AN: This idea wouldn't go away. This is a crackfic. Everything exists for the comedy.

Shinobi Stronghold

Naruto, having just defeated Mizuki, and having heard all about the Nine-Tailed Fox, was reeling. He would never be welcome back in the village. If people were suspicious of him before, for something out of his control, now that he had actually stolen something, proving their suspicions correct...

He needed to leave. But to where?

Getting an idea, he used his new jutsu to create several sets of seven shadow clones, and sent them out to find his new home. He would find a place to hole up, and wait for his clones to come get him once they found something.

He waited a couple of minutes for his clones to get a head start, before choosing a direction and taking off. At least, that was the plan. As he was about to head out, he felt a hand firmly grip his shoulder. He looked up, to see an ANBU wearing a dog mask.

Knowing his chance for escape had failed before it had even begun, he returned to Konoha with the ANBU.

Once there, he learned that not only was he not in trouble, he was actually going to be made a ninja! Once this burden was lifted, he felt his need to escape dwindle away, and he completely forgot about the clone squads he had sent out...

Like all kids, Naruto was rather imaginative when he was younger. When he was about six, he invented "a new Language." He called it Khudzûl. It wasn't really a language, as the only one who spoke it was himself. The Old Man, (or Ugamil in Khudzûl), encouraged the practice. After all, it was useful for a shinobi to be able to create coded messages. The members of the Shadow clone teams used Khudzûl to communicate with one another. After all, you couldn't have a safe haven if everyone knew where it was.

They each stopped in towns to pick up supplies before carrying on their way.

One team went north. They had no map, as Naruto never got around to learning how to read one, so they considered buying one a waste of resources. Instead, they judged their distance from Konoha by terrain. They waded through snow, walked across ice floes, and swam through frigid water, until they found it. A massive glacier. Calling it "Kheledûm", they raised their digging tools, and struck the ice.

One group went to the east. They did not travel anywhere near as far as the Clones of Kheledûm. Procuring a rowboat, they traversed a misty expanse of water. They rowed for only a short time, before they found it. A sea cave, just waiting to be made livable. Calling it "Zâramzahar", they raised their stonecutters, and struck the earth.

Unlike the clones of Kheledûm, the third group was not aware of their limitations, and bought a map. They ended up lost. Very lost. Eventually, they came across a massive tree, with its massive roots splayed like buttresses, resulting in a natural burrow underneath the tree. Seeing this as a good starting point, Calling it "Zarsgunud", they raised their shovels, and struck the earth.

Most people assumed Naruto was stupid. This was not the case. He didn't know many things others did. This wasn't due to lack of intelligence or, as some of the more...suspicious people theorized, deliberate sabotage. It was merely lack of focus, combined with common knowledge not being taught to him because the people responsible for doing so assumed someone already did.

But when something caught his attention, he was just as capable of learning and studying as anyone else. This was the case for a subject no one assumed he knew anything about- architecture. Most would be confused by this-why would an aspiring ninja, especially one not known for his intellectualism, study architecture? Like many things, it makes sense in context.

In planning the Great Hokage Monument Repainting Project, or as everyone else called it, "That Time Naruto Vandalized A National Landmark", he studied the monument. Mostly for blind spots, an optimal route for climbing, that sort of thing. But the texts that contained that information also contained information about construction techniques and historical anecdotes, among other things. And when he encountered something he didn't understand, he started studying other texts in order to sate his curiosity.*

The end result was, by the time he executed the prank, he had at least a basic appreciation and understanding of a subject people expected him to know nothing about. The same was true on the subjects of smithing (he tried repairing a chipped kunai, and was looking up why general-purpose glue wasn't cutting it), gemmary (he walked past a jewelry shop while on his way to visit the Hokage, wondered why one gem was so much more expensive than another that looked exactly like it, and the legendary Professor explained. In great detail.) Animal handling (he volunteered to help his new friend Kiba with his chores at the Inuzuka kennel, and the supervising clansmen went to great lengths to lecture him when he did something wrong), and quite a few other subjects.

So when the clones decided to make Naruto's hideaway by themselves, they weren't completely unqualified to do so. Of course, there was a question that needed answering- Since the clones were going to remain for a long time, what would they call themselves? The answer was to appropriate the Khudzûl word for clone- Dorf, an a onomatopoeia for the sound a failed clone made at one point (The real sound being halfway between a rasp and a retch). The Dorfs decided to give out names based on professions and accomplishments- all in Khudzûl. Unproven Dorfs were to be referred to as Urist, Khudzûl for 'New Guy."

As the weeks passed, Naruto trained as a genin, under Kakashi and Team 7. Periodically, he would try to create more shadow clones, only for them to not appear. Not knowing where even to begin addressing the problem, he turned to Kakashi.

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei, you know the Shadow Clone Jutsu?" Naruto asked.

"I might. Why do you ask?" Kakashi replied, nonchalantly shrugging his shoulders, not looking up from his book.

"Well, I was capable of doing it before, but now I'm not. I was hoping you could tell me what I'm doing wrong."

Kakashi closed his book with a snap, and immediately gave the genin all of his attention.

"Show me."

Naruto made the hand seals, and pushed his chakra into it, but other than a few puffs of smoke, nothing happened.

"I think I know what the problem is. You wouldn't happen to have other Shadow clones running around, would you? Sometimes, when you use the jutsu, it creates them where the other clones are, not you. So, the question is, why would my cute little genin have a bunch of shadow clones running around independently?" Kakashi asked, staring Naruto dead in the eye.

And just like that, Naruto remembered the clones he had sent away.

"Um, No reason! Thanks, sensei!" Naruto exclaimed, then ran off.

Kakashi shrugged, and returned to his book.

Naruto was a notorious prankster, so it wasn't out of the question for Naruto to be using his clones for setting up for a prank. Not something he needed to concern himself with.

Meanwhile, in Zâramzahar…

A squad of Narutos appeared out of thin air, ready to do battle.

Only to find a single other Naruto, working at smoothing a stone floor.

It looked up, and noticed them.

"HEY GUYS, THE NEW URISTS ARE HERE!" It yelled.

"What's going on? Why aren't we with the boss?" One of the newly materialized clones asked.

"Don't know, don't care. Now help me smooth this floor. Zâramzahar is to be perfect for when the Melkanuzbad arrives. Tools are over there." The Older Clone ordered, gesturing to a bin.

The new arrivals shrugged, and got to work.

AN: *TV Tropes calls this phenomenon a 'Wiki Walk'. That or an Archive Binge.

AN2: TRANSLATION NOTES: Dorf names are going to be Dwarf Fortress Dwarven. Otherwise, it will be actual Tolkien Khudzul, unless I can't find a translation.

TRANSLATIONS FOR THE CHAPTER:

Melkanuzbad: Big Boss, or the Original Naruto. (More accurately translated: Large Lord)

Ugamil: Old Man

Zâramzahar: Pool/Lake Hollow

Kheledûm: Mirror Hall/Mansion

Zarsgunud: Tree Tunnel

AN3: I'm aware the opening is rather weak. I can't figure out a way to fix it. It's merely there to set up the Dwarf Fortress bit, though. That's where the important bits of the story are going to be.

AN4: This ties into AN3. I AM CURRENTLY LOOKING FOR A BETA! IF INTERESTED, PM ME! Quite a few of my issues getting content out in a timely manner is my lack of someone to bounce ideas off of: Like I said in AN3, I know there are problems, but I don't know how to fix them. So it waits on my hard drive for months, until I either have an epiphany, or I say "screw it" and publish a flawed chapter. Which is what happened here.