A/N: Sorry for the long wait, folks. As some of you may have noticed, there a lot of other fanfics that need my attention. Now that it's a new year, things are bound to get a lot busier.

But enough about my writing dilemma. Let me thank you all for giving the previous chapter five positive reviews upon the day of its publication. It means so much to me and DarthWill3. Right now, we have 20 follows, 17 reviews and 16 favorites.

Dragonshadow97: A triple karma combo, eh? Well, if we forgo any further video game lingo, let me say you're right on the mark. Considering the number of a post-NSL fanfics, this was possibly the most humane, humiliating, and humorous punishment we could think of for Lynn, not to mention the fastest way to get her into that mess.

nightmaster000: I'm afraid there won't be any characters from the animated Sabrina series, but we can make at least one reference from it concerning Salem's human days. As for the characters in the original sitcom, there will be a few guest appearances, so hold on tight.

Willow x Oz and Navy Apocalypse 321: I think you may have missed the last bit in Part 1 of the pilot which mentions Salem being evicted from Sabrina's house due to his impulse buying. You know how he is when it comes to using other people's credit cards. As to Sabrina being out of character in that regard, you might want to look back to the sitcom's Season 5 finale for some answers.

Fireball Disaster: By "manners," I assume you mean either Salem purring at Leni's leg or his treating Lynn as if she were his servant. He would appreciate it.

DreadedCandiru2: You're about to find out, my friend.

Now, with all that out of the way, here is the final part of the pilot.

Bobby walked into the kitchen and stopped upon spotting a miniature glittery pyramid on the right of the fridge. The entrance was flanked by miniature gold sphinxes. Miniature palm trees surrounded the structure. There was a tiny satellite dish on top, as if there might be a little television set inside.

"That is one weird litter box," Bobby wondered aloud. He shrugged before opening the freezer and rummaging through, unaware of a black cat entering the room.

It sure was nice of Hilda to have Sabrina zap this baby over here yesterday, thought Salem as he strolled towards the litter box. No more sharing open outhouses with Cliff.

It was only a few seconds before Bobby brought his head out of the freezer. "Wouldn't you know it?" he groaned. "No ice."

Almost instantly, his eyes gazed upon an empty ice cube tray on top of the fridge, leaning hard to starboard. The only course available to him was to take a sidestep or two left, reach for the utensil, put it into the sink, turn the cold-water faucet and let the freezer do the rest.

Salem was halfway into the litter box, his tail sticking out, when an oblivious sneaker found its mark.

"WHOOOOOAHOHOHOHO!"

Upon making such a howl, the small black body immediately disappeared into the box, its rear appendage yanked from the sneaker's loaded grasp.

Bobby, startled by the noise, quickly turned around. His eyes widened to find the pyramid he was standing next to rise a foot in the air. A split second later, it crashed back onto solid ground. A few patches of sand escaped through the entrance, as if a dragon were belching its flammable contents.

"Haunted litter box!" Bobby shouted as he scampered out of the kitchen. "Babe! Where's the broom?!"

The natural response which would have come could not be heard coherently, for it was drowned by a brief, pitiful series of sobs from inside the box. "My beautiful tail!" Then came a long groan. "And my head… Ow."

Almost instantly, Lori stood before the entrance of the kitchen, arms and legs stretched out frantically to act as a one-woman barricade.

"Boo-Boo Bear," she pleaded, "calm down. I know you wanna protect me—and that's really, really sweet of you—but there's literally no cause for alarm."

"Outta my way, babe!" ordered Bobby, holding out a broom as if he were ready to fix bayonets and charge at the enemy. "I'm gotta cast out this evil demon once and for all!"

"Look, I can explain—"

But before Lori could, Salem's head popped out of the litter box, bits of sand covering his face. "Whichever one of you smart alecks caused this owes me a bath! Pronto! Extra sudsy!"

Suddenly, he noticed an astounded Bobby staring at him over Lori's shoulder. The grips on his broom loosened, letting it smack on the floor. Lori reacted with a gulp before giggling nervously, perspiration evident on her face.

All the nervous cat could utter was, "Uh… Le mew?"

"You might say," said a somewhat irritated Lincoln to the readers, "that Salem should've kept his mouth shut and his head inside once he heard Lori and Bobby talking about—oh, I don't know—maybe five feet away from him?" He placed a palm to his face before putting on a more casual tone. "But to be honest, I can't really blame him. The pain done to his tail, with the additional headache from hitting the litter box roof, must've made the birds flying around him chirp extra loudly."

Lincoln proceeded to return downstairs, albeit at a leisurely pace. "You'd imagine the Witches Council summoning Salem to court and having Bobby's memory wiped of the whole thing. It wasn't the first time he let it slip to a mortal that he's a talking cat. Luckily, Lucy's a rare mortal-born witch, which grants her a few privileges that any pureblood witch and half-mortal could kill for."

There was a momentary pause before Lincoln added hurryingly, "Not that they'd really do it, you understand."

With a sheepish chuckle, he walked behind the living room couch towards the small two-drawer cabinet, an index finger reaching for the cellphone that rested beside the lamp. The phone's background picture of Natalie Portman and icons were on display, which indicated recent usage.

"Ever since that day," smiled Lincoln, skimming the phone, "Bobby and Salem became fast friends. You should see the number of selfies they've taken. It's like the time me and Bobby hung out, only a little more restricted when 'NO PETS' signs are concerned."

As he talked, various pictures Salem and Bobby were brought up, swiped from one photo to another. One showed the two of them sharing a big pizza. Another was taken at the beach, with the talking cat wearing sunglasses alongside Lifeguard Santiago. The third entailed Bobby next to the fountain at Ketchum Park, holding a small fish net full of wet coins; Salem could be seen clinging to the net, eyes fixed on the shining treasure.

Then with a press of the "EXIT" button, the pictures disappeared.

"When Salem heard that the Santiagos were moving out to the city…" Lincoln hesitated for a moment, a hand scratching the back of his head. "Well, I didn't see his reaction, but I heard a lot about it."

Salem gave off a hysterical yell as he jumped from the window of Lisa and Lily's room and onto the roof of Vanzilla. He landed nimbly on his feet, then lay down on his belly.

"Houston, we have made contact!" he cheered, just as the van was beginning to vibrate.

"While impressed with the near-impossible feat you have just achieved," Lisa called, struggling to get her head out the window, "I must heavily advise against the next one you are about to—"

Vanzilla's engine roared as she exited the driveway in a flash, taking Salem with her.

"Wish I'd installed a camera on that roof," cursed Lisa to herself. "Physical research of this kind would've been invaluable…"

The child prodigy was nearly knocked over the edge as Leni rushed over to the window, crying out, "Salem! Like, come back!"

Salem didn't hear Leni. He was too far away and far too busy clinging to the front of Vanzilla's roof for dear life. His claws sunk into the metal with every sharp point they had.

"I'M COMING, BOBBY!" he shouted at the top of his lungs.

No sooner did he say it than when a pigeon seemed to drop in front of him. Because Vanzilla was going so fast, the two animals collided with one another, knocking Salem off the roof. They landed in a shrub close to the road.

The pigeon was the first to emerge from beneath the leaves, shaking itself of greenery before taking off. It cooed casually, as if nothing had happened.

Then, at the top of the bush, out popped a small black head with yellow eyes and a mouth full of white feathers. "Next time, I'm taking the hatch," he grumbled, spitting out the plumage.

"Lori got two texts from Luna almost immediately after we left, a few minutes apart," mused Lincoln, leaning on the left railing of the front porch. "But she was so busy trying to keep Bobby in Royal Woods that she didn't notice them until later in the night. She let me get a good look at them.

"The first one read, and I quote, 'Lori, exclamation point. Pull over, exclamation point. Crazy cat on top of Vanzilla, exclamation mark.' The last one said 'Never mind, stop. Salem's back home safe, stop. Needs a little wash but safe, stop. Keep jamming, dudes, stop.'"

Lincoln pointed to the family vehicle. "You'd need a magnifying glass to see the claw marks on Vanzilla's roof. Otherwise, nothing major. Salem was walking back home when Lynn picked him up on the hand-me-down bike. She said she would've followed us all the way to the city if she had to. I don't doubt her: girl's capable of anything when she's focused."

Stretching, the Loud boy proceeded to the door. "When Lori and I got back, Salem pressed us for good news on the Santiagos. He seemed to take it well. At least we thought he would."

"Aw, I understand, kids," said Salem, sweetly. "C'mere."

Lori and Lincoln lowered themselves to Salem's eye level. But instead of an expected complete package of face rubbing and purring, all they got was a wide back-paw swipe across their faces right to left.

"Ow!" exclaimed Lincoln.

"Hey!" complained Lori. "You could've clawed us!"

"You had one job!" barked Salem. "One! Job! All you had to do was keep my best Michiganian bud in the same local as us! And you blew it like George Lucas did with the Prequels!"

"But that was Bobby's choice, Salem," Lincoln reasoned, a little hurt. "And Ronnie Anne wanted to stay there as well."

"Well, then it's her fault as well." Salem paused, as if something else had occurred to him. "Wait a minute… You mean to say you didn't try talking her out of it? What kinda boyfriend are you, kid?!"

"I'm not her—"

"First Harvey, now Bobby!" wailed Salem, turning away. "I ain't going back to the loony bin! No way! They'll never take me alive!"

With that, the cat hopped off the coach and ran up the stairs, crying louder than Sally Fields.

"That was six days ago," went on a sour Lincoln, who was back in the living room. "As punishment for my 'failure', I had to spend the whole night on the couch; His Majesty had Lisa put a voice lock on my door."

"Our door," came a flat reply from his right. "Since I got hold of your furniture, su casa es mi casa. Remember?"

Lincoln rolled his eyes. "Oh, how I could forget that?"

"My own personal voice lock," mused Salem. "Nice while it lasted. Wish your folks didn't take it off."

"Salem, I've had that room long before you showed up."

"Yeah? Well, I'm senior roommate, so I outrank you."

Almost immediately, the doorbell could be heard ringing.

"I'll get it!" Lincoln reached for the knob, twisted it, and pulled the door towards him. His eyes widened upon seeing—

"Hey, Lame-O."

"R-R-Ronnie Anne?" spluttered Lincoln. "What are you…? How are you…? When did you just…?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy there, dude. I'm back in Royal Woods."

"Why didn't you call?"

"Thought I'd surprise you." Ronnie Anne smirked. "Never fails."

"But what about the Casagrandes? The bodega?"

"You won't believe it, but the bank suddenly decided to foreclose the apartment as well as the bodega. No explanation given. Just a guy in some top hat and cape coming in with a bank document and telling us to get out."

Lincoln could've sworn he heard a familiar "he-he-he" from nearby. Faint but unmistakable.

"Really? Geez, Ronnie, I'm so sorry. Can't believe something like this would—"

"Don't worry. Almost immediately, we got notice of a shop being on sale at Royal Woods. There was even a house big enough for the whole family. So here we are."

"Is that right?" Lincoln turned his attention to Salem, who quickly looked away with innocence on his face. "Could you excuse me for a minute? I need to make sure my new cat has no problems with his eyes."

"Sure," answered Ronnie Anne, as Lincoln went to pick Salem up. "You know, I've always wanted to meet this little guy. What's his name again?"

"Salem."

"Catchy. I've heard Bobby saying how friendly he is. Think he'll like me too?"

Lincoln put up a straight face with little effort upon noticing Salem give the Latina a hostile glare. "Oh, I'm sure you two will become fast pals…"

Lori heard the knock coming from her door.

"I'll be right back," she said sweetly into her phone. "Don't go anywhere." Putting it down on her bed, she adopted a somewhat sourer expression. "What is it? I'm in the middle of giving Bobby some much-needed Welcome Back kisses."

"Funny you should say that, Lori," replied Lincoln, opening the door. "Salem might have had something to do with it, don't you Salem?"

The cat in Lincoln's arms cocked his head. "Moi? Now what makes you think that—"

Lincoln's eyes narrowed. Lori, too, had that sort of I'm-waiting look.

Salem sighed. "Okay, okay. I've got some connections working in the Great Lakes City bank and at least one realtor who's transferred to Royal Woods. But I just wanted Bobby back so badly. Besides, I've done it before, and it worked out fine for everyone. Except maybe a couple million Plutonian—"

Lori snatched Salem from Lincoln and wrapped fiercely him in her arms. "Thank you, Salem!" she cried. "I just couldn't handle the whole long-distance relationship thing! Just for that, I am taking you to Burpin' Burger tomorrow and getting you a large combo…"

"Could you at least let me breath first?" choked the little black ball of fur.

"Lincoln!" called Ronnie Anne from downstairs. "Is this eye check gonna take long? I've already got my swimsuit underneath."

"All done," answered Lincoln. "Are we going for the beach or the pool?"

"Whatever's fine with you. As long as we're don't get too much lovey-dovey stuff from You-Know-Who."

"Go get your trunks and towel, Lincoln," coaxed Lori, giggling as she put Salem down on Leni's bead and retrieved her phone. "I'll go drop you off wherever you want to get wet. I'll tell Boo-Boo Bear to meet us there."

"And we're back to the lovey-dovey," muttered Lincoln under his breath.

Salem watched the two Loud siblings left the room. Then, after a good yawn, he could hear the door slam shut and Vanzilla's motor starting up.

"Well, folks," he said to the readers, "it just goes to show that despite living in a house full of hens, you can make life interesting. Not only do I have a new best friend to hang out with, but I've also got a little witch in this setup to pass my wisdom to. Tune in next time to watch me—"

"What the heck?" came the voice of Lynn Sr. from downstairs. "I didn't order a $500 cat statue! There must be some mistake! Wait a minute… This looks a lot like… SALEM!"

Salem's eyes widened. "Guess you'll just have to find out for yourselves!" he shouted, sprinting out of the room.

A/N: That's the whole pilot, my friends.

Yes, that's correct. I wasn't a fan of "The Loudest Mission: Relative Chaos" because it felt lazy to get rid of a character. "Steak me Amadeus" in Regular Show did a better job because we got some cute shipping moments from Mordecai and Margaret later in the series.

Thus, we went for the Snidely Whiplash approach of bringing the Santiagos back to Royal Woods. (Better watch Dudley Do-Right in case you don't know who that is.) Much of the inspiration came from the Season 4 premiere of Sabrina.

Now I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that the story is not cancelled; sorry for all the wasted reviews you've had to make before regarding this chapter and so forth. The bad news is that DarthWill3 and I are gonna keep this up for about 12 or 25 more episodes. That is, unless you want us to go further.

Hope you will all enjoy the show.