Huh...I'm still alive? It's already 2019 and I'm still trying. Surprise surprise. But no. I'm still putting this story as 'Complete' despite me updating this one. After all, I may lose motivation for good this time, ya knoooow~

Alright this one was supposed to be the official 2nd chapter of My Teenage Romantic Comedy is a Joke as Expected. Buuut as time passed, I started to doubt myself on this peculiar execution of making a !JokerHachiman. Not to mention that all of this was ready like half a year ago. However, as the days turned into months, Season 5 of Gotham is out and STILL continuing as of now. That lead me to constantly modifying my story here and there in my Doc Manager. Not to mention my recent discovery of the Batman Who Laughs and his Dark Knight accomplices.

Speaking of which, I have a poll up now since I'm kinda wondering about how ya'll feel about various Dark Night Hachimans under the "command" of a fallen Rom-Com God. I would highly recommend reading the Batman Who Laughs comics to get a basic understanding of what I'm trying to pull off. Cuz HOLY SHIT is the Batman Who Laugh interesting as hell! I already created short summaries for each and every Dark Night in my profile anyways.

Back to the matter at hand, what I'm trying to say that this chapter will have NUMEROUS flaws here and there. Hell, it might be replaced later on. Depends on you jolly good folk really. Prepare for yourself for possible cringe. You have been warned.

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[?'s Mind]

"Haaaachimaaaan...Haaaachimaaaan...HAAACHI-"

"Oh will you cease this foolishness of yours already." A figure appears from the darkness revealing a creature of average height with pitch black skin and pure white medium hair with an ahoge freely sticking up on top of it. His attire is composed of a trenchcoat alongside a pair of formal shoes and gloves who's colors are the exact opposite of his skin.

"He is NOT going to wake up anytime soon." He pauses before raising a hand to the front of his eyes as he slowly removes the pair of emerald-colored teashades that's been covering his bright purple eyes. "Well, not with anyone in the controls at the moment." He finishes while looking around as he begins to observe his surroundings.

"Oh reeeeally now~?" Another individual slowly appears at the opposite end as it approaches the other figure. This one can easily pass as the other being's exact twin, only that his colors of black and white are completely switched. And unlike the other individual, he is wearing a snow-colored hat rather than a pair of teashades thus covering his black medium hair. He tilts his hat upwards revealing his Vermilion-colored eyes towards his twin. "You mean to tell me that the Original is final-"

"-ly gone? Yes." The dark one cuts him off as he turns to his smiling counterpart. "And at same time, no." The pale one stops smiling as he frowns a little in confusion. "We ARE still here after all. So technically speaking, the Original can never truly disappear..." He muses before snorting to himself at another thought that popped up in his head. "Hmph. Well unless either one of us decided to cease existing that is."

"Ooooh~ Is that so? Then what WOULD happen if both of us were to disappear?" He asks of him as if he began considering to make that thought a reality.

"Then no one will be able to control our body." He answers while deadpanning at his opposite for even asking such a ridiculous question. "Thus leaving him at a permanent state of coma. He might as well be dead." He mutters before turning his back from his counterpart as he looks down in deep thought about his recent statement.

Even if he didn't want to admit it, he was actually clueless of what would happen to his body if both of them were to die right here, right now. All he did was grasp at straws and made a calculated bluff for the sake of looking like he was fully aware of his current situation. After all, if his pale counterpart were to ever think of opposing him, he needed to show him that he is the one with the superior intellect out of the two. And disposing of the more intelligent one, would be anything but fruitless.

"Coma?! Ha! So basically, if I were to kill the both of us right here and now, he'd end up as a brain-dead vegetable?! Oh that's just hilarious! AHAHAHAHAHA!" He exclaims while clutching his sides in laughter at the sudden realization.

The dark one looks up from the ground as he turns to his maniacal twin, deadpanning once more at his senile proposal. "...It's not that funny. Interesting sure...but no. Just no."

The white being simply raises an eyebrow at that while crossing his arms. "You do know that saying 'it's not that funny' would mean that it IS funny, right? Just...not as much as how I found it to be..." He trails off as his opposite gives him a small glare of annoyance. "Oh whatever ya party-pooper. Kill all my fun why don't you. Anyways, what do we do now?" He uncrosses his arms before raising an arm forwards in a manner of wanting to hear whatever suggestions his opposite is about to propose.

He would propose a few ideas of his own, but that would give away the possibility of himself being just as capable of making smart decisions as his twin. He'd prefer to play his cards as little as possible for the sake of surprise at the most decisive moment where his dark twin decides to off him once and for all.

"What happens now, is that YOU will proceed to live his life while I repair all the damage in his mi- No. That's not it..." He shortly breaks eye contact with him while looking upwards as he proceeds to correct himself. "Our mind. Yes, it's OUR mind now." He ends with a short nod towards his twin.

"Our mind eh? Have to say. That doesn't sound so ba- Wait a minute." He pauses in sudden realization to a certain detail that the other one just said. "What do you mean damage?"

"Look around you. What do you see my dear counterpart?" He asks of him while raising his arm towards their surroundings.

"...Nothing."

"...Really?"

"Weeeell nothing wrong that is. If you ask me, I think all of this is perfectly normal..." He mumbles to himself with little assurance.

"Again. Really? With the the holes down there. The gaps up there. Not to mention the numerous cracks that surround us even as we speak. And you'd still say that it is, and I quote, 'perfectly normal'?" He asks of him before shaking his head in disbelief. "Only you..."

"Oh don't be such a buzzkill. It ain't so bad like this. Why not leave it be and just move on already?" He placates while moving his hand up and down in a assuring manner.

"Alright, first of all. Saying the words, 'It ain't so bad', would automatically assume that it IS bad, despite being at a low level." The pale one proceeds to give the dark one a look saying 'you're no better than I am'. "And second, not a chance in hell. If I were to ever take control of this body with this current state of mind, the possibility of me having my emotions get the better of me would increase tenfold."

The white being's face lights up in remembering a certain moment. "Oh yeah? Like the time you took over our body back when I was in control at the Service Club?" He asks of him while smirking in satisfaction at his twin's disgusted reaction.

"Ugh. Please. Don't remind me of that."The dark one grasps his head shaking it in exasperation towards his past action. "It was completely out of character for me t-"

"To just shout at the top of your lungs? Especially at our 'precious little sister', Komachi-san?" He cuts off while secretly enjoying the look of self-loathing on his counterpart's face before continuing on. "I have to admit, I was quite surprised to have been taken control of, let alone seeing someone other than me do that with my bod-"

"Hold your tongue." The dark one cuts him off in return with an irritated glare.

The pale one opens his mouth...

"I said HOLD IT!" He shouts out in vexation.

...before deciding to shut it once more.

"...I am not referring to the moment where I raised my voice at Komachi in such a manner. It was the mere fact that I, of all people, showed my true colors to the last people I wanted to interact with right at the very start." He narrows his eyes at that.

"Huh. So that's why you...um." He trails off awkwardly.

"Took the controls out of your hands so abruptly as I did? Exactly. After all, I HAD just woken up the second our memories were brought back. And when I did, I couldn't help but give in to the urge to...to..." The dark being pauses, unable to finish his thought at his past actions back at the Service Club.

"Say no more. I know exactly what you're trying to say. After all, I am the first out of the two of us to 'wake up'. So I can't really blame you on the running away part. Live to fight another day right?" He raises his arms to the side while shrugging towards his opposite in a complying manner. It looks like his dark twin isn't as composed as he thought out to be. Pretty sure he'd agree that working together would be better in the long term rather than secretly against one another.

"...Yeah." He mutters in agreement as he looks to the side in slight embarrassment. So, his white counterpart isn't as insane as he lets out to be. After all, he was able to call out his own bluff...despite himself doing the same thing. With that in mind, would it really hurt to believe that working alongside him will be far easier than he initially thought? Not at all.

"Sooo. Ummmm. *CLAP* How long do you think it'll take for you to fix all of this then?" He exclaims while clapping his hands in a way of keeping the conversation running.

"Hm? Oh right! The time required to restore our mind. Yes. Well...I'm not quite sure really." He thinks to himself while placing his index finger near his lips in a contemplating manner. If he were to trust his twin, he needs to deal his cards accordingly. So to start off, he might as well admit his real thoughts on the situation.

"You? Not sure? Will wonders never cease..." He drawls while rolling his eyes in exaggerated amazement. So, he finally admits it. Jeez. No need to be so embarrassed. I'm about as clueless as you are, ya knooow~

"You have to understand. Our mind in currently in shambles. So the time required to put things back together is unknown. It could take a week, a month, hell maybe even a year to fix all of this. If luck is on our side though, it might take just a few hours at best." He crosses his arms while tilting his head at the thought.

The white one purses his lips at that. "Well. You're the brains here outa the two of us so, good luck to you there."

"Hmph. Don't be absurd." He snorts to himself at his opposite's proclamation. He thinks he can still bluff at this time. No. Their little game of lies and deceit is all but lost. That's the flaw of playing your cards too late against someone who'd play their cards too early.

"We're both equal in intelligence, strength, and even luck. The only thing that's different between the two of us is that I actually care about what happens to me and at the same time, can't give the time of day to whatever occurs around me." He explains before turning towards his counterpart in a sharp yet mocking manner. "You on the other hand, seem to feel the exact opposite of what I feel...Or am I wrong?"

"No. No, you're right...You're absolutely righ-" He inquires before lighting up in realization. "Wait a minute. Wouldn't that mea-?"

"Yes." The dark one affirms as he cuts him off once again. "You're way of thinking is a tad bit closer to the late Original's compared to my own."

"And yet, you're giving the controls to ME?" He asks while looking at him in a puzzled manner, wondering if his counterpart's insanity is greater than his own. "...What if I were to mess up like the Original, huh?"

"I have the utmost confidence that you won't repeat the same mistakes as the Original. You are far better that that." He assures him while waving his arm in a placating manner. "However, if you were to walk the same path as the Original, then I would simply take the controls from your inconsistent hands as I divert the path elsewhere before continuing to repair our mind." He finishes while giving his twin a look that promises danger if he were to mess up.

"There's always a Plan B with you isn't there?" He ignores the look his equal gave as he ponders to himself. "Well, you do you I guess. Thanks for the vote of confidence though."

"Not at problem. Just, be careful at this time around." He gives his twin another warning look. "You're still susceptible to being taken over by raw emotions. Let them be from those you interact with or from yourself. And the fact that you're even similar to the Original more than I am doesn't help one bit."

"Wow. You really care about yourself that much huh?" He smirks a little with crossed arms before leaning forwards as he points his right hand supported with his left arm towards his counterpart in a questioning manner. "Well then, how would YOU fight against the emotions that you're so scared of anyways?"

The dark one smiles at that. "Well that's elementary. All you have to do i-"

*RING!*

"...What the hell was that?" The pale being asks in a half-curious half-startled fashion while looking around to find the source of that unexpected sound.

"Huh. Must be the alarm clock that I set up before I headed to bed." He answers while raising an eyebrow in surprise. "The fact that it's ringi-"

*RIING!*

"...ringing must mean that's it's already morning at this point." He continues while ignoring the smug grin his twin is giving him. "Well then, I suppose that means that it's time for us to part ways...for now." He finishes while shrugging to himself in small satisfaction.

"What?! W-Wait!" The pale one shouts while raising a hand towards his counterpart in a way of stopping him from leaving. "You still haven't even answered my original question though. Remember? Emotions are bad? Fight against it? Ring any bel-?"

*RIIING!*

"OH COME ON!" He shouts out once more, raising his arms up high while looking around in annoyance as he fails to notice the smug look the dark one gives to him in a small form of revenge.

"Heheh. Just remember back when the Original was dealing with the emotions in that room where everyone was m̶a̴k̸i̸n̸g̷ ̶V̶a̶l̴e̶n̴t̴͒ͅi̷͍͒ṉ̸̾e̴̪̅'̶͓̿ś̷͍ ̶͓͌c̵͓͉̏o̶̢̲̤̞̩͈̓̽͜͝ò̴̥̞̖̿k̸͚̘̗̯̹̖̩̃͋̏̍͋̇̚͝ì̴̛͚̱̮̼́̂͠͝e̵̖̹͉̣̝͇̱͈̍̉̂ͅs̵̨̼̪͕̓ͅ.̵̲̫͌͋̊̆̔͜ ̷̹͊ͅT̴̎́́̉̕ͅh̶̢̦̦͓̟͙̠̤̲̀̂͆̀̄̉͜͠i̶̮̩̞̟̖̲̍̚n̴͍̱̬͓̆̉̂̈́͝k̶̪͔̙̤̝̱̔̔̑̋̑̕͝ ̶̨̨͕̹̟̯̀ͅã̷̢͈̮͔̲̦̹͓̆͊̈́́͐́̾̄b̸͕͔͇̘̩̠̳͎̱̬̱̏̍͆̇̾̀̌͐͠ö̵̧͙̻̱̩̅͒͛̈́̈͘͘ư̸̜̤̳̹̼͑́͌͒͋̀͒̇̚t̵̯͈̭̱͔͍͖̾͂͛̿̓̚ ̷͚̱̞̜͙̲͘t̸̳͂͊̊͗͌̉́͂̂ḧ̷̢́̽a̴̼̖͉͖̮̅́͛̽̈̅̌͝t̴̢͂̈́̌͌̔̉̀̊͠ ̸̡̬̮̜͕͚̳̥̗͖̏͂̈̑̒̀͂ä̸̢̮̰̫̲̟̩̳̝̜͍́̀̐̀͐n̷̨̛̜͆̾̏̅͒d̵̨̘̙̖̲̫̝͆͜ ̶̛͓͎͚͚͈͎̌͑̐̓̅̆̊y̶͓̎̃͐̓̇̀͊̇́͛̾ǫ̵͓̦̹͒̀ͅu̷͚͎̭̯̬͚̙͌̾͠'̵̘̮̗̝̺̘̻̣͊͋̅͗̑̈́̀͠͝l̷̨̦̠̳͗̆̎̒̒̀l̶̬̟̃̑̆̀͒̋̈́̏̇͒͑ ̶̛͔̠̲́̍͂̕d̷̺̤̦̘͖͕͕͎̲̋̇̚͝ͅo̷̦̭͋̃͜͝ ̶̣̌̈́̂͒͆̉̃j̴̢̛̟̬̘̺̉͐͒͋͘u̷̪̹̼̲̪͓̭̖͓͕͑̒s̶̈͌͗̉̈͜t̶͉̦̗̭̻̱͓̥̊ ̸̧̖̫̬͍̖̥̲̘͖̉f̶̡̠̮͔̫̱̞̖̗́̾̄͜i̷̩̝͚̋͑͛̾̀͌̆͂͒͗͘n̷̡̛̛̤̺̼͕̜̫̤̠͕͂̀̓́͌̚͜-̴̘̂̄͐̚͝!̵̧̜̠̠̩͎̽̀͂̅̉!̴̢͉͙̥͕̲̙͓̝̤̣̏͆͘͝!̶̢̪͓̥̩̓͆̈̄̌̄̌͌"

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[Hachiman's POV]

*-NG!*...*RIIIING!*...*RIIIING!*...*RIIIIN-!* *BEEP!* *BEEp!* BEep!* Beep.* *beep.* *bzzt.* *...*

"...Ugh." I groan in pain while lowering my phone's volume until it reaches silent mode before opening my eyes. What the hell did he say at the end there? I didn't quite get that last bit. "I know I just woke up and all. But, why does it feel like I didn't get any sleep." Muttering to myself as I recall the interrupted conversation I had with the other me last night. That talk must be the reason why I'm feeling very drowsy even though my body is clearly feeling well-rested. All I got out of that guy was something about the Original and Valentine's cooki-...

Wait. That's it!

He must have been warning me about the 'danger of emotions' due to whatever the hell happened back at the cookie baking room where everything turned into chaos...Eh. No worries there. Just like the Original, I, too, care little about the insults that come my way. The main difference between him and I, is merely the experience of losing oneself to the swarm of slander. And like the other me has said before. I'm simply better than that. Buuut, enough thinking about the past. What's done...is done.

Finally getting out of my comfy bed, I decide to do a couple of morning stretches to loosen up my bones. So. This is what's it's like to live the life of Hikigaya Hachiman. Ahhh~ I could get used to thi-

*crack*

Gah! Oh Kami, that talk I had last night really did mess me up this morning huh? And according to how badly I woke up just now, I probably didn't get a good amount of sleep at that too. Most likely a few hours at best. Emphasis on fe-

*crack*

Argh! Whew. My everything feels so much better now. But I still feel kinda of sleepy though. Dammit, how much Max Coffee am I going to have to buy from the vending machine to survive this day.

Finishing my morning stretches, I proceed to making special preparations for this peculiar day. Hopefully, I don't do something completely out of the ordinary in school no thanks to my drowsiness...What time did he set the alarm anyways? I turn on my phone to check the ti-

"12:00 A.M"

...My phone isn't lying is it? I groggily walk towards the window to see if there is any signs of sunlight in the distanc- NOPE. It's real. It really is 12:00...

WHAT THE HELL?! Why would he want me to wake up around this time? It's too damn early! Well great, I can't just go right back to sleep. It's too late for that now that I'm locked out of my own mind...However, I might just use this early start of today to my favor. Yes, I can use this juuust fine. I can see the many advantages of waking up early at THIS particular day. This brings opportunities to plan out various scenarios that require little to no spoilers about the...predicament...that I experienced last night. Eheheheheheh. So many choices, so many results, and...so much time to spare?

Huh. I see now. Last night, my twin must have already predicted me planning out the possible events for today. Which explains the alarm clock going off at almost 12 in the morning. Oh that clever little...Then again, he is the type of person that shows off his skills at the beginning and somehow ends up with satisfying results in the end. Hmph. He really is my opposite.

Cutting myself off of my thoughts about future plans and twins, I head towards the door thinking about what food I should make at this time. Well, since Komachi's most likely still sleeping at this hour. I mean, who in their right mind would wake up this early. Or rather, stay up this late. Then again...that logic wouldn't apply to me. With my mind shattered into many pieces as it is.

As I reach the door, I silently grasp the doorknob and slowly twist it open before gently pushing the open door outwards. It won't hurt to be too careful here. Since a certain someone is most likely going to approach me the moment she's woken u-

*thump*

That was...quick. I'm pretty sure I barely opened the door halfway. So why did it feel like I hit something. As I exit my room, I turn towards the end of the door while squinting eyes, barely seeing a somewhat human shape in the darkness of this house. That's no wall. I swiftly bring out my phone as I use the screen's brightness to shine over the unknown figur- Wait...is that who I think it is? My eyes adjust to the darkness even further as I can now clearly see Komachi's unconscious body resting beside my door...

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I...don't even know what to make of this. No really. I don't. Why would she decide to sleep here of all places? She does have a room right next to my own that has a very relaxing bed...Eh. I can worry about that later. First things first. Have to get her to bed. After all, what would Kaa-san and Tou-san say to me if they where to find out that I left my precious little sister laying down on the cold wooden floor right outside of my room in the middle of the nigh- No. More like early in the morning. Yeah. That's it.

Carefully picking up her frail body with my phone clenched in my teeth as it barely illuminates the house, I walk towards her room while thanking the Rom-Com Gods above for having her door open for my convenience. My arms are currently occupied as it is. I gently lay her body onto her bed before reaching for the blankets as I slowly tuck her i-

"Onii-chan."

A whisper escapes from the lips of a sleeping Komachi, the single word echoing throughout the room before silence envelops it once more. Heh. I don't mind you dreaming about your Onii-chan but that frown of yours isn't helping. I have to wonder. Is it because you still see me as a disgustInG sIScOn?...Hopefully, you'll end up dreaming about something else other than me. That might help turn that frown upside down.

"Sweet dreams Komachi-chan." I whisper to her sleeping form as I bring a finger to a strand of her messy hair, moving it back to it's original position before turning around and leaving her room. Hm. I feel that I'm missing something here...Eh. Why not I suppose. Just in case. I turn around and walk towards her bedside once again as I set up her alarm clock before finally heading back to the door. As I exit the room, I gently close the door shut, missing the small yet sad smile that appeared on her face.

Well! Now that's over and done with, it's time to move on with my real preparations. Preparations involving stealthy showers and secret homemade dinne- er breakfasts while sneaking around this house. Might as well dedicate my entire morning to one giant stealth mission. A mission that I would prefer not to fail at any costs. Stealth Hikki, don't fail me now. For the sake of my future plans that may or may not involve four teenagers and two women...with one of them still being unmarried to this day.

[Hiratsuka Household]

As Hiratsuka stares at the TV, drinking her 4th beer with great vigor while the taste of alcohol envelops in her mouth, she couldn't help but twitch her eyebrows a little, feeling that someone out there is making fun of her single life right now. Before widening her eyes a little and pausing her drinking as she tries her best to hold back a stray tear threatening to escape from her eyes...

She's had enough crying moments ago as it is.

[Soubu High School]

"HIKKIIII!"

What...Why? How? Yuigahama usually goes to school later than the average student. I know this. She knows this. Her friends know th-

"H-HIKKI! WAIT UP!" I see Yuigahama running as fast as she can towards my direction the moment I entered school grounds. Urk. Please don't shout out my name. I really don't want to hear more background chatter involving little old me. I already had enough of that this morning. Or is it last night? Whatever I suppose. I'm still too sleepy to give a damn right now.

"Konnichiwaaa. Soshite, sayooonara (Hello. And, goodbye.)" I drawl before walking past her, my body somewhat swaying left and right in a lazy manner. Sorry Yuigahama, but I'm still somewhat tired at the moment. And besides, I have other things to deal with right now. Like surviving the first class of the day before reuniting with Max Coffee-chan. So don't mind me if I just sliiide over he-

*!*

Hm? Did she just do what I think she just did? I look down to my side to see an arm firmly clenched onto mine before tilting my head a little in deep thought of this peculiar action of hers.

Well. WelL. wELl...Ignoring the steadily growing pain in my arm, I have to admit I'm genuinely -Heheh...Genuine- surprised as to how she's being more physical towards me than usual. Especially out here in the open for anyone to see. Must be really urgent then. Most likely due to what I discovered last ni-

"Hikki. Please hear me out...please."

You do realize that you just said please twice right? *sigh* Fine then. I suppose I can spare a minute or two. With me being a nice guy and all. Then I'll be on my way. I calmly raise my head up towards Yuigahama, silently telling her that I won't be leaving anytime soon so she can speak her mind.

"I know I going to sound really pathetic right now...a-and I don't have the right to say this...but p-please...Don't be angry at me!" She bows her head at me as she finishes her plea towards me.

"Yuigahama..." I see her raise her head a little while still somewhat bowing towards me. "First...stop bowing at me. You're going to make a scene."

She hesitantly stops bowing towards me as she continues to look at me in a frightened manner. As if I was going to leave her right of the bat the second I finish talking to her. Psh. Of course not. It's too early. Give it time. Now where was I? Ooooh that's right! "And second..." I lean towards her a little breaking my blank expression with a curious gaze on my face.

"What's this nonsense you're blatherin- er...um...Watcha talking about anyways?" Phew. Almost forgot to tone down the vocabulary here. -Nice save- Don't want Yuigahama to misinterpret the big words coming out of my smart mouth again now do I?

"Hikki! I-I'm begging you to not be m-mad at me anymore. I...I don't think my heart can take it much longe-"

"Mad? Me? Why would I be mad?" Sorry to cut you off like that but, does she really think I'm mad? Really? At this time of day? At her of all people?...Why would I be feeling mad right now let alone directed towards her to begin with? This makes zero sense to me.

"What?! Y-You're not mad at me?" What's with that look of surprise? And is that relief I'm seeing there? Of course I'm not mad. Why would sh- oh...Oooh! I think that she's referring to my little incident last night. Sorry for my slow understanding. It's the sleepiness I tell you. Oh Yuigahama, I assure you that I'm not mad. It's actually something else entirely.

"Oh of course I'm not mad at you Yuigahama. I'm just feeling...ah what's the word I'm looking fooooooo- DISAPPOINTMENT! Yeah that's it. I'm just disappointed is all." Whoops. Sorry for startling you there with that sudden shout. I'm currently in airhead mode. You can relate I'm sure. But yeah, disappointment would be the better term to describe what I'm feeling right now. Disappointment towards the start of today. Disappointment towards my constant drowsiness. And of course, disappointment towar-

"Hikki...I know that I have been the best of friends lately -Understatement of the century right here-, and I know you have to right to be disappointed in me...A-After all that I've done to you." Would it kill your dog, Sable, to not cut me off during my inner monologues. It's my way of gathering my thoughts. And they're still currently jumbled up in here after all this time. And no. I'm not feeling disappointment towards YOU. Why does she always assume that it's about her anyways? *sigh*

"Wrong. Again. Yuigahama." I couldn't help but sigh at her assumption towards me. And she sounded so confident too. I really want to know where she gets all that confidence from. Wait...could it be?

Source: Me?...eh. Sort of.

Anyways, I might as well straighten out her thoughts now before they go on a loop. Airheads such as herself tend to do that often. I would know. I'm doing it right now actually.

"I wasn't talking about you. Ya knoo...ow." Oops. Almost stretched out that last bit there. Damn drowsiness of mine. Blow up already!...I hope she didn't notice that.

"W-What?"...Oh Kami I think she did. Well shi- "I thought that you were talking about me..."...Roll with it.

"No. I was talking about ME." Responding to her words in a similar tone as I point towards myself. "I'm disappointed. In myself." She looks up to me in confusion. "Why? Did you really think I was talking about you?" I see her break eye contact from me as she slowly lowers her head, her expression reduced to a downcast one.

*sigh* I release a sigh once more dropping my hands down to my sides while lowing my head as I shake it in exasperation. "I expected nothing less from someone like you Yuigahama." But that's not all I can expect from you. Hell, I can bet that you're next line is going to be: 'L-like me? What do you mean by that?' GO!

"L-like me? What do you mean by that?"

...Heh. I even nailed her stuttering down. You know what? Maybe I should do this more often. Seems like fun actually! Anyways, this conversation is getting way too predictable now. It's as if every single word you possess is in the palm of my hand. I can see your form tremble just waiting to be shattered as your confidence slowly dissappat- Okay quit it with this monologue. You're not the former Fifth Captain of Soul Society, ya knoo- stop that already.

I ignore her question as I ask her one in return. "Why do you always think it's about you? Yuigahama this, Yuigahama that? It's all about YOU...isn't it?" Of course, my statement is only partly wrong. I'm just saying this for the sole purpose of leading this entire conversation to it's end as quickly as possible. Just watch...

"Y-You're wron-." She shakes her head. "You're wrong Hachiman." Ah see. Even she gets it. Exactly as planned...Why do I have a sudden urge to eat some potato chips right now? I already served myself some breakfast back in my place...and it's too early to eat some snacks!

"Hm...yes I suppose I'm wrong on one side. This isn't just about just you, no. It's about you and tHeM...right?" And at long last, we have reached the end of our little chat. Sorry Yuigahama, but it's time to finish this. I do have a class to be on time for. I mean it's not like I want to give Hiratsuka-sensei a good excuse for seeing her after class or anything...bak-

"A word of advice for all of you if you decide to tell them of our little talk." Cutting myself off from another weird monologue of mine, I take a few steps forward before pausing at her side. I see her head move a little in the corner of my eye before continuing to stare into the ground once more.

"You should give more thought...to how other people feel."

Yuigahama quickly snaps her head up towards me in revelation as I recite the words similar to what she once told me a long time ago.

"...How is it that you claim to know so much about me when in reality, you really don't?" I turn my head towards her quivering form as I look straight into her teary eyes.

"I can't stand that." I finish reciting her words before breaking off our gaze as I continue walking towards the school. "Not at all." I whisper to myself ignoring the small sobs slowly being reduced to nothing as I enter the school.

[YUI- POV]

...Hikki.

You should give more thought to how other people feel!

I-Is this what you felt back in the festival? Back when you confessed to Hina-chan. Back when Yukino-chan and I left you after seeing it unfold...Hurts. It hurts. It hurts so much. I...I don't think I can take it anymore...

How is it you understand so much, but you don't understand that?!

Don't leave me...please...turn around...don't go...

...I can't stand that.

H-Hikki...Hikki...Hikki! HIKKI! I'M SO SORRY!

*thud*

"YUI-CHAN!"

I feel my legs give out as I drop down to the floor barely hearing Yumiko-chan call out to me as I feel her grab onto my shoulder with her other arm wrapped around my waist. "Gomenasai." I whisper to myself before slowly succumbing to darkness as I barely hear a faint ringing sound at the back of my hea-

*RIIIING*

Oh thank Kami, class is over. Now I can finally retreat towards the rooftop for some peace and quiet...kinda sad now that I think about it. Having the rooftop of this school as my only safe-haven at the moment. All my other secret spots I've managed to procured over the years have been fully exposed to the public. And the culprit is none other than me. Or rather, Alter Me- Wait no, that designation of my past self actually sounded cool...Old Me. There, much better. Sounds more generic and bland as oatme- er ramen.

Anyways, I've been getting bugged more often today compared to my usual days in this place of learning and forging bond-...place of learning. Apparently, Komachi kept banging on the door all night last night, I've been receiving constant texts and phone calls throughout the ENTIRE morning, I've been stared at by the corner of one's eye courtesy of Sensei during homeroom and now, Yuigahama keeps on giving these not-so-secret apologetic glances towards me. It's kind of irritating to be honest. How the other teachers fail to notice it, I have no idea.

Whatever. What's done is done. For it is impossible to change one's actions in the past. Those who think otherwise should look in a mirror and think about how utterly insane they are. Unless of course, you are a mad scientist with the potential to travel through time, then by all means make the impossible possible. Fuah ha ha ha h-

"Hikio!" I hear Miura call out to me as she stomps towards my desk. Oi. Quit with the stomping. What are you, Godzilla? Will I be reduced to ashes by a blue radiated beam once you open your big mouth again?...heh. Jokes aside, I look up towards her with an eyebrow raised silently asking her what's going on...And why should I even car-

"Have you noticed Yui-chan acting strange today?"

I tilt my head at her wondering whether I should just straight up tell her the truth or say that it's none of her business. Hm...If I told her the truth many weeks ago, then she probably would believe me. But I have helped her before with her clique issues a while back. So no. She probably wouldn't believe me if I spoke the truth. The latter it is then. Just to be safe. Besides, it's not like I'm lying to her or anything.

"Sorry Miura. I'm not the type of person to kiss and tell. It'd be best if you go ask her yourself if your so worried." I already had a feeling that she did go to her to ask what's wrong. But I'm pretty sure that all she got from her were tears and sobs resulting from a certain someone.

Source: Me...Oh what am I saying. I'm not to blame here. More like Source: Look at a mirro-

"Eh?! K-Kiss?!" She exclaims with a shocked expression on her face as she begins to look left and right in a frantic manner.

...Seriously? That's all you got out of what I just said to you? How exactly did you end up in Soubu High anyways? Wait. How did Yuigahama end up in Soubu High...How did Tobe en- Meh. Not that it matters. Since I won't being seeing any of them anymore by the time 2nd year ends.

"Oi. Oi. Get you head out of the gutter. I didn't kiss her if that's what on your mind right now. Is that truly the only thing you got out of that." I really need to lower my expectations of others in this place. Well, with the exceptions of Zaimokuza I suppose. At least he's useful when I need him the most. And of course, the pure white angel Totsuk-

"HI-KI-O! Do you! Or do you not! Know of what's going on right now with Yui-chan!" She shouts at me as she slams a hand on my desk.

How dArE yOU...Not only did you cut off my thoughts about Totsuka. Not only did you damage my ears with your supersonic screeching. You also hurt Table-kun with your right claw of infernal hellfire. Damned Fire Queen of Soubu. Apologize to Totsuka and my table alongside my ears at once. Especially Totsuka!

...Oh? You won't? Well then. Too can play this game.

"Fine. Fine. If you want to know that badly then I'll tell you."

I see Miura slowly bend towards me and in the corner of my eye, the eavesdropping classmates of mine are mimicking the same action as well. Alright then everyone. Listen up.

"It's..."

They hold their breaths bringing silence to the room as they wait for me to finish talking. Heheh. Sorry folks but it's-

"..None of your business." I finish while bringing my focus down to Table-kun.

*SLAM*

I see Miura slam her other hand to the table -No! Please spare Table-kun- as I hear a few other slams in the background occur at the same time. Hm? Did they all just face-fault? I thought that only happens in anime. My eyes widen a bit in revelation. Wait a second. What if...I'M ANIM-

"I'm being serious here Hikio!"

I can't help but chuckle at her response to my totally-not-serious answer towards her. Oh what's wrong Miura? Why so seriou-

"Ew. Why are you laughing. That's, like, super creepy Hikio."

Oh...

Is.

That.

So?

"Hmph. So serious. It's that infamous attitude of yours that makes you so...unapproachable." In all seriousness, why? Why so serious? What good comes out of being in a constant state of seriousness. It's people like you Miura who needs to simply...let loose every now and then.

"W-What did you just sa-?"

"Oi." I cut her off, slowly getting up off my seat as I stand in front of Miura's startled form. Don't be startled. It's not like I'm offended or anything. All you said were nothing but words. Just words. Offensive words. About me. Nothing new here really. Plenty of people do that often. Heh, especially here in Soubu High.

"Tell you what. Try insulting me again, but this time...try it with a smile?" I ask of her while waving my arm to the side in an offering demeanor.

"..."

Well...this is awkward.

*sigh* "Well that's to be expected. You only smile when you're ridiculing those lesser than you...Of course you'd know what it's like, being in the receiving end and all back in our Freshman Year, isn't that right..." I ask myself while turning my head towards the door behind Miura.

"...Yuigahama-eavesdropper-san that's standing behind that door?" I exclaim in an exceedingly loud voice.

A tiny 'eep' shortly emits out of said door as a hand appears in the edge of it, slowly sliding it open as guilty-looking Yuigahama enters the classroom with her hands clasps together in front of her, making a 'V' shape with her arms in the process.

"Yu-Yui-chan?"

"Ya-Yahallo". She greets Yumiko without her usual bubbly voice before turning to me. "H-Hikki...How did yo-" "...know you were there?" I finish her question with an curious expression plastered onto my face.

Does she not remember what happened last night? I mean I know she's an airhead and all but come now. And besides, my Hikki Scanner was currently active throughout the entire conversation. Another skill that the Original fails to use every now and then.

"Well, if memory serves..." I pause while leaning towards her with wide eyes, my hands clasp together behind my back. "I, too, was is a similar position that you were in just now." Yuigahama flinches in remembrance before ducking her head down in an effort to hold back more tears.

"Yui-chan? What's he talking about this time?" She breaks eye contact from me as she turns her head towards the girl in question.

"Really Yuigahama? You haven't told her yet? About everything that we've gone through last night? Don't tell me you've forgotten about the moment we shared back in the Service Club?" I drawled in a suggestive yet somewhat exaggerating tone, my head turned to the side while forcing a convincing blush into my cheeks as I repeatedly blink my eyes to emphasize my false embarrassment.

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"E-EEEHHHHHHH?!"

Miura alongside the eavesdropping audience that is my classmates let out a scream of shock as I blurt out a truthful yet misunderstanding reference to a yesterday's events. Yuigahama just stands there in shock with a hint of embarrassment, making an expression similar to a fish out of water -Ha! Dead fish- as her mouth repeatedly opens and shuts.

"Geez. I was just joking." My fake expression fades from my face, my hands returning to their original position at my sides as I turn back to the blushing Yuigahama with a bored expression. "Honestly, it's ridiculous to how easy it is to start up a rumor here. Like that one stupid rumor involving the ice queen and the fake prince." I mutter to myself at the very end.

In the corner of my eye, I can see Miura straighten up in a way of recovering from that little truth-disguised-as-a-lie before turning her head back at me with a small blush on her cheeks. "S-So you were just lying right?" She stammers out, her eyes blinking in a hopeful manner.

"Hm? Who said I was lying?"

"What?! W-Wait a minute. What moment are you two talking about anyways?"

"You're going to have to be more specific..."

"That just makes it more confusing!"

"Kidding again. Miura, has anybody ever told you that you're so gullible."

"Ah Mou~! I don't even know what's going on anymore!" Miura screams out while grabbing onto her locks of blonde hair in frustration. Yuigahama tries to console Miura in the process, but continues to fail in doing so in the background.

I roll my eyes at that. Typical Rom-com nonsense. Who'd expect the fire queen of Soubu to be a major drama queen. Oh wait. I did. Long before...THAT happened. I smirked in reminisce. I almost pity the Original...almost. "Oh calm down Pinky. I don't want this room to rely on it's air conditioning even more with you heating things up for the tiniest of reasons."

"Pinky?! Hmph. R-Really Hikio? Can't you come up with something more cleve-" She pauses as she stares at my still smirking face with a disturbed expression before slowly looking down, her eyes trailing downwards towards her plaid skirt. Hm? What's with this reacti-

"KYAAAA! Hikio you pervert! Creep! Lecher!" She exclaims with a full blush covering her entire face as she covers the front of her skirt with both hands.

What.

"Hm? Why are you calling me a pervert all of a sudden? And did you really just say 'kya'?"

"D-Don't change the subject! Y-You called me P-Pinky b-b-because...urgh."

"...Your face."

"W-Wha?!"

"Your face is very pink right now. That's the only reason why I said it. Why else do you think I referred to you with such a childish name?"

O-Oh...Hah?! C-Childis-?"

"And why are you looking down to where your hands are currently at? It's as if you're trying to cover something up. Figuratively speaking of course. But perhaps...even literally as well?"

"N-No! I don't know what you're talking about! B-BAKA HIKIIOOOoooo!" She screams at me while running out of the classroom.

"Yu-Yumiko-chan?!"

"...Aaand she's gone."

Exactly as planned.

"Hikki..."

"Hm?"

I glance towards Yuigahama who's now squirming less as she notices my bemused face. She closes her eyes tightly in preparation before opening them revealing slight determination to what she's about to sa-

"C-Can we talk in p-private?"

...Oh I know where this is going. Hm? No, not like that you pervs.

"Sure. Service Club right?"

She blinks in surprise to my immediate answer, as if she expected some form of resistance from me. "H-Hai."

"Mm. Let's go then. Besides, it's not like I'm going to leave anytime soon, ne Yuigaha-?"

*Can Hikigaya Hachiman report to the teacher's lounge immediately.*

"Oh well you look at that. How convenient. Well, sorry Yuigahama. Duty calls."

"B-But. Hi-Hikk-"

"Listen, if you're that desperate to just talk to me, you can catch me later AFTER I finish my business over there. So yeah."

I turn to the side, facing Yuigahama one last time as I wave my left arm at her with my right hand clenched into the edge of my blazer.

"Bye Bye...Yui."

I swiftly turn my back towards her as I speed-walk to the teacher's lounge, purposely ignoring the flabbergasted Yuigahama staring at me with a hurt expression as she once again remembers a time where she and a boy named Hikigaya Hachiman shared a rather tender moment outside of this school.

And I'm going to cut it off there. Yes, there not here. I could have continued it to him meeting with a certain single woman but I honestly have no idea how to execute it properly.

So, yeah. TWO DIFFERENT HACHIMANS sharing the mind and body of the !CanonHachiman. Here's the first version of what makes up these two...

Hachiman: Doesn't care about compliments. Cares about insults. Insane yet claims otherwise. Nice in the outside. Cruel in the inside. Plays cards too early out of confidence. Calculating and proficient in math and science. Left Hemisphere. An engineer. Uses -san for the traitors as an insult. Font is exclusively bold and italicized. Thinks like a madman. Acts like Hachiman. Get's random flashbacks.

Hachiman: Doesn't care about insults. Cares about compliments. Sane yet acts oppositely. Cruel in the outside. Nice in the inside. Plays cards too late out of uneasiness. Creative and proficient in language and poetry. Right Hemisphere. An artist. Doesn't use honorifics except sensei. Font is exclusively italicized. Thinks like Hachiman. Acts like a madman. Get's random flashbacks.

Like I said before, I had this ready for at least half a year so I'm currently on Version 3 right now. My ideas are jumbled up and I can't make solid decisions, I know. I'm also very tempted to show you a trailer similar to Gotham Season 5 starring Jeremiah and Bruce but with Hachiman and xXxXxXX but that would spoil the ending.

With that being said, might as well end this off with another preview of sorts. And if you do decide to read this preview, then I just have one question to ask of you...

A Possible Preview of Chapter 4:

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[Hiratsuka-sensei's Office]

Sensei, have you ever considered why your students choose to live in a veil of lies?

They live hoping to have control over their fears. Their anxieties. And to attain that peace of mind. Let it be in the form of seeking popularity, controlling others, and acquiring any form of power are all done for the sake of that peace of mind. Friendships and alliances are also pursued as a means of attaining peace of mind...And marriage is no exception.

When my classmates say they wish to help others, or that something is done for the sake of love or doing what's right...it's all merely to give themselves a peace of mind. To achieve peace of mind is the goal of all of society.

With all of that being said, what anxiety could you possibly feel towards being true to yourself around me? Any other peace of mind will come easily if you do. Doesn't being nice to me, even knowing that you're only lying to yourself, bring you anxiety?

N-No!

Even now. At this very moment. You're lying to yourself Hiratsuka-sensei. You already know...deep down in your heart...that when it comes to people like me, we deserve...

No respect...

...

No sympathy...

...-t up...

Not even love...

Shut Up...

We deserve nothing...well, nothing but your genuine abhorrence reall-

I SAID SHUT UP ALREADY YOU DAMN BRAT!

...

N-No...I-I didn't mean to sa- I..I just...I-I'm so sorry Hikigaya. I didn't mean it. I didn't...

...

Hi-Hikigaya? W-Wait! Where are you going?!

...I'm done.

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...DiD yOu gET tHe ReFEreNCe?