A Shadow Without His Sun

There was something calming about visiting Konoha. Gaara never minded coming to visit after the war, especially since most of the shinobi world was concentrating on peace efforts, so it was easier for him to leave Sunagakure in the council's hands from time to time. To be more accurate, he considered it somewhat of a mini vacation. Gaara inhaled a deep, clean breath of air, marveling at how clear it was and how little grains of sand didn't tickle his nostrils. He idly observed many buildings in various stages of reconstruction, many children playing throughout the streets, and shinobi training, much like his own village, so it was somewhat of a familiar, and almost comforting, sight. It was a bright, clear, and warm sunny day-not blinding and scorching, like Suna's, but enough to cause Gaara to sweat and to invite many of the villagers to the bubbling stream to play in the cold water. The atmosphere was relaxing and the greenery and scenery around him had a nice, tranquil effect on him. That along with the faint noise of life rustling in the village and with the accompanying drawling voice of the new head of the Nara clan. Gaara was mildly amused that Shikamaru had willingly helped settle Gaara into the Hokage's guests' apartments. But then, as a sort of foreign liaison as well as Hokage's advisor, he really had no choice. He was doing a thorough job touring the Kazekage on some of the newer rebuilt sections of Konoha, but Gaara did not miss the fact that the normally lazy ninja was a little distracted. His brown eyes would glaze over while he spoke, obviously not quite entirely involved in what minimal conversation they were exchanging, and would somewhat linger a little longer on the training grounds or at a distance past Gaara's face. There were pronounced shadows under his eyes and his shoulders seem to sag a little lower than usual, but Shikamaru never gave anything away, and they eventually made their around the village on their path to the Hokage tower, the Nara seemingly running on autopilot the entire time.

"Of course, it would require frequent visits to Suna to show support of village," Gaara was saying as he followed the genius to the Hokage's office.

Shikamaru sighed, "It would be a pain." His hand reached for the door to turn the knob and stepped aside, allowing the Kazekage to enter the Hokage's office first. "But I guess I have no choice."

They were met by the sight of the backs of three jounin and a large white beast, who barked upon their entrance into the room.

Gaara recognized the shinobi immediately. The Inuzuka, who seemed to have gotten more burly and even scruffier, the five o' clock shadow on his face and chin much more pronounced since the last time he saw him, was leaning almost casually against the Hokage's desk. The Aburame, taller and more intimidating, even more so with his floor-length jacket, stood silently at attention. And the eldest Hyuuga, a smaller, petite woman with her trademark, shiny midnight hair reaching past her waist had one hand behind her latched on her other arm, her stance relaxed as she finished saying something to the Hokage. They turned in one synchronized motion to see who had entered.

"Ah, Rokudaime, gomen," the Nara beside him apologized. "I didn't realize you weren't finished."

"Iie, we were just finishing up," Kakashi waved him off. "Come in." He glanced at the clock. "I suppose it is time for that meeting. It was me who took too long." He gave a small nod to his fellow kage. "Gaara-kun, welcome. I hope you had a safe journey."

"Aa," Gaara nodded, "Thank you for having Shikamaru show me to my guest quarters."

The gray-haired Hokage turned to the three standing in front of him, "Well, I guess we'll continue this briefing another time. Team Kurenai, you may go."

"Maa, Kakashi-sama," Kiba rolled his eyes. "Former Team Kurenai."

"Gomen," Kakashi's eyes turned down in what looked like a smiling expression. "To me, you sometimes seem like innoncent genin like back then, I forget sometimes. No need to be so formal."

"To me, you sometimes seem like you're getting older by the second," Kiba heaved himself off the desk. "We'll be waiting for our summons then. Ne, Akamaru, let's go." The dog stood up slowly, shaking himself off and leading the way to the door.

Kiba passed the two with a quick nod to Gaara, before very pointedly ignoring Shikamaru, turning his chin away from him as he left, the latter grimacing. Gaara also received a small bow from Shino, but he couldn't tell if he spared Shikamaru a glance, with his sunglasses and all. Hinata, trailing after her teammates, followed with an "Arigatou, Kakashi-sensei." She bowed to Gaara as she passed with a warm "Kazekage-sama," before her eyes flickered to Shikamaru. With a tight smile and a guarded look in her crystal eyes that barely met his, she murmured quietly, "Shikamaru-kun."

Shikamaru's jaw clenched ever so slightly, and their gazes dropped quickly to the floor before Hinata stepped gracefully past them. "Hinata."

Gaara's eyebrows raised at the strange exchange. He glanced at the Hokage seated behind his desk who gave a small, knowing shrug and proceeded to rifle through the paperwork on his desk.

The room was silent, save for the sound of Kakashi's pen scribbling and stamp stamping for a few minutes.

"...As I was saying."

The genius didn't seem to hear him. Gaara followed Shikamaru's once-again distracted gaze to the door where their three comrades had departed, which had long closed behind them.

Gaara cleared his throat. "Ahem."

Shikamaru's eyes snapped back towards the red-haired kage.

"Yeah, sorry," He sauntered towards Kakashi and took Kiba's old position, leaning against the Hokage's desk, hands in his pockets. "Continue."

"The traveling may take a toll and you may not be able to complete as many missions with your team. You may have to start spending more time in Suna and less time with your current teammates, your family, and your friends."

"I understand," Shikamaru stated boredly, betraying no emotion.

Gaara felt the tension hanging in the air. He sank down into one of the chairs Kakashi had motioned him towards before continuing slowly, "One of the main reasons they are insisting on Temari to marry you is to strengthen the tie between Konoha and Suna."

"I know that."

Gaara stared pointedly at the shadow-nin, who shifted uncomfortably under his gaze, already itching to leave.

"Temari's not the only one who's being pressured by the council to choose a mate in Konoha."

"And?"

The Kazekage gave a small, unintelligible sigh and tiny shake of the head. "The Hyuuga girl is beautiful and from one of the most renowned clans in the world," Gaara finally stated flatly.

The corners of Shikamaru's lips turned down and his eyes narrowed a fraction of an inch. "So she is. What does this have anything at all to do with her?"

"You wouldn't mind at all if I took her as my wife?"

Shikamaru choked, his eyes widening uncharacteristically. "I-I..." His mouth snapped shut and he swallowed once, before closing his eyes and smoothing out his expression. When dark brown eyes met sea-green across the room, they were calm. "It's not my place to mind."

Gaara stared at him. "Would she mind that you wouldn't mind?"

"I... don't know? I can't believe I'm talking to you about this, out of all people," he answered impatiently. "We're supposed to be talking about politics."

"We are talking politics. This is politics."

"How is any of this politics?" Shikamaru's voice started to rise higher than normal as he threw dirty looks towards his superior. "I thought we were going to discuss my departure from Konoha. This has nothing to do with her."

Kakashi set down his papers and folded his fingers on the table, ignoring his advisor's glare.

"This has quite a lot to do with her." Gaara crossed his arms. "And you. Specifically."

"There is no 'me and her' that we need to discuss, and as far as I'm concerned-"

"Shikamaru," Kakashi raised a hand, interrupting Shikamaru. "Listen. I'm not saying this is an intervention, but it can be an intervention, and it might as well be one, so please stop for a second."

Shikamaru's mouth snapped shut and Kakashi continued. "You've been more quiet and serious since you've accepted the marriage alliance contract. Everyone notices how different you're acting. You're losing sleep. You don't spend as much time with your peers or your family. You haven't been eating. You spend more time drinking after work. You've been skipping out on almost all of the Nara clan's meetings. I can't have one of my best jounin putting himself a risk to hurt himself mentally, especially when I need him to help me run this village."

"I'm performing well at work aren't I?"

Kakashi pursed his lips. "I can't deny that, but your personal life is atrocious."

Shikamaru sighed, throwing up his hands in surrender. "Fine. Let's hear what you have to say. This whole thing is troublesome," he muttered in exasperation. "As if it matters when I leave."

"I highly doubt that makes anyone feel better about the whole situation," Kakashi deadpanned as he leaned forward. "It seems to me that you're love sick and you're pouting because you don't want to do anything to do about it."

The Nara shook his head and pushed himself away from the desk, walking towards the window and staring out at the view. Shikamaru rubbed his forehead with the palm of his hand as both kages waited for him to speak. "She's in love with Naruto," he said after a long pause in a flat voice, but it almost sounded robotic, as if he had said it automatically in response many times already.

"Are you sure about that?" Kakashi asked, his brow raised.

Gaara nodded. "We've all grown up immensely since the war."

The Hokage continued after he settled back a little more comfortable in his chair, satisfied that Shikamaru was listening. "She hasn't pined after Naruto since they talked about her confession after the war. It was quite obvious Naruto still had feelings for Sakura. Besides, who knows when Naruto will come back? He's been traveling with Sasuke for quite some time now. She's matured greatly as a woman and her concerns now lie with her clan, her team, and Mirai."

Shikamaru didn't respond, still facing away from the kages.

"If you don't decide and get your mind straight, I'll take her as my wife." Gaara said bluntly. "Alliance solved."

Shikamaru almost fumbled with his words and couldn't help himself as he turned towards Gaara quickly. "What about Temari and me? The council-"

Gaara waved his hand dismissively. "It wouldn't be an issue after that. Besides," he continued. "I've already talked with her father."

"What?"

Gaara shrugged. "He's been considering the idea, considering that Hinata has been pressing for the joining of both branches. A faction of the Hyuuga would follow to Suna, a new faction that does not have main or side branches."

"That sounds too good for her to pass up," Shikamaru said almost dejectedly. The top of his ponytail seem to droop with disappointment. The kages exchanged a glance.

"She's quite the politician when she wants to be and I think she would do well in Suna as my wife," Gaara drew out slowly.

"Or the Hokage's wife," Kakashi sang.

Shikamaru threw another dirty glance at him.

Kakashi smiled. "Kidding."

"What makes you think she'd be interested in you at all?" The Nara countered, to which his superior's smile disappeared and said in a hurt voice, "Ouch."

Gaara spoke up again. "Hinata has been made aware of her option."

"She has? I wouldn't blame her if she chose it," Shikamaru mumbled. He folded his arms across his chest and closed his eyes, leaning against the wall.

Kakashi watched him for a while. "Well, when was the last time you spoke with Hinata?"

The dark-haired young man rubbed his hand on his face, feeling the stubble that he had ignored on his chin and cheeks. "Too long."

"Yeah, since you told her you were marrying Temari."

Shikamaru eyed his superior warily. "How do you know so much about my life?"

Kakashi chuckled. "Kurenai doesn't hold back her gossip around us. Thought you'd know that by now." The Hokage's face turned serious. "Look, ask yourself this. What would you rather do? Marry another woman for duty, and potentially hurt her, destroying what remnant of friendship you have left? Or have her marry another man for duty and have her leave your home and possibly only see her on rare occasions? Either way, none are resolutions to the problem, and you both lose."

"The problem would be solved if we both married for duty," Shikamaru grumbled.

"Would it?"

"She would understand," The advisor crossed his arms defensively. "It's for Konoha."

"Yes, of course she would understand, Nara," Gaara said quietly. "It's Hinata."

Shikamaru's eyebrows turned down as his eyes closed again, irritation there on his face, but clearly mulling over both kages' words.

"Shikamaru, think with your heart, and not your head for once," the Hokage said, when the silence was long enough. "You of all people should know how much she was hurting after Naruto. How much more do you think she's hurting now?"

Shikamaru sighed another long sigh before he straightened up from the wall, and the kages could hear a soft and troubled, "I know." He made his way over, his face darkening in expression and he glanced suspiciously at the Kazekage. "You know, as her brother, one would think you'd be trying to help her get the man she's going to marry, not prevent it."

Gaara shrugged. "I'd rather have Hinata for my wife than have you marry my sister, I guess."

Shikamaru shook his head. "It's not like her father would allow anything to happen between us anyway."

"Who knows?" Kakashi leaned back further in his chair, both arms behind him casually.

"Wouldn't you know, Hokage-sama? You are the Hokage." Shikamaru rolled his eyes. " And you don't know if she has feelings for me like that."

"You don't either." The Hokage shrugged. "At least tell her that you care about her."

"Is this what the meeting was about?" Shikamaru asked sarcastically.

Gaara interrupted while Kakashi shrugged. "Look, Nara. The only reason why we pulled you in here was to give you once last chance before finalizing everything. I was going to cancel yours and Temari's alliance and entertain the possibility of changing it to Hinata and me, which I did. Kakashi seemed to agree it was a good idea. I just wanted to run it by you first, as a comrade. Since you obviously do have feelings for her."

"Ino already sent her approval," piped Kakashi. "'Be a man, Shikamaru,' she said to tell you."

"Of course she would," Shikamaru grimaced.

"I can't even begin to tell you how many messenger hawks I've received from her begging me to do something about 'Shikamaru and his pathetic ass,'" Gaara stated, rolling his eyes at the memory.

"And you know Chouji just wants to see you happy. Lately, you've been anything but."

Shikamaru winced. "I know."

"Then what really is holding you back?" Kakashi asked.

"Mendokusei..." Shikamaru glared at his Hokage. "I don't remember you being so involved in your students' love lives."

"So you admit you do have a love life? And with Hinata, no less?"

Shikamaru's eyes rolled up to the ceiling, clearly annoyed at him, as he didn't bother to even try to answer Kakashi.

"I'll give you one month to tell her. Hinata is a nice girl." Kakashi negotiated. "If not, both prospects are back on the table."

"Fine, may I go?"

"Are you gonna tell her now?"

"No," Shikamaru turned on his heel and made his way towards the exit. "I have a headache. There's too much to think about. I'm going home."

"One month, Nara," called Gaara smoothly.

Shikamaru was already halfway out the door.

"Yeah, yeah," he grumbled. "You two are troublesome."

—

Sometimes Shikamaru wished he wasn't the type of guy to think and just act, like Naruto or Lee. That way he wouldn't be having so much trouble. His thoughts kept him awake and they were driving him insane. It was already a week and a half since the meeting with the kages and he was getting nowhere. Mostly, he just stayed in bed under the covers at home, eating a little of what Yoshino placed in front of his room. She griped about him not being productive and being the laziest he had ever been, but she secretly missed having her son back at home. He had been living in his own apartment since he had taken up the role of hokage's advisor. Shikamaru hadn't bothered showing up back at work, but Kakashi hadn't scolded him either for it. He didn't feel like meeting up with Chouji or Ino because they'd ask too many questions, or in Ino's case, nag him about 'hurrying the hell up about it' or 'getting your shit together' blah blah blah.

He was starting to get another headache just thinking about it. He lay staring at the ceiling now, his room completely darkened by the curtains, blocking the late afternoon light from entering his room. He hadn't showered for a couple days, his hair feeling greasy on the pillow next to him. He lay in his covers in nothing but his boxers, hugging a pillow across his chest.

Okay, he admitted it. He was depressed, and he was sulking. Always having something to do and to keep busy kept his mind off of it, but now that he was alone with only his thoughts, he couldn't escape anymore. He only came to one conclusion.

He was love sick. Over Hinata Hyuuga. And he missed her. He missed seeing her, talking to her, being around her, seeing her cute adorable frustrated face losing to him in shougi, feeling the soft curve of her body in his arms as they took naps together, stealing quick kisses from her soft lips, brushing the length of her silky hair with his fingertips-and he had pushed her away.

Because he thought he'd never be able to do those things again. And in doing so, he had hurt her.

He cursed mentally as he punched his pillow. Like hell he was going to let Gaara take her as his wife. The dark angle of his eyebrows sloped downward, and he thought to himself how annoying everyone was for barging in on his life and how how he could handle things on his own goddammit!

"You obviously are not handling things on your own," came Ino's voice in his mind. She had said that to him the last time she had tried to talk to him about it.

Shikamaru turned on his side, curling into a fetal position, his face smoothing out as he thought of how long it had been since it had been Hinata instead of the pillow he was hugging closely to him. He couldn't imagine it to be anyone else. He didn't want anyone else, and he wasn't going to throw everything they had-this relationship they had slowly built-together away.

His breath hitched and he hissed, "Dammit!" throwing the pilllow against the wall and throwing himself out of bed. He sat on the edge, hitting his forehead with two fists. He wished his father was here, he wished he could talk to Asuma-sensei because he would know what to do because he always knew what to do and-

Shikamaru let out a deep breath before resolve settled in his brown eyes.

He was going to pay a visit to Kurenai-sensei.

—

He had let the shower run over him for a good hour on the highest heat it could go. It helped calm him a little. Soothed his nerves. He felt fresh in clean pants, shoes, shirt. His mother had even pressed his vest for him.

Shikamaru trudged slowly towards Kurenai's apartment. He felt guilty for not visiting for a while now, oftentimes making up excuses about having too much work or avoiding having to explain anything to her at all. He didn't want to bring up Hinata. But if anyone could help him sort out his feelings, it would be her.

"What do you want, what do you want," Shikamaru muttered under his breath as he reached Kurenai's place, willing himself not to bolt.

His long fingers toyed with the key in his pocket as he slowly slipped off his sandals at the door. After closing his eyes and taking in another deep breath, he quietly inserted the key into the lock and opened the door.

He was greeted with the sound of peals of laughter as he entered. The first sight he saw was the main object of his thoughts giggling breathlessly as she tickled the young girl in her arms on the couch in the small living room. Hinata's nose nuzzled Mirai's and they cuddled closer to each other. Their cheeks were flushed, their hair a mess, and for once, Shikamaru's thoughts had stopped completely and time seemed to slow. For a moment, his vision tunneled to the sight of both of them there, still unaware of his arrival.

This is what I want.

His sight darkened until he could only see the light in her eyes dancing, her face filled with complete happiness.

You are what I want.

The sound of the door shutting behind him interrupted his thoughts and they looked up as they heard the noise.

"Shikamaru-nii-chan!" Mirai's voice rang out delightedly as she scrambled out of Hinata's arms and threw herself at Shikamaru's leg.

He looked down his leg to see the face of his former sensei's child, and he ruffled her unruly black hair. "Aa, I'm back," he grinned at her, before his eyes shifted up to the young woman on the couch.

She gave him a shy smile, before her gaze dropped to her lap, where her fingers had clenched the fabric of her pants nervously.

He took a deep breath and said, "Hinata." It was like sighing a breath of relief just to say her name again, to meet her eyes again, to have her respond to him. She looked up at him in surprise, half expecting him to have ignored her again.

"We need to talk."

—

The next time Gaara met Shikamaru, they were at the front gates of Konoha.

"Looks like I'll be leaving Konoha empty-handed," Gaara said.

Shikamaru grinned sheepishly. "Looks like it. And I wont be leaving at all."

Gaara raised a brow knowingly. "I assume everything went well."

The shadow-user looked almost embarrassed. "Well, yeah..." his arms went behind his head lazily.

Gaara crossed his arms and waited pointedly.

Shikamaru sighed and grumbled, "Mendokusei..." He took a deep breath in and the words came out in a rush, flatly and without emotion, nonetheless. "The short story is that I told her that, yeah, I don't know what to do. I've calculated approximately fifty thousand ways things could happen, and there could be fifty thousand way things couldn't happen, and fifty thousand ways things could happen after that, and I don't know how to prepare for them. But damn it all. We don't have to know. We'll just take it as it is, step by step. All I know is that right now it feels right. What we have." Shikamaru's face had a slight pink dusting his cheeks and his eyes were rolled up as high as they could go towards the sky.

"How'd she take it?"

Shikamaru crossed his arms, pretending to be interesting in the dirt he was kicking, and he pressed his lips together. "She took it, uh, pretty well."

Gaara nodded apathetically, unphased. "At least you finally came to your senses. You're as genius as they say, after all."

"Yeah, I guess so," he mumbled, rolling his eyes. "Anyway, hurry back and tell them then."

"Will do," Gaara said, turning away with the beginnings of a smug smile on his lips.

"Oh, and Gaara?"

"Yes?" the tattoo on the red-haired kage's forehead was slightly visible as he shifted his head towards Shikamaru.

"I hope you'll tell Temari-no hard feelings," Shikamaru exhaled uneasily.

"I'm sure there won't be. I don't think she quite entertained the idea of packing up everything she knew and loved and moving to Konoha, anyway."

One hand found itself in Shikamaru's pocket, while the other reached towards the back of his head as he scratched it. "What about the alliance?"

"We'll figure something out. Besides," Gaara shrugged as he turned away, his sand seeping out of his large gourd as he prepared to be transported back to his home country. "There's still Kankuro."

Oooooh who should Kankuro end up with?