by eve
When you love someone, all your saved-up wishes start coming out. – Elizabeth Bowen, 1899-1973
It was on top of her pillow when she came home from school. She would have missed it with it practically blending in with the upturned sheets and the pillows that lay astray. In fact, she wouldn't have noticed it at all if it weren't for her growing desire to take a nap after a long day of finals. But there it was, next to teddy bear that Papa had given her for her fourth birthday with one black button eye and her worn copy of Charlotte Bronte's Wuthering Heights. It was so small, she marveled. So small and faded around the edges, that she wondered how long it had exactly been in her room without her noticing.
Tohru made her way over to sit by her window clad in a pair of shorts and an oversized oxford, biting her lip in deep thought. Who could have possibly sent her something that didn't come through normal post? She shifted, bringing her knees to her chin and holding the letter before her. She knew Yuki, Kyou, and even Shigure's handwriting with each defining its obvious ownership. Yuki's was elegant and refined, soft but sharp loops. Kyou's handwriting was long and quick while Shigure's was at times illegible but with more of an artsy character.
Which what had drawn her to the letter in the first place, she had no idea whose handwriting it was on the front of the envelope. It obviously a boy, she mused. Something in the way her name was written gave it a definite masculine character. The script was much like Yuki's, but much more sharp-edge and interestingly enough it looked as if the owner always took care when he wrote.
Who in the world would write her a letter?
Or, she thought as she brushed her fingers over the back of envelope. Who did she want the letter to be from? She placed the letter by her side, gazing out the window. It had been three years since she had come to live with the Sohma family and she couldn't possibly be happier. It had been three years where she had finally found a place that she could start to call home again. It was nice to be happy again.
She sighed. And it was nice to be in love whether or not it was returned or not.
Sohma Hatsuharu.
A fond smile came to her lips as she leaned against the cool glass. Her relationship with Sohma Hatsuharu was a strange one. She didn't know what to make of their connection or his feelings towards her. There were days where she felt like he hated her. Days where she could feel his burning gaze on her, his expression void of any readable emotions. Days where he was just so cold. But then there were other days. Days where one smile would make her melt into a puddle of goo. Days where he'd randomly brush a strand of her or scold Kyou (even when Black, mind you) for having a foul mouth around her.
And days, where he'd find some way to be near her.
Those were the days. Those were the days where she knew. There hadn't been a day where didn't know she was in love with him. Perhaps it had been the first time she had met him, mistaking him for an old man and that day Yuki got sick. Or perhaps it had been that time he had hugged or even times where had gone Black (odd, but true). There were many moments, she mused. Many moments with the same point. She was in love with Hatsuharu.
And, she thought as she glanced down to the letter in her hands. It would be wonderful if were from him…if it were him that is. Then again, she really didn't know what exactly her reaction would be if she were faced with this.
I could always open the letter…
What could she lose? The worse thing that could happen that it could be something completely different along the lines that she was thinking. That would be embarrassing to some extent, but she could go back to day dreaming and her own thoughts upon the subject of her and Haru.
She sighed.
What do I have to lose?
Her fingers danced across the edges of the envelope, fringed yellow. A soft sigh escaped her lips as her shaky fingers began to make the journey. A piece of blue paper fell out into her lap and with careful motions, she opened the sheet of paper and began to read.
Tohru,
I'm in love with you.
I can't give you a place, or a time, or any particular moment because one thing wouldn't even be right to say when I knew that I was in love with you. This time it wasn't like Rin where I could name the exact place, time, date, and the "what we wore" sort of thing. It wasn't like Yuki where I could give this long winded story with laughs and tears and whatever sappy nonsense everyone loves to hear. You were different, Tohru. A different that was so new and so unexpected for me that I don't know how long I've kept this inside of me.
I guess I should tell you why I love you… isn't that what girls like to hear? Man, I have to stop listening to Kyo and how tries to be romantic for Kagura. In fact, I'm going to try and tell you why I love. There are going to be moments that I can explain. There are going to be others that I'll probably be nowhere near able to explain to you by just writing them down… you'll probably never see this letter, so I'll probably end up explaining a few things to myself.
I love your eyes. I love how they're the same shade of blue as the sky on the first bright day of spring. Not to be corny, although I already probably managed to do that, but there's something comforting about your eyes. Tohru, it's your eyes that convey all the feelings that are hidden to the rest of the world. Maybe there are people who aren't as good as reading them, but some reason… I can tell… And your eyes, your eyes are brilliantly heart-stopping when you're happy.
I love your voice. There's quality to it that no one can explain. I mean, you're the only other person that has actually calmed me down when I go Black Haru. Rin and Yuki could and still withstand my change, but you somehow have accepted me and I honestly think that's why I've started to calm down a bit…
I love your selflessness for same reasons that I love your eyes and voice. There is no other person that could lay herself on the line for other people like you do. I don't understand how you do it really. Every time I see you, it's the same question… how, why do you put yourself on the line?
But most of all, I love how you understand me with such an ease. I have never in my life experienced such a comforting understanding with anyone. Not with my mother, not with Yuki, and not with even Rin. You offer something completely genuine and completely raw that I don't think any of my family including myself, know how to handle it. And when we reject it sometimes, you keep giving it. You just keep giving…
I have so much more to say to you and I guess this letter will only be used as a way for me to really think about telling you… I have my demons too though… And then there are the what ifs… Thank god, you're never going to see this.
What if I can't What if I can't tell… Yuki and Kyou certainly have enough trouble telling you anything as it is. What if I have the opportunity and I freeze? What if I just can't do it?
I suppose this is going to be a confessional for me to me. Maybe it'll help me get the courage, but maybe it won't… All I know is that this is solid proof of the one thing.
I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.
I love you, Honda Tohru.
And I would give you the world.
Hatsuharu
She had no idea how she should react, if anything did it call for reaction. Tohru shakily stood with a death-grip on the letter in her hands, eyes wide and breathing erratic.
He loved her.
Somehow this seemed to be such a vivid dream. But that didn't matter…
He loved her.
He had said so himself.
Hatsuharu loved her.
He loved her.
Her eyes widened and soon her lips curved into a large smile. She spun around laughing, arms outstretched. If anyone had chosen to walk into her room at this moment, they wouldn't have seen just Honda Tohru an eighteen year-old high school student, but a woman in love. Her eyes sparkling with laughter and a happiness that most people could never comprehend. Her lips curved into the largest of smiles.
He loved her.
By god, she loved him too.
Now the question, what was she supposed to do?
* * *
Okay so due to the popular request of me to write a chapter fic for Haru/Tohru, I succumbed and produced this fun six-part fic. It's going to be very mushy, I guarantee that. Don't have much to say yet… ^_^ But please review, I'd appreciate it!
disclaimer: Don't owe any of the characters… I want Haru all wrapped with a bow for my birthday though. Mmmm, Hatori would be nice to.