Author's note, PLEASE READ: I'm new to the Rurouni Kenshin fan club, but I just wanted to write this. My knowledge base only pulls from the anime series and the OVA movie Trust and Betrayal. I have not read the manga, so if you're looking for a completely canon story, this is not going to be it. But it occurred to me that some stuff had to have happened to Kenshin during his ten year exile as a wanderer, and thus the idea for this story was born. This story is set after the incident with the pirates but before the plot arc involving Shishio.

Trigger warning: mention of sexual assault. Content warning: violence and mild language.

A note about my writing style: I attempt to incorporate a little bit of Japanese into my work to add to a sense of authenticity. However, I understand there are at least two schools of thought for transliterating Japanese words into the Latin alphabet. Since my knowledge is limited, mine is going to be a mix between the schools, based on my very limited knowledge of Hiragana and what I most commonly see in English subtitles. I may be missing a few macrons here and there, so please forgive me for that. I will limit my usage to words I actually know, and if I use them incorrectly, I pray that any Japanese speakers who might read this will forgive my stereotypical American ignorance.

A note about geography: I am not an expert on Japan. I did some brief research on political maps of Japan trying to find a good city for some of the events of this story to take place in, but of course I could only find major cities, not small ones. And there were even fewer I could find the history of to see whether or not it would be plausible for them to be a setting during the Meiji Restoration. Eventually I settled on "A small town outside of Hamamatsu." Since I couldn't find the name of a small town outside of Hamamatsu, that's just what I'm going to call the location. Kenshin's time there takes place just before Hamamatsu became a prefecture (which I believe was in 1871—in my story, Kenshin was there in 1870), and of course, by the time the main events of my fan fiction take place, Hamamatsu has been incorporated into the Shizuoka Prefecture. Again, should there happen to be any experts on Japan who feel like reading an ignorant American's take on a Japanese story, I pray they will forgive me for any errors I make. High school was a long time ago for me, so I don't remember a ton about the Meiji restoration—not that it was even covered beyond a brief mention of how it affected world affairs. But in college I took non-western literature, and my paper was on Ōe Kenzaburō's The Silent Cry. Super depressing book, by the way. My very long winded point is that I'm not exactly a genius on this subject, but I'm going to try my hardest to be accurate.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope you enjoy the story!

Lastly, a disclaimer. "Rurouni Kenshin" and all derivative works are the intellectual property of Nobuhiro Watsuki. n00btmntfan is not associated in any way with the producers of "Rurouni Kenshin." This story is nothing but a fan-based expansion and commentary on the source material and should not be understood as anything beyond that.

He still dreamt of her, sometimes.

She was a part of his past he could not forget, and in dreams she would come to him, placing her cushion-soft lips against his.

Nakami.

Sometimes, he woke with the word on his lips, though not as often as he woke with Tomoe's name still dancing through his consciousness. Either way, he was struck with a lingering grief he knew he could never overcome. Each woman had died because of him. Tomoe, because of his own blade. Nakami, because of his foolishness. He could not think of Nakami without thinking of Tomoe—without thinking of all the sins of his past, without thinking of how he never deserved to find joy again.

Then, however, he would remind himself of the new life he had found, and the new joy which had come with it, even if he did not deserve it.

Such a morning was this one, when he woke from dreams of Nakami. After sparing a moment of thought for Tomoe, he swiped the moisture from his eyes, stood up, and stretched, thinking of Kaoru and the others. Soon Little Suzume and Little Ayame would be there, and it would be time to watch them. He put on a smile, put on his clothes, and walked outside. He began as usual by going for a run, then heading to the kitchen and starting the fire to prepare breakfast.

But try as he might, Himura Kenshin could not shake the thoughts of his past which danced around the fringes of his mind this morning. Even though the dreams were fleeting, the memories they brought back were not.

Nakami. Tomoe. All the men he had mercilessly slain.

A tear escaped and rolled down Kenshin's cheek.

Why today? Why did thoughts of these things plague him today, when the sun was bright and cheerful in the East?

A sense of portent crept over him.

No. No, surely this was just another distant memory come back to haunt him. If dreams of his past from ten years ago still visited him at night, why not a memory only 8 years old? It made sense.

However, Kenshin thought, since he had come to stay at the Kamiya dojo, the darkness of his dreams had softened. He found his sleep to be dreamless for the most part. Even in the daytime his past did not haunt him, not when there was work to be done and smiling faces to be seen.

So why?

"Ohayō," Kaoru chirped merrily from the kitchen door.

Kenshin found himself struggling to reply the simple "good morning," or even to say her name. He quickly wiped the tear from his cheek before turning around, and then he put on a wide smile and waved. "And how are you today?"

"Beautiful. The sun is shining so bright and clear this morning. It's been a while since I've seen a sunrise so pretty."

"Hai. It seems to paint the whole world in pink, it does. Like the sky is blushing from how beautiful the sunlight's face can be. It's amazing what a lovely face can do to all those around it."

A trace of pink danced across Kaoru's cheeks. "Oh, Kenshin. You speak so prettily sometimes."

For a moment, Kenshin's heart softened as he looked at Kaoru's face. She was so innocent and kind, and she was without a doubt lovely. He could not fully deny the feelings that had been welling up inside of him for weeks now, but he always shoved them away. He had loved Tomoe, and she had met a brutal death that left him scarred in more ways than one. When he had the audacity to love Nakami, her fate was perhaps even worse than Tomoe's. And both deaths, he reminded himself for a second time that morning, were his fault. Tomoe's through his actions, Nakami's through his inaction. What would happen to Kaoru if he dared to love her too?

After all, she had already been targeted by Jinei because of him.

He turned away from her and went back to stoking the fire, hoping to hide his fallen expression from her.

It did not work.

"Is something wrong, Kenshin?" Kaoru asked. "You seem…"

"Īe, it's nothing," Kenshin said quickly. He forced a smile and glanced back at her. "I just was thinking of all the things I have to do today, that I was."

Kaoru was quiet for a moment. Kenshin had the feeling she was sizing him up, or maybe she was wondering whether she should pursue the matter. "Well…I'll be in the dojo practicing a bit before Yahiko wakes."

"A good plan, Kaoru-dono. It would do no good to let your skills weaken while teaching your apprentice."

"Yes…well…call if you need anything."

"That I will, Kaoru-dono."

Kenshin listened as Kaoru's footsteps faded and let out a sigh.

It looks like it's going to be a day for memories, that it does.

As it proved, however, the sense of portent came to nothing. The day passed uneventfully. Due to the intensity of the training schedule for the day and the private lessons Kaoru had to give, Kenshin spent most of the day by himself, tending the household chores, lost in memories. As he tended the garden, his thoughts drifted back to the day he and Tomoe had first planted a garden together. He thought of the harvest and the long winter they spent together. He thought of the first time their lips met. He thought of his promise to protect her—a promise he had broken in the worst possible way. He still shuddered at the thought of his blade biting through her flesh as he killed the man standing behind her. True, she had saved him. He had not seen the dagger in her father's hands. But knowing that his life came at the cost of hers had made him wish she had lived and he had died.

As he prepared the evening meal in the kitchen, he thought of how he had done the same eight years ago for the Hayashi household, helping to prepare meals for Nakami's ailing father, and the long days of tending the rice paddies while waiting for harvest. It was the longest he had ever stayed in one place since disappearing into the life of a wanderer—three months. Within a month, he had found himself falling in love with kind, compassionate Nakami.

Perhaps if he had broken his vow never to slay again, she would still be alive.

"Hey, Kenshin." Sanosuke's voice came from the kitchen door. "Any chance you made enough for me tonight?"

A half-hearted grin came to Kenshin's lips. "Of course, Sano. I was expecting you."

"Hey, what's with the weird look on your face?"

"Nothing. It's been a long day, it has. I am weary."

"Heh. That Kaoru keeps calling you a freeloader, but you do more work around here than anyone else."

"You would be more than welcome to come help any time."

"Nah…housework is for women." A devilish grin crossed Sanosuke's face. "And men who look like them."

Kenshin pressed his lips together into a thin line. Any other day, he might have laughed, but today he was in no mood for joking about.

Sanosuke broke out in raucous laughter. "Just kidding, Kenshin! You don't have to take everything so seriously, you know!"

Kenshin rolled his eyes. It was hardly the first time he had been told he was less than the most masculine individual, or that he looked weak. The joke was always on his opponent, however. He could not help but grin at the thought. His smile widened even further as he thought back to one of the first things Kaoru had said to him: "You look much weaker than I expected."

"Were I like Kaoru-dono, I would invite you to eat somewhere else this evening after such a joke, that I would," Kenshin said, chuckling. He paused to take a taste of the soup, and found it needed a touch of daikon.

Without the daikon, it tastes flat, Tomoe's voice echoed through his head.

The smile slid from his face.

"Hey, I didn't really mean it," Sanosuke said. "What's with the serious face all of a sudden?"

"The soup is lacking in taste." Kenshin forced a grin. "Much like yourself, Sano." He chopped up part of a daikon and tossed it in. "How fortunate that the soup is easy to fix."

Sanosuke laughed again. "Your words are sharper than your sakabatō. I'm wounded, really."

"I can see. Hopefully your wounds will not prevent you from joining us for dinner."

"Of course not! No wound is a match for the legendary appetite of Sagara Sanosuke!"

"Nor a match for your ego."

"Kenshin?" Kaoru rounded the corner. "I'm sorry to trouble you, but the police chief is here to see you."

"Again?" Sanosuke said, raising an eyebrow. "At this rate, you'll be on the police force."

"I have no desire for that, I do not." Kenshin untied the straps holding back the sleeves of his shirt and dusted the dirt from his clothes. "Where is he now, Kaoru-dono?"

"In the dojo," Kaoru said. A trace of apprehension flittered across her face, belied only by the wideness of her eyes.

"I will go see him. Don't worry yourself, Kaoru-dono. I'm sure everything is fine, that it is."

As Kenshin walked toward the dojo, he was hit again with a sense of portent. The image of Nakami smiling flashed before his eyes, followed by the horrible scene of her death. He held in a shudder.

Why was he thinking about these things today? What news could the police chief have for him?

When he walked into the dojo, he saw the chief stood reading the plaques hanging on the walls.

"Chief?" Kenshin said.

The chief turned around. "Himura-san, I…had hoped you would speak with me alone." He looked past Kenshin's shoulder.

Kenshin did not need to look to know that Kaoru, Yahiko, and Sanosuke stood behind him. "Anything you have to say to me can be said to my friends, that it can."

"Very well, if you insist. I have come to you regarding the matter of Nagao Keiji."

Kenshin's eyes flew wide for an instant before he forced them closed. "I have never heard of this man," he said, as casually as possible.

"In all of your missions, you never once heard his name?"

"Ten years ago, I heard many names. I have forgotten most of them."

"This man's tactics were brutal, a disgrace to the regime he stood for. He targeted women and children and…did such things as are not fit to be said in front of women and children." The chief glanced pointedly at Yahiko and Kaoru. "Yet because he was so effective in his work, the old regime did nothing to stop him."

"There were many such men on both sides who were allowed to continue in tactics such as those you mention, that there were. Had I known the truth of the matter then, I may not have lent my sword to the cause."

The chief sputtered for a moment. "The truth of the matter, Himura-san, is that the revolution is over, but this man continues on in his evil ways. I am begging you—help us to find and stop him. He has allied himself with the yakuza and uses this power to assault anyone prospering under the Meiji government. None of our best police swordsmen or gunmen can stop him. We need you."

Kenshin clenched his fists to keep his hands from twitching. To think that Nagao was still out there wreaking havoc made his blood boil.

I should have killed him, he thought. I should have killed him then and there. Such men do not deserve to live. I will find him, and I will bathe the world with his blood—

Shock and shame flooded Kenshin. In a heartbeat, just thinking about Nagao, he was ready to murder.

"I am afraid I cannot help you this time," Kenshin said firmly. "This is a matter for the police, not peaceful wanderers."

"But Himura-san!"

"You are welcome to join us for dinner if you so please, Chief. But I will not speak with you on this matter any longer, that I will not."

The chief scowled. "Very well, Himura-san. If you change your mind, please come to us."

Kenshin offered a shallow bow in reply.

Still scowling, the police chief left the dojo and walked along the path until he disappeared through the main gate.

"Oy, Kenshin, shouldn't you have helped them?" Sanosuke said. "This Nagao sounds like a bad character."

"Please help yourselves to dinner," Kenshin said. "I fear I have no appetite tonight, that I do not. I think I may be falling ill. I am going to retire now." He turned and headed towards the sleeping quarters.

"Kenshin?" Kaoru called.

Kenshin did not turn around.

At least now he knew why he had dreamed of Nakami.

Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed please take a moment to let me know your thoughts! If you like my writing, you can check out my other fanfics, or you can check out my profile bio for info on my original published novel (which is way better edited than my fanfics).