Guda Guda/Shipping Order

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE WOULD SHIP OKITA x NOBBU", I said. But then, when I asked my friends about what ships they would like to read about, that one ship was given to me. I'm watching you, the One that Suggested me to Write About Them. Anyway.

This is a fanfic about Okita-san "DAISHOURI" Souji and Oda NOBBUnaga from Fate/Grand Order, set in Chaldea. There is no particular timeline (why would I set one for a story that messy ?). Basically, it's just me trying to find a reason for their ship – and come to like it, I suppose. Also having fun. I mean, Nobbu is one of my favorite Servants, why wouldn't I enjoy writing about her !? (Though shipping her with Okita bothers me a bit ...)

Just like both of them, I wanted this fanfic to be as GUDA GUDA/Messy as possible, so I tried to push the humor to its limits, avoiding as much as possible being out of character (and I hope I did/will do a good job on that). That's why this time, Gudako is really, really, REALLY pushing it (but not too much ! … I hope !).

Also, it's slightly based on the Japanese notion of Boke/Tsukkomi. Google it if you don't know, it's a really nice concept you'd find pretty much anywhere in Japanese comedy !

Though at times it'll get a bit … sad. Dark. I don't know. Oh well.

Anyway, I hope you will enjoy this story, as much as I did by writing it. And don't forget.

Nobbu is superior to Okita.

[Note : The story will contain a minimum of three chapters. I don't have a particular schedule for them, but they won't take years to come out, don't worry.]

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"Please go out with each other.

- Fou."

Silence reigned supreme.

"" … HUH !? ""

If both Okita Souji and Oda Nobunaga, two famous Japanese figures, were dumbfounded … Fujimaru Ritsuka, on the other hand, seemed desperate. So desperate that she actually bowed down in front of them - though she was sitting in front of her desk.

"Please ! This is for everyone's sake ! For Chaldea's sake ! FOR HUMANITY'S SAKE !

- No, no, no, what are you talking about ? What's with this nonsense ? What does us becoming a couple have anything to do with saving humanity !? Don't tell me this is the reason you told us to come here as soon as possible !"

Slamming her hands on her Master's desk, Okita retorted. She was right. Ritsuka did tell her and Nobbu to hurry there. And now, she was asking them to become a couple – even though she knew how the Shinsengumi's First Division Captain and Japan's First Unifier acted with each other – fighting like dogs and cats. Be it about getting new outfits or comparing their rarity as a Servant – whenever those two were concerned, it always ended up in a complete mess. And Ritsuka experienced it first-hand. So why !?

Acting now like some sort of company CEO in front of her regrettable employees, Ritsuka sighed while shaking her head – shrugging as well, which caused the poor, ignored Okita to clench her fists from the built-up frustration. Then, out of nowhere, the redhead took out a clean tissue to wipe her fake tears, caressing Fou's fluffy hair with her free hand.

"Mashu, they refused … It's all over … Chaldea will fall …

- Now, now ..."

Mashu Kyrielite, smiling nervously, patted her senior's shoulder. Though she tried to be discreet, not to get involved in this, in the end, she would always be there to support her Senpai – no matter how dumb she may act like. Even now.

"Hey, hey, don't act all sad, now ! You know, you can say all you want that it's for Humanity's sake, but we still don't even know why ! We're the ones that should cry !"

Nobunaga, which was silent all this time, finally showed her own displeasure as well. Why wouldn't she !? She was already tired to deal with Okita's smugness of being a five-star Servant (besides being erased from Majin Saber's background story, as she originally brought the "Majin" in the title, but that was out of the topic). And now she had to act like she was feeling all "doki doki" from being around her !? She already had to give up a star because of that Saber – though it was a complete loss, since said Saber ended up with shit stats that fitted the Assassin-class. Wasn't that asking for too much !?

""Besides ! Why are you going along with it, Mashu !?""

- Um, well ..."

Mashu hesitated. She was facing two powerful Servants, whose parameters probably went up like a Berserker's due to their anger. Even though she is a Shielder, protecting her Master wouldn't be a piece of cake there …

Thankfully for the pink-haired Demi-Servant, the reason for all this commotion raised its voice … laughing.

"Now now, I'll explain. Just don't bully poor Mashu, she did nothing wrong there."

Pausing, Ritsuka joined her hands, and took a dramatical pose, placing them in front of her face. She seemed like she was trying to parody someone – going as far as speaking in a low voice.

"Do you know … what Yuri is ?"

Another silence.

"… Alright, I'm done here.

- Wait ! No ! Come back ! I didn't even explain yet !"

Grabbing Okita's Shinsengumi haori, Ritsuka got on her desk to stop her from leaving – causing the swordsman to almost fall on the ground. However, she was able to regain her balance. Thanks to her hand reaching Nobbu's head and holding it. Quite forcefully, actually. A bit too much, maybe.

"… You little– !"

…

Seven minutes and thirty-six seconds were lost, during which Okita and Nobbu bickered with their fists and feet, soon followed by swords and the Fool of Owari's own matchlock guns. A strange sight indeed, especially now that the floor, walls, and even ceiling had cuts and holes, bullet-size.

But that was not enough to make Humanity's last Master fall back, unfortunately.

"… Where was I ? Oh, right. The whole Yuri thing.

- Fou …"

Ritsuka sighed painfully – followed by Fou. They weren't injured thanks to Mashu's shield, but it sure was difficult to calm the two Honnoji incident Servants. Though they calmed down, it was only temporary before they throw another fit – Okita crossed her arms, looking annoyed, while Nobbu clicked her tongue. Gudako smiled at the sight. Bitterly.

Yep. She had to act fast or another disaster was soon about to occur in this poor, already damaged room.

"As you already know … Spring is coming soon. That won't change much for Chaldea since we're located in the mountains, but, spring is still spring, you know ?"

She raised her fist slowly, her eyes burning with passion.

"Spring means rebirth, starting anew ! It means the end of struggles ! Regaining your lost happiness, once the long winter monthes end ! Spring means … Love !

- Fo-fou !

- Humans cannot achieve anything if love is not involved. The thing is, Chaldea doesn't have enough love. So it won't accomplish much. Our staff is way too busy for dating. No, actually, they are dating, but that's with their job ! They are far more concerned about History and saving the world than the people around them in the present ! They can't allow themselves to ! And that's not even out of love for their work ! It's out of duty ! They no longer hope ; they act out of desperation … Love is lost … That's why … That's why … !"

Slamming with both hands the poor desk that suffered enough for the day, Ritsuka got up.

"That's why we need you both to give them a new hope ! Hope born from love, and innocence ! Hope whose sole ingredient is Positivity ! We need you two to show them the pure love that can only be born … between two giiirls !"

Baaam !

Putting way too much energy, Ritsuka, somehow, flipped over the now defeated desk. It was dramatical. It was … epic, in a way – that is, her speech, her gestures … But, all things considered : it was still the same.

Fujimaru Ritsuka, a young soul that still belongs to the world of the living, asked (ordered being the most accurate word) two great, famous warriors who used to outlive many battlefields, and that she ought to respect … to become intimate. That was impolite, in the sense that she no longer respected their own feelings – feelings of rivalry that fueled their merciless bickering.

And with that, the ill Servant was not going to let it pass by. Ritsuka was reaching the limits of the swordsman's patience, and it was nothing surprising for Okita to outburst at and about anything that would annoy her. Of course, she would never raise her sword towards her Master – but her words were enough to cut through their silliness.

"Are you making fun of us, Master ? If so, it's not too late to stop before I get really angry."

It always has been very easy to know what feelings Okita has, depending on her tone of voice. Either it is high pitched, in which case she is excited, happy, or just being her usual dorky self – or her voice is unusually low : this being a warning sign that she feels nothing positive.

At that moment, not only her voice was low, but emotionless as well. Gudako's nonsense was getting so ridiculous that she did not want to bother with it, no more – especially since it concerned Nobbu as well.

It bothered her. A lot.

Her ? And Nobbu ? Ha ! Don't make her laugh ! That Nobbu ? That joke of a heroic spirit that has a tendency to get naked – and look like a creep by only putting on her cloak ! Sure, she can be quite impressive at times, but there is NOTHING that would make Okita fall for her – even fake it. She was the strong, invincible Okita-san, after all. So why was her Master making such an impossible and disrepectful request !?

Speaking of said Master, now she was sulking while playing with her fingers. Why was she reliable and responsible only when needed …?

"But, but …

- Alright, alright. I'll listen to what you have to say."

It wasn't Fou nor Mashu, whom Ritsuka went to for comfort. It was Nobbu.

"Huh …?"

With her legs and arms crossed, sitting straight on her wobbly chair : there she was, looking displeased but at the same time resigned. The Shinsengumi Captain couldn't contain her surprise.

"Is it really alright with you, miss Oda ?"

Mashu was the first one to speak. A surprising, no, completely unexpected green light was given by the one that, only minutes ago, shot bullets at her soon-to-be accomplice. Thus, everyone looked at the black-clad Servant, astonished.

"What's with your faces …? Anyway, I said I'm fine with talking about it, not to do it. Come on, Okita, sit down, sit down. If it's really for "Humanity's sake" then we should at least listen to them.

- But !

- Hey, we don't even know everything yet. Let's hear them. Then, if they can't convince us, we can always refuse.

- Fou.

- But … uh … Ugh, fine."

Awkwardly, still astounded by Oda's sudden agreement, Okita sat down. Once that was done, the other Japanese Servant sighed loudly, then places her hands on her knees. Now, she was talking business.

"The thing is, there's that. Why do you want us to act, and how ? I mean, I honestly don't want to just go and do the typical couple stuff. Remember, I have Kicho, you know.

- Oh. You're right."

Nobbu raised a good point. Before becoming a Servant, she was a living human, like any other – she was born, and died many years later. In between, she went through childhood, to adulthood, met people, loved them … And got intimate with some. Sure, Okita did not live long enough to actually experience love – living the life of a true samurai. But Nobbu did, and Kicho was her wife. Even after death, the feelings of love she harbored for her were still present.

"Well … It's … not ... like you can't love Okita as well, you know …?

- Hey. Take that back.

- Hmmm …

- Hey."

Ritsuka frowned, and closed her eyes – now was Nobunaga's turn to feel ignored. She did not know how to answer – no, she had no real answer whatsoever. Actually … Her train of thought did not go further than "Hey, Okita and Nobbu would make a great couple ! Don't you think so Mashu !?".

She had arguments as to why they make a great pair : they both came to Chaldea at the same time, their color pattern is the opposite to each other – so were their personalities, plus their relationship was one that people would find interesting as the beginning of a romance. But all of it only is speculation, sadly. That did not mean it would be good start for one of the greatest romantic relationships ever born in mankind's history – let alone a simpler, tamer one.

At some point, everyone noticed that Ritsuka had no idea what to say. Not that they expected her to give a smart answer, but … not being able to come up with a response set another new low. Just how dumb could she be …?

Everyone waited for her to say something – and the whole time, Ritsuka was lost in her thoughts. Fou yawned from the wait.

"Senpai, I think we should reconsider–

- Oh, I know !"

Opening her eyes, brimming with excitement, Ritsuka pointed her finger to the ceiling.

"Let's ask everyone !

- I'm sorry, what ?"

Mashu raised her eyebrows. Facing her, the two other Servants looked at each other : they didn't understand where she was coming from, and the feeling was mutual. She took that much time to come up with that !?

"I'm saying that we should go and gather everyone's ideas ! There must be some of them that would help us and give us ideas to make the perfect love story for Okita and Nobbu !

- I am not sure I follow …

- Come on, come on ! Let's go, Mashu ! Both of you too, come with us !"

Pulling Mashu towards the exit, the redhead hummed. Ritsuka was determined to make that Yuri story happen, and there was nothing that could stop her yet … Knowing that very well, the two veteran warriors were dejected. Majin Archer waited a bit, then got up first.

"Aaaah … That won't end well … I shouldn't have come …

- What's done is done, it can't be helped. Come on, let's go. Who knows what they'll do if we don't ...

- Yeah … I just hope it'll settle quickly …

- Fou ..."

Coughing a bit, the Shinsengumi captain complained as she stood up – only to fall back on her chair. Her tuberculosis was acting up – no wonder, since she did nothing but get angry the whole time. She sighed painfully. Her face was slightly paler than earlier, and her trembling hand went on her chest.

The Japanese unifier frowned at the sight. She was feeling bad, alright. So much that she couldn't even stand up straight.

"You're really feeble, you know that ?

- Say what !?"

Bursting out even though she is a Quick-based Saber, Okita raised her strangely husky voice – which caused her pain to get worse. She had to hold on to her chair back. Nobbu sighed, before coming closer to Okita.

"Hey, hey, don't shout like that when you're in that state. There. Lean on me if you need it."

Giving her shoulder, Nobbu looked unusually calm, with a tint of fatigue. Just like Okita, she wanted to get it over with, before things end up being too messy. However, with those red eyes … She looked as dangerous as ever. She is the merciless Demon King of the Sixth Heaven, after all. So even if, at that moment, she was being generous, it was in no way reassuring.

"No thanks. I'll be fine. Besides ... you're too small for me to lean on you.

- … How rude ! Fine, get there on your own !"

Turning around without hesitation, Nobunaga left the room, growling. Truly merciless. Now, Okita was all alone in the room – sitting down, once again. So exhausted. Was it the right thing to do, she wondered …? It is rare for Nobbu to act that way with anyone else but their Master – but that behavior is fair. All of them are Servants, so there is no point in actually worrying about their physical health, after all.

Such an offer was, as such, something that caught the ill Servant off-guard …

Souji's neck tickled. Taking slow, deep breaths with her eyes closed, it was only now that she realized Fou's presence, sitting down on her shoulder. Was Fou trying to comfort, support her …?

Smiling at the small animal, the warrior chuckled.

"Let's catch up with them in a few minutes, okay …?"

A bit of sadness filled her words …