Author's Note:

Hello there!

So I wrote this about a year ago for the Reylo Book of Sins Rewritten Reylo anthology. I've decided to finally post it on here and continue with the story because... well, why not?

Also because sinning is winning, hahaha! ;)

A word of caution to this tale: I think it's going to be dark, y'all, so reader beware, you're (probably) in for a scare.

Maybe.

Or maybe not.

We shall see...

I don't know what I'm doing lol :P

Here's some tags to help you decide if you want to read or skip this fic:

Alternate Universe—Modern Setting; Marriage; MILF; Temptation; Infidelity; Adultery; Obsession; Obsessive Behavior; Thriller; First Person POV; Inspired by the movie Unfaithful (2002)

Btw: Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful mommas out there! You guys are AMAZING and deserve all the best!

Chapter One: Happy Wife, Happy Life

A boisterous yawn escaped my lips in the middle of my husband's continued lackluster thrusts. He stirred, lifting his head from where it was resting on my chest. His brown eyes were warm with concern, peering intently into my own hazel ones.

"I'm almost done, sweetheart, I promise," he informed me, his tone gentle.

He was always quite chivalrous with me. In fact, it was what initially drew me to him-what had eventually won me over. And I fell hard, practically head over heels for him. Despite his somewhat awkward appearance, what with his large nose and ears that stuck out like a pond in the desert.

"No, I'm sorry, honey," I told him sweetly while giving him a reassuring pat on his shoulder. "I'm just so tired, but you go ahead and finish. No rush."

He nodded before replacing his cheek back on my chest, resuming his awkward scrunched-up unenthusiastic lovemaking once more. Apparently, he didn't take me seriously when I told him to take his time, because not even one minute later he let out one throaty grunt and was finished.

"Hopefully," Ben Solo grinned as he tenderly rubbed my belly before giving it a kiss, "we just made a baby right now."

I grimaced, grateful he was looking down to miss my pained expression before it quickly changed into something resembling a smile.

"Yeah," I replied in a monotone voice, "hopefully, we did."

Unbeknownst to my dear husband, the IUD he thought I had removed a month ago was still very much firmly attached to my uterus. Pretty certain my womb would remain barren, thank God.

"I'm gonna go check on Hannah," I said, pushing him off me to get out of bed. There was a wet, sloshing sound when he slid out of me and he handed me back my knickers. Ben knew how much I hated to go commando, even in my sleep. "Thanks, darling."

I slipped them on quickly, tugging my nightgown down and then quietly tiptoed my way over to Hannah's nursery. I stood over her crib, my heart melting when I saw her cherubic face sound asleep. She literally looked like a baby angel with her pink, pudgy cheeks and cute button nose.

"My precious sweet pea," I cooed softly. Hannah wasn't always this peaceful, though. She just recently started sleeping through the night and I couldn't be more happier about that. The first couple months were rough. She was an extremely fussy baby, plagued with colic.

Have you ever been so tired that you almost dropped your only child? So bloody weary that in the middle of a 3AM feeding, with droopy eyes and a sagging head, you unlatched your daughter from your breast and leaned over, thinking you were by her crib and not still sitting in a rocking chair. You were just about to let go, assuming she'd land comfortably atop her soft mattress and not onto the solid hardwood floor.

Your brain so fried and desperate for sleep that it couldn't reason, couldn't comprehend that you shouldn't just let go, that you needed to move closer, you needed to make sure she was placed gingerly into her crib. No, you just wanted to release her, finally succumbing to a bit of shut-eye, to at long last have gotten some fucking rest. And just as you were about to let your hands come out from under her so she'd fall onto the cold, hard floor, she cried, rousing you from your dazed stupor and you realized the horrific thing you were about to do.

You noticed you were nowhere near her crib and were about to seriously injure her, or worse, you could've-oh, God! You clutched her to your chest then, sobbing uncontrollably as you kissed her small head, enveloping her in the safety of your embrace and vowing never to let anything bad happen to her, especially by your own hands.

Have you ever been that tired?

Well, I have.

I never want to experience that level of exhaustion ever again.

Never.

It would be selfish of me, of us, to have another child. I understood why Ben desired a new baby. I did. He didn't want Hannah to be an only child, like he was. I could empathize with that. I was by myself, too and yes, there were times I wanted a sibling. To play with, to fight with, to not be…lonely. In theory, it did sound nice, I had to admit. In actual practice? I wasn't sure, to be honest.

I did knowthat Hannah needed me, though, and I was going to be there for her always. I couldn't do that if I also had to look after her sibling. My attention would no longer be undivided, but fragmented, each child only getting a part of me when I could be giving one my whole, entire self.

It was true what they said. Everything changed when you had a baby. Everything used to be about me and since Hannah came into our lives, it was all about her now. Not that I resented her for it. No. She deserved everything. I just wished that I could be a bit selfish myself sometimes. I missed it. As it turned out, with each kid you have, a piece of you died.

"I can arrange to get you some help," Ben told me once when I was in a particularly dour mood. "A nanny… or a baby nurse, I think they're called."

"No!" I venomously spat back. "I don't need any help, Ben! I can do this on my own. What? You don't think I can?"

"Of course you can, Rey, sweetheart," Ben tried to hug me, but I pushed him away. "But you do everything for her. You're always with her and you need some time for yourself, too, you know? You should take a break."

"Take a break?" I furrowed my brows together in anger. "From what? From being her mother? You hear how ridiculous that sounds?"

I strongly believed that giving your kid a nanny didn't provide them with the feeling of love and security they needed, that they deserved. I'm the only one that could give my child that. Some women were like broodmares, popping out kids like they were popping open the trunk of their car. And some could afford to do so because their husband, like mine, would be able to hire a nanny to share her duties with.

I didn't need any help nor wanted it raising my daughter. What I did want was to make sure Hannah was molded to perfection. Only I knew what was best for her. She was my purpose, my dearest treasure. And it was my responsibility as a mom to be there for her. Always. A mother's love was unmatched to any other kind of love in this world, unconditional and never-ending. It was undeserved and needn't be acquired. It just... was.

From the moment a mother found out her child was forming in her womb, she loved her. And when she saw that child, the child she felt kick inside her, the child who was with her day in and day out, but also a complete stranger... when she finally got to meet that person, her whole world shifted. Her heart grew immensely and was filled to the brim with nothing but adoration and devotion.

I never had a mother. I never experienced that kind of love. But Hannah will. She'd never have that doubt, that uncertainty that I had growing up. She will always know that she was loved by me. She will always have all of me.

No one would ever be able to take care of Hannah like I could. I was her mother!

"Rey," Ben sighed discontentedly, "you know that's not what I'm saying. I just see how tired you are and I'm only trying to help you, that's all."

"I'm fine!" I yelled back, my outburst startling Hannah awake. She started wailing and I instantly ran over to pick her up from her bassinet in the living room, leaving Ben in our sprawling chef's kitchen, shaking his head. I hummed softly in Hannah's ear, holding her tight while swiveling back and forth at my hips to lull her back to sleep. My efforts were in vain as she continued to fuss incessantly, both of us about to reach our boiling points.

"Here, let me take her," Ben came up behind me, rubbing my shoulders lightly. "You go take a nap. I got this."

"Ok," I nodded in surrender, handing her over to him. Ben was the only other person I trusted Hannah with. He was her father after all and a damned good one, too. He was absolutely wonderful with Hannah. I watched as he swaddled her tightly in his strong arms, rocking her gently back to sleep. He made it look so easy.

My goodness, I was so irritable, crabby and bad-tempered. All because I didn't sleep much. Such was the life of a new mother, I suppose. Everything had markedly improved now that Hannah was older. She was still a lot of work, but definitely more manageable.

I couldn't believe Ben was willing to go through that again in order to add to our family, but I couldn't do it. For Hannah's sake, for my sanity and for the good of our marriage, I've made the executive decision to not have another baby. Now all I needed to do was get Ben on board.

Oh yeah, I haven't had the heart to tell him yet. Ben was very excited over the mere idea of another baby, I didn't have it in me to quash his dreams so I made him think I was amenable to baby number two. We could cross that bridge together when we came to it. Although, I was not entirely sure I'd ever be ready to let him know the truth, honestly.

I exhaled deeply, stroking Hannah's chubby cheek and gave her a kiss good-night before heading back into the bedroom, where Ben was already passed out snoring. I laughed quietly to myself at how drained he'd get after sex. It didn't take much to tire him out lately, which was kind of pathetic, really. Before we had Hannah, our sex life was amazing. It was passionate and scintillating-oh man! We could literally go all night. After we had Hannah? Yeah, not so much. It was… well, it was pretty fucking boring now.

I had to have a caesarean section because my silly Hannah Banana was facing the wrong way-she was breech-and when the doctor told Ben to peek over the drape to see our baby girl enter the world, he fainted. I wasn't exactly sure what he saw on the other side of that sheet that day, but it affected him profoundly and Ben has looked at me in a different light ever since.

Ben thought I was as fragile as some porcelain doll that could break if he was rough with me. So now he only wanted to do it in the standard missionary position with soft, gentle thrusts, if you could even call them that. They're more like puffs if you asked me. I've told him-no, I've begged him-to pummel me into a hedonistic oblivion in various different positions like he used to, but Ben has denied that request every single time I asked. One day I got weary of constantly losing that battle and I gave up. I've learned to accept that this was our new normal.

Marriage wasn't about sex, anyway. It was so much more than that. Ben was my partner, my best friend and the love of my life. Sometimes in a partnership, though, one didn't always get what they wanted. There's been give and there's been take. Marriage was a lot of hard work, true, but worth it in the end. The best things in life merited sacrifice. I've had to forgo a bit of myself to be a good wife, to be a good mother. As a result, I got a doting husband with a great job that enabled me to stay at home with my adorable baby. I got a family and a beautiful home, two things I had yearned for dearly all my life.

I smiled contently down at Ben, kissing him awake so that he'd turn to his side and stop that God-awful snoring. I slipped into bed beside him and he turned to snuggle, wrapping his brawny arms around me. My life was nowhere near perfect, but it was bloody fantastic nonetheless. What mattered was that I, at long last, found myself to be truly happy. I was one of the lucky ones. I didn't think there could be anything better than what I had now. At least, that's what I thought.

What more could I possibly want?

Author's Note:

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