I love being the captain, it was my heart, and the crew was my family. It was hard to think that I might be leaving all this behind. Life had handed me a difficult challenge and felt that it may be best to take a different path. In taking the other path, I'd be leaving the Enterprise and crew behind. My only hope was that I would still be friends with the crew. There were a few I was more concerned about as I was closer with them than some of the others. But each person I had taken time to know each of them. I was just closer to ones that I interacted with more.

So, except for a select few I sent notice to all the other crew members telling them that I may be leaving Starfleet due to life's changes and felt I needed to return back to Iowa. My mother was battling the fight of her life and I felt I needed to be with her. It may seem not that big of a deal to a degree, but my mother was always there for me growing up and supported me in everything. She had been through a lot giving birth to me as the love of her life died. And being in an abusive relationship with my stepfather. Now, I can't even say the words, it was too hard.

With the select few I decided to call them in individually and talk to them one on one. I called them in, in no order really. Just felt when I could get a chance to talk to them. First was Lt. Uhura. She buzzed on my quarters and I let her in. "You asked to see me Captain?"

"Yes. As you know I received some news about my mother."

"Yes. I'm so sorry."

"Thank you. I've sent a message out to most people, and I'm sure there are murmurs of this. But I wanted to talk to you face to face."

"About you thinking about returning home?"

"Yes. I just want you to know that if I do leave, I've enjoyed my time as the captain and value the relationships I've built. I feel that you and I have a special relationship. I know that at the academy and in the beginning that you and I didn't always see eye to eye."

"Captain, if you do go, know that it's always been an honor to serve under you. You are a great captain."

"You never served under me. You always served by me, next to me, with me."

"Thank you, sir."

"You're my friend Nyota."

She had tears in her eyes. "You're going to go." She said softly.

"I don't know for sure. I still have things to figure and work out. I just want you to know that I value and cherish our friendship."

"As I do you."

I gave her a hug before she said she better go. I nodded.

"I love you." She whispered.

"I love you too." I said back.

She then left.

I walked over to the counter and took out two glasses and poured two drinks. There was one who I would not be able to talk to as Chekov had passed away a few years prior after suffering a heart murmur and died in his sleep. It was hard, because he was so young, so talented, so smart, so fun. So, this was my drink to him. I missed him greatly in that moment. I drank my drink and softly said under my breath "Here's to you my friend. I love you."