Louis' P.O.V.

It wasn't a good sight when I found my girlfriend stagger inside of the room, supporting herself on a nearby wall and groaning slightly. I saw A.J.'s head poke out of the door as he came to her side to support Clementine. I stood from where I was and offered to help, but A.J. shook his head and insisted he had her. He assisted her onto the mattress and she took care of matters from there, resting her head to the side and gazing at me through half-lidded eyes.

For a moment, no words were exchanged. She looked at me and I looked at her. I smiled to show that things were going to be okay. I knew they would be since we both made it out alive. A little worse for wear, but still alive. She returned the smile and shut her eyes, gritting her teeth as the pain came back. A.J. came to her side and rested his head on her shoulder, looking up at her in worry.

I'd been waiting in her room for an hour as Ruby tended to her wounds. It took awhile before she returned, having so many injuries and Clementine's was among the worst experienced at the Delta's boat. Not only did I see her fight with Minnie and her struggle with Violet, but I heard she went hand-to-hand with Lily after we escaped. I wanted nothing more than to wait for her, comforting Clem the first thing after she was left to rest.

I tried to make light of the situation. "Strong little dude, huh?"

"He's as strong as they come." Clementine played along, ruffling A.J.'s hair. He smiled but said nothing as his mouth formed back into a frown. It was clear he wasn't in the mood. Even my smile dropped as I looked Clem up and down.

"How are you holding up? You looked real hurt."

"Lily's gotten a lot stronger over the years." Her eyelids drooped. "She had me pinned against the wall. I was fighting for my life by the time that happened."

"I was really worried you wouldn't come back. It seemed impossible to me, saving them and managing to escape. Especially since you were still there when the explosion went off." I couldn't even manage a light tone. The whole memory was just devastating. "I'm… really glad you're okay."

"I don't know if Violet is. They were starting to brainwash her and I think she's still in love with Minnie…I don't even know if she got out okay. She won't talk to me."

"Don't beat yourself up. She hasn't say a word to me, either." I clasped my hands together and stared at my boots. "That whole situation was fucked from the start. At least we got them back. And we stopped them from taking anymore kids."

Clem didn't say anything. A.J. held her hand and she gripped it back. I watched them smile at each other, not exchanging any words and instead speaking through their eyes. I did the same thing with her before we left after our little 'date' - telling each other we'd make it through okay.

"What about you?" Her golden eyes looked up at me, now filled with the concern I had for her. "I know you didn't want to kill that girl…It sounded like you shot by accident. You seemed a little shaken."

"That was the first time I killed somebody." I felt sick as the words left my tongue. "It wasn't intentional, but I had a weapon. I didn't want Minnie to kill you. I…I couldn't live with that if it happened. I saw her stab you and…shit, I didn't know what I was going to do."

"You let fear take control of you," A.J. told me.

My eyes widened. All I could do was nod slightly in agreement. "Yeah…I did."

"I let anger get to me. I didn't breathe. I didn't let it pass." He continued, drawing his eyes up to Clem slowly. "I shot Lily, but I did more than I needed to…I was just so mad after she hurt our friends. James looked like he didn't want to be my friend anymore."

"We'll talk about that later, A.J." I could tell how tense she was just by the sound of her voice. "What matters is we're back together. Things are different and we may have done things that we didn't need to do, but the important thing is we got out okay."

I wanted to say more. Express my disbelief in Minnie, come to terms with the fact that she has been brainwashed. And killed Sophie. Marlon shed blood on our own people, but he wasn't the only one anymore. Hearing them want to make Clem one of their soldiers…it made my blood boil. I still can't get over everything that happened in those cells. I even remembered what A.J. did when I was pinned to the ground.

"Thanks for what you did back there." I nodded to him. "You, uh, didn't have to eat someone's ear off for my sake. But I'm glad to know you have my back."

"I couldn't let them hurt my friend. And I know you have mine, too." He smiled.

I thought more of what else to say, rubbing the back of my neck as I recollected everything again. There was so much to think about. So much that happened. I wanted to think of it as a nice rescue mission for everyone from the beginning, but deep down I knew how horrifying it was actually going to be.

"Clem?" I started, my hands shaking a little. "How did it feel when you first killed someone?"

Her eyes widened. She started, "Louis-"

"-I know, I know. It's really personal and shitty to talk about, but-" I felt my voice fail and took a moment to swallow, shutting my eyes tightly. "I-I need to know it's going to be okay…"

I couldn't see the look on her face, but I didn't exactly want to. As much as her little nods of encouragement helped me before, this was something I emotionally needed to sort out. I listened as she took in a long breath, holding it for a few seconds until she let it out. By that moment I regretted asking but she answered before I could stop her.

"The first time I remember killing someone was when I was taken." I noticed she was looking away from me when I glanced up. "He had a gun aimed at Lee. I was out of his sight. I didn't have a choice. It was intentional, but only because I was protecting someone I cared about."

"What happened?" A.J. asked. She shook her head.

"He and Lee got into a struggle and all I heard was choking. It was either I shot him or the person I cared about would be killed. It wasn't easy to do. I was scared. I had just taken someone's life, but it was the life of a man who kidnapped a child knowing who he was taking her away from." Her voice hardened. "It changed me, but it taught me that protecting those you love is worth taking that chance."

I felt cold. I wanted to imagine myself in her situation - aiming a gun at a person who was hurting someone I loved. Someone…choking Clementine. Or pinning her against a wall. Or…trying to shove a knife through her chest while holding her onto the ground. Like Minnie did. And I sat there and shouted threats instead of taking the shot. I was scared and I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't want to hurt anybody. But if that woman hadn't have come, then…Clementine might have died. Because I was too weak to do what she does so easily.

My silence opted A.J. to have his two cents. He sounded hopeful with his words, taking in the story better than I did. "You were really brave, Clem. I would've shot him, too."

"That's not the point I'm trying to make. What I mean to tell you, Louis, is that no one's expecting you to move on from this. No one thinks that you'll walk out of there feeling like your usual self after this. It's different when you're being attacked, but I know how it feels killing someone who didn't pose as a threat just yet."

We both looked up at the same time, locking our eyes together. I expected her golden ones to be full of assurance and hope, but instead they were as clouded as mine was with feelings of guilt. She added to her words slowly.

"But if you hadn't killed her, I might've died. That blade was getting closer to my heart. Dorian was going to let others know we were there. Accident or not, you taking that shot saved us and let you and the others escape. I understand it's not something you're going to be proud of, but if anything, I want to thank you for protecting me."

I clenched my teeth. I was so close to crying. I couldn't do this in front of A.J. Not now. Not ever. It took a lot of strength not to get up and hug Clem and sob in her shoulder. I held myself down and spoke through my teeth.

"I didn't want to lose you, Clementine. Just thinking about it fucks me up so bad. How could I deal with that for the rest of my life? Just killing that woman it…it screwed me up so bad. I'm not strong enough for that."

"I know you aren't, Louis…I wasn't, either. Not…for a long time."

I looked up from my hands and noticed her frown. Her tone went soft. Even A.J. noticed her change. I cleared my throat and leaned forward, trying not to let myself go again. She was more important to me right now. It was easy to tell that there was something on her mind.

"Is there something you want to talk about?"

She bit her lip and looked in every direction but mine. She hung her head low to ruffle A.J.'s hair again but stopped when he looked unfazed. She wasn't fooling him. She wasn't fooling either of us. We both waited as she sighed, bringing her hands into her lap and finally looking up from the ground.

"I'm just remembering the last time I felt like you did." She shut her eyes. "All of the people I didn't want to lose, lost because of…me. All the people who have protected and helped me, and in return, they all died."

"Clem?" My eyes focused on her, my tone lowered out of concern and in disbelief. "Do you have survivor's guilt?"

I had my answer the moment she took her eyes off of me. A.J. and I looked at each other. We had the same look plastered on both of our faces. She crossed her arms and we both turned back to her. There was a guilty look about her eyes.

"How could I not? So many people have died because of me." She clenched her jaw. "Everywhere I go, there becomes less people. Until the only one left is me. Everyone around me dies, but I don't. I think I'm a jinx."

"That's not–"

"Violet was telling me, back in that cell, how ever since I've gotten here, people have just died. And they keep dying. Marlon, Brody, Mitch…I'm the problem for fighting back. Minnie told me that when she was trying to kill me." She looked away mournfully. "Why shouldn't I believe them?"

"None of that is your fault, Clementine!" I exclaimed. "Marlon gave away our own people behind our backs and lied about it. And that happened before you were ever here. And he would've kept doing it if you hadn't come along. Those raiders would've taken all of us eventually, and if you hadn't come and led us against them, then we'd be brainwashed, murdering soldiers by now."

"Even you believed I was the cause of everything." Her words stabbed into my heart. "You wanted me gone. Because I learned what Marlon did, he and Brody died. And because I made you guys fight, Mitch died. You were right to want me gone…more people were bound to die soon."

"Clem, don't talk like that." I got up and stood over her. "I know what I believed was wrong. You weren't the cause of anything. You just got caught up in Marlon's bullshit and, and the raiders were a threat ever since he negotiated with them."

I put my hands on my hips in distress. I can feel myself getting worked up. I was fuming just hearing her saying these things. "-I don't want you to take responsibility for shit. The only people you killed were the ones who tried to take us. And you even saved Aasim's life! You aren't a jinx of anything."

I didn't realize how hot I was until I felt her hand touch mine, her skin unusually cold. I stopped in the midst of my ranting to turn to her. She looked concerned. But for what? I was defending her name against all the bullshit everyone's been pinning against her. Accusations even I was guilty of. But I knew they were wrong now. I wanted to emphasize that.

"No, Louis, this has been going on long before I even came here."

I lifted an eyebrow. She noticed my interest and scooted over to pat the spot beside her. I took the invitation very slowly, setting myself on the mattress and looking over at her wearily. A.J. was silent. I held my breath as I watched Clem close her eyes again. She didn't say anything nor opened them for a solid minute.

"It wasn't just Lee who died because of me." She confessed. "I've lost…others, at my own sake. And everyone I've been around has died, too. Sometimes, I don't even have to do anything to cause it. It just…happens. Whenever I come across groups, they always seem to be doing fine and have survived with their people for so long. But the moment they let me join them, things turn for the worse."

"That…that can't have any correlation to you." I commented apprehensively. "Just because-"

"-Not finished." She held up a finger. "After Lee, I was left with two guardians. One of them died because I left my gun on a counter in a bathroom. It was taken by a girl who was wanted my things and ended up shooting my guardian by mistake. If I hadn't have left that gun there and brought it with me, that wouldn't have happened."

"But you didn't-"

She stopped me again. By now I realized I had to keep my arguments to myself until her story was done. I shut my mouth again and refrained the urge to roll my eyes in frustration. She continued on as A.J. scooted closer, holding onto her side, fascinated with the story.

"I was fending for myself after I was separated from my other guardian. I was…bitten by this dog I found in a camp. I thought it was friendly until I found food, then it attacked me. I tried to find help before I'd bleed out to death. I was saved by these two men, but when they saw the bite, they thought it was a walker who had gotten me."

She rolled up her sleeve of one arm and showed it to me. I just now noticed the large scar. I winced and wondered how I hadn't seen it sooner.

"They brought me back to their people. One of them was a doctor. He couldn't tell it was a dog bite and didn't want to take any chances. So they left me out in a shed in case I'd turn. I needed medical help or things weren't going to end well. I had to sneak in and steal their supplies…I sewed it by myself."

"Oof." A.J. cringed. "Didn't that hurt?"

"It did. Hurt like hell, actually." She gripped her arm and I made a face similar to A.J.'s. "It was tense with them, but they decided to take me in. When I was with that group, I thought I found a stable home with people I could rely on. But it was far from that. While they were gone some day, a man came to the cabin asking where his people were. I didn't like him. And I learned his 'people' were the ones I was staying with. We had to flee otherwise he would come back, and we eventually found a lodg-"

She froze. Her eyes went wide and she abruptly shut them again, clutching at both of her sides. I leaned forward and held onto her arm, trying to get a better look at her. She didn't say another word.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I…I found Kenny." My heart stopped when I saw a tear leave her eye. "He…he was good friends with Lee and looked after me0 Helped me protect A.J. Anyway…when we had to defend the lodge from walkers, another group found us. And it had that same man from the cabin. That man turned out to be the leader of a community who used his aggression to keep people in line. I helped take him and his people down, but on the way, many people died."

I wanted to react to everything she just told me, but I couldn't. She continued right away with the story, giving me no time to breathe, really.

"A.J. and I came into contact with another community called the New Frontier. They were made up of survivors, but they weren't kind, either. They took A.J. from me when he was just a baby, and I had to leave them. Apparently after their people started dying, they began to raid other communities. They were doing…awful things. I teamed up with Javier to take them down, and even though we did, so many people died in the process…like with that other community."

"All of those people I was with, so many died. Either because of me or I came along. A little of Javi's family survived, but other than that, not many people did. Just because of me, two communities were wiped out along with several innocent people. Anyone I come across either turns or gets killed. It's never any different."

"That's not true," A.J. piped in, hugging her arm. "You still have me."

She rested her hand over his and smiled, nodding slowly. "Yeah. I do."

I looked around on the floor as I held in a breath, still taking in the story. "But-But all of that was bullshit! Didn't it piss you off that these communities were already shit BEFORE you came along? It's better that they're gone, isn't it?"

"I think so. But there were others that sided with them. Because they were being protected or were manipulated into thinking their ways were right. There are very little communities that rely on kindness and family to run things. That's why I didn't want to cause you guys any harm."

Her hand inched towards mine, entwining our fingers as she looked up into my eyes.

"That's why, when you and the others wanted us gone, I didn't fight back. I knew it was for the best. More of you would die if I was around for any longer. But I didn't want to see you guys becoming into these people. I knew I was bad luck, but I had to stop you from turning into of them."

The breath left my throat as her words sunk into my heart. "-I didn't want to see you in their hands, Louis. You've shown me that humanity and kindness still exists. I only believed people thrived on being hard and supporting themselves is what would make it in the apocalypse, but you taught me that life is still worth enjoying, even when it seems to be meaningless."

"Clem…" I was too weak to manage any other words.

"I had to adapt to killing. It's how I've survived. It's not something I'm proud of, but the sacrifice is worth defending people you love. I just hope you can realize that someday."

Her thumb rubbed against mine. I was so numb I barely felt it.

"You're going to be okay. We all are. I understand if it's going to haunt you for awhile, but at some point you'll move on from this. I promise, Louis."

A tear rolled down my cheek. I shut my eyes when they began to sting, clenching my teeth as a few more escaped. My grip must've weakened because I felt her squeeze my hand. I smiled feeling that and slowly opened them again, blinking away the moistness until she wasn't blurry anymore. This was all I could do in this situation - smile and hold her back.

I was usually the one trying to make others feel better, yet Clem had just done the same for me. And she's probably right - this isn't going to last forever. She's been through more shit than I have since this all started. I didn't believe it until now, but what I did helped get everyone back and prevent the worst from happening. I

"There's just one thing I have to know," I told her sincerely, watching her heartfelt expression turn into a serious one. "If you're such bad luck, then how come I've never been happier until you came into my life?"

She swatted me away. "Louis-"

I reached for her hands, shaking my head. "No, I'm not joking. I'm…I'm serious, Clem." She stopped fighting. "You can't be a jinx if you've made someone's life a million times better. And believe me, you have."

She looked away, biting her lip slightly. "Are you sure?"

"I'm positive that lying to my girlfriend would end with some serious repercussions." I sat back and grinned coyly, rolling my eyes to the side. "Yes, I'm sure you've made my life a lot better, Clementine."

"I don't think you're a jinx either, Clem." A.J. added, squeezing her arm tightly. "You've made my life really good, too!"

She grinned at us both before I felt her hand climb around my shoulder and squeeze me closer to her, her other hand wrapped around A.J. My arm rested over her frame and I took a moment to gently graze my cheek over hers, feeling the dampness of two tears that had managed to slip from her eyes. I could hear her speaking under her breath, the words barely above a whisper.

"I'm so lucky to have both of you guys."