"Are you Jiraiya?"

He had seen her walking up to them from the corner of his eye, it was hard not to notice her, a youthful beauty with long silky hair the color of freshly fallen snow and a banging body that could even rival Tsunade in her youth. She was tall standing closer to six foot than she was five. Oh yes, he had his mind's eye on her for quite some time.

Still, there was that barb in her voice, like a knife barely hidden under a thin sheet ready to strike at a moments notice. That was fair, he was used to having random women he didn't remember ever meeting being angry at him, hell a fair few sought to use his lecherous ways as a way to blackmail him. But he would have remembered a beauty such as this. "To whom do I owe the pleasure, are you a fan perhaps, or -"

Her face changed from slightly unhappy to one filled with rage. It was all the warning he had before - crack - he was sent to his knees as her foot made contact with his balls. "Stay the fuck away from me and my mom!"

"But, why?" He stuck his hand out, trying to keep his eyes on her even as tears began to stain his eyes. This wasn't the first time a woman had tried to physically assault him, hell he was used to Tsunade doing it but there were a fair few times when his charms didn't exactly work and he had to think on his feet. But this was the first time in a long time a girl had gotten a hit on him he didn't let them get. Only highly skilled ninja could pull that off.

"Woah, you sure pissed her off," Naruto, his oh so helpful and brilliant apprentice, said placing a hand on his back. To be fair there wasn't much the brat could do to ease his pain. He didn't even know how to console someone that just got hit in the nuts. It just wasn't cool. "Do you know who that girl was?"

"Not a clue." Jiraiya stood, as best he could trying to fight through the pain. A few quick breaths and he was mostly okay. "But apparently I know her mom."

"That's what you get for being a pervert, hey maybe she's your daughter?" Helpful as always, worst apprentice he'd ever taken. Most fun too, it was nice to work with an idiot instead of genius for once, somehow more rewarding, shame he never fulfilled his duty as a godfather. But this was a step in the right direction.

With a grunt, Jiraiya pressed forward. "There's no way she's my daughter, I'm careful boy, even when I'm drunk. Never got a girl pregnant." There was a reason for that, but the brat didn't need to know that. "And I never will, I am a bachelor for life Naruto, and if you were smart you'd follow my example."

Though he'd settle down with Tsunade any day of the week.

"Whatever you say Pervy-Sage, whatever you say." Damn brat. Naruto was as easy to love as he was to hate. "She did look like you though, same hair color. And she was tall."

"Everybody is tall to you pipsqueak."

Naruto growled and tried to stand taller with his shoulders back. It lasted about five steps before his poor posture returned. "Well, what if she's Tsunade's daughter? She sure knew you quick enough. Maybe she was a warning not to find her or something?"

"Nah, the only man that Tsunade would ever have a kid with was dead long before that brat was a speck in her father's eye." Dan was a good man, and even if he hated losing to him, his loss still hit him hard. He should have been there. But that was just one regret of a lifetime of regrets.

XXXX

The sun was kissing the horizon by the time they finally gave up. Well, Naruto gave up and started demanding ramen a couple hours ago. But he had a mission to do, there was no way that he was going to become the Hokage! It was a medical condition he was deathly allergic to responsibility and other things like actually being an adult. Which was why he was set on dumping the job onto Tsunade.

Also, it'd be nice to be able to see her whenever he wanted as opposed having to track her down, only to find her sitting at the random inn he decided to stay at already halfway to drunk. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

Tsunade looked up and smiled her cheeks rosy and her chocolate eyes filled with mirth as she leaned forward. She had to know what she was doing, giving him more than eyeful of her cleavage. She looked just as beautiful as she always had. "Ohh, well if it isn't Jiraiya! I guess today is nothing but one big Sanin reunion."

"You met with Orochimaru? What did he want?" Jiraiya grunted, pushing Naruto towards the table. Might as well have dinner while he tried to get Tsunade to be the Hokage, though more booze might help. It wasn't until he saw her companions that he was given pause. Shizune he had known about, but what the hell was that girl doing here? And why was she glaring at him?

"Orochimaru didn't want anything, just happened to bump into each other." Tsunade swirled her sake dish before taking another sleep, leveling a pinky at him. "But what about -"

"I thought I told you to stay away from my mother." The white-haired beauty growled, sinking down into her seat just enough to slap her leg down on the empty seat. Preventing them from sitting.

"Sachiko, be nice, it's not every day you get to see your father, let's hear him out." Tsunade slurred before she gave a hiccup and moved Sachiko's leg. "Come on and sit down Jiraiya! We have a lot to talk about."

Most of the time he pretended to be stupid. His sharp wit was a tool he relied on in battle coupled with an endless bag of tricks to pry open weaknesses in his foes. It was this advantage that had allowed him to turn many a defeat into victory. But this was one time when his brain wasn't quite able to process.

Okay, so calm down and analyze the situation. He was a spymaster, a lord of whispers, a champion of ciphers, king of codes, he had the skills needed to crack this code. But what code was there? The girl, Sachiko, had said to stay away from her mother, and more or less knew him on sight, there were only two other women at the table, and in this bar in general, those being Shizune, who was far too young to have a daughter as old as Sachiko, or at least he hoped so, which meant the only viable mother in the room was Tsunade.

But the girl was far too young to be Dan's, even if the hair was almost right. Maybe she was adopted? He couldn't see Tsunade doing that. And then there was what Tsunade said. Sachiko's father was here, right now, in this room, which meant it was… "Wait, when the hell did we have sex?"

"Eeh?" Tsunade's face turned sour and she looked at him with disgust. Then she shrugged taking another sip from her drink. "I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised you didn't remember, we were drunk and I did hit you rather hard."

"How drunk were we? Why don't I remember this! I always told myself if I ever got the chance I'd never forget it but we actually did it? And she," he gestured towards Sachiko, who was looking as mad as she was embarrassed. "Is the result? I have a daughter? How do I have a daughter? I'm infertile."

It was both a blessing and a curse at times. A blessing in that he never wanted a family. A curse in that he could never have one.

Tsunade laughed taking another sip of sake. Damn, he was thirsty. "Clearly I was drunk enough to have sex with you, so I'm going to go with the drunkest I've ever been." She nudged the bottle towards him falling back into her seat. "As for how? Beats me, but I was pregnant, and gave birth to this foul-tempered little brat."

"And you didn't think to tell me?" Jiraiya sat down, taking a drink directly from the bottle. He was going to need at least five more of these. He eyed Tsunade, her cheeks rose, cleavage exposed, looking more beautiful with each breath. Then he looked towards the frowning Sachiko. Better make it six.

"I was going to the next time you found me. But you never did." Her smile stayed but her eyes were sharp with anger, sadness, and regret. Another sip and she sighed. "So, I raised Sachiko on my own while you were busy going around sleeping with every woman you came across. Nine months was a really long time to be sober by the way. Never doing that again."

"And is that why she kicked me in the nuts the first time I saw her?"

"Sachiko!" Shizune gasped. The bacon in her arms oinked at the sudden movement. That thing had breakfast written all over it.

His apparent daughter of, sheesh, she had to at least be sixteen right? That was the last time he had seen Tsunade, shrugged smiling with nothing but pride. "We're better off without him. Not like he ever came looking for us."

The alcohol in his mouth burned and the sweetness turned bitter enough that he had to force the drink down where it sat like a rock in his stomach. Years of reading people told him that she hated him. His own daughter that he didn't even know existed hated him. What did Tsunade tell her? The truth? Her truth? "Listen I'm sorry."

"Save it," She crossed her arms, looking away from him and towards Naruto who was happily munching on a meal. "Looks like you already moved on anyway, wouldn't want to ruin your new family. Just like I don't want you to ruin my family."

Ouch.

"This brats' not my kid." He ruffled Naruto's hair, he was walking a razor's edge with all parties now, his relationship with Naruto wasn't the most fragile, but it still wasn't strong. The kid needed to know that he'd be there for him. Just another thing on the list of things he had to make up for. "He's my apprentice, strong to boot."

"He looks like an idiot," Sachiko glared at him.

Naruto glared back, her face went red and she turned her fury somewhere else. Neat trick. Apparently to avoid her bite was to bark back at her louder. "Hey! Just because I'm not smart, doesn't mean I'm not strong! I would have won the chunin exams if it wasn't for Orochimaru!"

"Oh sure, whatever you say, shorty," Sachiko's tongue was sharp, but lacked the edge it had beforehand, she kept looking away from Naruto. Odd.

Jiraiya sighed, shoving the bottle back to Tsunade who was more than happy to drink his share of it. There weren't many things that could make him stop drinking. Finding out that he had a daughter - one that was sixteen years old and hated him too boot - was at the top of that list. What the hell could he say? The closest thing he experienced to this was what he wrote a war hero returning him to his waiting wife to find out that he now had a five-year-old son. And that manuscript had been scrapped.

"Look. For what it's worth I'm sorry. I didn't-"

"Know?" Sachiko sneered her sharp gaze focused squarely on him. He returned her look, only for her to bear down on him all the harder. "Fuck you."

"Hey, hey, hey," Tsunade slurred pouring herself another cup of sake, despite her drunken state she still had a steady hand. "What's with all the bad blood? Sure Jiraiya is a pervert, a dumbass, a horrible father, and… where was I going with this?"

Sachiko leaned forward looking her mother in the eyes. His daughter really did have a beautiful smile, just like her mothers. "I think you were getting to his redeemable qualities?"

"I was?" Tsunade blinked, a knowing smile pulling on her lips and she raised her eyebrows twice at him. "But he doesn't have any of those."

"Look, is there some way that I can make this right?" Jiraiya asked placing both elbows on the table. He didn't feel like drinking, he didn't feel like eating. Hell, he barely felt like being here. Still, it wasn't as bad as losing Minato and Kushina. Damn, why didn't he find Tsunade sooner? How could he even forget a night with her? There wasn't enough booze in the world to make him forget something like that. Unless that hit she mentioned had something to do with it. A question for in private he guessed.

"You can leave. That'd be a good start."

"Sachiko, Sachiko, Sachiko, be less of a bitch, it's not every day that you see Jiraiya groveling. Take a moment to relish in this." Tsunade grabbed the bottle and emptied it into her mouth. Apparently, he kissed those lips sixteen years ago. "Besides we should at least hear him out before you decide to disown him. So, why'd you come all the way out here looking for me Jiraiya?"

Oh right, the Hokage thing. He'd almost forgotten about that. That seemed so inconsequential compared to this, still, Tsunade was the best candidate for Hokage. Besides, if she had the job then he'd be able to find her and Sachiko whenever he wanted. Still had to train the brat too. Bah. He didn't sign up for this.

"Well, I've come with a message from Konoha," He sat up straight, looking her right in the eyes. Damn, did he really sleep with her? Was it wrong that it made him happy? "They want you to become the next Hokage."

Naruto choked on his food, Sachiko let out a sharp laugh, while Shizune and Tsunade looked on in silence.

"So, I take it the Third really is dead? And it was because of Orochimaru?" Tsunade asked the jolly buzz she had around her was gone in a heartbeat. Though her cheeks were still flushed from a bit too much to drink. "That's what that fool gets, he was smart to have retired but an idiot for taking the job back after the Fourth died. Only fools with a death wish would become Hokage."

"You take that back!" Naruto slammed his hands onto the table, spilling a glass and making a mess. He attempted to make a lunge for Tsunade but Jiraiya stopped him with a single hand. "The Hokage are great! You should consider yourself lucky! Not that an old hag like you deserves it!"

"Ooh? You think you can take me?" Tsunade laughed, "I like your balls kid, all right let's see what you got, I'll tell you what. I'll only use one finger!"

"Oh please, better make it your pinky toe; I don't want to cover up a murder tonight," Sachiko gave Naruto a smile that would likely haunt the poor boy for years to come.

"Don't throw your hip out old lady," Naruto shot back without missing a beat.

Shit. Well, so much for his new apprentice.

AN: Beta'd by xxTerror33xx

Originally Sachiko was going to be Tayuya. But I realized that would make Tayuya not Tayuya. So I remade her and came up with Sachiko. Sachiko's name means Luck, happiness, and beauty, seems like something that Tsunade would try to name her kid. Anyways. I hope you all enjoy and I'll see you next time!