Chapter 18: Petit Chaton Sur Un Toit Tout Seul

Something about trains always made her sleepy; maybe it was the soft vibrations that made her doze off easily, or more likely it was her newfound constant exhaustion that came with the presence of the Elric brothers… who's to say?

Alphonse had to gently nudge her awake when they finally arrived at Central's Grand Station, a line of drool running against the window she had her face pressed against. Her parents were clockmakers who'd never been to Central, so this was the first time Beryl had ever seen the bustling city. It was crowded and everyone was hurrying along to their next train, but it was also a lot cleaner than she thought it would be. Definitely a step up from the dusty streets and small buildings of Rush Valley and Dublith.

Edward groaned like an old barn cat as he stretched his arms high above his head. "God… am I beat."

"Being spied on for hours will do that to you," Al sighed.

Beryl frowned, "Are they still following us?"

"Hey."

That answered her question nicely.

"Where's the young Lord?"

The quartet looked around, finding no sign of him and relaying that to Old Man Fu. Beryl had to say, if Ling was a big weirdo than his two lackeys weren't much better; always scurrying around in his shadow throwing glares and knives just as sharp to anyone that even looked at him funny.

They all shared a shrug, "Not here."

Their cold stares dissolved into exhausted frowns as they both groaned with a special kind of exasperation that only came from Ling. "Good lord… can't take my eyes off him for a second…" Beryl heard Fu grumble.

They darted off looking for him while Ed voiced his relief in Ling's absence, "Good riddance to that weirdo," the quartet of young teens grabbed their minimal luggage and started the walk into the city, Beryl adjusting the bag on her shoulder that contained a loaf of bread and a snoring Pepper. Her bag was one of her few possession besides the clothes on her back, and was glad Ed let her go back for it.

As they were leaving the station, Beryl suddenly heard a high-pitched ring in her ears. The sound was like a cross between a dog-whistle and static. She winced, the pain enough to make her stop and tap her palm against her head, thinking her automail was acting up again.

Winry stopped too when she noticed the other girl. "Something wrong Beryl?"

She shook her head, the ringing reduced to a slightly annoying whirring sound, "Yeah… just my automail being weird."

Her smile was contagious. "Maybe I can look at it later for you?"

"Sure," she nodded, and the group continued on.

Strangely, her automail only rang like that when she hit her head really hard or was standing too close to a radio tower.

Oh well, it was a big city after all…

Probably nothing.

The girls had left to visit the Hughes house, Winry gushing to Beryl about how nice they were and how much they'd love her before the blond dragged her off down the street, leaving the brothers alone. She said something about grocery shopping, but Edward hadn't really been paying attention.

Honestly, the farther Beryl is from Headquarters, the better. Dublith had changed a lot of things, her involvement being one of them. She had known Greed previously, but knew nothing about his connection to the military or the philosopher's stone, she had just been in the wrong place at the wrong time. Only problem was it might get her killed.

The brothers started making their way to Headquarters when Alphonse voiced what his brother was thinking. "It'll be good for Beryl to avoid the military while we're here…"

Ed sighed, suddenly feeling very tired. "Yeah… we don't want her to get any more involved than she already is, otherwise…"

Neither of them dared to speak about what would happen if Beryl was discovered to be previously involved with Greed as well as currently involved with the Elric brothers. She already knew about the philosopher's stone, and it felt like only a matter of time before she knew about the Homunculi.

The scrappy orphan was their friend and they wanted her to be kept out of danger, but she was making everything so much more complicated.

Beryl raised the shiny red apple to her nose, taking a few sniffs before dropping it in Winry's basket. The blond gave her a smile,

"You'll love the Hughes's, they're very kind." She grabbed a few apples of her own before the basket was full. "Miss Gracia has been teaching me how to bake apple pies, I thought I could show her what I learned," she explained, paying for the apples and leading Beryl out of the market.

It was hard to not catch her enthusiasm, as a smile of her own formed on Beryl's face. "My mom used to make strawberry rhubarb for Good Friday, they were always my favorite." It felt weird to talk about her mother, but also kind of nice, since Winry got a look on her face that said she understood the feeling of talking about your dead parents.

They walked in silence for a while, the brunette not noticing that her smile hadn't faded yet. Winry however, had noticed, and playfully bumped her with her hip.

"I think that's the longest you've smiled since we left Rush Valley,"

Her scar started to itch again, and her smile disappeared, her gaze falling away from Winry's sky-blue eyes to stare at the ground. She almost apologized, but her tongue felt heavy too. The blond frowned, slipping her hand into Beryl's, trying to be comforting. It seemed to work slightly, as she felt the younger girl rub her thumb over Winry's.

"What happened in Dublith… if you're okay with talking about it?"

The young engineer was met with silence, but Beryl squeezed her hand, like she wanted to answer but couldn't.

Winry thought back to every time she'd tried to get answers out of Ed and Al about what they were doing in the military and what they'd done so far to get their bodies back, only to be met with the run-around. She understood that they wanted to keep her safe, but she was just so tired of being in the dark and not being able to fully understand them. They were best friends… not understanding your best friend was a pain she wouldn't wish on anyone.

Winry felt frustration and anger prick at her heart. "You've been so quiet and sad since you all got back from Dublith, and I'm trying to understand why no one tells me anything… but I don't think I can."

Beryl squeezed her hand tighter, prompting Winry to look up from her basket, meeting her blue and brown eyes that were filled with a strange combination of fury and sorrow. So much like Edward that it hurt.

"Those Elric Dorks are right to keep you out; I wish I was in the dark like you…" If Winry didn't know better she would've assumed Beryl to be much older in that moment. "Sometimes not knowing anything is better… trust me on that if nothing else."

Before she'd met them, Beryl would've never been so worried about anything; coasting by on stolen food and a devil-may-care attitude. It was exactly like Alphonse told her, she'd been a complete brat, but everything felt so different now… she was trapped in something bigger than her, and it felt really nice to have friends that wouldn't leave her out to dry. For the first time since she was a little kid in the Devil's Nest, she was responsible for her own life.

She felt happier when she saw Winry smile; the mechanic was so kind and genuine that ruining that felt worse than anything else.

Blue eyes blinked and gave her a sad smile, not quite satisfied, but she trusted Beryl. "Okay… I think we have everything for the pie… we should head to the Hughes's now."

The pair continued down the street, still squeezing each other's hands.

By the time they'd reached the Hughes's apartment, Winry had been gushing about how cute little Elicia was for about ten minutes straight, and Beryl was about to lose it if she didn't see this kid now. She prided herself on being tough, but she was weak to cute things; just ask Pepper.

The older girl knocked on the door and almost immediately after it swung open to reveal a little girl in a pink dress and a smile that could burn out the sun.

"Daddy?"

You'd never seen such a bright, happy face instantly fade away once the girl recognized that Winry and Beryl weren't who she'd answered the door for. Her sunny smile dissolved into wet sobs as the toddler buried her face into Winry's legs. The blond turned and met Beryl's confused stare with her own, instinctively petting little Elicia's head for comfort until a woman with a gaze that went on for miles met them at the door.

The woman who must've been Miss Gracia assessed her crying child and Winry's concerned expression before smiling sadly and inviting them inside.

By now Beryl supposed she should be rather familiar with death, as depressing as that is, but for some reason she felt grief even now for a man she had never met or known. Maybe it was because Elicia had cried so badly her small body couldn't handle it and she fell asleep, or because Miss Gracia smiled like the Curtis's; kind but… so tired, as if it was taking all of her strength to maintain a smile like that.

From how Winry had described him, Maes Hughes was a kind and honorable man who loved his family more than anything else in the world. It wasn't at all fair… but things rarely were.

For a long time they sat in silence, Elicia snoring lightly in Winry's arms and the basket full of apples forgotten on the living room table. It felt wrong for Beryl to be there; she hadn't known Mr. Hughes, so she couldn't grieve for him like his family and Winry could, it felt like she was somewhere she didn't belong. Sure she knew what it was like to lose people; her parents, the Devil's Nest gang, hell even Greed's death had taken it's toll… but she didn't even know what Mr. Hughes looked like.

She didn't have any right to be here.

Ed and Al arrived sometime later, equally stone-faced and tired, with information about Mr. Hughes's death they felt Miss Gracia deserved to know. Beryl stood up to leave, maybe to stand outside the door or go back to the hotel, when Alphonse stopped her,

"You should hear this too."

She stared up at him for a moment before nodding once and sitting back down next to Winry.

Maes Hughes was a Lieutenant Colonel for the military, and had been helping Ed and Al dig up information about the philosopher's stone so they could get their bodies back, but he'd been found shot to death in a phone booth in Central.

Beryl felt fury bubbling up in her stomach. She grit her teeth and dug her nails into the fabric of the couch, biting her tongue and not lashing out during such a delicate conversation. It just wasn't fair! What was so great about the god damned philosophers stone that the military had to keep killing people whenever they got too close?

Martel, Dolcetto, Roa… they were a product of the military's alchemy, and were murdered because they walked away from being an experiment in a cage, and Greed… he never stopped wanting more, and once he wanted immortality, and by extension the philosopher's stone… the military caught up to him too.

But Mr. Hughes? He was a military officer, one with a family and friends and a normal life, who wanted to help a couple of dorky brothers get back what they lost. But that didn't matter; the military would clearly bring down the axe on anyone who got too close to whatever it was they were hiding.

As much as she was afraid, so much so that she was shaking at the mere mention of the military, she was also angry. It was one thing to kill a gang full of people who no longer had lives, but now they were leaving behind broken families. The military's trail of bodies was getting longer, and Beryl suddenly felt a fire in her belly.

She wanted to fight.

This was bigger than her now, it had been from the moment Fuhrer Bradley's sword tore across her cheek before it killed Martel.

Gracia had told them to not let her husbands death defeat them, and that they had to keep moving forward anyway they could.

They'd left after that, Gracia trying to hand a slumped Pepper back to her, but Beryl watched Elicia sleepily paw at the air, looking for the cat she'd been previously holding.

She rubbed the back of her leg with her foot, "Keep him… she needs him more than I do." Beryl didn't meet Gracia's tired eyes even when she smiled thankfully.

Elicia hummed contently as she placed her cat back in her little arms, the tabby curling up and purring, the vibrations lulling the toddler back to sleep.

Edward closed the door behind them, the group hesitating before they could really leave.

Sounds of Gracia's broken sobs pierced the door, and for the first time since they'd met Beryl and Edward locked eyes, a real understanding forming between them.

Molten gold met blue and brown, and without saying anything at all they both knew how exhausted the other was; they both knew how it felt to lose someone they loved and feel completely useless in the aftermath, and now they both knew how hopeless it felt to be reminded of how utterly and completely unfair life tended to be.

Nobody said anything on the way back to the hotel. They just walked, as if in a dream, while the sun set over Central.

Winry went into her room and didn't come out, Edward went down to the dining hall, and Alphonse sat silently on the couch in the brother's own room. Beryl didn't know if any of them wanted company or to be left alone, so she went up to the roof to think alone.

Her feet swung back and forth over the ledge, "Petit chaton assis sur un toit, personne d'autre autour, petit chaton regardant le coucher du soleil, pas un seul son ..." she sang, staring at the blood orange sky in a daze.

"That's pretty."

She must have really been out of it for Alphonse to sneak up on her, but she didn't object as he sat beside her on the roof. Beryl refused to meet his eyes, choosing instead to bring her knees to her chest and hug them close to her, hiding from him.

"What was he like?" she finally spoke, "Maes Hughes,"

The sigh he let out echoed against his armor.

"He was always bragging about how amazing Miss Gracia and Elicia are, and never hesitating to invite me and Ed into his home whenever we needed it… he always wanted to help."

She smiled briefly, before resting her chin atop her knees. "Don't tell your dorky brother I told you this… but I'm scared Al…"

In the light of the sunset, Alphonse saw shadows under Beryl's eyes that didn't belong there.

"People keep dying Al…"

His metal fists tightened in frustration, and if he had the ability to scowl, he would. "I know… we never meant for anyone to get hurt… but if getting our bodies back is going to keep putting the people we love in danger… then I don't want mine!"

"Don't be an idiot!"

Her outburst surprised him, but what shocked him to the core was the fire blazing in Beryl's eyes. Her fists her clenched white and she was shaking, but her gaze was ablaze with solid steel, a look he'd never seen on her face before.

"You've already come this far! If you give up then what was the point of all this death?! Martel, Dolcetto, Roa, Mr. Hughes… they all died just to get you a little closer! Giving up now would be like spitting on their graves and throwing everything they sacrificed right back in their faces!"

Her scar burned, and Alphonse stared at her like she'd gone insane, but she didn't care.

"I'm so, so scared Alphonse… but I'm also ready to fight! If we stop now, all of their deaths will have been meaningless, and you'll never get your bodies back! We have to see this through till the end, no matter what!"

She could have shouted at him for much longer, but in a matter of seconds he was on his feet with his arms thrown around her. Al hugged her tight to his body, and Beryl felt wetness on his chest; she almost asked if he was crying but that was impossible. She touched her own face to find hot tears carving lines down her cheeks.

Oh… when did I started crying?

The armored boy only held her, oddly stiff for a suit of armor, well… stiffer than usual. It wasn't until she heard a trembling breath escape his helmet that she realized he was crying too, which coming from his disembodied soul was only a series of gasping sobs echoing inside his metal shell.

"Thank you," he whispered. "We'll see it through… for everyone we lost… I promise."

His promise sounded like more of a reassurance for himself rather than her, but she wrapped her arms around his massive frame anyway.

His cold metal body usually gave her a jolt, but the warmth of the sun was all she felt the longer they hugged…

And just for a moment, Beryl thought Al was flesh and blood.

All the angst! All the line breaks! All the BerAl! Geez another long one! By now Beryl is getting some fire in her belly, she's still scared shitless don't be fooled, she's just also incredibly angry that more and more people keep dying. Her complicated relationship with Greed aside, the Devil's Nest gang was like her family, losing them definitely scarred her for life in more ways that one, but someone like Hughes who was innocent with a loving family dying was the last straw for her. She's fired up now! Also, Petit Chaton Sur Un Toit Tout Seul translates to "Little Kitty on a Roof all Alone" is that a reference? Maybe? Ciao!