A certain crustaceous cheapskate lay silently awake in bed, his crusty eyes tired and bloodshot, and his body sore.

It was early Monday morning. Mr. Eugene Krabs had given his employees the day off. There was no reason for them to come to work today. He was boss, and who could come to work with their boss absent.

The aching crustacean leaned over his bedside and stretched a battered claw out to retrieve from his nightstand one of his most prized possessions: a picture frame that displayed a dusty, old photo of him and his ex friend Sheldon Plankton, a tiny, green copepod, sharing a chocolate ice cream cone.

He wanted to crush the memory between his claw, ridding his thoughts of the intimate moment forever, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. Plankton, while his nemesis, still had a place in his heart. That place had just shrunken since the latest argument, that's all.

...The latest argument. It was intense. It had taken Krabs to a whole new low in his relationship with Plankton. In fact, it was so low that he wasn't even sure he wanted to call it a relationship.

"Get out of here, ya' cheap dirtbag!"

"Sheldon, wait!"

"Don't Sheldon me, Eugene. I don't wanna hear it. You have the nerve to come in here- to my home!- and apologize after all you've done! And for what? For sleeping well at night knowing you're rich as barnacles while I live in this trash heap I bother to call a restaurant? Just get out of my sight!"

Krabs set his precious photo back atop his nightstand. He groaned, attempting to forget the dispute. He tried counting a couple of dollar bills he had stashed under his pillow. To his dismay, he grew sleepy, and his long, red eyelids began to close. The money floated from his claws to the floor.

"Plankton, just listen to me! I wanted to sit down and have lunch or something at me restaurant. I'd-"

"Oh, that's a load of bullshrimp! All you want is my money. You want me to buy a Krabby Patty, right? Then I'm sure you won't even trust me enough with consuming your dreck to the sick point where you'll make me take a shit in your restroom before exiting the building."

"What in blazes?! I-I just wanted to-"

"No, no, no. Stop," Plankton insisted. "Everyone knows the Krusty Krab's sales have been significantly dropping lately due to the fact that you treat your employees and customers like garabage! If customers see me eating at your restaurant, they're gonna believe you've changed for the better. You're sly, Krabs, but you can't fool me."

"O-okay, y'know what, I- Just shut up and listen to me, will ye?! I deserve a bit of respect."

"That's what your employees want everyday. They just don't have the courage to say so."

Mr. Krabs sat up immediately, his face sweating a great deal. He was breathing heavily, his claw clutching his pounding chest. Thinking about Plankton's words only served to hurt his heart, but he couldn't cease. The argument continued recapitulating in his brain.

"You wouldn't know a thing about running a restaurant, jackass!"

"Listen, Krabs. Just because you fill every unintelligent sentence of yours with a foul word doesn't make it come across any stronger. Because let me tell you, your argument is weak."

"Take that back, pipsqueak!"

"Bottom-feeder!"

"Barnacle-mouth!"

"Cheapskate!"

"..B-bastard."

"Look, you and I both know this is getting us nowhere."

Mr. Krabs tossed and turned in his bed, and the sound of the rushing current outside his window only agitated him further. His thoughts began to rush like the bubbles of the bothersome current.

"Why do you have to be this way? I'm tired of this constant battle between us. I just wanted to talk, Sheldon!"

"About what? That stupid crush you had on me when we were friends? That ship has sailed!" The voice was mocking.

"Crush? W-w-what?! No! Not that, ...Shelly."

"'Shelly?' Really? My Neptune, you belittle me every chance you get, don't you? Whether intentionally or unintentionally, it happens! That time you dressed as your stuck-up teenage daughter, you tormented me until I felt ready to give up on life. And what did you do? You didn't give a fuck!"

"Look, there's no need to talk about th-... Why don't we-... Look, I'm sorry, okay? Just-.. Fine, Plankton! Aargh, you've made yer point. But I'd like now to get mine across, fer the love of all things blue!"

"Go on, then. It's not like I have anything better to do than listen to your pity party."

"Well, I...I wanted to talk back at me restaurant. Y'know, sort stuff out between the two of us. I was gonna treat you to a meal for f-fr... f-f-fr-"

"That right there, Eugene, is why I no longer have any empathy for your sorry ass. You can hardly manage to say you'd offer me a free meal because heaven forbid you lose a few extra bucks; you're that effing stingy. You can't do something generous for the one who once was dear to your heart: ...me," he spat the word. "Even when you want to settle matters to make your own life easier, you can't seem to let up on that addiction to money."

Tears trickled down Krabs eye stalks. He recalled the disappointed look on Plankton's face when he acknowledged his stinginess. What hurt the most was the fact that he had mentioned his love for him. And it was true, Krabs had been attracted to Plankton, but the desire had turned into an infatuation.

Mr. Krabs, his face downcast, begrudgingly staggered out of bed and made his way to the bathroom. He walked into the cubicle space and washed his tired face at the sink. The coolness of the faucet water served to bring the crustacean out of his dazed state. When he realized how much fresh water he was "wasting", he turned off the tap and inserted a stopper into the sink's drain to keep the now germ-ridden water for next time.

"Yer a cheap ol' bastard, Eugene," he grumbled to himself. His accent always came out strongly when his temper rose. He turned his eyestalks to look out an open window in the bathroom. The distressed crab reached his claw out to feel the current rushing in an attempt to calm himself. "...Ah, The Natural Raceboat..." Nostalgia came upon him. "I remember how Sheldon and I used to ride the deep water currents." A shaky, elongated exhale escaped his lips as he recalled a childhood memory.

"Do you see those bubbles? It's like Moby Dick let out a ginormous sneeze and this was the result!" A young Krabs exclaimed, introducing Plankton to his newfound source of entertainment. "I've been riding it every so often; it's loads of fun!"

Plankton crossed his arms, glaring up at the crustacean. "Better than those dingy-ass slides back at Bikini Bottom Children's Playground?"

"Oh, much better. -Funner, too!"

"It's not fair, Eugene. Why do you always have to discover the cool stuff before I get the chance to?"

"Just shut your piehole and let's have some fun!" The rag-clothed crab swiftly picked up his friend and dove into the current headfirst. It was a lot faster being in the current than it seemed just viewing it. "The Natural Raceboat", as they called it, was going at highway speed levels, definitely somewhere on the MPH chart.

Plankton held hands with Krabs. "This is the shit, ain't it Eugene?" he asked, bubbles catching in his throat, making it hard to speak.

"Ye betcha'!" he confirmed. "This is amazing. Just you, me and the great wide ocean." He gave Plankton's hand a friendly squeeze. He could feel himself rushing through the water. "Whenever we encounter the Natural Raceboat, it'll be a sign of our forever friendship."

In unison they pledged, "May we never forget it."

Krabs found himself back in bed, curled up beneath the covers, sniveling. Those were good times back then. Not a care in the world between the unlikely pair. While riding the current, sharing a frozen treat or telling juicy secrets, rarely did Krabs ponder what would happen if he lost his friendship with Plankton. But for the past few decades, there had been no need for cogitation. The result was as plain as day, and it only had gotten worse as the days went by.

Ring! Ring! Ring!

Krabs gave a throaty groan. He threw the blankets off of his shivering body so that he could silence the phone on his dresser. The morose crab didn't give a hoot who was calling. At the moment, unless you were giving away free money you weren't worth his time.

"Plankton?!" he cried, mouth agape when he recognized the number. "What in Davy Jone's locker does he want at this time of morning?" He snatched up the phone and pulled up his blankets to settle under. 'Maybe he wants to make up and... Eh, no way." He realized that was wishful thinking. It was probably just another one of Plankton's elaborate plans to steal his secret formula.

Answering the call, he demanded, "What do ya' want Plankton? Ya' better not be tryin' to steal me secret formula. I've 'ad enough o' yer tricks. They're gettin' old." He sighed heavily, biting back tears, partially regretting what he said. He knew he could've put it differently to avoid trouble. His aching heart began pounding in his chest.

"Oh, it's no trick, Krabs."

Said crab's eyes went wide at the tone of his nemesis' voice. It wasn't his usual high-pitched taunt. The tone of Plankton's speech was particularly menacing. Malicious, even. And to think the two were once very close!

"W-what is it, th-then?" Krabs said flustered, failing to project dominance in his voice. He inwardly facepalmed.

"It's real life, that's what," Plankton hissed. "Get used to it." He paused, intending to inflict suspense upon his rival. "...I feel as if it's no longer about the formula, rather revenge."

Krabs weakly asked, "What are ye tryin' to say?"

"Get it into your pencil point-sized brain, Eugene: I hate you, and you cannot repair our relationship."

Krabs clutched his heart in shock. Though he suspected that was coming he wasn't prepared to hear the words spoken directly.

"In fact," he said in a hushed tone, a chilling laugh following, "it will diminish when you find out what I've done to your daughter."

A horrified scream came from the mouth of Krabs. "What did ya' do t' her, ya' foul beast?!" he hollered, his accent strong. "What did ya' do?! Tell meh now, ya' little fucker, or by Neptune you'll live all o' eternity in Davy Jone's locker!" The infuriated father began bellowing in fear and anger.

"Why don't you come down to the Chum Bucket and find out?"

And before a moping Mr. Krabs could reply, Plankton hung up.