I Can't Make You Love Me.

Chapter One

ARIZONA'S POV

Okay, so New York is better than I imagined it to be. Sure, I'm kinda out of it and I don't really have anyone here other than my daughter, but I feel good. I feel positive. I know it won't always feel like that, but I'm going to be working with Nicole Herman again, and that in itself is enough to keep my positivity up. That in itself tells me I'm supposed to be here. That I was supposed to choose New York before she came back. Her agreeing to set up our clinic in New York was just another blessing in my life. It really was. I have a few weeks before I have to get going with it all, but that just means I have more time to settle down here with Sofia. Get her back into a routine. I know she's happy here, so I'm happy, too. Everything always works itself out and I know that no matter how much I miss Seattle, my daughter will always put a smile on my face. My daughter will always make me feel like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.

Dropping down into a seat at my new local coffee shop, I pull out my cell and check for any new messages. I'm meeting Callie in a few minutes to discuss any plans we may have for Sofia, and then I'm headed home to my new apartment to make it feel a little more me. Yeah, it's too dull. My life may be dull at times, but my home…never. I want color. I want vibrancy. I want to feel like I belong there. Setting my cell to silent, I place it down on the table beside me and glance up to find my ex-wife approaching me. Giving her a full smile, she shrugs her jacket from her shoulders and drops down in the seat facing me. "Hey, sorry I'm late."

"Didn't realize you were." I slide her coffee closer to her. "You look like you could use this…"

"Thanks so much." She runs her fingers through her hair and sighs. "Work is kicking my ass right now."

"Mm, I see that." I give her a sad smile. "You got a full week on?"

"Yeah, keeps me sane so I don't mind so much."

"You doing okay, Cal?" I furrow my brow as I sip my coffee. "Just…I don't know what happened to you and Penny but you look a little lost."

"No, I'm okay." Callie gives me a half smile. "I'm just fried this week, sorry."

"Don't apologize." I hold up my hand. "We don't all have a few weeks to relax."

"How are you settling in?" My ex-wife changes the conversation. "You seem…good?"

"I am." I agree. "Kinda new but exciting."

"Yeah, that's how I felt when I moved here." She sits back in her seat. "So, Sofia went to school okay?"

"For the first time in weeks, yeah." I roll my eyes. "I should've known it wouldn't last in Seattle with her, Callie."

"No, you shouldn't." My ex-wife counters. "Sofia wanted to come home to you and I believe I did the right thing in letting her go."

"Maybe." I sigh. "Still, she's home and she is good. That's all that matters, right?"

"It's good to see you, Arizona." Callie gives me one of her amazing smiles. "You should come over for dinner…"

"Yeah, that would be nice." I nod. "We will arrange something, okay?"

"We would love that." Callie agrees. "Maybe we can discuss all of this over dinner?"

"Yeah, I guess that would be okay." I shrug. "Maybe tomorrow night?"

"Great…providing I don't get paged."

"Of course, yeah." Relaxing a little more, it's kinda nice that Callie is here sharing coffee with me. I know we divorced and things ended badly in terms of the custody hearing, but we let that go a while ago. There was no point holding onto it and it wouldn't have benefited our daughter in any way. We let it go and we moved on. We moved forward. "So, what's good around here? Any good places to eat?"

"Oh, a lot." Callie laughs. "Too much choice."

"Maybe you can give me a few tips when you're not busy…bars, too?"

"Oh, I know one that you would like." Callie throws me a wink. "Maybe I could take you one night?"

"Oh, I don't know." I drop my gaze.

"Come on." She rolls her eyes. "I'm not going to jump on you, Arizona."

"No, that's not what I meant." My eyes widen. "I just…I'm not sure I'm ready for a relationship yet. Dating isn't even really anything I've thought about."

"You have to get yourself out there." She gives me a knowing look. "Why waste time?"

"I don't know." I breathe out. "Because wasting time is easier than putting myself out there, no?"

"Sure, but you should have someone in your life." Callie furrows her brow. "Don't you want that?"

"I did." I smile. "I had that." Glancing around when I hear the sound of a familiar voice, my heart pounds in my ears when my suspicions are confirmed. Eliza? Watching as she presses a kiss below another blondes ear, my body shudders and Callie recognizes that something isn't right with me.

"What's going on?" She leans in close and places her hand on my own. "You look like you just saw a ghost."

"You could say that." Shaking myself from my thoughts as my ex turns and heads my way, I drop my gaze and clear my throat. "You wanna get out of here? Take a walk maybe?"

"Yeah, I could use the fresh air." Giving her a nod, we both stand and Eliza stops dead in front of me.

"Arizona?" Surprise evident in her voice, I turn to face her and study her features. "How are you?"

"Uh, amazing." I give her a look of confusion. "Why are you even talking to me right now?"

"What? Why wouldn't I?"

"Really?" I scoff. "You're actually asking me that?" The fucking nerve of this woman. Does she forget what she did to me? Does she realize how much she hurt me by just leaving? Without a word? "Good to see you but I have to go."

"I saw you." Eliza clears her throat. "Moving in, I saw you."

"Where?"

"In the apartment block." She gives me a small smile. "You're 315, right?"

"I am." How does she know where I live?

"I'm 317." She shrugs. "Great apartments, huh?" She lives two doors from me? This is just fucking great. "I guess I'll see you around then…"

"Oh, I don't think so." I grab my purse and motion for Callie to head to the door. Yes, Eliza is looking as incredible as ever, but she hurt me. She hurt me and she doesn't even realize it. Wow, some people just don't see how their actions affect other people. "Let's go, Cal."

"You good?" She lowers her tone. "What was that about?"

"Just an ex." I shrug as we head out onto the street. "An ex I don't want to talk or think about."

"Sure." My ex-wife agrees. "Seems you two have some things you need to clear up…"

"Nope. Nothing at all." Heading off down the street, Callie and I fall into step together and my heart rate returns to normal. Today I will spend the afternoon with Callie and we will both make plans to give our daughter the best life possible. Anything else? It's totally taking a back seat. Eliza fucking Minnick.

You doing okay? Cal x

Yes, thanks. Sorry about earlier. A x

Don't be. Give me a call if you need anything. Cal x

Thank you, Callie. A x

Setting my cell down, I pull my feet up onto the coffee table and take a long sip of my glass of white. Today has been full of emotions I didn't expect to have and now I'm sitting alone whilst Sofia sleeps down the hall. I haven't seen my daughter settled like this in a long time and it's so good to see. To know that I've made her happy by bringing her back to New York and staying, yeah…I'm kinda proud of myself for making the right decision. It was always the right decision to make. I know that.

Sighing, my mind takes me back to the one woman who has been consuming my thoughts since I bumped into her earlier. I'm still super mad at Eliza for doing what she did, but I can't stop thinking about her. Knowing she is just two doors from me is something I didn't need to be made aware of, and now that I know…I don't know how I feel. I mean, I still hate what she did to me, but knowing that she is so close is making me crazy. It's making me crazy, but I'm not about to show up at her place. No, no way. She is involved, I saw that with my own eyes. She seemed happy, though. I guess that's all that matters.

I've spent the evening wondering what would've happened if she'd never left. I know, I know I shouldn't be thinking these things, but its hard not to. When she made me feel how she did, it's hard not to wonder. It's hard not to think. I mean, would she have moved with me? Would she have given up Seattle for my daughter and me? She seems like the kind of woman who would, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because she left me without a single fucking word and I didn't deserve that. I didn't deserve anything that she did to me. She made me feel like a fool. I'd spent so long backing her up and not siding with the guys at the hospital and then she just leaves. I looked like an asshole. A complete asshole.

Knocking back the remainder of my wine, I pour myself a fresh glass and sink down into my couch. I don't plan on moving for the rest of the evening, and I know Sofia isn't likely to wake until morning. She sleeps just like her other mother. Like the dead. Nothing and nobody wakes my kid, just like my ex-wife. Sometimes, I swear it's like Callie is still here. Just…a smaller version. Smiling when I'm reminded of the times we once had together, I don't feel any hatred or ill thoughts towards my wife anymore. We've both moved on and we are both happy. Well, I'm not so sure Callie is right now but she knows I'm here if she needs to talk. She knows I'm here if she needs a night where she can let go and just talk out her crap. We may have ended, but she knows I'm always here for her. That will never change.

A light knocking on my door pulling me from my thoughts, I furrow my brow and set my glass down. Callie has plans this evening so I don't know why she would be calling here right now. She knows I'm okay. Pulling my door open slowly and quietly, I'm met with a bouquet of flowers…being held by Eliza's hands. God, those hands. I loved those hands. "I'm sorry." She croaks out. "Please, just take them."

Taking them from her, I study them and yeah…they're gorgeous. Incredible, even. "Why are you here?" I ask, my voice low so as not to wake my daughter.

"I was an ass to you today…"

"No, you were an ass to me when you left six months ago, Eliza." I set down the flowers and lean against the frame of my door. "Today, I just didn't expect to see you."

"I am sorry." She gives me a sad smile. "For everything."

"Okay." I nod. "Take care…"

"Wait, Arizona." She shoves her foot against the door. "I just…I had to leave."

"You don't have to explain yourself to me." I hold up my hands. "I didn't matter to you six months ago, and I don't matter to you now."

"You did matter." She furrows her brow. "I know you may not believe that, but you did matter."

"I should really get back inside." I clear my throat. "Sofia is sleeping and I have a long day tomorrow."

"Why did you move to New York?"

"For my family." I breathe out. "Sofia, she wasn't happy in Seattle."

"She came home to you?" Eliza's smile widens a little. "That's awesome. I know how much you wanted her with you."

"And now I have her." I smile. "My life is perfect and I couldn't ask for anymore."

"She means the world to you…"

"Always has." My voice breaks. "So, it was good to see you and thanks for the flowers...they're really beautiful. I just, I have to go."

"Right yeah." Eliza takes a step back. "You look good, Arizona."

"Yeah, I feel it." I nod. "Take care, okay?"

"That's it, really?" She wrinkles her nose.

"Um…" I furrow my brow. "Were you expecting something more than that?"

"A conversation, maybe?" She shrugs. "Something…"

"Well, you won't get much conversation out of me." I tilt my head a little. "You're wasting your time."

"I didn't think you cared." She admits. "I didn't think anyone cared…"

"Yeah, well…if you'd answered my calls, you'd have known just how much I cared." Closing my apartment door, I lock it up for the night and sigh. Eliza may live ridiculously close to me now but it doesn't change anything. I wish it did, but her excuse isn't acceptable. Sure, she was probably embarrassed about everything that happened, but I was the one who was supposed to be there for her. I was the one she was supposed to trust. I was a fool to ever think I could have the world again after I lost Callie but I won't make that mistake anymore. I won't ever let anyone in like I did with Eliza. It's not worth the pain. It's not worth the sleepless nights. Not when I'm about to begin a new adventure. Not when I'm about to be the best I can ever possibly be.

Taking the gorgeous flowers sitting on the table close to the door, I head for the kitchen and approach the trash. Don't trash them. They're beautiful. I don't even know what to do with freaking flowers from her. What does that even mean? I want to hate her and I want to be mad at her still, but she cared. She cared and she loved me for who I was. She cared, but she left. Regardless of how I feel, she still left and I'm still alone. Shaking myself from my thoughts, I place the flowers in some water and figure I'll deal with them tomorrow. I don't know why she even showed up here tonight. She is dating and I don't want anything to get in the way of that. My days of being dragged into other people's relationships are over. Very very over. My cell buzzing on the coffee table, I release a deep breath and head for it.

I was a fool.

Checking the name, I'm shocked to find it's Eliza. I always wondered if she had taken a new cell number and now I know she didn't, it only makes me more pissed at her. I mean, did she block my calls? Did she block me?

I don't expect to hear back from you, but I am sorry. If I could change things, I would. Eliza x

Tell that to your girlfriend.

She's not my girlfriend. Just…I'm sorry. I'm so happy you have your daughter back with you. Goodnight x

Shaking my head, I lock my cell and turn out the lights. It's only a little after nine in the evening but I'm more than done for the day. Eliza has gotten into my head and I know it's going to be a night of tossing and turning. I know, because that's how it was when she left. She may be here and willing to communicate…fix things, but it's too little too late for me. I don't want someone who can't stick around when things get hard. I want someone who sees me above all else. I want someone who isn't selfish and too concerned about how people see them. I want someone who loves me unconditionally. Someone who can't bear the thought of spending a night away from me. I want that, but that's the fairytale.

My life is anything but a fairytale…

Thanks for reading, guys. Reviews are welcome and appreciated as always.