Imprisoned, Chapter 6: Epilogue

Thor had hoped he would be able to talk to his brother once everything had calmed down somewhat. But first, Loki had been with the Healers. When Thor had arrived there, Eir had informed him that Loki had already been released.

Thor only saw Loki again late that day. Asgard had come closer to losing its royal family than it had in the last millennia. News of killed guards and Einherjar, the attack on Odin, Frigga and the princes, and who had saved them, had traveled fast and soon the whole of Asgard celebrated the victorious battle.

The celebration was where he saw Loki again. But he was surrounded by people, being as charming as he could be to both men and women. Lady Sif might still doubt Loki, but the rest of Asgard seemed to hold no grudge. Saving the king and the queen had helped him back into the good graces of even those who had asked for a more severe punishment than imprisonment. Thor was rather surprised to see his brother like this, as Loki was not usually one to enjoy such frivolities. Either he was trying to avoid his family or the time in his cell had led to so much pent-up energy that he forgot about this particular aversion for a while.

Thor let Loki celebrate. He had been in a cell for half a year and then almost died twice within one day. He deserved to enjoy himself. Thor on the other hand did not feel like celebrating, and so retired early, declining Bragi's and Volstagg's offers of mead. Unlike his usual battles which exhausted him physically, this one had been emotionally taxing. The thought that his brother might have committed s- he could not even think the word. It had been bad enough. It had sent his mother into hysterics, and his father into Odinsleep. He was left alone to deal with the fear of losing his brother, and, just like the first time Loki had done something like this, the guilt that it might have been his fault. But once it was clear that he would pull through, there was, next to relief, also anger and doubt. Had it been a trick to get out of prison? Was even his life a game to Loki? Did he not care what such a decision would do to his parents? And there was more guilt, for even thinking such things.

Then, of course, once Loki had woken up, everything got worse, and Thor had had to decide whether he trusted his brother or not. In the end, he had. But the decision had not been an easy one. They had fought again, together, and for a few moments it seemed like nothing had changed. And then Thor saw his parents hurt, and unintentionally injured his own brother. It evoked new feelings of gratitude, guilt, and love within him, but they were mingled with the anger and betrayal from his brother's attempts to hurt and kill him.

The next day, Thor went to Loki's old chambers, hoping to be able to talk to him there. Two guards were positioned by the door. His knocking went unanswered, and when he opened the door he could make out two figures lying in Loki's bed, neither of them Loki. He cast them out of the room.

A feeling of dread started to form in his chest. He flung aside the curtain to look onto the balcony, but found it empty as well.

So, Loki had snuck out of his room, if he had ever entered it in the first place. Had he run? Thor clenched his teeth. The thought filled him with unwarranted anger. Loki had not been a prisoner last night, so technically he was free to leave. But Thor had been certain he wouldn't, and had really only offered because he could not bring himself to arrest his brother, least of all when he just risked his own life to save their mother, and because he had thought he would stay. Even after everything that had happened between them, even though he still felt betrayed and angry over Jotunheim and Midgard, he had still somehow thought everything would be alright again, like it used to be, and that he would stay. But then again, perhaps he didn't really know his brother anymore.

His father would probably kill him for letting Loki escape.

With an uneasy feeling he searched the library, his mother's chambers, even those of Odin. Loki was nowhere to be found.

"Have you seen Loki?" he asked his mother, who was sitting next to the still sleeping Odin.

"He's gone?" she asked quietly. She looked older than she ever had, the last days having taken a heavy toll on her.

Thor's shoulders sank a little and he nodded. "I had hoped he was with you… Do you think he… left?"

His mother frowned. "No," she finally said, and sounded more trusting than Thor felt, "I don't. He must have a lot on his mind. Be patient with him. If you find him, let him know that his father is about to wake up and that he will want to see him. So would I."

Thor nodded and took his leave.

His last hope was Frigga's garden. But even that was empty.

"Loki," Thor breathed exasperatedly. Not a question, not calling him - this was pure frustration. He had lost his brother. Again. He was such a fool. He should not have trusted him. But he so wanted to be able to trust him. Anger mingled in his stomach with shame and disappointment. He had been so sure Loki would stay, would not abuse Thor's show of goodwill.

"What?"

Thor inhaled sharply, turning into the direction of Loki's voice. The air around an empty bench next to a fountain shimmered to reveal his brother lying on his back. Thor exhaled in relief.

"How did you find me?" Loki asked. His arms had been crossed over his forehead, but now he used them to prop himself up to look at Thor questioningly.

"I didn't," Thor admitted, "I thought you had left us."

Loki nodded his head. "I can't say the thought hasn't crossed my mind."

Those words were not what Thor had wanted to hear, but at least they were honest. It was a start.

"Were you hiding from me?"

Loki looked at him curiously. "Not you in particular. But I was… hiding. I wanted to be alone for a moment."

"Didn't look like it yesterday," Thor breathed, and his brother smirked. "Should I leave you on your own then?" He really wanted to talk to him but decided it was best not to push him.

Loki studied him, then sat up, making room on the bench for his brother to sit down. "No," he said.

Thor couldn't help but smile. This was progress. He sat down next to his brother. So many things he wanted to say, so many questions he had. But they just sat in companionable silence.

"It would break mother's heart," Thor finally said, "if you left."

Loki shuddered. "I know."

It would break Thor's heart as well, but he was not going to admit that. His brother did not appreciate such sentiment. "Do you want to stay?" he asked instead.

"Where else would I go?" Loki asked instead of answering the question, not looking at Thor. Loki had his gaze fixed on the fountain, his eyes shimmering blue as they reflected the water. "There's no place where I belong."

"Nonsense," Thor breathed, "you belong here, to your family. This is your home. Things can be like they used to."

Loki sighed, still looking at the fountain and avoiding his brother's gaze. "I would fight you on this, but I really don't have the energy today."

Thor frowned. "Why fight me at all? You said... in the Healing Room you said you still consider me family, and Asgard home. That's what you said."

Loki gulped. "That's how I feel. It does not make it true, but... I am willing to stop fighting you on this. I wish Asgard no ill. But if I stay here... "things will be like they used to" as you so eloquently put it. I don't want that. These things led to all of this." At "this" he vaguely gestured at their surroundings.

"What led to this? You have to tell me, because... Do you remember, right before my coronation? Before... everything... You said to me... You called me brother and friend. You said, "even though I am envious at times, never doubt that I love you". Do you remember that?"

Loki winced, but nodded.

"I want to make things right. You are angry. With me. You must be. That's what I never understood. How you could say such words to me and at the same time plan to sabotage my coronation?" He had been wondering about this ever since he first figured out what his brother had done, but had yet to reach a satisfying conclusion. "Why start a war w-"

"I did not," Loki hissed, glaring angrily at Thor, "start a war. That was you. I did everything in my power to stop you from making a colossal mistake, but you ignored me, and belittled me, and disparaged me." As quickly as the rage had filled Loki, it left him again. He looked wary to Thor's eyes, and like he had said more than he wanted to.

"Disparaged? Loki if this is about-"

"My imagined slights, yes," Loki said, "they are not important. Let us talk about something else."

Thor took a few calming breaths. Getting angry would get him nowhere. And if Loki tried to stir the conversation away from it, then it probably was important. "What did I do?" he asked, although he really did not want to hear Loki's delusions of why everything he had done had been Thor's fault.

Loki looked surprised for a second. "Your time on Midgard has changed you."

"For the better, I hope," Thor smiled.

Loki eyed him warily. "You seem more inclined to listen and think before you act or speak." Loki paused, considering his next words. "I did mean those words. I just did not think you were quite ready for the throne."

"Looking back now, I guess you had a point," Thor admitted. "I just wish you had talked to me instead of... you know..."

"I did not think you would listen," Loki admitted. "I always considered you my best friend, but... I am not sure whether you felt the same way. You certainly did not value any of my skills, and never listened to what I had to say."

"Loki-"

"No," Loki raised a hand to stop him from talking.

There was so much Thor wanted to say. But Loki looked serious.

"I did not plan for you to go to Jotunheim. Ruin your coronation? Yes. Make you fight with father? Perhaps. But you going to Jotunheim? It was the last thing I wanted, really, and I did everything I could to stop you. But as I already mentioned, you ignored me and then publicly disparaged me."

"Are you speaking of jests in the presence of our frien-"

"Stop. Stop right there. If there ever was a moment you should really use your new-found ability to think before you speak, it is now."

And that Thor did. He thought back to his previous interactions with Loki and immediately Loki imitating him in the Healing Room came to his mind. Only then had he realized how often he had poked fun at his brother's abilities and how he had apparently not perceived it to be in good fun as it had been meant in. Admittedly, Thor sometimes took a joke too far and wounded his brother. If his words had hurt him, it was probably not a good idea to call them imaginary slights or jests. He had known that imaginary slights was the wrong thing to say the moment he had said it on Midgard, but he had been angry as well. But this could not be what Loki was referring to. Loki seemed to be referring to some specific event and Thor had no idea what he could mean. "I have often belittled you and your strengths in the past. I realize this now, and for that I apologize. I did not do it consciously. We are so very different. Where I take every moment as it comes, you stay in every moment much longer. Sometimes you still think about things I have long forgotten. I take things at face value whereas you do not. I suppose I never considered your point of view and I assumed you would be as forthright if something bothered you as I would have been. You think so much more about your words and the words of others than I do. You must know that if my words offended you, it was not intentional."

"I know," Loki sighed, "and that makes it worse, not better." He took a deep breath. "You used to only belittle me in private, but you started doing it in front of your friends - not our friends, yours - as well."

There were many aspects of that sentence that bothered Thor. He only voiced one, though. "My friends?" Surely you don't mean that, he had wanted to add, but stopped himself. Of course Loki meant it. Not taking him serious was probably just as bad as belittling him. How had he never noticed that he did that?

"Yes, your friends. They committed treason while I was king."

Thor had been so happy to see his friends on Midgard, he had never quite thought about the fact that they must have defied both Odin and Loki to do it. "They did it to help a friend," Thor finally replied.

"Yes," Loki agreed, "that quite proves my point."

Thor did not say anything else to defend his friends. If put like that, they truly had betrayed Loki for Thor.

"This is not about them," Loki continued. "The day you were supposed to become king, that day alone you insulted me in front of Heimdall and your friends. And then, in front of our enemies as well. The king of our enemies, Thor."

"I... I..." Know your place, brother. Thor gulped. Loki was right.

"Everyone always thought you better than me. Even you yourself. Well, perhaps it's true. Now we at least know why," Loki said bitterly.

"I am not..." Thor's mind was reeling. Things suddenly started to make more sense. He had always made fun of his brother and apparently Loki had taken these jests more seriously than he had thought. Perhaps because they showed how Thor really, subconsciously thought about him. But was this really what Thor thought? Did he really think he was better than his brother? He thought back on a conversation they had had on Midgard. I never wanted the throne, I only ever wanted to be your equal. He had nearly laughed at that back then. It made his stomach churn now. Loki had wanted to be like him and either thought that he was not as good as Thor or that others perceived him as less... and he was right. At least about Thor he had been correct. And then Loki found out about his true origins. That he was a Frost Giant. Something they had always despised and thought of as less. Something they had been scared of as children. Monsters. But that could not be true. If his brother was one of them, then it could not be true that they were monsters.

"I am sorry, Loki. I... I am not better than you. But... I was so angry at Laufey, and you were-"

"Annoying? An obstacle? In your way?" Loki prompted.

"I thought only of myself and my pride and... I was a fool. I thought I was better than everyone else, not just you. I thought I knew better than even our father, and I would have said what I said to my friends as well, had they dared to offer an opposing opinion. It was not personal. It was not intentional. It does not mean you are less... For all the faults I have, dishonesty is not one of them, so believe me when I tell you that I do value you and that I truly am sorry. I have changed. It will not happen again. And I can see now the importance of your skills. My weaknesses are your strengths. A battle can be won with physical strength but to win a war one needs strategy. Asgard needs you, brother. I doubt brute strength will let us defeat this Thanos."

Loki chuckled weakly. "I guess it won't."

Loki looked at his brother for a while, thinking. Thor let him, he did not know what more he could say. He could not remember the last time they had spoken so openly and honestly. Loki was uncharacteristically earnest. For a second Thor was overcome by the fear that he was not really talking to his brother but another illusion of Thanos' lackey. But as quickly as that thought had taken hold of him it left him again. There was no way Thanos would know what Thor had told Loki in front of Laufey. Perhaps it was as Loki had said and he was just too emotionally exhausted to use his tricks and manipulations. He would revert back to his normal self with time. Perhaps things had been bad between them. Maybe they still were. But they were salvageable.

"You truly have changed," Loki finally said, stopping Thor's musing. Loki got up from the bench.

"Where are you going?" Thor asked, getting up as well.

"To Odin," Loki replied. "He must have woken by now."

Loki walked into the Allfather's study uncertainly. How he wished he was as unaffected by all of it as he had always told himself he was.

The Allfather sat at his desk, writing something down. He did not look up until he had finished his sentence. Then he put his stationery away and looked up at Loki.

Fear churned in Loki's stomach. The fear of being sent back into his cell, but also the fear of being rejected yet again. There was anger as well. The Allfather had lied to him, betrayed him and put him into the cell. The combination made him feel quite defensive and he crossed his arms in front of his chest. But he also felt relieved to see the man alive. All three emotions combined a testament of the love he still felt for the man he had once called father.

Odin motioned him to sit down by his desk, his face unreadable.

"Tell me, Loki," he began evenly, "what have you learned during your time in the dungeon? Do you regret what you have done?"

Loki's head perked up. He tried to gauge Odin's facial expression but it was futile. Was he playing games? Was this a test? Loki was not in the mood for any games.

"I regret what it did to Thor and Frigga," he eventually answered honestly. It was the one thing he was truly certain off. His time in the cell, especially with the Other around, had forced him to reconsider everything he knew about himself. He could not hide behind his jokes and illusions like he usually did, but was forced to confront his own feelings completely defenseless.

"Do you not care that you nearly extinguished a whole species?" Odin asked sharply.

"Did you?" Loki challenged, daring him to contradict him. Loki knew that Odin had killed thousands before he had changed his approach and became more diplomatic. Thor had not been much better, he as well had wanted to kill all the Jotnar. At that thought, Loki averted his gaze. "They are all monsters," he continued quietly.

"You honestly believe that?" Odin asked.

"It is what you have taught me."

He knew Odin studied him, could feel his gaze, but Loki refused to look at him. Eventually, he sighed, "I never taught you any such thing. Neither did your mother. But, perhaps, I should have done more to rectify the perception the general public has of them."

"What is there to rectify? Don't tell me you don't think they're all monsters!" his gaze turned back to Odin, glaring.

"I used to," Odin conceded.

"Then why take me? Why not let the little monster die with the rest of its kind?" Loki spat. "Why not crush the monster's head under your boot? It would have spared everyone a lot of trouble."

For a second, Odin's eyes look pained and it calmed Loki somewhat. "Because I changed my mind that day. You changed my mind-" Loki wanted to say something, contradict him, but Odin just raised a hand to keep him quiet. "Yes, I believed all of them to be monsters and I would have killed all of them. But then I found you and I knew that something as fragile and innocent could not possibly be a monster. And if one was not, perhaps the others weren't either. I decided to give you and them a chance and since then you have shown me each and every day that Frostgiants are in no way inferior to us. They can be just as clever as we are, sometimes even more so, and they are just as capable of loving others. I accepted you as my son and that is what you have been to me ever since. Nothing else. I do not regret taking you in and I never have. Now you are trying to prove me wrong and renounce my name and I do not know what to do about it. But let me just make one thing clear - you will not change my mind. You are my son and you are not a monster."

Loki bit his tongue and blinked a few times. He wanted to talk about something, anything, else. "What will you do with me?"

"What do you want me to do?"

"That's not an answer," Loki stated.

"Perhaps it is," Odin replied evenly.

Loki considered the question. What did he want? It was not easy to answer. But he knew what he did not want. "I don't want to go back to the dungeon," Loki finally replied. "I can't." It had not bothered him much before, but now the thought of such small quarters and being so helpless made his chest constrict painfully.

"Will you run?" Odin asked.

Loki shook his head. He had not run when Thor offered him the opportunity the day before, why would he now?

"Will you do anything to harm yourself or anyone in the Nine Realms?"

Loki gave this some thought. The phrasing left no leeway. But he had no desire to revisit Midgard, he preferred to just pretend that Jotunheim did not exist, and he stood no chance against the other realms, nor did he want to harm them. Conveniently, Thanos came from outside of the nine realms. And harming himself? "No," Loki finally muttered.

"Then so be it," Odin said, smiling now.

Loki stared at him disbelievingly. So be it? What did that mean? "Am I forgiven? Am I... free?"

"I think you have learned your lesson. You regret what you have done, at least to some degree. I doubt you will repeat what you have done. You risked your own life for a chance to warn Asgard of a threat. You were ready to sacrifice yourself for your family," Odin said. "I am proud of you, my son."

The End

A.N. Frigga tells Loki in the movies that he is he perceptive about everyone except himself. I guess that is different in this story because of what happened inside his cell. It is easy to pretend he does not care for his family in front of them and perhaps even in front of himself, but when they are in danger and you are alone with your thoughts and have nothing to hide behind... So, I guess he was forced to learn and confront some uncomfortable truths about himself.

I thought about how he could react afterwards. I think his party-hard first reaction is pretty much a "I don't want to think about any of this" reaction. He could have gone back to denying everyone after that, but he already told Thor that he still considers him his brother, and he admitted it to himself in his cell, so there was no point in denying it now. And I doubt he still had the energy to get mad or use any tricks and manipulations to get rid of Thor. So, that leaves him with honesty. For now, at least. I am pretty sure he will revert back to his old self sooner or later.

He does not really regret what he did to Earth or Jotunheim for the sake of Jotnar or humans. I don't really see why he would, why his views on this would have been affected by what has happened. He was the king when he attacked Jotunheim, they were at war, they were the enemies, everyone on Asgard thinks they are monsters... And Midgard... I doubt Thor would have cared much before he met Jane. Considering humans only live for around 80 years and Aesir for about 5000... It is as if someone on Earth went to Mars and killed a few alien hamsters there. It is not ok, but most humans would not care. And Odin was not a fan of them either. How he talks about Jane in Thor 2... But Loki regrets what all of his actions did to his family. He won't repeat it and that is something.

At some point during writing this I thought about having Loki's eyes shimmer blue or in some way indicate he is an illusion... Apparently I like paranoia as a theme. Something to explore in the future, I guess. I do love good plot twists, but I do love a happy ending more.

This was my first Thor fanfiction and the first multi-chapter fanfiction I actually finished. I hope you guys enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. If you did not like the ending you are welcome to steal my idea and write your own ending (just let me know as I would love to read it and maybe put in a reference to my story). I always love to hear what you guys think, so let me know with a review.

All the best,

Mikill