It's been a good day.

Tony was sitting in his shop, staring through a computer screen, not truly aware of his surroundings. It's been a good day, he repeated. He was repeating the phrase with two goals: to congratulate and convince himself.

He had given up Iron Man. He had started to fix himself.

He had given up Iron Man. He had abandoned a piece of himself.

Beginning with his father and ending with Steve, Tony had been left feeling abandoned too many times in his life. Loneliness and fear from Wanda's terrible vision. Loneliness and pain when the Avengers split. Loneliness and heartbreak when Steve left him.

Tony was all too familiar with abandonment.

He couldn't help but wonder if it was his fault. Surely he had done something wrong if people kept leaving him? Surely he deserved his lonely existence. But if no one in the entire world cared about you, did you really exist at all?

Tony clenched his jaw. This was the type of thinking he was trying to avoid. There was nothing wrong with him. He'd made mistakes, he had his faults, but so did everyone else. Tony hoped with every fiber in his being that in a few days it would start to sink in that he wasn't endangering himself or others anymore by being Iron Man.

Maybe then he could start to feel truly comfortable with the team. Maybe then he could mend his friendship with Steve.

A tentative smile danced across his face, but it was quickly wiped away when Steve's booming voice interrupted his thoughts. "Tony!" He spit the name out in disgust. "Let me into this workshop. Right now." He was red in the face. Anger, resentment, and sadness resonated off of him.

Tony spun around on his chair to face the man. His heart was pounding, but his face showed no emotion. He had too many years of pretending behind him to crack now. The only sign of his discomfort was his leg, that was bouncing up and down repeatedly. He hoped Steve would chalk it up to too much coffee or would be too angry to notice.

He was at least comforted by the knowledge that Steve couldn't enter unless he gave FRIDAY the command to let Steve in. "Now why would I want to do that Cap?" A valid question, he thought.

Steve took some deep breaths, trying to clear his mind of anger. Though he was furious, and wanted Tony to know how selfish he was being, he didn't want this to escalate to a fight. Though he lowered his volume, he continued to glare at Tony: "Because you need to explain to me face to face, why I just got a call from Nick Fury saying that you quit the Avengers."

Damn.Tony conceded, "Fair point."

As the leader of the Avengers Steve had a right to an explanation. But Tony had to decide if Steve had a right to the truth, or the lame excuse he had told Fury. He pictured the photograph of his younger self in the uniform and came to a decision. The Steve that he had grown up admiring would understand. He would be proud that Tony was protecting himself and others.

He would see how Tony, as Iron Man, was at the center of all chaos. That by quitting, Tony was protecting everyone.

So Tony decided to tell Steve the truth. How, for the first time in a long time, Tony felt as if he were doing something right. And maybe, just maybe, he and Steve could begin anew.

He took a few own deep breaths and gave FRIDAY the cue to let Steve in.

Steve stormed in, and Tony knew he had made a terrible mistake. "I know that you hate me Tony, but I thought you were above this. You have the capability to protect people and you're throwing it away over an argument with me?"

It's not about you Steve. It's about me not being able to go a day without thinking of all the horrible things that I've done and all of the horrible things that have happened to me. "But who was going to protect me?"

Steve was too angry to hear the defeat and embarrassment in Tony's voice, and instead continued his assault. "You sacrificed being Iron Man so you could avoid your responsibilities? So you could avoid me?" It was less of a question but something he truly believed.

"I sacrificed being Iron Man so that I could sleep—" His voice waivered and broke when he realized what he had just admitted. He looked down in shame. Tears formed in his eyes and he furiously blinked them away, humiliated to show such weakness.

"What do you know about it?" Tony asked bitterly.

"I've had my fair share of loss."

"Dry your eyes Steve" Tony said, his voice hard, eyes cold. "It doesn't justify what you've done."

If Steve didn't want to listen to him, fine. He was use to the judgement, why should I have expected that anything could have changed?Their voices were growing in anger and volume with each sentence. Cold rage tore between them. All the work that they had both done in an attempt to reach out to each other was forgotten.

"You have no idea what I've done."

"I know you took the things that mean the most to me."

"Well maybe you should have fought harder for them!"

"If you want a fight Steve, I'll give you another fight!"

Tony screamed his next words, venom dripping from each syllable: "You abandoned me! You took them away, and you abandoned me!" Tony's chest heaved, his eyes wide and crazed. All the painful memories that had built up in his mind were exploding at once, fueling his rage.

But Steve had his own rage.

"Wanda. Sokovia. New York." Steve stepped forward with each name, and Tony backed away with the force that each one carried. "What about them?" "What about Bucky?" His veins were bulging and his face was bright red. "What about the ones we are supposed to protect? The weak and the hopeless? The abused and the battered?" Steve had destroyed Tony with his words. His eyes had gone hollow and his face, pale.

But Steve didn't care.

He needed Tony to understand. Needed him to see his faults. So his rage crashed down on Tony in full force. "And look at you now Tony. Hiding! Pretending to be something you're not!" Steve was in disbelief that a man could be so selfish. So he continued his assault.

"You abandoned us all when you signed the accords." He threw Tony's words back into his face. "You abandoned us all when you gave up on Iron Man." Steve's eyes turned to ice; his heart into stone.

And Tony's heart shattered. Broken like a memory shoved under a bed.

"I may have left you all alone, but youabandoned us all." He had roared the last words, and Tony had no response left to offer. His head was swimming and his heart pounding. He was trying to understand what was happening, but confusion muddled his thoughts. All I wanted to do was protect the people I loved, and instead I abandoned them. He had no idea what was right or wrong anymore.

So he just stood there, shaking. Taking in the hate he thought he deserved. Until Steve raised his hands in exasperation. And Tony lost it.

Steve's hands went up, and Tony saw them coming back down with his shield, aimed right at his chest. Suddenly he was back in Siberia, fighting for his life.

Tony flew backwards, crashing into a work table and knocking into a pile of scrap metal. Bruised and bleeding, he tried crying out in fear. But he was choking on his own words and his breath was too rapid to form any sentence. All he managed was to croak out a "please."

Don't hurt me, his mind filled in.

Tony scrambled away from Steve until he hit a wall. Sinking to the ground he began to feel overwhelmingly cold. He started to shiver and shake as memory bled into reality. His flashback, a living nightmare. You're fine. You're not in Siberia. It's fine. But horror filled his body and flooded his mind.

He was choking on the fear. Drowning in the pain. Tony fought it as best as he could. He put every shred of hope and light into the battle. But in the end, it wasn't enough.

Tony began to scream.

He screamed for everything that had gone wrong. For everything broken in his life.

Steve stared in shock at Tony. Frozen in his mixed emotions. He waited eagerly for the triumph to hit him. He had finally made Tony understand that he was selfish and wrong. He waited, and waited, and waited.

But it doesn't come.

Instead, he is flooded with panic, his eyes go wide in fear. What did I just do? Oh my god, what did I just do? It was a stupid question. Steve knew exactly how the other man had looked when he had accused him of abandoning his friends. How Tony had paled and quivered. How he had looked like he might cry or be sick.

Yet Steve hadn't cared. What kind of monster am I?

"Tony?" Steve said softly, unsure if he would only make things worse. "Tony?!" He tried again in a louder and more fearful voice, as it was clear that Tony was trapped in another world.

Tony's screams were becoming hoarse and they soon gave way to hiccupping sobs. Steve knelt beside the trembling man and scooped him up into his arms. Positioning himself so he was cradling Tony in his lap. Tony either didn't notice, or didn't care, because he let Steve hold him like that. "I'm so sorry Tony. I'm so sorry. It's okay." He began to rub small circles on the other man's back. Tony had begun to calm down, but he was still shaking and tears were still streaming down his face. "I…I never…" Steve was at a loss for words. He could only apologize.

Despite the horrible situation, in the back of his mind Steve couldn't help but think, This is probably the only time I'll ever get to hold Tony in my arms. He rested his cheek on the other man's head and threaded his hands through Tony's hair. "I'm so sorry, Tony. Can you ever forgive me? Something is wrong with me. I don't compromise, and I don't listen. I see that now, and I will do anything in my power to change that."

Tony's breath was starting to slow, but his whole body was tense, as if he couldn't tell if he was in the arms of a friend or an enemy. And who could blame him? "Steve?" he questioned, confused and frightened as if he had just woken up from a nightmare. His voice was soft, sounding young and naïve.

Steve wrapped his arms tightly around the other man, trying to comfort him. "Tony, it's okay, I'm not going to hurt you."

It was clearly the wrong thing to say. Tony shot up from the ground, pushing away from Steve. Snot and tears ran down his face and he looked at Steve with broken eyes. His voice was defeated, "But you did hurt me." He spun on his heels and made his way towards the exit.

And if not for Steve's super-soldier hearing, he would have missed Tony's final admission: "You're killing me." Steve flinched, and Tony left the room.

It was then that Steve's eyes were opened. He remembered how he had seen Bucky and forgotten Tony. How Steve had lied to him. How Tony had done everything for those he loved, and Steve had done everything for Bucky.

It was then, that Steve remembered how he had truly left Tony in Siberia.

It was then, that Steve started to cry.