Tony didn't want him to come to space in the first place. Hell, he didn't want to be there himself, but Peter had come anyway.

And they'd lost.

Thanos had taken the stones and disappeared and Tony watched in horror as the guardians began to vanish. They turned to ash, blowing away with the sparse wind on the dead planet they were standing on. So desolate, so empty.

"Mr Stark?"

Tony's heart stopped, he couldn't breathe, because it could not be happening. He couldn't be losing Peter.

He turned, watching the teenager look down at his hands uncertainly, young voice cracking under the weight of his panic. He could feel it coming and wasn't that just so unnecessarily cruel? To watch everyone around you die and feel your own death coming.

"I don't feel so good."

Peter looked up at his mentor and the fear in his eyes hurt far worse than the stab wound in Tony's side.

"You're alright." The words were empty, less of a reassurance than a plea. Please be alright. Please don't make me watch you die. As if either of them could do anything to stop it.

Peter stumbled forward, legs unsure and shaky on the uneven ground. "I don't know what's happening. I don't-"

His words were stuttered and unsure and Tony reached out his arms just in time to catch him as he fell. Tony's heart clenched painfully in his chest as Peter gripped him, body heavy in his arms as he tried to get his legs to work.

His voice was strained, nothing more than a sob against Tony's shoulder. "I don't wanna go. Mr Stark, I don't wanna go, please. Please, I don't wanna go. I don't wanna go."

They fell, Peter tipping back to land on the rocky ground. Tony leant over him, knowing there was nothing he could do and knowing that he would have done anything to stop it.

Peters' eyes lost the piercing fear they'd held before, now searching only for Tony. They found him, gaze unwavering as it twisted his stomach into unbearable knots. "I'm sorry."

Tony gripped Peter's shoulder, felt the solidness of his muscle, the weight of him in his arms...and watched him turn to dust. The solid grip he had on the boy collapsed in an instant, leaving only flecks of ash on his blood-slicked palms.

Peter was gone. He'd died in his arms.

He curled into himself, pressing his hand to his mouth and ignoring the pain as he waited to disappear like the rest of them. He scrunched his eyes shut, grief hollowing him out inside. He was empty, his heart a stone that weighed so heavy that his fingers itched to claw it out, just so that it wouldn't hurt anymore.

But his death never came. And Tony was left on a dead planet.

…

He tried again. He had to. For Peter.

Thanos was easy to find and Tony made sure he wouldn't see him coming.

He was sitting in a cave, looking out over the planet with tears streaming down his face. Tony wasn't sure what he could be crying for. The people he killed, the sacrifices he'd made to complete his mission?

Tony couldn't care less about the ugly old brutes tears.

He reached for the infinity gauntlet, which was sitting beside the monstrosity. Tony's hand touched the green stone just as Thanos turned around to see him.

His huge rumbly voice shook the ground beneath him but Tony wasn't afraid anymore. He'd already lost everything. "You think you can do better, Stark? You think you're worthy enough to wield it?"

Tony shook his head as Thanos' giant hand came closer, knife in his grip.

"I don't think I am worthy, but I know that you're not."

Thanos pulled the knife to Tony's throat as the Avenger silently begged the stone to listen to him, to give them another chance to save the universe.

Tony felt the cold touch of metal on the skin of his throat, felt the pull of the knife, the way it split his skin open...and then it was gone.

The planet around him wasn't the one he'd been on just seconds ago and Thanos was nowhere in sight.

"Tony."

Dr Strange stood in front of him, frowning at Tony's hand that closed tightly around the time stone on the necklace resting on The Doctor's chest.

Tony blinked and pulled his hand back, sucking in a breath as he looked around him.

"Mr Stark!"

A jolt ran through Tony's chest as he spun at the voice. Peter was running towards him in his old Spidey-suit, smiling, alive.

Something in Tony jolted him forward. Something like a need, a desperate urge to make sure that the kid was okay.

Tony grabbed Peter and pulled him to his chest, hugging him tight as he could. He was real, solid, breathing against him.

Peter laughed a little, arms coming up to hug his mentor back. His heartbeat thumped rapidly against Tony's chest and it was the most wonderful feeling in the world.

"Are you okay? I didn't think we were there yet? I mean, I'm not complaining but-"

Tony suddenly remembered himself and pulled back, hands gripping Peters arms tight as he looked him over. His breaths came in ragged pants and he tried to calm himself.

Peters smile fell as he saw the unshed tears in Tony's eyes.

"Mr Stark, are you okay?"

Tony nodded, taking in the sight of the boy. He was okay, he was on earth, in one piece and he needed to keep it that way. Words rushed out of him, harsh and hurried, surprising himself and the kid.

"You can't come to space with us."

Peter blinked, confused. "What? You're going to space?"

Tony patted his shoulder and finally let go. "Yes, and you're not coming. You're going to stay here where you're safe and-"

Dr Strange cleared his throat behind him. "Mr Stark, could I speak to you for a moment?"

Tony turned to him and frowned, still annoyed that the idiot would just give Thanos the stone like that. Or...would do since it hadn't happened yet.

He nodded anyway and followed him a little bit away while Peter stood awkwardly waiting, trying not to listen in on the conversation he could definitely hear.

Tony pointed to him. "Put your mask on and tell Karen to play some music. You don't need to hear this."

The boy obeyed and Strange gave Tony a pointed look. "You saw the outcome of the fight."

Tony nodded, eyes widening in shock. "Yes."

Strange looked almost bored. Did he ever show any emotion beyond aloof? "And we lost."

"Yes!"

"So, you used the time stone to come back and try again."

"Yes! Exactly."

Strange raised an eyebrow. "Then you know that we need him. He is an essential part of the battle and we cannot do it without him."

Tony shook his head, a clawing panic rising up in his chest with the primal instinct to protect the kid, threatening to choke him if he didn't follow through.

"No! He stays here, away from Thanos where he's safe and-"

Strange stopped him, voice low and apologetic. "If we lose the battle, he won't be safe. He will die no matter where he is. Thanos can reach the farthest stretches of universe with the stones. I have seen the outcomes of this battle, myself and you know it's true."

Tony looked over to where the teenager was nodding his head along to some music, fingers tapping at his chest to the rhythm. He felt sick, watching him because Strange was right. If they lost again, Peter would still die, even on earth.

But if he was on earth, if he didn't come to space, he would die alone and afraid. He wouldn't have Tony to hold him in his last moments. And Tony didn't want him to be afraid.

"Fine. He can come."

…..

They tried again. They lost again.

Tony's arm ached and screamed in pain as his chest tightened, panic racing through every vein as it threatened to stop his heart. Mantis vanished and Tony only had one thought.

Peter.

He was watching the alien woman disappear, eyes wide and frightened and Tony couldn't let him go like last time. Even if they had lost, he could try to make Peters last moments a little bit easier.

Maybe he wouldn't feel it this time? Maybe he wouldn't be so scared? God, Tony almost choked on the thought of losing him again. But he had to move.

He ran forward, grabbing Peter and pulling him to his chest, shaking hand on the back of his head and pressing his face against his shoulder.

"Don't look, Pete. Close your eyes. It'll be okay." Lies. He couldn't save him. He couldn't save anyone. But he didn't want the kid to be scared.

Peter's arms came up to grip Tony's shirt just like he had before. "Mr Stark?"

More of the guardians disappeared but Tony kept Peter clutched tightly to him as if maybe he wouldn't disappear if only he held him tight enough.

"You're okay, I got you."

But no matter how tightly he hugged that kid, those agonising words still came.

"I don't feel so good. Something's wrong."

Tony closed his eyes, voice cracking as he weaved his fingers into Peter's hair.

"No, you're okay. You're...Peter, I'm so sorry." He couldn't save him, and he knew it. He wished he would be taken instead but Peter didn't deserve that either. He was just a child. How had they ended up here?

Those graceful fingers dug into Tony's back, gripping on tight as Peter began to cry, begging for the impossible; for Tony to save him.

"I don't wanna go. Mr Stark, please. I don't wanna go."

Tony held his shaking frame, tears falling down his dirt covered cheeks as he lived through the worst moment in his life, all over again.

"I won't let you go, Peter. I promise. I won't let go."

Tony didn't let him fall. When Peters' legs collapsed under him he simply held his weight in his arms and lowered them both to the ground, kneeling as he dragged the kid onto his lap.

He kept his eyes closed, not wanting to see his scared face again. Peter sobbed against his shoulder, desperate and terrified. And then his breaths quietened and Tony's arms began to lose their grip.

Tony could feel him disintegrate into nothing in his arms. One moment he was holding Peter and the next, he was kneeling alone, covered in ash.

He'd lost him. Again. The pain was too much, it took over everything and stabbed through his heart like a sword.

What a horrible, cruel fate, to be left after everyone else had died. He'd lost everything, and then he'd lost it again. And he had nothing left to fight for.

He screamed out into the empty planet, alone with his grief and anger with no one to hear it.

Thanos had not killed him but he felt dead. But still his feet moved him forward and he went to find the purple dildo in a daze.

Thanos was in the same place he had been before and Tony met him there again.

"You think you can do better, Stark? You think you're worthy to wield it?"

Tony had no patience left. "Fuck you. You killed my kid."

The knife came to his throat once more and he almost wished that it would just end it. But his hand met the time stone and he felt it's presence in his mind. It knew him and knew what he meant to do.

It sent him back, Thanos disappearing and giving way to the bright morning of New York on earth. He fell to his knees and stared at his hands. So clean, so unmarred by blood or wounds or ash.

His voice came as a desperate plea. Not to Dr Strange, who was standing in front of him, but to the universe.

"I can't do it again. I tried but I can't...I can't lose him."

Stephens' voice was low and slow with understanding. "This isn't the end, Stark."

Tony's chest was too tight, his palm pressing against his chest as he desperately tried to drag air into his seizing lungs. "It is. I'm not going through it again."

A sharp pain stabbed through his chest and he groaned, one hand pressed against his chest while the other gripped at the grass on the ground. Then that voice came again. "Mr Stark?"

Tony didn't look up, he couldn't even breathe but Peter came rushing over and dropped to his knees beside his mentor. "What happened? What's wrong?"

Peter's hand met his shoulder and it felt as though Tony had been shocked, he cried out, releasing his grip from the grass to grab at the kid instead. He gripped Peters' arm, the boy flinching at the sudden movement before his worried face met Tony's terrified one.

Tony could barely get a word out. "P-eter."

The teenager was scared, he didn't know what was happening but he could hear the rapid beat of Tony's heart and the strained wheezes of his breaths. He turned his concerned gaze to Dr Strange.

"What's wrong with him? Is this a panic attack or a heart attack? He's barely breathing!"

Stephen looked down at the two sadly, knowing exactly what was wrong and knowing there wasn't much Peter could do to help. "He's seen too much."

Peter frowned at the very unhelpful information. "What? His heart's beating too fast! What do I do?"

Tony was gripping him so tight it would have hurt anyone that didn't have the strength and durability that Peter possessed. He shook so badly he could feel his teeth chattering as tears fell down his cheeks.

Peter was right in front of him and he had no idea what was coming. Tony had tried twice and he couldn't save him.

He forced his words out with a whine, guilt crowding his mind, leaving no room to be embarrassed for how pathetic he looked, crying in the grass. "Peter, I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve it and I tried to stop him but I...God, I can't do it anymore."

Peter watched him, his huge eyes scared and confused. His grip slipped on Tony's arm, pulling back to allow him to grip his mentor's hand instead. He held on tight, his other hand coming to rest on Tony's heaving chest.

"Mr Stark, I don't know what you saw, or what happened but you need to breathe. Please, your heart is working too hard, you need to calm down."

Tony removed his hand from his chest, grabbing at Peter instead and pulling him closer. He just needed to hold him, to make sure he was there.

He could still feel what it was like when Peter turned to nothing in his arms and it was like a physical ache rested in them. He needed to fill the emptiness, to feel Peters solid form in his arms, or he might collapse instead.

Peter didn't hesitate, allowing Tony to pull him close as grip onto him like a lifeline. He hugged him back fiercely, arms strong around Tony's back, still heaving with the force of his laboured breaths.

Tony couldn't help the words that fell from his mouth, teeth still chattering from the force of his panic attack but Peter held him tight anyway. "I'm so sorry. Peter, I'm sorry. You have to believe me, I tried. I would have done anything to stop it but…Oh, god. Don't make me do it again."

Peter didn't know what he was talking about, in fact, he wasn't sure if he wanted to. So, he simply hugged Tony tight and rubbed his hand over his back, voice soothing and calm. "It's okay. I believe you."

Tony's grip was tight enough to turn his fingers white from the pressure, but Peter never buckled. He was strong in a way Tony never could be and the Avenger was too far gone in his grief to feel ashamed of the way he held the back of Peters' head and cried.

Dr Strange was still standing there but knelt down and found Tony's watery gaze. "We can try again."

Tony tightened his grip on the teenager and shook his head. "No, you use that time stone and we stay here. I'm not going back up into space and I'm not letting Peter go either. Thanos isn't getting anywhere near my kid."

Peter heard them talking but didn't say anything, just kept his palm pressed against Tony's back, monitoring his pounding heartbeat and ragged breaths. He'd been seriously worried that Tony would have a heart attack and he was pleased to find it was calming a little.

The 'my kid' comment had been unexpected and made his heart soar for a second before he reigned it in and focused on getting his hero to breathe easier.

Dr Strange creased his eyebrows, face uncharacteristically kind. His tone was similarly patient. "You've seen our mistakes, you know how to fix them. This time, we won't lose."

He could see the pain in Tony's eyes, see how broken he was already from the loss he'd already endured and he knew he could not endure it again. Which made his next words so easy and yet so hard to say.

"I promise you, Stark. He lives."

Tony should have paid more attention to his tone or the slight hint of apology in his eyes. But it was all but forgotten when Peter spoke up from his shoulder. "Mr Stark? Are you feeling better? Your heart sounds okay, now."

The teenager, to his credit, didn't let go, waiting for Tony to pull away first before he relinquished his grip on his mentor.

Tony nodded and released the boy, keeping a hand on his shoulder as he wiped a hand over his face to dry his eyes. "Yeah, thanks, Pete. Sorry about that."

Peters' face was still creased in concern as he watched the man, no judgement in his eyes, just patience.

"Do you want to talk about it? I had a panic attack in class once, Ned had to pull me out. Talking helps."

Peter's quiet admission had Tony's heart aching again. For the kid that deserved so much better than what he got, and what was coming for him.

He offered a smile and as shaky as it was, it seemed to make Peter feel a little better. "Thanks, buddy, but I'm okay. I just need a minute to catch my breath."

Peter nodded, sitting on the grass beside him, hand coming up to hold Tony's where he was still gripping the kid's shoulder. "Okay, I'll sit with you. I kind of ditched my school bus and I've missed most of the field trip anyway."

Tony huffed out a laugh, a little hysterical at how trivial school seemed compared to the fate of the universe.

"You jumped out of your school bus to fight aliens?"

Peter laughed too, relieved that Tony's breaths were coming easier. "Yeah, but it's okay I'm ahead with my homework. I'm not missing anything important."

Tony nodded, focusing on what Strange had said. Peter would live, they could try again. "Thanks for being here, kid."

Peters' voice was soft, threatening to break Tony's heart all over again at the quiet words. "I'm not going anywhere."

It would have been reassuring if Tony's head hadn't whispered to him, cynical and sad, telling him it was a lie.

(AN: There's more to come!)