Your Song

An old forbidden song comes to light one night. Season 4, oneshot, Mondler AU hook up.

Chandler walked into a darkening apartment 20, surprised to find it quiet and seemingly deserted. He pursed his lips, stuffing his hands deep into his pants' pockets as he debated what to do with himself. His own apartment had been just as depressingly empty, which was why he'd quickly dumped his briefcase and hurried over here in search of some company.

He'd not expected everyone to be out on a Thursday night...

Especially not without telling him...

As he glanced around the abandoned room he reflected that it was eerily strange for it to be this silent, this still; there was usually laughter, tears or some kind of crazy antics going on which brought this apartment to life. These purple walls had always seemed more like home to him than his own bland place.

His gaze randomly fell to Phoebe's guitar that had been left propped against the television cabinet. It was unusual for the blonde to leave it unattended and out of her sight; it was usually something she cherished and took everywhere. Perhaps wherever they had gone had been so spontaneous that she'd left it here for safety...

Maybe it was so spontaneous, so spare of the moment and so unplanned...that was why he hadn't been invited?

Had been left out.

With a sigh he shook off his familiar self doubt, not bothering with the light switch as he walked across the dim apartment and slowly approached the wooden instrument. He stared at it, contemplating it for just a moment longer before he leaned down and carefully picked it up. It had been a long time since he'd held a guitar in his hands and he grinned, his mind instantly reminiscing back to his old college days and the band he had been a part of. Sure, he'd been the lead singer but he certainly knew his way around guitars and pianos; he'd help to write and compose a lot of the songs that they had performed, including the hit Betrayal in the Common Room.

Sitting on the couch he placed the guitar over his knee, welcoming the once familiar weight of it. Gently he struck each string in turn, just listening to the quiet noise it made as it gently awakened the previously silent apartment. When the sound had completely ebbed away to nothing he used his left fingers to form a memorized chord and lightly strummed the strings again.

His mind filled with the recollection of his college days, taking him back to his old untidy dorm room. He could picture himself sitting on his unwashed bed sheets, could practically feel the cigarette that would hang from his lips as he lazily came up with different chord sequences and lyrics, scribbling them down on his crumpled notebook should he find something that worked.

Playing another quiet chord, he effortlessly moved to the next, then the next, a poignant smile touching his lips as he began to recognise which song his fingers had automatically started to play.

It wasn't one of the band's classics, no Emotional Knapsack or She Feels Weird Since I've Been Gone. No, this wasn't a hopeless Rachel-inspired song and not one written with the stage ever in mind...it was a song that had never been played to a drunken unappreciative college audience.

A song that had never been played to anyone.

No, it was a personal song of his, one he'd composed shortly after thanksgiving 1988, one night when he'd sat with his stupid hair in a lonely college dorm room because Ross was out on yet another date with his 'amazing' girlfriend Carol. Not wanting to be a third wheel he hadn't joined them, but he'd also not been invited to the loud party being held in the next dorm, so he had tried to put on some headphones to block out the noise and loneliness and just fall asleep but it hadn't worked.

Instead his mind had been too full of the girl he had recently befriended and couldn't stop thinking about. Every time he closed his eyes she was there, haunting his thoughts and dreams. Confused and annoyed he had grabbed a guitar and a cigarette, sat on his college bed in his pjs and spent the rest of the night pouring out his teenage feelings, composing what turned out to be his never to be heard, forbidden love song about his roommate's little sister.

Chandler chuckled out loud to himself in the quiet apartment 20, wondering if his younger self would have ever been able to imagine just how important that roommate's little sister would become in his life? And that all these years later he would still hold that soft spot for her, still find her that little bit intriguing, complicated and yet completely breath-taking all at the same time.

She really was something.

With an amused grin he gently played the introduction from memory before he quietly stated to sing the first words, his voice almost a whisper.

When I first met her she seemed barely a child,

She was a homely goody two shoes and me too wild,

Chuckling that he still remembered the words and still remembered Monica when they'd first met, picturing her shy smile and eagerness to please. She had changed a lot over the years, maturing somewhat but she still had that insecurity buried inside her, that need for people to like her.

Softly he continued, still quiet, still at a slow lazy pace, as if he was afraid to break the quiet ambiance of the quiet room.

Despite her mac n cheese we just didn't click

And the next time we met she called me a dick

The line was drawn and that was fine

She took her side and I -I took mine

His smile stayed on his lips, remembering that night her and a young Rachel had randomly turned up just before Christmas to see what college night life was like. He'd tried to be nice whilst still being 'cool' and nonchalant but Monica had a massive chip on her shoulder for a reason he had never discovered. It hadn't particularly bothered him at the time, Ross' little sister could call him an ass-munch as much as she liked; her opinion of him then wasn't anywhere near as important as it was now.

Besides, back then he had been far more concerned with Ross breaking their pact and making out with Adrienne Turner. He'd never told his ex-roommate about how he'd gotten his revenge and doubted he ever would. Rachel had never mentioned it in the few years they'd been hanging out as a gang, so he suspected she had either just forgotten or had been too drunk to even notice it was happening. Perhaps he should feel insulted but the kiss had hardly rocked his world either; if only he'd known he was kissing the wrong high-school girl.

Shaking his head at the antics of his younger self, he refocused his attention on the here and now, refocusing on the song he softly continued to play.

But then she transformed and caught me unaware

With her new physique I could only stare

And boy had he stared...and stared...despite both Ross' and Jack's warnings, he couldn't help himself. He had been pretty fixated with her, well, until she'd gone and sliced off one of his limbs...

His other toes automatically curled up in sympathy reliving the painful moment that he had stopped being a regular ten-toed man. Looking back over it now, he still couldn't work out why it had happened, why she'd been juggling carrots and a sharp knife in front of his vulnerable wicker-covered feet. He'd probably never know he mused, it was not something that ever came up in regular conversation but again he wasn't bothered by it anymore.

In a strange way he was even somewhat grateful it had happened. Sure it had cost him half a limb but it had gained him one of his best friends. Would they ever have become so close if it wasn't for that night of butchering?

Despite the lil piggy that never came home

Instead of hatred another feeling I succumbed

'Cause she snuck into my room and we talked all night

I couldn't help notice her beauty in the morning light

It had definitely been that night that his feelings for her had changed. From indifference, to lust, to feeling something...something that had confused him, niggled away at his brain. He had never stayed up talking all night with a girl like that before. Connecting. He learned so much about her and surprisingly had opened up about himself. They'd shared secrets, teenage insecurities and laughter and had slowly gained a mutual respect for one another.

Only after he'd returned from the Gellers, after he realized he couldn't stop thinking about her and had phoned her, after he'd had time to think and reflect was when it had struck him.

I think I like her more than I should

I think I like her more than I ever thought I could

He smiled, a warm feeling spreading through him as he sang the familiar chorus a little more confidently, strumming away to himself. Remembering how good it had been to confess his muddled bottled up feelings to his guitar all those years ago. Saying he'd been shocked when he had come to the realization would have been an understatement but once he had accepted it he felt relieved as well to finally understand what was going on.

I know what I want you to be

And to tell you the truth….

That scares the bejesus outta me.

Obviously he hadn't told Monica of his feelings back then, she was Ross' little sister, a high school girl. Then when she had moved to NYU she'd soon started dating some pimply guy with spectacles and he had fallen into the important role of friend then best friend. It was a role that he had treasured and still held onto until this day. It was the role that stopped him ever confessing these feelings because it was a role that was too important to ruin.

Although, as he repeated the chorus he admitted to himself that more recently he had felt some sort of subtle shift between them. He wasn't sure exactly what it was or if it even meant anything but he was content not to question it too much. Like always he'd wait patiently to see if anything came of it or not.

What would be, would be.

Still, it was fun to remember this song, fondly recalling the start of his forbidden feelings and the start of his amazing friendship with Monica.

Cause I couldn't walk

She stayed to talk

Surprised by the banter we laughed and joked

Without me knowing the fires of my heart were slowly stoked…

The fire had definitely started to burn that night and had never truly diminished he mused as he started to sing a little louder.

I felt like I'd known you for so long,

Our connection growing ever strong

Already there was such a bond

And of you I'm s-o fond,

Yet you're the forbidden fruit,

So delicious and oh so cute

But if I was caught

And Ross knew my thought-

"Nice song."

His hands froze mid-strum, the remaining lyrics dying instantly on his tongue as he slowly looked up in dread to confirm his worse fear; the subject of his love song was standing in her darkened bedroom doorway. She was wearing her robe, her hair tied back in a messy ponytail as she leaned against the doorframe, her arms lightly folded across her chest as she waited a response.

"I-I uh," he stumbled, swallowing hastily unsure of what to do, "I didn't know you were...I mean...I...how long have you been listening?"

Had she heard it all? The entire forbidden song with all the forbidden lyrics? If she had then she must know it was about her? It would be impossible for her not to connect the dots. After all these years had the cat just clawed its way out of the proverbial bag and jumped onto her face with projectile force?

Chewing his bottom lip he nervously forced his eyes to leave the security of the floor and focus on her lovely face, his anxiety levels starting to climb with each passing second that she remained silent.

Eventually she took a deep breath, her eyes meeting his steadily as a gentle smile touched her lips.

"Long enough to know I like it," she commented lightly.

He swallowed, desperately trying to decide how much to read into her words when she began to move forward, further into the quiet, still living room. Chandler remained where he was on the couch as he watched her approach, the street lights from the picture frame window casting shadows across her features. He raised a curious eyebrow when she bypassed the empty chair and instead settled on the coffee table directly opposite him, her slipper-covered toes touching his.

"So...you gonna play some more?" she asked softly, a finger reaching out to gently run across the strings.

He swallowed again.

"I...uh," he cleared his suddenly dry throat, shaking his head, "No, I don't think..."

"Hey, come on," she teased, her toes lightly bumping against his, "I was your original groupie back in your "band" days remember?"

"You were our only groupie," he pointed out with a nervous grin, "and I think, technically to count as a groupie you have to sleep with at least one band member and well, you didn't sleep with me...so, if you slept with the other one...then that's just plain gross!"

Chandler chuckled as she ewww, slapping what she could of his knee that wasn't shielded by the guitar.

"Just shut up and play," she grinned, although her hand lingered dangerously on his knee, taking the sting out of the words but causing his skin to start to tingle.

"No way," he shook his head, a redness beginning to stain his cheeks.

"I thought it was Way, No way?" she teased, her sparkling eyes holding his as her hand remained on his knee.

"Well, uh, you should know being the official groupie and all."

To his delight her smile widened and she made no attempt to look away, letting him stare in her deep blue eyes; god they were so stunning when they sparkled like that. She was just so beautiful. The hand lingering on his knee started to move, gently stroking, her fingers tracing light patterns as their eyes stayed connected. A deep shiver ran through him as his breath caught, trying to understand what was happening between them.

Whatever it was he sensed he was in trouble, big trouble.

The atmosphere had definitely changed, it was charged, electric, as they continued to stare. Her touch was slowly driving him crazy. The intimacy of the moonlit setting, the fact it was just the two of them suddenly in the entire world. It had never felt they were this close to the edge of 'more', this close to everything changing and excitement mixed with delicious anticipation started to fill him.

"Please, sing some more, for me," she requested softly.

He studied her eyes, knowing this was it. You couldn't backtrack from singing a personalized love song to your best friend. Fear only added to the adrenaline pumping around his body as her fingertips continued their magic.

"Ok," he finally whispered, swallowing hard, breaking his gaze only to find the starting chord.

Her raven hair and deep blue eyes

The color of passionate stormy skies

As if it was impossible not to, his eyes snapped back up, meeting the intense blue that had inspired him years ago. They were still as captivating and passionate now as they were then, maybe even more so tonight.

I dream of those perfect lips

Kissing her as I hold her hips

His gaze dropped to her perfect lips which formed a perfect smile, silently encouraging him further still. Wetting his own lips he continued, although his voice had dropped, turning a little hoarse.

She has a beautiful heart

And, God I wish I had just a part...

She swallowed, he swallowed, knowing so much was being communicated between them right now, so much more than he had ever thought he would ever admit to her. Yet, through the whispered lyrics, through her touch, through their looks, the lines of friendship and relationship were merging, evolving as his previously held back feelings were allowed to come to the surface, allowed to finally be seen and acknowledged.

So, I think I like her more than I should

I think I like her more than I ever thought I could

I know what I want you to be

And to tell you the truth….

Before he could conclude the chorus Monica opened her mouth and he waited, his heart catching as her quiet voice concluded the line.

"She feels the same way too"

He swallowed, his eyes locking with hers, before he waited a beat before strumming the strings and singing..."And that scares the bejesus outta me".

The song and the music stopped and they continued to just stare at each other in the quiet apartment. Their chests rising and falling in a strange mixture of shock, anticipation and plain awe at what was happening.

"It still scares the bejesus out of me, Mon," he confessed, his voice soft and honest.

The doubts he'd had over the years had always been laced with the firm knowledge he never wanted to risk their friendship. But that had always been based on a hypothetical relationship, one which held the belief that she'd never return his feelings anyway so it was a moot point.

Now it had all changed.

It was real.

"It scares me too," she admitted, still bravely holding his stare, "but life's scary, Chandler. You either take no risks and get no rewards, or go for things you really want and try your hardest at making them work."

He swallowed, his eyes still locked with hers, his heart beating wildly as they silently made their mutual decision. They both really wanted this. Wanted to take the risk, no matter how scary it seemed, the thought of them finally becoming a couple was too tempting a prospect to even try and fight.

He could barely believe this was happening, actually happening to them.

"Well," he cleared his throat, a touch of a boyish smile playing on his lips as he studied her, one of his hands dropping down to capture hers, his thumb hesitantly brushing her skin, "put like that I guess we have other no choice but to-"

Suddenly the apartment door swung open, instantly breaking their intimate atmosphere, their friends unknowingly interrupting at the worse possible moment as they poured in. His rapidly beating heart immediately sunk as he quickly let go of her warm hand and moved away clearing his throat.

Damn.

"Why's it so dark in here?" Joey complained, switching on the harsh artificial lights.

"Uh-" Chandler tried, blinking rapidly but his mind was still preoccupied, still focused on Monica and the conversation that should have been.

His heart sunk further as they barged into the living room and all hope of any privacy to finish the most important and intimate conversation of his life was gone.

"Is that my guitar?"

Aw crap. He winced as Phoebe came storming over to him.

"Oh, um, sorry..."

Unimpressed, she snatched it out of his hands but still stared at him like a disapproving parent waiting for an explanation from a disobedient child.

"Well?" she demanded.

"Uh..."

"We were just reminiscing about the old band days," Monica saved him and he threw her a grateful smile, their eyes catching and lingering. If only...

"Really? Well, I guess no harm done...right?" she challenged looking the instrument over carefully in her hands to reassure herself that indeed no physical harm had been made to her baby.

"Don't worry, Chandler was very gentle with her," Monica promised with a secret smile and Chandler's pulse instantly quickened.

As Phoebe moved away, their eyes stayed locked, the earlier conversation clearly just on 'pause' and thankfully not forgotten. He couldn't believe this was actually happening. Offering her a shy regretful smile, she nodded in understanding, obviously just as annoyed at their friend's awful timing.

The moment was once again interrupted as Rachel turned on the television at the same time Joey jumped onto the couch, his shoulder bumping against Chandler's as he offered him a potato chip to which he shook his head disinterested; he couldn't think of anything right now other than Monica. Monica and the conversation that should have been.

If they hadn't been interrupted would they be kissing by now? Would he finally be getting to taste those lips, to experience the highs that he had dreamt about for so long? If the gang had come back just 10 minutes later would they have interrupted something entirely different? He closed his eyes trying to get the incredible images of making out with Monica on this very couch out of his mind.

"Our old band?" Ross asked, pulling him away from his less than innocent thoughts.

"Huh?"

"Were you reminiscing about our old college band?" Ross persisted, intrigued from the chair to the left as Joey crunched away to his right.

Chandler held back a sigh; as much as he loved his friends, right now he couldn't help but hate them, just a little, "Uh, yeah."

"You guys were in a band together?" Joey laughed, his mouth still full. "I bet it was really nerdy."

"It was," Rachel nodded instantly as Ross protested instantly."Was not!"

"Please it was lame," she continued to Ross' indignant splutters.

"Lame?! It was cool! It was a college band, we played gigs and everything. Right, Chandler?"

"Uh," Chandler was struggling to decide if he should try and defend the honor of his old band, or simply admit the truth in how terrible they'd been when Monica caught his eye and gestured with a subtle tilt of her head to the door. Chandler's eyes shot to the door before widening and returning to hers, immediately getting her meaning. She raised her eyebrows in question and Chandler's heart rate picked up as he nodded quickly, as desperate as she was to continue where they left off, to see where this would go.

"Chandler!" Ross protested.

"Uh sure," he muttered, way too preoccupied with watching Monica as she smoothly moved into the kitchen area, no one paying her any attention apart from Chandler, who was very much giving her his full attention.

"Chandler, do you still have that bowl you borrowed?" she asked as she pretended to search her kitchen cupboards.

"Um, m-maybe," he shrugged, glad that no one was really paying him or his acting skills any attention, they were still discussing the credibility of the band. "It's probably across the hall. Let me help you."

Standing up eagerly, he led the way, knowing she would follow and the others wouldn't be in the least bit interested. He waited in the hallway, his pulse still racing as he settled his hands on his hips, raising his gaze to the ceiling as he tried to calm his nerves. A moment later she walked through the apartment door, closing it quietly behind her as she turned to face him.

Their eyes were instantly locked, messages silently being passed between them and then, without further thought he quickly closed the gap between them and crashed his lips to hers. She kissed backed just as enthusiastically, her fingers threading through his soft hair as his arms locked around her petite waist, pressing their bodies together. For a first kiss it was filled with passion and longing and both groaned in protest when the need for oxygen caused them to part.

Chandler licked his lips and offered her a coy grin which she was already returning.

"So, that was kinda neat," he quipped softly his hands loosely gripping her hips as he shot a quick look to the still closed door.

"Yep, sure was," she chuckled, smiling as his thumbs started to caress her skin.

Beaming, he tugged her closer to him, kissing her again, slower and deeper, exploring her and getting caught up in her taste, smell and the delicious sensations she was creating within him. He couldn't believe this chemistry between them, couldn't believe any of it.

As they pulled away they stared at each other, both totally transfixed.

"So, uh, I'm gonna suggest we keep this," he gestured between them, "to ourselves for a bit?"

Smiling she nodded in agreement, more than liking the idea of having some privacy.

"And maybe," he continued a sparkle creeping in his eyes, "we should go on a secret date? Say tomorrow night at 7pm?"

"Sounds amazing," she promised, her smile beautiful and wide as her eyes shined brightly.

"Great," he whispered, his smile actually starting to hurt. Unable to resist he pulled her back in for another kiss, and then another, unable to get enough of her addictive lips.

Eventually though Monica sighed, saying the words he dreaded, "We better get back in there, or else they'll come looking for us and this whole secret dating thing won't be quite as secret as we'd like."

"I suppose, you're right," he reluctantly agreed, wishing he could stay kissing and holding her for a while longer, hating that their time together was already coming to an end so soon after they had started this. With a sigh he stepped away, brushing a hand through his hair. "Do, uh, I need to grab a bowl, ya know for the cover story?"

She shook her head fondly, "I doubt they were listening otherwise they probably would have queried why I suddenly desperately needed a specific bowl this late in the evening."

"Right," he chuckled, reaching to take her hands. Keeping hold of them as they walked the couple of steps back to the green door. Stopping, they gazed at each other, neither quite willing to let the night end. Chandler let go of one of her hands and gently reached up to flatten down her ruffled hair, taking the opportunity to lightly run his fingers through the long, soft strands one last time.

"What?" she asked curious as he continued to stare at her.

"I just can't believe this has all happened tonight I mean it's..." he fumbled trying to find the right words to explain just how huge this was but she just smiled, pressing a gentle knowing kiss to his lips.

"I know," she promised, before her eyes took on that sparkle, "does it scare ya, Bing?"

"Hell yeah," he chuckled.

Grinning she placed a final chaste kiss to his lips, before dropping his hand and offering him a last meaningful look before opening her front door.

He grinned back stupidly to the empty corridor before he followed, pleased to see the others barely glanced in their direction as he came up behind her, close behind her and whispered in her ear, "It scares the bejesus outta me."

She chuckled, the sound warming him and he smiled, unable to believe this gorgeous, smart and beautiful woman returned his feelings. He didn't know if she'd felt it since college or whether it was a recent development but it didn't matter to him. All that mattered now was the present. He couldn't wait for their date tomorrow, to get this 'thing' officially started and see just how this forbidden relationship would play out.

It was a few nights later that Monica could officially call herself a groupie.

A/N: Sorry I've not been around much lately. I'm looking forward to catching up on all the stories and updates I've missed...

Would love to hear your thoughts on this random one :o)