7115: Unmodified chainsaws are not suitable for use against abyssals.

7115a: On a related note, expense reports for chainsaw repair are going to be denied until further notice.

7296: We all get it, BJ Blazkowicz is a pretty cool guy, but please refrain from mimicking his actions unless appropriate.

7296a: So please dial back on the tomahawk kills Oklahoma, you're scaring the destroyers with all the dismemberment.

Quincy looked down the line of shipgirls who were preparing for the high-speed run across the Atlantic. The heavy escort would be enough to make any Abyssal force think twice… She looked again at Northampton.

"Why do you have a chainsaw?"

Northampton grinned and hefted the saw, "Melee!"

Quincy stormed over and laid her hands on Northampton's turrets, "Do these not work? Why exactly do you think you need a melee weapon huh?"

The older cruiser shrank back, "It's cool! I want to be able to do stuff like Okie and Tenryuu do!"

"Both of them are crazy." Quincy said flatly, "I don't know if you've been around them when they get to use those things but... Geeze! They have rules dedicated entirely to them about holding back!"

"Why?"

"Ahhh…" One of the destroyers, Izard, spoke up from the rear of the formation. "I- I know why… A few months ago..."

Izard led three of her sisters through the maelstrom, hunting for Abyssals while trying to avoid being detected in return. The skirmishes and abysmal weather had rendered their radar useless, but in the nigh-impenetrable fog, there was no way to tell friend from foe anyway aside from the naked eye.

Off to the front, there was a sharp exchange of heavy gunfire, flashes just visible through the mist. Something flew through the curtain and hit Izard square in the chest, she screamed in alarm as the severed arm bounced off and sank into the crashing waves.

Suddenly something loomed from the side, less than a thousand yards away. An Abyssal heavy cruiser, with eight eight-inch guns, torpedoes, and a deadly battery of smaller guns. Izard looked down the barrels as she trained her torpedoes, but part of her knew that the heavy shells would tear her apart before she could launch. The Abyssal grinned savagely, then its expression changed. It spun around-

An ichor-stained blade chopped through its leg halfway up its thigh, severing the limb in a single strike. With a nightmarish scream, it fell right into the path of Oklahoma's second strike. The battleship buried her tomahawk deep into the Abyssals chest and the infernal light in its eyes died.

With an expression of contempt, Oklahoma pulled her weapon free and rested it on her shoulder. Then she saw the destroyers, wide-eyed and clinging to each other.

"Hello!" She waved jauntily and smiled. As one, the destroyers turned and fled from the scene at full speed. Oklahoma paused and looked down at herself, just then noticing that her white shirt and blue skirt were soaked through with blood and ichor, and no doubt the rest of her was also covered in various vital fluids that should remain in the body.

Izard finished her story and shivered, "I've heard that Tenryuu and Tatsuta are even scarier."

"That sounds awesome…" Northampton said, her eyes shining. Quincy threw up her hands,

"Whatever! But when an Abyssal decides to have Northampton butt on rye, don't come crying to me about it."

Two days later, Quincy smiled as a salvo tore an Abyssal light cruiser asunder. Her side of the convoy was clear now, and she looked over to the far side just in time to see Northampton rev her chainsaw. With a maniacal cackle, she charged towards the largest Abyssal on that side, a heavy cruiser of some strain.

Taken by surprise, the Abyssals did nothing as Northampton raised the saw over her head and brought it down on her target's head.

To no effect on the Abyssal. The chain on the saw broke, and the guide bent under the force, leaving Northampton in fisticuffs range of a deeply unamused Abyssal.

Quincy swerved to avoid Northampton's senseless and bloody form as she skipped like a stone across the water, busted chainsaw still clutched in her hand. She heaved a sigh as she took aim, mentally composing the rule that would go up after this fiasco. And she would never, never let Northampton live this down.

Notes:

Okie becomes a walking CDC nightmare on occasion.

"Who wants a hug?"

Izard is a Fletcher class, DD-589, and earned ten battle stars in WWII. She was named for Ralph Izard who served under Decatur at Tripoli in 1804 when he destroyed the Philadelphia. I thought it was kind of cool to know.