A/N: Angst. Literally pure angst. Let me know what you think!

Setting: Well, it sorta takes place between series 4 and 5, but it's not canon.

Description: Merlin's gone. He's really gone.

Disclaimer: I only own the tears this oneshot will invoke.

It was a week before Arthur and Gwen's anniversary when it happened. The kingdom was busy preparing for the celebration, each citizen excited for their rulers. Merlin was definitely the most excited for the two, after all, he'd been the one who spent years getting them together. Everyone was happy. Everything was perfect.

But nothing perfect lasts for long.

A sorcerer attacked. This sorcerer was powerful, perhaps nearly as powerful as Morgana herself. The sorcerer had gone straight for Arthur, a magical attack streaming towards the king. And Merlin, ever the sacrificial idiot, jumped in front of it.

It happened so fast.

There was a cry of pain, an attempted smile, and... silence. No choked last words for Arthur to tell Merlin just how important he was. No chance to hug him one last time for Gwen. No time for one more joke with Gwaine. No bright blue eyes to watch as Elyan and Leon leapt forward, both of their swords impaling the sorcerer responsible.

There was only silence.

Leon understood the cost of a battle. He had been a knight for many years, he had seen enough deaths. So when Merlin died, it shouldn't have bothered him as much as it did. But as a trembling Arthur closed the blank blue eyes, Leon couldn't help but feel as if something truly precious had been lost.

Elyan watched as his sister mourned. And he understood. Merlin had found a special place in the entire kingdom's heart. And as Merlin's limp form was carried out of the room, a few tears rolled down his face. Time went on, and he would step in where Merlin used to: dragging Gwaine out of the tavern, running errands for Gaius, checking in on Arthur. Not because Merlin could be replaced, but wouldn't he have wanted someone to help his friends?

Percival never said much. He had always been a quiet man, only saying something when he felt it needed to be said. Percival was known for his strength as well as his silence. But when he'd pried the body of his friend away from the two rulers, the weight in his arms was crushing. And as the days went by, Percival said even less. After all, what was the point in saying something when your friend isn't there to answer?

Gwaine's first reaction was screaming. Or so he was told. He couldn't remember much past the moment he had seen Arthur close Merlin's eyes. The knight, who almost always had a smile on his face, couldn't find a reason to even twitch his lips. Gwaine, instead of heading straight to the tavern to drown his sorrows, turned any drink away. Merlin deserved to be mourned, not to have his memories drowned with a cup of ale. And Gwaine lasted until the funeral. But as the flames of the funeral pyre flickered heavenward, he cracked. Days later, and he was still in the tavern, and you would never find him without a mug of ale in his hand, or without tears in his once joyful eyes. Because why smile when you no longer have a reason to?

Gaius hadn't shown much of his true reaction to Merlin's death. Only the drawn, tight expression on his face had clued anyone in to his feelings. The old man seemed to have aged years, even though less than a week had passed by. He would often wonder about in his chambers absentmindedly, barely giving his personal health any attention. At every meal, he would start to grab two plates, before he remembered. Sometimes, he would even set the table for two, not realizing before he would look up from his plate, only to see no one across from him. The books that he would study with fervor now sat untouched, collecting dust. Why learn when you have no longer have someone to teach?

Gwen hadn't stopped crying from the moment Merlin hit the floor. At least, that's what it felt like. Merlin, who had been there for her through it all. When she was accused of practicing magic, and when she lost her father. She had once doubted Arthur's love for her, and Merlin helped her strengthen her faith. When Morgana had betrayed them, Merlin was there, offering to sit with Gwen when she couldn't sleep. And now, he was gone. After all those times he had helped her, she had been unable to do anything for him, to truly repay her best friend. So she shut herself off. She was no longer Gwen, Merlin's best friend. She was Queen Guinevere. A queen was steady, a rock for her king and the kingdom. Because why feel when you have no one to share those feelings with?

Arthur had felt as if his soul had ripped in half when he watched Merlin fall to the ground. He had been the first one to reach Merlin's... body, desperately searching for signs of life. When he found none, Arthur felt his world stop. Unshed tears begged to be released as he shakily closed the staring eyes; eyes that had once been so bright and full of life, of mirth. But the king held back his tears as a phrase he had once told Merlin came to mind.

No man is worth your tears.

That was all that Arthur could think.

No man is worth your tears.

It echoed in his mind as he climbed into bed that night, a sniffling Guinevere asleep beside him. It had taken a sleeping drought from Gaius to get her to finally calm down.

No man is worth your tears.

It haunted every moment as the days began to blur together. Arthur had become numb, and he forced himself to drag through the day.

No man is worth your tears.

Flames licked at Merlin's limp form, and Arthur watched, a small piece of red cloth clutched in his hands. A scarf.

No man is worth your tears.

It's been a week since he... left. Saying anything else makes it too permanent. After all, if someone leaves, they can always come back.

No man is worth your tears.

Arthur hadn't even noticed the small box on his desk. It had taken Guinevere practically shoving the thing into his lap for the king to realize what it was. A gift from Merlin. In honor of the king and queen's anniversary. The event had passed by, fairly unnoticed. No one felt like celebrating.

No man is worth your tears.

Trembling hands unwrapped it as he repeated the phrase in his head. Arthur carefully opened the box, and a small item tumbled out into his hands. A carved dragon, one that looked exactly like the one embroidered onto the king's cape. After the dragon, there was a small piece of paper. A note.

No man is worth your tears.

Arthur felt less convinced than ever as he opened the note.

Arthur,

I know I put this on your desk early, but I didn't want to wait anymore. You have no idea how happy I am for you and Gwen. Just don't be a prat to her, alright? I know you are going to be a great king someday, and Gwen will be an amazing queen, standing by your side. And hopefully, I'll be standing on the other side, ready to serve you, like I always am.

Happy to be your servant 'till the day I die, and beyond even that,

-Merlin.

Arthur stared at the blasted piece of paper.

No man is worth your tears.

Harsh, choking sobs echo in the room.

No man is worth your tears.

A grieving king sits alone.

No man is worth your tears.

The note in his hands is blurred, and small drops of water have fallen onto it.

No man is worth your tears.

Merlin was.

.