xTRESTWHOx

*Happy, up-tuned, jingly version of Skyrim Theme*

Dragon Rose Chibi!

Five Century Rule

"Yang, don't."

"Don't what?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about, and I'm telling you, no."

"I wasn't going to do anything, though."

Blake tilted her head and stared into Yang's eyes disbelievingly. Yang stared right back defiantly before both turned their heads to look back at the fully set table before them. It was truly a magnificent spread, containing apples, smoked meats, and several sweet rolls. Both Yang's and Blake's mouths watered at the sight and smell, and both considered digging in.

The fact that they found said meal in the middle of an ancient, undisturbed for millennia Nordic ruin was the only thing that gave them pause.

"How did it even get in here?" Yang asked as she scratched her head. "Just, seeing this raises so many questions. Did the draugr go out and gather it? If so, from where and to what lengths? Did they grow the ingredients? If that was the case, then where are the farms and trees? You and I didn't see any coming in."

"I just want to know who's going to eat it," Blake added. "Cause it sure ain't the draugr."

"Hmm," both girls hummed, deep in thought as they studied the feast intensely. Behind them, they could hear Weiss continue to loot the dungeon alongside an excitable Ruby, who was gushing over the latest enchanted weapon she had found. The two paid them no heed, picking up a few morsels of food to get a closer look. To their amazement – and bewilderment – the food was perfectly fresh, almost as though it was placed there just five minutes earlier. Some of it was even still hot.

"Why…?" Blake asked as she held a sweet roll closer to her face, feeling the sugary smell filter through her nostrils. She wanted nothing more than to take a bite but forced herself to place the pastry back onto the table. Yang appeared to be having a harder time doing so with a slab of grilled venison, prompting Blake to gently force Yang's hand back down.

"Come on, we'll get some food outside. Some we can trust."

"… Yeah, that's probably for the—"

Any further words from Yang were halted as a tired Lydia plopped down on a seat next to them, causing the two Huntresses to slightly jump.

"Oh," Lydia breathed heavily as she drank some water from her canteen. Seeing the confused looks on their faces, Lydia began to explain, "Weiss just had me carry a bunch of weapons, armor, ingots and ores back to the horses outside."

"That was two hours ago," Blake pointed out. "We're only, like, five-hundred feet from the door."

"I was over-encumbered," Lydia clarified as she capped the lid on her canteen. "Gods, I'm starving. Any of you have some food?"

"Um, no. We got this, though." Yang pointed to the table in front of them. "Not sure if you want to eat it. We kind of found it here."

"Really?" Lydia asked as she studied the table. Both Blake and Yang nodded, and soon after Lydia shrugged then took a large bite out of a grilled slab of venison.

"Thanks," she mumbled through a full mouth as she walked away, no worse for wear. Both Huntresses stared slack-jawed at the sight, then turned back to the table. They ruminated silently over it, before a large grin broke out on Yang's face.

"Alright, free food!" Yang declared as she grabbed a sweet roll and hoisted it to her mouth.

"Yang, no-!" Blake warned, but it was too late as Yang swallowed the pastry whole in one bite. Blake stared in silent horror as Yang chewed, savoring the taste before gulping it down. She smacked her lips, darting her tongue around the rim of her mouth before smiling at Blake.

"See, Blakey? Perfectly—BLUEAH!" Yang suddenly threw up the contents of her stomach, forcing her to her knees in absolute agony. "OH GODS, WHY?!"

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO EAT IT!"

"YOU WERE RIGHT, I WAS WRONG! BLUEAGH!"

[~]

Jesse (ME)

*Happy, up-tuned, jingly version of Skyrim Theme*

Dragon Rose Chibi!

Overly Explicit Fanservice 2

"Well, guys, it was a harrowing adventure," Ruby said with exhaustion, "full of danger, drama, and way too many panty shots, but we've finally got all the pieces of the Steam Nexus, just like Mara said to." The Dragonborn then indicated the large Dwarven contraption that they had painstakingly pieced together.

"And now we can finally get control back from Sanguine!" Yang cheered.

"And not a moment too soon," Weiss griped as she tried to keep her skirt down. "Seriously, if this thing gets any shorter, it'll legally be considered a belt."

"All right! Switch on the doohickey already," Blake demanded while trying to cover her chest. "I want to wear shirts, not bikini tops!"

"Okay, switch on!" Ruby declared as she flipped the lever. The massive bronze object whirred to life and began pouring out steam from above, but before it could begin to do whatever it was supposed to, a portal opened some distance away and a handful of fat Daedra came out with a palanquin carrying Sanguine and two underdressed female Daedra nuzzled up to him.

"Well, congrats heroes, but I can't let you undo all of my hard work," he announced as he stood up and the Daedra began pulling out weapons. Several smaller portals opened, and even more Daedra came out as well.

"Are they wielding…" Blake pointed out fearfully.

"Oh, that's just gross," Yang blehed.

"All right, minions, attack!"

The mass of Daedra charged and the girls stood against them, Yang punching with all her might, Weiss stabbing and casting spells, Blake jumping around cutting and kicking, and Ruby speeding around and yelling.

"There's too many of them!" Weiss cried out as she did her best to avoid being hit by their vibrating weapons.

"Do not worry!" they heard before looking up to see M'rissi standing on the machine, to which Ruby and Weiss covered their eyes due to the angle. "She has brought help!"

Suddenly women of all walks of life came from around the machine and started fighting against the perverted masses. Unfortunately for the easily distracted Daedra, most people in Skyrim knew how to at least throw a punch, whereas most of them went through every day only lazing about and eating. Sanguine face-palmed and sighed as he stepped down.

"If you want something done right." His body quickly grew until he was over a hundred feet tall, and he laughed while aiming a kick at the machine. Unfortunately for him, a giant golden dragon head popped out of the sky and bit down onto his ankle. "Ow! Oh come on!"

"No! Bad Daedra! You went past the limit!"

"I am, like, ten more minions away from the limit!"

"Size expansion counts towards the limit!"

"What? Since when?" A scroll hung down from the clouds, and the Daedric Prince peered at it closely. "Oh, okay. Should've read that more closely."

Ruby jumped up into the air and took in a deep breath while the other four jumped up near her, forming a triangular shape.

"Super Dragon Guard's Flying Magical Barrage!" they all called out, Ruby's voice translating it into Dovahzul for them. An intense magical attack the likes of which no one there had ever viewed before fired out, hitting the debauched enemies head-on but only leaving the innocent slightly blinded by its pure light.

"That was amazing!"

"I've never seen anything so beautiful!"

The Daedra screamed as they were banished from the Mundal Realm, and Sanguine groaned.

"Hey, that put me back under the limit, right?" he asked while looking back at the Dragon God.

"Yeah, I guess." Then Akatosh let go and went back up into the heavens to continue making sure Time kept functioning correctly. "Good luck with the next part. You'll need it."

"Huh, what does he mean by that? Eh, whatever. Now I'm gonna stomp this thing so I can-" The Steam Nexus suddenly poured a beam of golden light straight into the sky, sending out a chime that made everyone over forty cover their ears. "Oh, now what?!"

"Now, you're finished!" Ruby called out as all the women's clothing slowly returned to their normal state. The God of Sin stared in disbelief and tried to reactivate his power over the Magical Object Designations, but nothing responded.

"No! It can't be! How?!"

"Your pervert pandering is nothing compared to true fanservice! And now, in the name of the Divines, we shall punish you!"

From the light of the Steam Nexus, an arm hefting a hammer formed and reared itself back. Sanguine stared in disbelief and tried to get away, but then yelped as he felt something bite his ankles. Yang held him in place with her teeth while Aela seemed to just be biting at him, but it was enough. The hammer came down as he screamed, smashing against his chest and slamming him into the ground, where a giant Sanguine-shaped dent was made. The light faded along with the massive arm and hammer, and the crowd could plainly see the word for 'banned' emblazoned on his chest in several languages.

"We did it!" The crowd began cheering uproariously at the defeat of the Daedric Lord, and Sanguine shrunk back down to his normal size before getting up to his feet.

"Ah well, at least I had fun," he muttered while brushing himself off.

"You call that fun?!" Weiss shouted at him.

"Of course it was! Watching you guys traipse around and slowly grow used to your tiny clothes while you fought against masses of Dominating Mazken and Lustful Shrikes was entertainment at its best. Not to mention the battle against the Beast of a Hundred Backs."

"Wait, is that what you call that weird tentacle monster?" Yang wondered aloud.

"I was both shocked and disappointed by that thing," Blake recalled.

"It's because it didn't actually go for-"

"La la la! There are innocent minds here!" Ruby interrupted them while pointing out M'rissi.

"Mreow? But I am twenty-three, and I already know all of these things."

"What?! No! Who would have done such a thing?!"

Zora sneezed and excused herself to the women she was nearby.

"Regardless, it was fun, even if I lost. Hope we can have as much fun next time, girls, but Uncle Sanguine has some responsibilities to tend to, like making sure other people put off their own to go drinking." With that, the Daedric Prince opened up a portal and stepped through while waving at them.

Back at the Bannered Mare, the girls could finally relax.

"Well, the day is saved, and now everyone can dress modestly again." Ruby almost coughed up her drink when she saw something. "Oh no! The Steam Nexus missed some!"

"Oh no, I'm dressed like this on purpose," the bar wench explained. "Now that everyone in town's dressing up modestly again, I can get all the lady-lovers' attention." With that, she went back to the bar while most of the male patrons' gazes followed her, as well as more than a few female ones.

"Oh, uh, well, at least now we have the choice."

"To freedom of choice!" Yang called for a cheer.

"Freedom of choice!" they all toasted before taking a drought. Weiss then began tapping her chin.

"Say, now that we used the Steam Nexus to undo Sanguine reign of perversion, what do we do with it?"

Ruby shrugged. "I don't know. I think Inigo had something planned, though."

Meanwhile, back at the Steam Nexus, a smart blue cat was currently fiddling with its control console. Suddenly, a screen came to life and the word 'categories' came up followed by a long series of options, with a box labeled 'search' off in a corner' The Khajiit rubbed his hands deviously before flexing all of his fingers.

"Let's see what we can find."

[~]

xTRESTWHOx

*Happy, up-tuned, jingly version of Skyrim Theme*

Dragon Rose Chibi!

Nature's Treasures

Ruby and Lydia stepped quietly through the forests of Falkreath, arrows notched in their bows and their senses peeled for any movement. They crouched under a low-hanging branch, careful not to have it hit their heads, then stopped as they saw an elk grazing on some grass. They rested on their knees, then slowly Lydia helped Ruby pull back her bowstring. A few moments passed, then after a pause, Ruby released the arrow. It sunk into the creature's heart, and it fell instantly.

"Good shot, Ruby," Lydia said as she holstered her bow across her back. "That should be enough to feed us for the next few days."

Ruby beamed at the praise, then the two lightly jogged towards the fallen animal. They kneeled next to it, then Lydia pulled the arrow out of its chest and gave it back to Ruby. She took it, then placed it back into her quiver.

"Now, I just need to grab what I need?" Ruby asked, and Lydia nodded. Ruby nodded back, then looked intensely into the dead elk. She now saw a small menu-like box appear out of thin air, hovering over the elk like a hologram. Inside were what she expected. Some venison, elk hide, antlers, but her attention was immediately drawn to something that was entirely out of place.

"What the-?" Ruby whispered to herself, catching Lydia's attention.

"What is it, my Thane?" Lydia asked, and Ruby looked at her housecarl while pointing at the elk.

"This elk is carrying a ring. A nice ring, actually," Ruby revealed. Lydia arched an eyebrow, then came over to confirm what Ruby was saying. True to her word, Lydia did indeed find that the elk was carrying an emerald-studded gold ring.

"Huh, that's peculiar," Lydia admitted, then shrugged and pulled the items out.

"Why does it have a ring? And for that matter, why are you so nonchalant about this?" Ruby wanted to know, and placed her hands on her hips and tapped her foot.

"Honestly, I have no idea why this elk has a ring, but there have been tales of wild animals being found carrying jewelry before, sometimes even septims. This one time I heard a braggart talking about how he found a bear carrying a gold ingot. But, I'm fairly certain he was just drunk."

Ruby arched an eyebrow, then looked back at the perfectly intact elk, then shrugged.

"Eh, maybe he just accidentally ate the ring one day while grazing?" Ruby suggested, and after a moment to reflect, Lydia nodded.

"Makes as much sense to me as any reason," she admitted, then gestured her head to the side. "Come, let's get back to camp and cook this meat."

"Okay!" Ruby said, then began to skip and smile. "You know, maybe that elk was married and that was his ring?" she joked.

Lydia snorted and shook her head. "I sincerely doubt that."

"Yeah, I know, but the thought does—" Ruby stopped as they heard another rustling, and both she and Lydia dived behind a bush for cover. They pulled out their bows and waited, then to both of their surprise an elk doe emerged from the bushes. Behind her was a small fawn, and they were looking around for something. When they saw the dead body of the elk, their expressions seemed to visibly deflate. If Ruby didn't know any better, she'd almost think the doe and fawn were weeping.

"Um, Ruby?" Lydia stated with wide eyes. Ruby looked at her companion, who was shakily pointing towards the doe. Ruby turned to face it, then her eyes widened as she saw the light gleam off of a small object wrapped around the doe's neck. It was a vine necklace and looped around the middle was a small gold ring with an emerald embedded into its center.

Slowly, everything fell into place, and suddenly Ruby felt tears sting the corner of her eyes.

"I… I didn't mean…" she babbled out, then felt Lydia gently place a hand on Ruby's shoulder.

"It's okay," Lydia soothed her charge. A few tears were forming in her eyes as well, then the two women took one last look at the weeping elks. Both were still visibly weeping, and the fawn had even gone over and nudged at the father, as though trying to rouse him from his sleep. A small, desperate bleat tugged at their heartstrings enough to physically hurt.

"Let's never discuss this again," Lydia suggested through a hoarse voice. Face covered in tears, Ruby nodded.

"O…okay." Ruby sniffed, then the two continued along.