroom. How long ago was that? 5-10?"

"Yeah, sorry, wasn't me." Haymitch looks at Effie to find her staring, her lips pinched tight and eyes glassy. He knows she's about to explode.

"Do Tell Haymitch!" Effie can't hold back any longer. "Do tell us, when exactly did you know this woman, and when exactly did you cheat on me?"

"I didn't Effie. Tell her Cashmere, Ruby whatever your name is."

"We didn't? I thought we did, but I was a heavy drinker back then."

"Fffft!" Comes from Hazelle.

"No, we didn't. I think you were with Chaff."

"Oh, I remember him but, I thought you and I… that one time."

"Tell me Haymitch was it when I was helping you raise the girls? Or was it when they went off to college and you ignored me for years?" Effie stands and leaves the table.

"Listen lady, it wasn't me!"

"Are you sure, in the bathroom?" Cashmere tries again.

"I'm absolutely sure."

"You have that tattoo, on your ass."

"I don't have any tattoos and I never schtupped anyone in the bathroom at Chaff's." He stands up to follow Effie out of the room.

"I got it Haymitch, I'll bring her back." Brutus, having failed at his job to keep Effie from crying this evening, takes it upon himself to bring her back to the table.

While the scene plays out at the far end of the table, Gale is staring daggers at Rory and shaking his head. Madge is watching the horror playing out on Katniss' face. She noticed there was something different about her friend tonight. She was glowing with happiness earlier in the evening, taking everything in stride but now, now she looks like a spring about to be sprung.

No one is paying attention as a second toddler slips under the table.

Effie returns to the table, sniffling with Brutus' arm around her. Cashmere is again the first one to speak. "Oh, Honey, I'm sorry. I didn't realize he was your man back then. I never would have said anything. Don't you worry. The man I remember had a tattoo on his ass. Your man says he doesn't have any tattoos. Is that true?"

Effie nods.

"See, there you go. I was drunk a lot back then."

There's another "Ffffft" from the other end of the table.

"But I distinctly remember this guy had a tattoo on his ass that said 'Bite Me'." she says with a wry smile. "I remember, 'cause I did!" she giggles.

"Ooh ooh, I know who you're talking about." Rye says and looks at Johanna. "Thom!" they say together.

Gale coughs. "Thom, as in works with me, Thom?"

"Oh, yeah, Thom's a freak," Johanna adds. "He'll do anything if it stands still long enough to get his…"

"ENOUGH!" Hazelle yells. "Did we forget there are children present?" she looks at her daughter.

"Where?" Posy exaggerates looking around the table. "You don't mean me?"

"Under the table," Madge suggests.

Just then Rye jumps in his seat. "What the…! What was that?" he says looking under the table and sees a little girl playing with his shoelaces. She hisses at him and continues to bat the laces. Madge apologizes but makes no move to get her out from under the table. She's still watching Katniss.

"Effie," Vick says. "I've been wanting to talk to you. You're a publicist right?"

"Yes, darling." Effie is grateful for the opportunity to recover from her breakdown earlier. "I have my own company."

Conversations resume around the table. Peeta is chatting with Posy. Madge and Gale are trying to lighten Katniss' mood. Rue and Rye have struck up a conversation about her hometown. Turns out Rye had spent some time there. The onslaughts being waged on his shoelaces and pant legs by the "Kitty" under the table break up the conversation occasionally. Brutus and Thresh have joined the amusement and are laughing with Rue each time Rye jumps. Prim is obviously reading Haymitch the riot act about his behavior to Effie, and he's taking it in. She always could get him to listen to reason.

"So, say I wanted to make podcasts. Could your company help me get sponsors?" Vick questions Effie.

"Well dear, if your idea is good enough and strikes a chord with a core audience. Finding sponsors is what I do. What is your idea anyway?"

"Well I don't have it nailed down yet."

"You don't have an idea!" Gale yells. "You're throwing away a full ride scholarship two semesters shy of graduation to pursue this ridiculous hobby and you don't have an idea?"

"I'm not giving up my scholarship. I can come back in a year or two, I just want to take a shot," Vick argues.

"You're just a afraid of real life!" His mother argues.

"Effie, How fast do you think it would take for him to start getting paid for this non-existent idea?" Gale asks.

"Well first he has to build up an audience, then we have to do research, find out his audience demographics so we can court sponsors looking to promote to that demographic. Maybe a year before any money comes in."

"And where do you live during this year?"

"On campus," he replies.

"How, you won't be a student anymore, that means you can't live on campus?"

Gale and Vick continue to argue the financing of his great money and fame-making venture. Rory and Cashmere are whispering to each other and occasionally kissing. Prim and Haymitch are still in a battle of wills. The twin's heads have popped up from under the table and they are fidgeting in their seats. Katniss is watching this all unfold and hasn't touched her meal. Her fists are clenched in her lap and even Peeta's hand covering them, isn't enough to calm her.

"Mommy, Mommy," Zoey pipes up.

"Mommy, I have something to tell you," Zach adds.

Madge tries to hush her children. The volume level of her husband and Vick's argument is getting higher and Madge is waiting for the right moment to interrupt. Too soon will just add fuel to the fire, too late and there will be a full out shouting match.

"Mommy, MOOOOMMY," Zoey whines.

"Mommy, Mommy, I have something to tell you." Zach is now pulling on Madge's shirt, jumping up and down. "Mommy, Mommy."

"For the love of God Undersee! Answer your damn kid." Jo explodes, silencing the table.

"Fine!" She yells back at Jo. "What is it Zach, what do you have to tell me?" Zach is suddenly stage shy knowing everyone is looking at him. "I can't Mommy. It's a secret."

Madge's frustration shows but she tries not to let her child know. "Well, then, why don't you whisper it in my ear."

Zach shakes his head. "Come on. Tell me." And for want of anything else to do, the entire table listens in as little Zach stands, raises onto his tiptoes and loudly "whispers" in his mother's ear.

"That lady doesn't have on underwear." There's a beat of silence at the table before Haymitch's bellowing laugh rings out. The entire table erupts in uncomfortable laughter and Cashmere's face shows surprise but not embarrassment.

"Holy shit!" Johanna gets out between breaths as she laughs. "This is why I make the trip out here."

"Rory!" Gale bellows "What the fuck?"

"Oh daddy said a bad word." Zoey interjects as Madge gathers both her kids to her chest to cover their ears.

"CAKE!" Peeta yells and stands up. "Time for cake! Rye, help me in the kitchen." Rye attempts to leave the table but trips over his shoelaces, which have been untied by a certain kitty.

Posy helps to clear the table. When she returns, an all out Hawthorne war has been declared. Gale is shouting at Rory. "What the… don't bring that woman around my children again. Doesn't she have any decency?"

"Hey it's not our fault. No one would have known if your kids weren't crawling around on the floor."

Hazelle and Vick were 'not talking about it' again. "If you think you're going to live at home without going to school and without a job, you have another thing coming, mister."

"Think," Posy corrects her mother with a roll of her eyes.

"What are you on about?" Hazelle looks at her daughter.

"The correct word is think, 'You have another think coming'. You said 'thing'."

"You too Little Miss, you keep pushing me…". She turns back to her son she opens her mouth to speak and he cuts her off.

"I thought we weren't talking about this tonight."

"You're the one to bring it up to Effie."

"She's a professional, Ma. Of course I'm going to ask her advice."

"At the table, at Katniss' party is not the time."

"Stop it." A soft plea comes from the end of the table. "Just stop it all of you!" Katniss' voice strengthens but cracks from the pressure she's been holding in. Her face is a blank mask, as if any emotion were to show, it would break like a damn.

"Katniss, honey, we all owe you and Peeta an apology. My children have ruined your lovely dinner."

Vick is the first to speak. "Sorry Katniss."

"Yeah, sorry Catnip." Gale chimes in.

"Sorry too." Rory adds.

"Me too, Sweetie." Cashmere says then turning to Gale and Madge. "I'm sorry about the underwear thing too. To be fair, I started tonight out with them. It's just we made a stop on the way here and well, I kinda lost them. Rory didn't want to be late so we…"

Hazelle holds her hand up stopping Cashmere mid-sentence. "That's quite enough dear. We get it."

"Katniss," Hazelle starts again. "When you and Peeta got married, you told me you didn't want to have kids. I didn't believe you then, I thought you'd regret it. After tonight, I think you had it right. Children grow up and break your heart."

And with that statement, the guests seated around the table sit in shock as the emotional damn Katniss was holding together begins to break. Their usually unflappable Katniss begins to crumble. Her stoic expression falls. Her scowl is replaced by a frown and her eyes start to well with tears.

"Sweetheart, are you OK?" Haymitch asks as Peeta enters the dining room carrying a cake set ablaze with thirty candles. Peeta takes a breath and begins to sing "Happy Birthday". No one joins in.

Haymitch gets his answer before Peeta can complete the first sentence of the song.

A loud, wet, desperate sob breaks through as Katniss stands and runs up the stairs. A door can be heard slamming. Peeta quickly sets the cake on the table and runs after his wife, followed closely by Prim. The guests sit in silence as Effie stands to follow as well. Haymitch grabs her hand and shakes his head no. Effie silently agrees and returns to her seat. The guests sit staring at the cake burning at the end of the table.

"For goodness sakes, Gale. Blow the candles out before we burn the house down," Hazelle commands. Gale leans over and blows as many out as he can. When the smoke from the extinguished candles clears, He reads the writing on the cake.

"Awe shit," is all he says.

"Shit is right," Rye agrees.

"Shit, shit, shit!" the twins parrot back.

"What is it?" Madge asks and she leans over to read the cake as well. She says nothing, just sits back down. Gale tips the cake so the rest of the guests can read.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY-TO-BE!

"Oh, no," Hazelle says quietly. "Oh, no, no no." She starts to weep.

"Go up there." Effie says and Hazelle heads up the stairs.

"Well fuck." Johanna shakes her head.

Effie looks to Haymitch with tears in both of their eyes. "A baby?"

He nods.

In the Aftermath...

After the botched pregnancy reveal, Katniss and Peeta were greeted with hugs and congratulations from their guests. Hormones were blamed for her breakdown and Katniss was treated to a very off key version of "Happy Birthday" from the entire table as everyone tried to make the best of what remained of the night.

The house is wrapped in the quiet after the storm. The Hawthornes have all returned to their respective homes. Rory and Cashmere were still ensconced in each other's arms, unaffected by the revelations brought to light this evening.

"She's not a bad person," Hazelle was heard saying as they left. "She's just going to take some getting used to. At least he can't knock her up."

Vick found a compromise with his mother and older brother after learning that podcast fame may take actual real work. And Posy, well, she has a good story to tell her friends at her snooty school.

Gale, Madge and the twins left the house without a meow or ruff to be heard. Instead the twins made their way to their car hand in hand singing a song they made up. That song consisted of only two words, shit and fuck. Their parents left that battle for another day.

The roommates and Effie took over the clean up after the party. Rye and Brutus are seated in the den. Johanna is asleep between them with her head in in Rye's lap and her feet on Brutus'. They chat quietly over her. As Prim, Thresh and Rue put away the dishes they sneak kisses and caresses, content in each other's company.

Effie escapes to the back porch and lights up a cigarette.

"Thought you gave those up," says a voice from behind her.

"I did but I keep a few in my purse for emergencies." She thinks twice about it and snuffs it out.

"I never cheated on you, Effie."

"I know, I just. Sometimes, I just can't figure out what went wrong. Did I bore you? Was it because the girls were gone?"

"Naw, I don't know. Maybe that was part of it. As long as they were there, we, I, had an excuse not to …" He stops. "And then you left."

"I guess we, as we were, just stopped being enough for me."

"So you left."

"I left." Effie looks out into the back yard. Fighting the urge to look at him. "I was 25 when we met Haymitch. I thought I had all the time in the world. Then the next thing you know, I'm 40."

"I know Princess, I don't blame you." Haymitch turns around and sits on the railing, looking into the house. They are shoulder-to-shoulder but facing in opposite directions. "That Brutus though, he's a good man."

Effie nods but looks down. Her lie is too much to keep up after a night like this but still she remains silent.

"I told him once that he was the bravest man I knew. He followed us into situations where trained soldiers were pissing themselves. And he did it unarmed."

Effie continues to nod, almost ready to give up the truth.

Haymitch continues, "Balls like steel that one. Queer as a three dollar bill, but brave as shit."

"You knew? Why didn't you call me out earlier."

"I figured you needed a friend here tonight. The last couple times we saw each other didn't go so well." They look each other in the eye. "I miss the hell out of you Effie." His fingers reach for hers and Effie's breath catches. "Come home with me."

"I can't. I can't go backward Haymitch." She steps in front of him and stares him in the eye.

"Not backward. I've been thinking a lot. I don't need that big old house anymore. The girls have moved on. I was going to sell the place. Figured I'd move closer to the city."

"Closer?"

"Maybe in, if you're there."

"Haymitch what are you saying?"

"I'm saying, I want everything you do, if it's with you."

"You can't do this just for me, Haymitch."

"I'm not. I didn't expect to be a father to two little girls at 32 and that turned out OK. Never thought about getting married or possibly trying to be a father again at 50 either, but maybe that will turn out alright too. If I have you." She leans in and kisses him. The kiss turns passionate quickly. As he kisses down her neck, he asks again.

"Come home with me Princess. We can start our life."

"I can't tonight, Brutus, I can't abandon him here."

"He has a car. And judging by the way he was looking at Rye at dinner, I think you might be doing him a favor."

Sitting alone on the couch in the living room, Katniss is curled up next to Peeta. "Well that didn't go as expected," Peeta says to his drowsy wife.

"Does it ever?" She agrees.

"No, it never does but tonight was an especially bad shitshow." He reaches between the couch cushions and pulls out a box. "I almost forgot, Happy Birthday, my love." He kisses her head.

"Peeta?" Katniss opens the box to reveal a large South Sea pearl, suspended from a white gold chain. "It's beautiful."

"I saw it and I thought how pretty it would look with your eyes. Then I thought it's just about the size of our baby right now and I had to buy it for you."

"It is just about the size." She rests her hand on her stomach and Peeta covers it with his own. "Oh, Peeta, what are we doing bringing a poor defenseless baby into this insane family?"

"This little pearl is going to be loved by every one of those insane family members. Ok, maybe not Posy."

"Oh, I didn't tell you. Before they left, out of nowhere she hugs me and says that I'm going to be a great mother."

"Posy said that?" Katniss nods. "Ok, then. Maybe not Cashmere, Ruby or whatever her name is." They both laugh.

Suddenly, two slender arms surround them both. "Dishes are done, we're going to bed now. Happy Birthday Katniss. I love you." Prim kisses her sister's head. She turns and meets her partners on the stairs as they head up to bed.

"I guess we have a couple extra beds now, maybe you should tell Johanna." Katniss suggests.

"Jo is passed out in the den. She's fine where she is tonight. Are you ready for bed?"

"Let's just sit here and enjoy the silence for awhile." She says as she cuddles closer to her husband's chest.

"Just think," Peeta says while running his hands through her hair, "next week we get to tell MY parents."

A/N The idea for this started with a suggestion to Katnissdoesnotfollowback to have a similar dinner in her Wrapped in Red. She decided against it. I couldn't let it go. I knew I could write a funny, snarky line but to write comedy start to finish was another thing. I took this on as a challenge to myself. And hey, as long as you're challenging yourself why not throw in 18 characters and confine them at one table, just for fun? It was a lesson in blocking. In the end, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading

Thanks again to KDNFB for her editing skills and all around inspiration. For weeks this was called The Shitshow, then The Dinner Piece. She's the one who came up with the title and it's perfect.

Happy Birthday Katniss Everdeen!