A/N: Deadpool 2 was fantastic. And now I've got a new ship. Whoopsie! So if you're here, that means you ship Colossuspool (or whatever the hell it's called) we gotta stick together, guys. So, obviously, I've never written or *ahem* played around with these characters before. I promise I'll get better the more fics I write.

I feel like I've got a few funny lines in here, but I don't think I've really got that proper "Deadpool humor" down yet…Practice makes perfect, though! Also, I feel like this takes place after DP2, but there is no Vanessa. Actually, in this little oneshot of mine, the only two characters are our lovebirds Deadpool and Colossus.

Based off the movies, obviously. And not the comics. Sorry.

Pairing: Deadpool x Colossus / Wade Wilson x Piotr Rasputin

Rated: T (we've got a lot of fuck words in here, kiddos!)

Warnings: Pretty strong language, taking advantage of the very cliche "kiss to shut up" trope, which therefore leads to a very mild kissing scene.

Wade flirted so regularly that people were nearly becoming immune to his charms. Most of all, Colossus.

In the recent few months, he had been the primary object of Deadpool's affections. Though if anyone else called the metal man an object, Wade would rip their fucking throats out and then go out for cocktails—emphasis on cock.

Colossus never seemed to take the hint. Even hints so blatantly obvious as Deadpool grabbing his ass with an appreciative grin on his face. God. Colossus was so thick. (In more ways than one, probably. Wade couldn't be certain. But fuck him gently with a chainsaw if he wasn't going to get there with the X-Man eventually.)

He cared. For the love of Barbara Streisand, Wade cared a lot. It had started out with the ex-mercenary just wanting to fool around. Both sexually and non-sexually. They would start with a nice blow job, and then have mind-blowing sex, then they'd play hide and seek. Or Clue. You get the picture, right? And then, Wade had to go and develop feelings for the alloy motherfucker.

*Smart move, fuckbrain.* A voice jeered and rattled in his head.

"How about shutting your goddamn muggle mouth?"

*Can't. Don't have one.* The voice replied with glee. Actually, said voice sounded a bit like Ryan Reynolds. Strange.

"Eh, Wade?"

Deadpool spun around on his heels—perhaps with a little too much force. He stumbled forwards and ran into Colossus's wonderfully sculpted chest.

Gloved fingers splayed across the X-Man's torso. "Hey there," Wade murmured.

Piotr cocked his head marginally to the left. "Why are you whispering? Not complaining, but… It's unlike you."

"We were having a moment," Deadpool said to himself more than out loud. He burst out, louder this time, "Fuck! We were having a moment, Col!"

Colossus parted his lips to respond, but Wade beat him to it. "Shh…" He pressed a finger to Piotr's gleaming, chrome lips. "You ruined it."

The X-Man hesitated for a moment before trying to push Wade away. The smaller man clearly wouldn't budge. Deadpool pressed his face into Colossus's toned torso. Was he…sniffing him? "Wade—"

"You never believe me." Shit. It was happening. Here came the fucking word vomit. "I know it seems like I try to stick my dick in everything that moves. Well not everything, I guess…Hey! Don't look at me like that! There was that one incident with that stuffed unicorn. I swear, I didn't know she'd come at me like that—"

"Wade—"

"Shit. Too vulgar? Sorry. See? That's another thing I have problems with! I never think about what I say before I say it. They teach you that bullshit in elementary school, but it gets ripped away from you from other asshole children in middle school. What was my point? I forgot…"

Once again, Colossus opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted.

"I remember! I joke a lot—I guess one could say I'm a Merc with a Mouth™. But I really do care about you, like, a lot. I-I don't even know why! We're so different, you and I. You have this whole 'Rule #1: X-Men never kill' thing going on or some shit. Sometimes you yell at me. 'Language, Wade!' Like, why would I want some asshole telling me what to do? I do whatever the fuck I want, but for some reason, I really really like it when you take control and boss me around. It makes me feel all tingly—"

"Wade!" Piotr quietly but firmly said. He gripped Wade's shoulders and tried not to dislocate them by accident. "You talk too much."

Deadpool narrowed his eyes. "This is exactly what I'm talking about! I spill my heart out to you and you just—MMPH!" Wade's eyes widened as his lips crashed with Piotr's. Holy fucksticks, they were soft. How the fuck was that possible?! He was made out of metal, for Marvel's sake!

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't let himself relax and melt into the kiss. His body had gone rigid—

Piotr released him after what seemed like only a second. Voice heavier and thicker with his accent than usual, he tried apologizing profusely."S-Sorry!" The chrome man stammered. "I just thought—"

Wade gazed up at the metallic man with wide, glittering eyes. "God, you're amazing."

The smaller man's face burned, but this time he was able to react properly to the kiss. It was much softer this time around; no bruises were going to form from this kiss, surely. Wade wanted to watch every little reaction Piotr made, but he couldn't help but let his eyes flutter closed.

Lips moved slowly together, neither of them taking the initiative to deepen it. Heat enveloped Deadpool's entire body and he could feel himself beginning to shake in Piotr's arms.

Neither of the men could tell you who took the step, but then the kiss escalated. You know what? Scratch Wade's previous statement—their lips would definitely be swollen and bruised later.

He heard a moan and realized it had come from his partner. Jesus fuck! That was just about one of the hottest sounds he had heard in his life.

Wade quickly found himself pressed against the wall of the living room in the mansion, hips flushed impossibly close against his companions'. Wade could get off just from the pressure alone—

The two men broke from their kiss and panted into each other's mouths.

"Are we gonna fuck or—"

"Stop talking." Colossus stole Wade's breath with another kiss.